Chapter forty-one

To finally be on good terms with Lilli is so much weight off my shoulders.

Last night was a girls' night till late, and though staying up took a massive toll on me, I still had trouble sleeping, and I now wake up to a sore body, heavy eyelids, and a strong urge to eternally lie here.

With some struggle, I push myself into sitting, and slump back against my arms. My head is throbbing a little, mixed in with an omnipresent sensation of spinning, and beneath me, the swell of the waves continue to send me into a simulation. But… no engine. No sound of an engine. No muffled rumble.

Usually, even when you're constantly on the move on this ship, you can feel the steady vibrations of the engines beneath your feet. But now, even after I've slipped off of the bunk and onto the floor, trekking around the room to find my shawl, I feel nothing. I consider heading up to the window to have a look, but as soon as the thought crosses my mind, Emily tosses in her sleep, groaning.

It doesn't make a difference if I step outside for a walk. I can clear my head when the wind swirls through me. I'm starting to look forward to it, and I can finally sigh aloud when I step out of the stuffy cabin, lightly shutting the door behind me.

As I make my way down the hallway, a thought registers in my mind that stops me in my tracks. When I closed the door, there was an echo. To my right. Where… the boys' cabin is…

I flick around, both surprised and somewhat unimpressed at the sight.

"Tasmin," whispers Harry. There's a hint of desperation in the way he says my name. I feel pity and I don't like it. I don't want to feel like that.

"Hey," I say.

From where he's standing, he seemed to be watching me when I was walking away. Maybe he didn't want me to spot him, or maybe he was just too shocked to see me.

He glances at the floor, then at me. "The ship's stopped," he informs me.

I clear my throat. "It has."

The tension between us is so sharp it could cut a knife. I don't like it. I liked it when being around Harry meant that I could be carefree, joyful and light on my feet. But I'm not the one wronging anyone here.

"Did… Did you sleep well?" he asks awkwardly.

I mean, he's trying, but his efforts just aren't enough to defeat my morning mood today. I wish I was more like Emily, constantly optimistic.

With slight difficulty, I respond, "Sort of." Then I meet his eyes. "You?"

He shrugs, then takes a step closer to me. I don't mean to, but I flinch. He watches me, then says, "Where are you going so early?" He's curious, but I hear worry in his tone.

"I could ask you the same," I blurt, then feel slightly ashamed, so I say, "Just a walk."

He stares at the floor, looking up at me every so often like he's a child about to tell me that he broke a family heirloom. He asks softly, "Can I come too?"

I let him follow me to the fourteenth deck, where we once again lean against the railing, allowing the cold wind to blow over our faces.

After what seems like an eternity of inevitable silence, Harry says, "I'm sorry about last night."

I feel his eyes on me, and at first I'm not going to reply, but I sigh and mutter, "You don't have to say sorry to me, Harry."

He opens his mouth to say something, but remains silent. It's a while before he says anything.

"Really, Tasmin," he says. "You know I mean it."

I swivel my weight to turn to face him, leaning on my left side. He stares at me, furrowed brows and a small pout on his face. His expression is persuasive enough as it is, I almost start giggling. I bite my lip to stop myself.

"Harry, I don't know what you're keeping private from me," I start, and he winces at my words, but I'm not going to hold back any ferocity. I'm going to be honest. "But if it's so important to you, I still don't understand why the rest of the group is allowed to know before me." Harry's face reddens. I sigh at him. "But I'm not going to be mad at you," I promise him.

At my harsh words, he's bashful, but when I speak to him kindly, he becomes frustrated. I don't understand this boy.

"Thank you," he murmurs.

"What are friends for."

His expression changes, and I can't help but watch him. He gives me a lopsided grin.

"You're really pretty when you're serious like this," he tells me, and I can't tell if it's a compliment or a joke, but the comment catches me off-guard, and I turn away to hide a smile.

He slides closer, turning his head to try and meet my gaze.

"And you're really annoying when you have your mood swings," I shoot at Harry. I say it softly, so he knows I'm just teasing. He pouts at me, and I choke, then he bursts out laughing.

Who knew that when I decided I'd go for a walk to clear my head and find a solution to this complication, I'd bump into Harry, and we'd resolve things together so quickly? And now, we stumble back to our cabins, side by side.