Spring time

It had just turned spring things are different now with the tension in the house Ashton and Luke got into a big fight Ashton has a black eye and a busted lip Luke's face is all bruised.

Things are just bad I left my job so did everyone else all we do is either stay home or we go out to the park, we've been cooped up because of winter and now it's finally spring.

I went outside to smoke a cigarette since I don't allow smoking in the house.

I had just lit a cigarette up when Calum came outside, "Hey do you have a cigarette I can borrow until my last check comes in from McDonald's?" I look into my pack and I only have one left I sigh and hand him my last cigarette,

"Wait that's your last one?" I nod yes "Here I don't want to take your last one," he says as he tries to give me my cigarette back, "No go ahead Ashton's going to the gas station later and I was going to give him money to get me a few packs since you have to be 21 to smoke now,"

"Are you sure?" "Yes," I say as I hand Calum the lighter he lights the cigarette then hands me back my lighter, "I can drive us now to get some if you want?"

"Okay I'll get my shoes on and the keys," I say as I head inside.

I come back outside and handed Calum the keys he unlocked the car and we got in, the car was trashy, "Wow Ashton let my car go," I say as Calum starts to drive off.

"I'll have to clean it when we get back," "I'll help clean it too since it's partly my mess too." "Okay."

I turned on the Radio it was blasting I turned it down 'Good grief that scared me' I thought.

I was scanning through the Radio stations when I came across the rock station Skillet was playing I turned the Radio up since I liked the song.

We reached the gas station I gave Calum the money and he ran inside to get the cigarette's I looked over and my cars gas light was on "What the fuck!" I yelled.

I got out of my car with my bank card I put my card in the slot but like a dummy I am I put the card in the wrong way so I had to redo it I put my card back up then that's when Calum came outside I started to lift the nozzle when Calum stopped me, "Here I'll do it a Lady shouldn't have to pump gas,"

"Thanks but I got it," I say as I began to fill my car up it's actually a Durango but still, it's a vehicle.

We got back to the house and lit a cigarette up, Ashton came outside, "How much did it cost to fill your car up?" he asked, "Too much" I said as I proceeded to inhale the smoke, "How much? I can pay you back that's why I was going to go to the gas station I was going to fill your car up,"

"$64.32" "Here's $60 I'll get the $4.32 when I get my last check." Ashton handed me the money and I put it in my pocket.

Ashton's been going around town to job interviews to find a part-time job, "Did they call you back yet?" " No, not yet"

I go down to my car and start cleaning it out Calum and Ashton started to help me, my phone rang and it was a number I didn't know I answered it anyway.

"Hello is they Terry Heart?" "This is she who am I speaking with?" "Hi this is Jasmine from Five Below I was calling on about a reference for Ashton Irwin I was wanting to ask how did he do on his last job at McDonald's," "Oh yes he does excellent at his work he's top of his class he always does great at every task you throw his way," "Perfect! How is he about showing up on time?" "Oh, he's great! He always came in when he was asked and he always made sure he was early. " "Okay thank you I have all I need, bye." "Bye"

"Who was that?" Michael asked walking up behind me, "That was Jasmine from Five below calling about a reference for Ashton"

"That's perfect! Thank you for giving me a good reference Tara."

"You're welcome but don't blow it."

"I won't."

We get done and it's dark outside I stay on the porch thinking about things, stuff is much different now that my dad had passed, Luke came out onto the porch "Hey you care if I have one?" "No, go ahead,"

Luke lights the cigarette up and starts smoking, "What's on your mind kiddo?" "A lot" "well I'm here so spill."

I sigh, "Mom's dead, dad's dead brothers in prison the family fell apart I'm the only one left, you and Ashton have been going at it forever and it's just so draining having to act like I'm okay when I'm really not like I have these thoughts in my head and they won't go away."

"What kind of thoughts?"

"Like what would it be like if I just died rig-" "Don't you ever think that!" Luke said loudly, "Now see every time I try and get this out and talk to someone about stuff I can't it seems the only person I can talk to about this stuff without them going off on me is Michael."

I get up and start walking away, "Wait stop, I'm sorry," "Are you going to actually go off on me or listen?" "I'll listen just come back," I sit back down.

"I keep thinking how much better people's lives would be if I never was born and if I just disappeared, like would any of this even happen if I were gone?"

