I

After a while, I couldn't remember the whole pieces of you, mom.  As I stand in front of your grave, I have this question 'why I'm here?' The recollection of you grew hazier every day. I'm sorry mom but I could not picture you anymore with me. It's been a long time since you died. Many have happened that we have not expected. I used to imagine you in everything I do just to not forget about you and your love. But nothing stays the same, I tried to exercise it but it did not last long. Honestly, as I look at you now, I feel that you're some kind of stranger. I can't remember your warm hugs anymore, your soft kisses, most importantly, your so called unconditional love. Mom, since you were gone, everything has changed. I suffered a lot if you don't know. I have come to the realization of your lies, that life is not full of happiness and love in contrast of what you introduced to me. You're a liar. You lied on how life can be. Life was rough to me, full of pain, problems, agonies and depressions. It was not easy you know, living my ten years under the dark shadow of my dirty career. I know it's not something to be proud of. She made me this. Do you know who she is? She's the one who took your title as my mom. She's the one dad replaced you. I thought she could be like you, but she was a total opposite. She was a monster who forced me to things I have not wanted. She treated me as bait. There was no respect, there was no love. I hope dad knew about it, about all of her doings but unfortunately you married a blind man. He though I'm perfectly fine under the care of this monster while he work. He did not know that this monster that he trusted is also a crocodile, hungry for riches, and she made me as her bridge to everything. Dad died without him knowing that he was feeding a snake all along. I thought that it was already the worst when dad was still living, unfortunately, there were things more badly than worst. She sold me for a couple of hundreds and that's where I started being a disgrace. How I wished for her death that time, selling a soul that is not even hers. I don't know if I should be thankful for this because definitely, it caused me money even you and dad can't earn. I now have my own car, I have a house, and I have everything you failed to give me. I gained popularity; I can even easily get men.  Now I realized that I should be thankful to you and dad for bringing me up. I should thank you that you died early, and I should thank dad for marrying a monster.  What would my life be if you were still alive? Would we still be staying on the same room, satisfied? Would I still be living a simple life? Would I still be blinded by life's lies? Mom, I may not be someone to be proud of, but I'm satisfied of my living no thanks to you.

I was awaken by the sun's heat that kisses my skin as it picks through the window curtain. The soft folds of the sheets covered the nakedness of my body as I rolled to reach my phone to check the time. 6:42. still early but my bed partner has already left, like any other partners I had before. I'm used to waking up alone in an empty bed and I like it better that way. I feel that there is no commitment or any emotional connections involved, only dirty play. For a couple of years, I can only count on my fingers those who stayed till morning, asking me to stay a little bit longer. Well, they got their reasons to stay, some of them are divorcées,  some have wife problems and some, I believe, were single. One thing I made sure, they paid double time. I know they need someone to sustain their personal needs but no ones that dumb to give it for free. They just need a hole to punch in.

I tried to relax myself against the white sheets for the last time before starting another day. Unconsciously, I reexamined the room for the nth time in ten years. As what I can remember, I have slept on this room for many times now but, of course, with different partners. Even if I would close my eyes, I could still recognize it by its scent and aura. This is just one of the many rooms I have been using and there are still a lot more out there. Well, I have been sleeping more on other rooms if compared to my own room at home. Maybe once a week I am able to relax on my own bed. But the fact that I have been sleeping with someone anonymous every night, I'm not used to sleep alone. I quite developed the fear of sleeping on an empty bed at night. Waking up alone has no problem at all but when everything is dark, I feel the need of a warm body beside me. The loneliness domain when you can only see darkness.

 I reached for an extra bathrobe I used last night on the right edge of the bed and walked directly to the bathroom to take a bath. I can't contain the feeling if I am unable to clean myself from all those dirty men who touch my body.  It feels like every little inch of me is itching from all their contacts. The stickiness from sweats, cums, and fluids devour on my body. Yes, I don't like them but I need them.  Good thing, I got used to this. As I examined myself in front of the mirror, luckily, he didn't make any hickies on me. My hair wasn't totally messed up so with my makeup. No distinguishable red neither violet marks on my skin.  Well, I think I can figure that out. He's already aging. But hell do I care?  I prefer men who don't leave marks at all, compared to those who do. I still need to make an effort just to hide it the next day before I could hook another man. And it causes me a lot of work.

