Self Reflection

That evening I went home, and looked at myself in the bathroom mirror. People in the gym had told me that since I was bulking, I should expect a lot of strength and some mass, but things like abs were for another time, and I was OK with that. Unlike many people I never had fallen prey to the idea that you could get jacked overnight. I was lucky to stumble on a few books that made me expect it to take about 5 years.

In the mirror I definitely looked bigger then before, to my surprise it was mostly my arms and even felt my legs were a bit thicker, and my belly had a wee bit more to pinch off, but no hang out belly. I didn't realize how skinny I was before, but I liked how it was going.  

I flexed my arm, it was strange I wasn't getting more comments about this, because it was definitely bigger, and I knew it had more muscle. Just two weeks of muscle growth was enough for me to notice, I had added a whole half inch to my arms, at least half had to be muscle!

My chest was getting bigger as well. The power to do what I just tested to be 20 push-ups in a row had to be coming from somewhere. Even my legs were starting to feel a bit thicker. A bit.

I studied my arm hard, and found something astounding. The vein on top of my wrist had started to stick out, and on the other arm, the same!

Yeah, this was all hard, even at home. No one ever mentioned how you feel constantly full and even bloated eating more meals, it was very uncomfortable. Whatever food dislike and irritation would be amplified tenfold. Heck, with a low calorie diet you could be lactose intolerant and drink milk every day, cause that would still be almost nothing. With MORE calories and food, it the other way around. I had never liked overcooked chicken, now I was so fed up that I had started cooking it myself, same with under-cooked flatbread and burnt toast. I had to cook everything myself to make it palatable.

If that was not enough. Eating all that took a long time. I could see why Meeraj, Neeraj and the trainer all recommended me to drink shakes. And believe me, I was downing them more then I thought I could just 2 months ago. Sadly, drinking peanut butter blended with milk and bananas twice daily isn't all its cracked up to be. 

The workouts were hard. It was the same as it had been for the last month. Lat-pulls, Push-ups, Squats, leg press, then OHP, rows and curls with the dumbbells.  The curls were optional, sometimes I would just talk to the new friends I had, all grown ups or close to it. 

I had to keep adding clean reps as much as possible each workout, It didn't matter if one day or even two didn't go well, and it would only change when my progress had stopped for 2 whole weeks on more then half of the exercises. The trainer had told me the best way to get in the most reps was to pace and hold back a couple in the first 2 sets, then go all out in the last set. And record how many clean and unclean reps I had done in each set. All the extra reps of the last set were to be put into the first 2 sets the next workout. And I would go up in weight on the cable and barbell stuff every time I hit 3*12 or more and in the dumbbells every time I hit 3 sets of 20. 

I loved pushing weight harder then before, and feeling my muscles push themselves. I could not describe the feeling of doing more reps then the last day, it made me feel like a hero in the real world. If you were wondering why i was working so hard and so far out of comfort at only 14, and not an older 14 at that, that is why. The whole idea of getting stronger and stronger for years as I turned into a hero was enough to push me through the meals and hard workouts.

I was considerably stronger. Just the next day I would be lat pulling 25 kg for at least 3 sets of 10. 30 kg was in plain sight. I was even goblet squatting the 17.5 kg dumbbell and on the way to start barbell squats the next week. My curls were up to 7.5 kg dumbbells for sets of 10. Even my overhead press way way up, I was doing sets of 15-20 with the 5kg dumbbells and expected to reach 7.5 kg dumbbells in about a week.

The gym had become the most exciting part of my day. Did I mention how good it felt! In the beginning I must admit, I wasn't fully sure I should be there, I kept going because I liked the music and the weights would vent out my anger at my bullies, give me the idea I was getting strong enough to fight them. The strong people of the gym made me feel more secure, which I didn't always feel at school. The whole documenting the workouts thing I got from my trainer, I was reluctant to do it, but the trainer showed me the others who were, it was the rule here  I thought, but just a week later I was able to see why. Seeing the little progress I made in a short time was what really sealed the deal.