A feeling more than a friend

People always say that being a woman must have a standard of perfection. Raise your head, keep your shoulders straight, don't look down, smile to everyone, walk elegantly, speak softly like a woman, that's the way if you want to be the woman men always want. A woman's appearance is significant, they say. You have to have an ideal body. You have to take care of your skin, especially your face. Shave your legs, style your hair, put on makeup on your face, cover your imperfections. Because men won't fall for ugly women who lack self-confidence and never take care of their bodies, they say.

Don't forget the men's part, people always say that being a man shouldn't cry, shouldn't complain, be good at defending oneself, be firm, have a loud voice, and be athletic. Women should not be the boss of you. Your level must be above women. A man should always be the man in charge, you should always be better than your partner in every way. Most importantly, A man shows no fear.

Perhaps you don't realize it, or you don't even know it, but the thing is that is what most of us refer to as commonsense. The worst part is that it still happens even today. We seem to have the rules for living in this world. We seem to have the standards to be worthy. Some of us are always trying to be what people want us to be. It's hypocritical to say otherwise. however, it is very reasonable we have thoughts like that because we live with people who always judge our appearance. Lucky if you don't perceive any of that.

Everyone can say anything about you, but none of them know you ultimately. The only person who knows the real you is yourself. You know that there is an angel within you. There are priceless beauty and infinite goodness. Don't let people around you take you down.

Be yourself. Believe in yourself. You are much more than what they say. Women do not always have to wear a dress and makeup nor have the ideal body. Men are allowed to cry. There is nothing wrong if men like pink or other light colors. Men do not have to be tall and do not have to have a muscular body. Men and women are equal. These are some of the things that are not entirely can accepted among us.

All those things were thinking by Marbella Theodore as she walked down the school corridor towards the parking lot. Her mood was not good because of the incident in the canteen earlier. It hit her badly. It would be a lie if she said that what Jackson said did not affect her at all. Because all Jackson said was her insecurities.

"Hey, are you okay? i mean actually okay," asked Daffa for the umpteenth time.

"Yes I'm fine, Daf. stop worrying," replied Ella, try not to make Daffa worry her.

"But you don't seem okay, El. Come on, what can I do to make you feel better? Just say what you want, I'll do it for you right away," said Daffa.

"There's nothing you have to do because I'm fine, really. trust me okay."

Daffa sighed, he gave up. Ella would never honestly say that she wasn't okay.

"Hey, El. I'm truly sorry. I really am," said David, who was behind them.

"Just tell me if you need me, okay? You can tell me anything, you know that right?" continued Vanya, still feeling guilty.

"Hey guys, it's okay, really. Thank you for all attention but I'm good, you all do not have to feeling guilty for me, okay," said Ella.

"Okay, don't think about what that bastard said, we all know it's not true," replied Vanya and then hugged Ella.

"Don't worry about it."

"Okay bye guys, see you two tomorrow," said David then took Vanya's hand and led her to the car.

Daffa looked at Ella who was beside him, "So?"

"So what?" asked Ella, confused.

"Come on, you have the opportunity today to ask or order anything from me, we can go anywhere you want as long as it's not too far, we will do whatever you want today," said Daffa offering, he was so excited.

"I don't know, Daf. I think i just want to go home and sleep," Ella replied eagerly.

"Not that one, okay. We can do anything else that is more fun to do today."

"Really? you said anything i want, right? i want to go home and sleep. So let's go home," said Ella clearly enough then walked first leaving Daffa.

"Ugh seriously? that's sucks." Daffa tried to chasing Ella who already left him.

"Absolutely."

"How about we-"

Ella stopped walking, she forced a smile to him. "We go home right now, okay. That's all what i want," replied Ella, interrupting Daffa.

Daffa sighed, he gave up, again.

When they got home, Ella didn't say anything just like in the car earlier. Without going anywhere else she walked straight to her room. She didn't want to sleep at all, she lied to Daffa. She just wanted to be alone. She walked over to take her guitar and carry it to the bed and played several songs according to her mood at that time.

Unwanted, her memory of the incident at the canteen flashed through her mind. Slowly her hands began to shake, which made her have to stop playing the guitar. She tried not to remember it, but she couldn't. The anxiety that arose at that time triggers a panic attack, which made her difficult to breathe. It happened a lot to her, but usually it happened at night before she went to sleep. She felt even more uncomfortable.

When that happened, Daffa entered her room without knocking on the door again, and he seemed to bring something.

"Hey I cooked you something," said Daffa as he walked closer.

"I know you lied about you wanting to sleep, so I cooked you this and I hope you can feel better," he continued.

Ella desperately tried to get ready as usual. She put her hand in her blanket to hide her trembling hand.

She took a deep breath and said, "Thank you, Daf."

Daffa put the plate on the table beside her bed, and he then looked at Ella and knew that she was hiding something.

Daffa sat beside her and rubbed her shoulder lightly.

"Tell me what it is, I know you're not okay," said Daffa softly.

The longer it hurt her. She could no longer pretend to be okay in front of Daffa.

"I can't breathe," said Ella, closing her eye, trying to be as calm as possible.

At that very second, Daffa knew that Ella was having a relapse.

Daffa quickly took Ella's two hands and rubbed them lightly. He looked at Ella's eyes gently, "Hey okay look at me, you got this okay. I'm here for you," said Daffa.

Ella couldn't hold back her tears. There was actually nothing wrong with her breathing. But because she had a panic attack, she seemed to feel that she couldn't breathe and it was destroying her.

"Try to breathe slowly, you can do it, okay. trust me," said Daffa again.

Ella tried to follow Daffa's directions, but it was tough. Her mind didn't want to cooperate, making it even worse. Her hands haven't stopped shaking even though Daffa already grasped them.

"Hey hey hey, it's okay. I'm here, you're not alone. It will get better, just try to breathe as best as you can," said Daffa and then wiped Ella's tears.

Finally, Ella could slowly breathe normally, but her hands were still shaking. Daffa sighed, he could not stand to see Ella crying. It also broke his heart saw her crying in front of him. He immediately took Ella into his arms and rubbed her hair and back slowly.

"Hey it's okay, don't cry, you know i can't stand it if you cry right?"

"It really hurts me, Daf," ​​said Ella in tears.

"I know, I'm truly sorry. You don't deserve that, i hate it."

"I know I'm not as beautiful as the vanya, but no one wants to be born ugly, right?" ask Ella.

"Stop saying that, you're not ugly, how many times have i said that to you, hm?" Daffa answered while cupping Ella's face and wiping her tears again. "You're beautiful, if other people don't see it means they are blind. Screw them, you are always perfect for me, okay?"

"But-"

"There is no but, please just accept what I say this time. I'm always serious when I say that you are beautiful, you may not see it but I can be very clear and easy to see it. And you know what, you are the girl who has a big heart and the most talented I've ever met, "said Daffa, looking at Ella seriously.

"That's because you are rarely close to other girls," Ella replied.

Daffa chuckled then rubbed Ella's hair softly, "Yeah you're not wrong but trust me it will never change."

Ella hugged Daffa tightly, "Thank you."

"Of course, don't listen to other people's words, just listen to what I say," replied Daffa.

Ella hid her smile. Daffa was very cute when he was with her, and she liked that. Daffa was never close to other girls even though she told him to. Daffa always answered, "Why do I have to be close to other girls if I have you."

Sometimes it was very confusing to her. She tried not to have feelings for Daffa, but how could she endure it if Daffa always did sweet things like this to her, right? What is apparent that day, she was sure that she had feelings more than a friend to Daffa. She hoped nothing had changed.