chapter five

"parallel universes? why do want to know more about them?" seojun asked me while he fixed his glasses, "i thought you didn't believe in such things?"

i took a seat in front of him, "i just want to know about it, how about you? why do you believe that parallel universes exist?" i asked.

"it's not that i really believe, i just try to make myself believe in them. you don't get me don't you?" he looked at me and chuckled at my confused expression, "i just want to believe that somewhere out there is an another me who gets to live the life that i can't have here."

"oh, i thought you believe in it because of the books you read. i never you knew there was a big reason behind it." i said, flashing him a small smile.

"anyways, what do you wanna know about it?" he asked me, finally closing the book in his hands before placing it on the table.

"is it possible for two parallel universes to meet or collide? i mean, you said before that all universes has their own timeline." i questioned, him nodding in response.

"well, i mean in movies they can. why are you asking that all of a sudden? is there something going on?" his eyebrows furrowed as he asked me that question.

"i don't know, until i can't confirm what's going on then i can't tell you anything yet. but i promise, you're one of the first people who would know what's going on with me." i said, leaning my body on the back of the couch.

"do you know the other reason why i try to believe in parallel universes?" i tilted my head confused and signaled him to continue, "because i'm hoping that in that other other universe, our family's happy, you're happy." he smiled, leaning in to ruffle my hair.

"it might not look like it but even after everything, you're still the family i'd choose over anything else. even if we're all falling apart, if i was given a choice wether to stay or leave, i would stay." i said.

"me too, i'd always pick you guys over anything." he stood up from his chair and dragged me to hyunjun's bedroom.

we got in which startled our brother, "you guys could've knocked, what the fuck is wrong with the both of you?" he cursed, earning a glare from seojun.

"language, hyung." seojun smacked his head, hyunjun yelping in response.

we all went to hyunjun's bed.

"don't take this the wrong way but won't dad look for you? as much as i want to hang out with the both of you, dad might come and hurt you." hyunjun looked at me with eyes full of concern.

"dad won't come back within an hour, let me stay here for a while. who knows when we can do this again so let's talk." i said.

they both nodded, "how have you been coping up with everything? i can't imagine the pressure you must be having from dad." hyunjun started off, "if we can do something, we would've done it already." he smiled, his eyes showing a hint of guilt and sadness.

"it's fine, all of us can't do anything." i placed my hand over his, assuring him that i was still in a good shape even after everything.

"hyunjun's right, we feel like such cowards and useless brothers when all we can do is watch you get scolded and even beaten up by him." seojun apologized, his jaw clenching when he finished his sentence.

"knowing that you guys are just here is enough, you have nothing to apologize for. i'm already fine just by knowing that after all the beating, i have two brothers who would rush to my room to help me clean my bruises." i smiled, looking up as i tried to stop my tears from falling.

"when things are already too hard for you and you're about to breakdown, please call us. tell us and we'll be there for you, we're just here." hyunjun leaned in, placing a swift kiss on my head.

"is this the reason why you guys aren't dating yet?" i scoffed, looking at them with squinted eyes.

"well, how can we go and take care of another girl when our little sister still needs us? we're still young anyways, you're our priority right now." seojun said, ruffling my hair like what he did minutes ago.

we talked and waited for the time to pass. and when it was time to go back to my room, i couldn't help but to instinctively put on a frown.

"hey, we'll try to find a way to convince dad to let you loose sometimes." hyunjun said as we arrived at my room, me stepping in while the both of them stayed outside. "hang in there, we'll try to talk to dad." he smiled.

"please, you don't have to." i smiled before saying my goodbyes.

i went to sit on my bed, my thoughts drifting as soon as it sinked it that i was alone again. i wanted to tell everything to my brothers, i wanted to cry and yell but i couldn't.

why can't i?

i went to my study table, opening my book before my dad can catch me just lying around in my room.

—

"dinner time, let's go." hyunjun beckoned me to follow him. i closed my book before going after him.

dinner begun and no one spoke. dad would occasionally start a conversation with my brothers but it wouldn't even last a couple of minutes.

"hanbyeol, i heard you have some upcoming tests. have you finished going through your lessons?" dad asked me and i nodded, "go through it again, i want to see good results."

"dad, she's been stuck in her room for the past days reviewing. and besides, she never fails her grades." seojun glanced at me before looking at dad.

"i'm only doing this for her sake, don't give that kind of look." dad glared back at my brother, his grip on his chopsticks tightening.

everyone went back on eating, the atmosphere getting colder and much more quiet as time passes. dad excused his self, leaving me and brothers alone.

"hanbyeol, how do you even handle studying the same lessons over and over again? fuck dad and his mindset, does he actually thinks this is what's good for you?" hyunjun cussed, his eyes softening as he met my gaze.

"shut up, hyung. she's already in a bad state, if dad hears you then all of us are dead. especially hanbyeol, so be quiet." seojun said, hyunjun immediately shutting up.

"i'm heading back to my room, don't worry too much about me." i stood up from my chair, "we won't get in trouble as long as he sees me holding a book." i smiled at them before heading back to my room.

going straight to my study table, i heaved a sigh.

