Chapter 12

I heard ruffling of the sheets around me and I tried to open my eyes, when I was able to open them a little bit, I saw my mother sitting there crying. She noticed that I had woken up.

It seemed like I had been slipping away into unconsciousness a lot but I couldn't really recall why I felt that way.

While I was groaning in pain and was trying to sit up, Ma spoke, "Lili, My love, how are you? What happened to you? are you okay?"

Seeing Ma so worried made me uneasy, I didn't know why she would be crying for It was really easy for me to faint when I went on these diets to keep myself in shape just like my parents wanted me to be.

She helped me sit up and I now sat reclining to the bedhead. She sat there on the stool near the bed and held my hands.

This worry of my mother was still incomprehensible for me.

"Ma, what happened? Why are you crying? I am all right, nothing has happened to me." I tried to assure her.

"Oh My darling, You are back to being your old self, I was so worried that something had happened to you... Oh my love.. Let me call your father..." She was almost panicking, I couldn't grasp the situation, this behavior of my mother was asking for me to question everything.

It was evening and I was sitting in the garden trying to make sense of all that has happened before today that I wasn't aware of.

Ma said that I was acting weird, I became a disrespectful girl which my parents never expected from me. I acted out of place as if someone who was totally opposite of me, had possessed my body.

There was this emptiness in my heart like I had gained something of my own and had lost it the second later.

I only remembered bits from my dream. I saw a face that looked like Jake's, I saw him but what I found myself feeling was not what I remembered feeling for him. I was completely in love with this person.

I remembered the night I wanted to disappear and when I voiced my wish, there was a thunder strike and I lost consciousness, after that it's all a blur.

Jake was the reason I wanted to go away and the pain was excruciating, it was not physical but mental, I was question everything, my mother and father's love, why they told me to be with someone like him. I admitted that I didn't like him but why would he do that to me, if he had told me that I wasn't the one for him I'd let him go willing given that I never wanted to stay myself.

My mind was so foggy that I almost missed the chance of the beautiful sun setting and turning the whole world orange and yellow, the warm and cozy feeling of the sunlight settling away brought me a scene where I saw myself on a staircase of a hospital. The sunlight made everything turn to gold.

It felt real and that made me realize that all the days that I wasn't myself was because I wasn't here. This that was happening to me felt frequent, the loosing conciousness.

All my life I did everything what my parents wanted me to do and never once did I question their choices but it felt like I am lost somewhere. It felt like I had found a piece of me but now that piece laid somewhere in the folds of reality.

I wanted to go wild for this once, I wanted to go to Jake and slap him right across his face. Even though his face was the one in my dreams but deep within me something knew that he wasn't the person.

I stood up and went to the garage, I took the car and while I was pulling the car in reverse I called Jake and he sounded displeased to have gotten a call from me. But right now I wasn't me or maybe I was more myself than I had ever been and I didn't know what I of right now was capable of doing.

I told him to meet me at that same bar where I caught him cheating. Today I wasn't wearing my old flowery, sophisticated attire, my whole wardrobe was missing and all my clothes were replaced with this high end fashionable clothing and I was wearing one out of them.

It was the simplest I could find, a red dress, low back, full sleeves, the skirt cut right above my knee and I never knew that a dress could make you feel like you were worth so much more than you were made believe.

When I arrived at the bar, I went straight inside and looked for Jake and the moment I saw his face, my heart started faster, not out of fear but the way I was so attracted to his beautiful face.

I went to him and he was sitting there in the private corner and had already ordered two drinks. If he were only to be the person from my imagination I would not think twice and sit next to him and drink to my hearts content but I had come here with a purpose to talk to him.

But before I could start or command my brain to think, my hands moved on their own and by the time I realized what was happening I had already poured the drink on him.

I thought such an action would make me feel bad and I'd apologize imminently but it felt good to do such a thing. and that feeling gave into the anger and I slapped him right in the face.

He stood there clueless as if he didn't know why I was so angry. I wanted to shout at him that it was for what he had done to my trust. That I had seen him kissing another girl.

I didn't feel like doing none of that, I just walked away smiling, the taste of freedom and self respect was a good flavor and I wanted to have more of it.

Before going away into this other world I was a timid girl who didn't know what she wanted, always told what to feel how to behave. Right now I felt like I was ready to fly, the whole world was calling to me.

I wanted to run away from everything and fund answer to the things that might have changed me for better.

I knew that bow there was no way anyone could stop me from reaching for the sky. It felt refreshing and like I had been given a new life and I was going to live it as it it was one, as uf it was my life.