Chapter 45

Chapter 45: A Football Match

There is just another feature of modern London life that needs looking at, and that is the British obsession with football or soccer for any yanks reading this. This was pretty well a European obsession, if not across the whole world. Known as 'Le Foot' in France and 'Fussball' in Germany.

It would be tempting to enter into an extended polemic on why football should be called football and not soccer. The game consists mostly of kicking a ball with your feet, not with your socks. Americans call their 'running with the ball' game football.

This seems to be a strange freeze-frame version of Rugby Union, maybe a bit Rugby League, where huge players dressed like the 'Terminator' seemed to spend most of their time running into each other, with an itty bitty tiny wee rugby ball, then, once in a 'Blue Moon' kick the said tiny ball aimlessly down the pitch. Enough of this, tempting though it is to 'needle' any yanks out there.

There were the cheerleaders in American Football. These are delightful young ladies gyrating around in little tutu skirts.

The Majors would often watch Indian Twenty20 Cricket at the Bull. Voluptuous young lady India and West Indian cheerleaders were now a feature of these limited over games. You would think that the Majors would be scornful of such innovations to their beloved classical game of Test Cricket. Far from it, 'The Frill Had Not Quite Gone' to quote the great BB King Blues classic. Old Slippery, needless to say, had also taken a close interest in these young ladies, watching them on the large plasma screen opposite his throne.

Beryl was less impressed. This lowered the 'decorum' of the Lounge Bar Restaurant. Much channel flicking went on as she left the bar. The Majors had control of the remote for brief periods. They also moved to make sure they could see the plasma screen which was just behind them on the wall.

Anyway back to the football...

Yes, Beryl and Sid had moved the large plasma TV screen from the old Public Bar to the wall above the committee and 'Majors' seats, with the projector, placed next to 'Old Slippery's' chair, opposite.

It was hardly used in the Lounge Bar Restaurant. This bar had far too much 'class' now for the TV to be on all the time. Well if the Majors had their way?

There were exceptions. They were the occasional Chelsea/Arsenal derby match on a Saturday afternoon. Those local to the pub were solid Chelsea fans being in South West London. The Arsenal fans were the 'city' boys and girls who came over in droves from East London.

Each fan was decked out in football shirts and scarves of each of their respective sides. The Lounge Restaurant Bar was packed. The regulars on the whole were pretty happy with this disruption. The two Majors were not, however. They were strictly 'rugger' men. They used to play Rugby Union in their youth. This was the only time they felt like not going to the Bull. The 'pull' of the excellent real ale was enough to bring them along. Sometimes they would miss these matches if their grandchildren came round. However, they would remain rooted in their sofas with the TV screen above their heads and the baying fans shouting abuse at the match across the Lounge Bar.

So what did Old Slippery make of all this? He would appear on his 'throne' opposite the huge plasma TV screen, starring to start within total bemusement. Professor Hudson and Dr. Amelia Smith confirmed that there were various forms of football around in the Regency. The rules for the different games came together during the Victorian period. The Old Highwayman had taken part in some of these prototype football games in his youth. He remembered the rough and tumble of it all.

He was totally ignored by the football fans. They were far too engrossed in the game to take any notice of him. Any newcomers to the Bull knew about him already and just took him for granted. This upset him to start with. The 'eye flicking routine' and the odd rattle were ignored by this crowd.

He was intrigued by the concentration of aggression and male testosterone he witnessed and sensed. So this is where the 21st-century male and some ladies could show their more aggressive side? There was a sense of real underlying tension and potential violence in the game which he also liked. It was also extremely tribal.

With two very well matched sides, everything could hinge on a clever goal. This is where the 'magic men' came in. Those forwards such as Messi, Beckham, and Maradona were paid millions of dollars for their 'magic'.

The Old Ghost soon made sense of modern football, plus the role of the referee and linesmen. Old Slippery liked the sneaky fouls as well. Two favourite fouls seemed to be either player being barged off the ball or attempts to take out their legs, which really meant splitting the Achilles Tendon. Plus of course, players being tripped up. The Old Highway Man found this very amusing. Plus how a whole match could be decided by some foul trickery so to speak.

