Chapter 3 (Start Counting I Love Yous')

We just arrived home after discharging to the hospital. And Claire is still clueless that I know about her condition. The doctor told me that Claire didn't want me to know about her condition because she don't want me to feel pity to her. And she don't want me to change my treatment to her just because she's sick. The doctor told me an advised that better not to confront Claire about her condition. Better to act as if he don't know anything.

"Here we are babe"I speak while smiling at her. Yes I called her babe but not because of her condition. It is because I want to. Shocked filled in her face. And I secretly smile. She's so cute. her face is blushing. And now I admit that my wife is really a beautiful woman.

"D-did y-you c-called me b-babe?"her shaking voice makes me smirk. Am I too focus for making her suffer? That even just a simple endearment gives her a big impact. I just nodded and go out to the car and I open the passenger's door. I offer my hands to her and it makes her blush and shock again. Eventhough her hands doddering she still accept my hands and go out from the car. We are still holding each other's hands. I see her looking at me at times. We go to my room and she perplexedly look at me.

"From now on this is our room. I can't allow you to sleep alone. Specially that you're not totally ok. I need to monotor you time by time. That's the doctor's order." I speak full of assurance that no one can change it.

"But I'm ok. It's just an ulcer Albert."she said without looking at me. Yeah! The doctor told me also that Claire requested to her that instead of cancer, she told that tell me that it is just an ulcer. But the doctor didn't agreed. She told me secretly because she's worried about the condition of Claire. It's stage 4 Bone Cancer. And this stage is too dangerous so she told me about it.

"Yes you're ok. But you're my wife and I want to sleep with you." I told her while looking at her eyes seriously. She immediately look into another direction. I know she's blushing right now. Because I still see her ears is getting red.

"Why are you doing this to me? Is it still part of your plan for making me suffer?" after hearing those words from her. I feel like my heart crushes into small pieces. I want to tell her that this is true. But I don't have a strength to tell her. Everytime I see her I want to hug her tightly like I can't do that on the next day. I want to kiss her endlessly but I can't. All I can do is to stare at her. Destiny is against in me. I was too late to realize my feelings towards my wife. 5 years, fvcking 5 years that I wasted. It is because of my fvcking anger I didn't notice my love to her.

"N-no.."I said almost whispering. My heart is aching when I see tears slowly falling down to her cheeks. "Stop crying Claire, baby. I can't look at you longer when you are crying. Please...please stop crying."I said almost begging and I still stopping my tears to fall down.

"Stop crying? May I remind you Albert that 5 years! 5 years that you only stared at me while I'm crying out loud. And now you can't stand looking at me in this fvcking situation? Tell me Albert. Are you just playing around?"she said in the middle of her tears. Just like I was slapped so badly hard when she speak in front of my face. Just like a knife slowly cutting my heart into small pieces. Now this is my karma.

"I'm sorry.."shit! I'm too stupid! I can't even tell her the truth. The fvcking truth! That I'm falling for her unconsciously. That I'm no longer feel the anger because it was replaced by love. That I'm no longer feel annoyed and pissed because after all I feel happiness at the same time sadness.

She walked away from me and I was left alone, full of sadness and pain. I deserve this. After all I did to her this is the payment. And I'm ready to faced and expiate it. The time passed. I didn't noticed that it's already dinner. But I'm still sitting the sofa where Claire left me. When I feel starvation I go to the dining area and I see Claire eating silently. When she feel my presence she raise her face and look at me. Exactly our eyes meet. I see sadness,confusion and pain in her eyes. I just sit down and start eating without talking to Claire.