"this will just last for a few more years, you didn't go through all of those years just for you to give up now." i told myself, laying my head on the table.

i raised my head, grabbing my highlighter and going through my notes again. i then got distracted when my phone suddenly buzzed.

[kim taehyung]

hanbyeol, it's me

taehyung

[kim taehyung]

how are you doing

there?

[kim taehyung]

i don't know but i

suddenly felt anxious

[kim taehyung]

everything is fine

there, right?

[lee hanbyeol]

hi taehyung

[lee hanbyeol]

of course,

everything is alright

[kim taehyung]

maybe i'm worrying

for nothing

[kim taehyung]

well i don't want to disturb

you anymore

[kim taehyung]

i'll get going now

[kim taehyung]

take care of yourself

[lee hanbyeol]

yeah you too

[lee hanbyeol]

take care of yourself

read ✔️

i waited, thinking that taehyung might reply back but in my dismay he didn't. having no other choice, i went back in reading my notes.

night fell and the next thing i knew, i was awake and i found myself back at the university. my hands both gripping the straps of my backpack as i walked my way to class.

there was an unknown feeling inside me, as if something wrong would happen today. i shrugged it off, taking a seat and distracting myself from my negative thoughts.

minutes had passed and our first subject began. just before i knew it, papers were being given to the whole class.

"test? we have a test in physics today?" i asked myself, eyes widening as i stared on the paper in front of me.

i started breathing heavily and uneasily, my eyes roaming around. my heart pounded and i felt my hands clammy as it molded into a fist.

"hanbyeol, are you alright?" my head snapped towards taehyung direction who seemed surprised at my reaction.

"huh? yeah, i'm fine. when was this test announced? i thought we only had a test in history today?" i asked him, my heart pounding as i await for his answer.

"last week in our batch's group chat, you forgot about it?" he asked me, "don't worry, i'm pretty sure you can ace this test. i mean you're hanbyeol, you're like the smartest student since middle school." he patted my shoulder before he started answering the test.

group chat? since when did our batch had one?

my eyes drifted to the questions, i tried to think wether i still recall the lessons. i wasn't as smart as how they think i am, the only reason why i get high grades was because i'm forced to study hard.

i wrote my name, my hands shaking and uneasy as i wrote the strokes of the letters. i looked at the questionnaire and glanced at the clock which showed we only have a hour left to finish the test.

wasting no time, i started thinking.

time passed and i was still stuck answering the stupid test. there were only twenty minutes remaining and almost everyone had already passed their papers.

"think hanbyeol, think." i whispered to myself, glancing around me every now and then as anxiety gets to me.

"i'll wait for you outside." taehyung muttered before standing up and passing his.

the clock kept ticking, my eyes glancing on the watch on my wrist. it felt like time was running to fast than before and before i knew it i was left with nothing more.

"lee hanbyeol, your paper." our professor went to my direction, reaching his hand out as his eyes met mine.

not waiting for my answer, he grabbed my paper. i wanted to protest, to ask if i could have more time but then i couldn't. it's not like its his fault that i didn't study.

"why are there blanks on your answer sheet? are you alright, hanbyeol?" he asked, his eyes furrowed as he stared in shock at my answers.

"i'm sorry, i have to go." i bowed, grabbing my things quickly and rushing to the empty fields of our university.

i took a seat on my usual spot, my knees near my chest as i buried my head on it. a silent war seemed to be happening in my mind as tears solemnly fell from my eyes.

i gritted my teeth, feeling a lump in my throat. tears raced down on my cheeks, clutching my knees tighter.

dad's gonna get mad at me.

i'm gonna get in trouble.

he'll hurt me again.

i would have to wear a stupid jacket to school again.

"hanbyeol, why are you crying?" a worried voice appeared. i then felt i hand on my head, patting it ever so lightly as if the person was afraid to break me.

jimin.

we stayed quiet, i raised my head and saw worry in his eyes as he tried to flash the most sincere smile he could show.

"jimin." his name escaped my lips.

"i'm here, you don't need to tell me what happened. but just tell me if you're fine or not?" he asked, his thumb wiping the remaining tears on my cheeks.

"i'm scared." i mumbled, my lips trembling as i spoke.

his eyebrows furrowed and his eyes displayed series of emotions,"i'm sorry. what can i do?" he asked.

"nothing, don't mind what i said." i said and just in time, the bell rung. i stood up, my knees still weak from all that crying.

"can we talk again?" he asks.

"don't you wanna go somewhere? check out this place? or even go and see what you're friends are doing? go somewhere you'll feel happy and comfortable, jimin." i told him and slipped my backpack on my shoulder.

he smiled at me once more, "go somewhere i'll feel comfortable and happy? isn't that why i'm always going to you when i'm around here?" he let out a chuckle, his ears and cheeks tinted red before looking away.

"same park as always then, i'll see you later." i told him and went ahead to class.

who knows what awaits for me at home as soon as my dad knows about the results of my test but then, why not be happy even just for a while before getting hurt again, right?

life is full of shit and i'm about to go through one again.