And there was all the 'name-calling', banter, jeering and chanting. It was like an all-out war. "Arse a nal", "Arse a nall", "Chel sea", "Chel sea", Bang Bang, bang bang bang, Bang Bang, bang bang bang, etc.

Along with all the usual comments such as "Where's your glasses ref?" "We woz robbed." etc. Plus the chants of "W...KER!!!", and all the rest. There were a lot of oooos and rrrrrs. Plus several young ladies were joining in the fun. This was not exclusively a male domain by any means.

The Old Majors had had enough. This was one of the few times they were forced away from their beloved Bull. At half time they slinked out. Maybe it was class again. Rugby Union crowds could certainly get excited, but nothing like this. No matter what Slippery had attempted the Majors had remained resolute and had never moved. However, these assembled 'proles' had proved too much.

Sid was a Chelsea fan and wore some discreet light blue. Pints were flying off the counter, The barmaids were fully busy. There were the odd oblique comments from the Arsenal fans. Beryl, needless to say, was a solid all the way Glasgow Celtic Fan. She boldly wore her green and white striped tee-shirt and scarf. This was more than just winding up the combined Arsenal and Chelsea fans clamoring for more pints at the bar. She gleefully matched any of their sarcasm. She used her razor-sharp repartee. She could parry any of the comments that came flying across at her from both sets of fans. Old Slippery was watching all of this very intently from his throne.

He knew that Beryl was a Jacobite, a supporter of the deposed Catholic King James II, or so he thought, in the Regency. One day Bonnie Prince Charlie would return! He did not hold this against her though. The convoluted politics of his period had long gone, Beryl was basically trying and succeeding in winding up both sets of fans. Old Slippery could see this. He admired her for this. Sid, her husband tolerated this. Well, she was very proud to be Scottish, but she now lived in London.

There was quite a body of police around to. A police van, full of uniformed and officers in body armour were cruising around the area. Detective Chief Inspector John Higgins along with the two young detectives had managed to 'slip their leash' and return for a few pints with their old mentor. All three were local lads and were Chelsea fans through and through. A number of football fans knew full well who they were. The Arsenal fans nicked named them the 'Chelsea Plods'.

It was a boisterous afternoon but there were no serious incidents. The Detective Chief Inspector and the two young detectives were there to both keep an eye on the fans plus of course, keeping a weather eye on Old Slippery.

The Old Ghost just sat back and enjoyed all this. He was dressed up to the nines as usual. He avoided wearing any light blue, Chelsea, and red, Arsenal.

The 'Chief' spotted this and sent back a telepathic message congratulating the Old Ghost on his tact. Yet another indication of how quick Old Slippery was to acclimatize to modern circumstances.

Sandra and Kevin were both there two, discreetly recording what was going on. They too were Chelsea fans. They played this down by wearing just a bit of light blue.

It was to prove a prickly kind of match. Two missed penalty chances on either side. The match was very well-referred with the linesmen adding a lot. The overall result was a 1 1 draw. Comments of 'we woz robbed", questions concerning the parents of both linesmen and the referee were raised. Plus the forwards on both sides had a pair of left feet. This came from both sets of fans. Some excellent football was played, but a result like this was oh so typical in the English Premier League at this level. Both sides were equally matched. They both knew the tactics of the respective opposition inside out. So this result was to be expected.

The fans wandered out in a shambolic sort of way. There was some cold wintery London drizzle to meet them. There had been some bouncers. They all reported, along with the police that there had been very few problems. 'All hands on deck' to clear everything away. All the bar staff soon tidied everything up and the Lounge Bar Restaurant was made ready for the evening trade. The Plasma Screen TV was turned off.

Old Slippery faded away. He too had enjoyed the afternoon. So this was how violent thoughts and actions were channeled in the 21st century in Old London Town, via football?