The very first time I have done this pleasuring of men, it was like I want to scrub myself red and peel me out. It was really sickening, it was definitely gross. Also, because I was forced to do it, it really made an impact on me. Giving your virginity to a man you barely know, a man who was twice your age. I did not have any control over my body. It was depressing. It was traumatic. But I let it all in the past, if that never happened, I won't be here. I won't be rich. So, I should be thankful for that. It's just painful in the beginning, but time can do the job. I need to get used to this if I want to survive, if I want to live.

I am naturally trying to make myself look like a professional even though I have a dirty career just to cover it up. Not everyone knows I'm a prostitute so I need to deceive them a little bit before everything else.  But it's no big deal to me, a dress here, an over coat there, a light makeup here and some classy shoes there and that's it. I just realized that men can really be easily played away. One look and they just let their hormones do the work. 

After dressing up and applying some light makeup, I checked the bed's side desk to see his payment of my performance last night and a smile crept on my face. I saw two credit cards and the invitation to one of the biggest party of the elites in Seoul. Finally, from the long search, I have availed myself the invitation I have long been seeking for a month already. This payment is already enough, or I mean, more than enough. The party is best place to look for someone that can offer me best of the bests.  It's not easy to have this invitation; it's not easy at all for every name on the list is those that are chosen. CEOs, owners of the big time companies in the country, biggest shareholders, those are just some of the common standards of the party. And truthfully, I don't have any of those titles. That is why I need someone to do the work.

I hurriedly snatched the cards and the invitation and slid it inside my bag. It's because I know those cards have no place on my wallet already. It's already been a common payment. I excitedly rushed out the room and planned to shoppe myself for the perfect dress for the big party tonight. I won't let this opportunity go to waste since I know that I will gain the finest, so I need to be at my best.

 As I walk to the hallway, people are looking; they eyed me from head to toe. I can see that their eyes are full of judgments but I also can sense a hint of jealousness. Who won't be? I got everything. That's why I don't care what they think of me, what they talk about me. I don't care. I would still walk my way with my head up. In life, there are people who think down on you, but they don't realize what they are missing, what they don't have. They judge you because you have something they don't have. Just think about it, they are giving you attention, you should be thankful about that because you are someone worth the talk.

Walking my way on the city is like a Hollywood red carpet. People just can't help not to notice me. Men would obviously look, also with girls. There was a time when I involuntarily entered a quarrel between two lovers. It was their anniversary, I believe, but the guy seems to have less interest to his girl compared to me. I was just like 'bitch please' while both of them were quarreling about how her man gives much attention with my booty than to her. Well, honestly, she was flat chested that is why. Nothing to stare at, it was just like a wall. Plain and flat.

 After going through some stores, I finally found the prefect dress. It was a long white dress, for purity, long sleeved for conservativeness and a little cleavage cut and backless back for a hint of wildness. It was sexy and elegant in the same time. Ironic and revealing. It was like a puzzle piece you need to solve just to have the whole picture of why I chose that dress. Satisfied, I randomly chose a credit card and hand it to the cashier who was, as I noticed, shocked by the great number of cards I have in my wallet. See? People notice you if you have something to show off.

It has been a while since I lay foot on my house. The tiled marble floor, imported furniture, grand staircase, expensive lightings, these are my inspiration in life. I can confirm it myself that I'm materialistic. It's because when I was a child, I was unable to own such. I can't even own a proper doll. I know we're not financially broke; my parents just don't work hard to have something like what I have now. They were just satisfied on what they have. They were just as incompetent as anyone else. They said they raise me by love and that would be enough. But was I properly rose is the question. As what I can see, definitely no. but I raised myself properly compared to them.