"of course it would Tara,"

"Zayn, Louis, Niall, Liam, and Harry were able to go back to the record label and start again it's been 3 months and since they've been gone none of them have talked to me I've texted them and everything no answer,"

"Being on tour is busy and they wouldn't have time for that,"

"they have time to go on twitter so they have time to message me back, they've messaged you back,"

"that's different,"

"How?"

"I don't know but somehow it is,"

I started to cry Luke pulled me into his lap and started to cradle me, "It's okay no need to cry Tara," "They just forgot about me that easily" "Trust me no they haven't." "Yes, they have."

"Trust me you'll see they haven't."

Ashton came rushing outside with a big smile on his face "Guess what!! The record label just called me they're taking us back we leave in the morning!"

I started to cry even more knowing that I won't have anyone anymore Ashton seen me crying "what's wrong?"

"You guys are leaving me behind and you'll forget about me just like everyone else did!"

I yell as I jumped out of Luke's lap and started to run, I can't take this anymore they come into my life then they leave I know it was just a job but I felt like we were friends and I can't lose anyone else, I hear the boys calling for me but I keep running I run into the woods and slide down a tree I start crying even harder.

I went into a full-on panic attack

I can't stop this it's worse than anyone that I've had before, the world is spinning I can't breathe I can't breathe.

Michael ran by me he passed me at this point I didn't even care he heard my heavy breathing and turned around he seen me and ran to me, I felt like I couldn't breathe even though I was.

My body started to get numb the world was spinning I was so dizzy I couldn't see things started to go dark.

Michael kneels down in front of me

"Tara breathe, calm down, I'm right here just breathe slowly one big breathe in one big breathe out," he put his hand on my cheek and looked me in the eyes.

"Luke told me about Liam, Louis, Niall, Zayn, and Harry, we are not going to leave you like they did okay?"

" You're going on tour with us that was our agreement with the record label you're coming with us now breathe one big breath in one big breathe out," Michael started rubbing his thumb up and down on your cheek.

You finally calmed down the world wasn't spinning anymore and you could see,

"Hey I'm right here I'm not leaving you," Michael said as he gave you a reassuring look.

"Come on let's get back to the house it's not safe out here," "No, I don't want to go back yet,"

"Tara please it's cold out here you're freezing come on," Michael helped you stand up he took his jacket off and gave it to you.

"Thank you, Michael," "Anytime Tara."

Michael gave Luke, Calum, and Ashton a buzz he told them that he found you and you both were heading back to the house,

"I just want to lay down and sleep," " we can do that as soon as we get home Tara," "Okay," I say as you two head back.

We get inside and Ashton is standing in the living room with a concerned look on his face, he went to talk but you went to the bedroom you didn't want to hear a lecture.

You gave Michael his hoodie back then laid down, I didn't care about the no-smoking rule I made in the house I opened the window and lit one up anyways and gave one to Michael.

Ashton came in the room "I thought we weren't smoking in the house," "Windows open" I say as I'm halfway done with my cigarette.

"Tara, did you really think we were going to leave you behind?"

"Yes."

"Tara we would never leave you behind,"

"Ashton I've heard that way too many times from you,"

"3 Times! I forget you in Wal-Mart 3 times and I never hear the end of it!" Ashton yelled.

"Ashton stop yelling at her!" Michael yelled back at Ashton because I didn't feel like talking anymore.

I put my cigarette out and lay down, "Tara you're coming with us," Ashton said as he set his alarm for the morning.

I shut my eyes and started to fall asleep, Michael was still in my bed he pulled me into his chest and cuddled me, I hope they don't forget me.

I don't know what I'll do if they do.

Harry, Louis, Niall, Liam, and Zayn, haven't messaged me back they've forgotten about me they message everyone else back but me.

I put my head in the crease of Michael's neck and just enjoyed this moment just in case I'll never be able to do this again.

I will miss these boys so much they've been a big part of my life even before they became my Nanny I listened to them all the time this moment only fairy tales I was a lost girl until I found their music.

I still have a 5sos tattoo but I don't think I've told them that yet and I'm not going to.

This world is so big and it has a lot of crazy people in it,

I'm slowly starting to drift off to sleep.

I'm dreaming that the boys up and left without saying goodbye they left me in New York in a crowd of fans they're trying to attack me from dating Luke.

I see the boys laughing at me saying they hate me and they never liked me.

I wake up crying apparently I was talking in my sleep because Michael was already up, "shhh it's okay Tara I'm right here I'm right here."

Michael said which relaxed me and I fell back asleep again.

_______

Done.