 I have come to develop a grudge towards my parents because they fed me with lies. That life is like a fairytale, all you need is love stuff. Bitch please, love can't feed me when I was starving, love never saved me when I was in need of help. Love was not their when tears won't stop flowing.  Love was the one who broke me when I fell.

'Good morning Miss' one of the maids greeted me on the doorway, it was Nanny.  She was already in her 60 I believe and she's been with me for years already but I don't think she knows what I do for a living. I think she really don't know or have a slight idea. She doesn't know where the money I give her for salary came from. What a laugh it could be if she found out? What a blind woman she is.

'Prepare me some meal' I ordered 'and prepare the dressing room for tonight.' I added as I walked pass her.  She bowed as a response. Without further ado, I directly went up the grand staircase and into my bedroom located in the left wing of my mansion. The brightness of the sun covered the four corners of my bedroom. Windows were as huge as the walls and it was covered by baby blue colored curtains that reflect the natural light. It's quite ironic that my theme color for my room is all neat colors like white while I do dirty in life. Well, at least in my room, I feel clean. I feel pure.

I laid myself on the soft mattress I have been missing. My one personal scent lovingly entered my nostrils as I harassed my bed.  The soft covers perfectly fed my need of rest.

'I missed you' I whispered against my sheets and inhaled a little more. I want to jump off the bed to work on my gown but I can't help myself but to close my eyes.

-------- flashback ---------

'Good morning' he said huskily against my ear. His morning voice made my spine shiver in delight. Unconsciously, a smile was tinted on my lips that serve as a response. I can feel his naked body against my back. His warmth made me want to lie a little bit more on my bed. As I inhaled, his scent marked the assurance of happiness I have been looking for. I can feel that his hands are now harassing over my shoulder blades as his lips kisses my nape

'Stop that, I'm tired' I protested as I turned to face him. And I released a giggle when I saw his face making agyeo. It's unusual to see a man like him making cute faces. His long pointed nose, powerful eyes, masculine body and strong biceps always takes my breath away even how many times I look at him.

  'Okay, but later~' he said and placed a kiss on my shoulder. I nodded as approval.

 'So, where do you want to go?' I asked him since it was Sunday plus, it was summer- a perfect time to go places to enjoy the weather.

'Here, just here… with you' he answered. I felt my cheeks heat up as his rough voice whispered in my ear.  I love every time he does cheesy talk.

'Me too' I added. And we both made a sincere smile. He turned my body to face him. His hand is framing my face as we lay on my bed, naked. His eyes were staring at me like I'm going to melt. He was perfectly perfect as the sun beams his facial features.

'I want to stay like this forever' I thought but I think my mouth blurted it out loud. He suddenly kissed me on the lips and I surrendered helplessly against the sheets as he hovered above me. He kissed me so deeply. He kissed me hungrily and rough. And for me, it was heavenly.

He was the first man who slept on my bed, my own bed. He was the first man who stayed till the morning. He was the first man who treated me well. He was the first man who kissed me on my lips. He was the first man whom I fell in love with.  

------- End of flashback -------

I woke up by the knocks on my door. I was sweating and catching my breath as the recognizable pain creeps again on my chest. It was a sweet dream, but it's a nightmare in the same time. Or I say, it was not a dream at all, it was a memory. A memory I enjoyed but I want to forget. I can still remember him. The way he touch my body, the way he rummage my lips, the way he say sweet words against my ear as he pump inside of me. He was my everything. But now, he's just a beautiful nightmare.

'Miss? The meal is now prepared, so is the dressing room' Nanny said that caused me to draw back to the present.



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I'm still in the middle of the whole story so there are still possible flaws. 

Anyways, if you like the story, or even you're just mere interested... please upvote if possible.

This chapter is really just an introduction of who Hee Yeon is in everyday circumstances. The conflict has not yet been highlighted, but is already implemented. Just read between the lines and see.

enjoy~