Chapter 45 - "I will want you, always want you."

"It's my fault. I was the one who took you guys to the flea market…"

Ash was so ashamed. He wanted to bury himself. He could see that Yan Sui was really worried. He had never seen him with such an unsightly expression. It was as if the longer Meng Ting was missing, the more difficult it was for Yan Sui to control his mood.

"All of those from the hotel who could be dispatched, have been dispatched. Let's wait for another half an hour. If we still can't find him, I'll call my brother. I assure you that we absolutely won't lose him."

Yan Sui knew that Meng Ting was not a little girl, yet he was also not an ordinary eighteen-year-old boy, and Yan Sui could not explain to Ash about his peculiarity either. He actually lost a person in a foreign country, far away from home, just like that. Yan Sui wanted to punch himself.

"Yan Sui!"

There was a voice from the distance and Yan Sui even thought it was his own hallucination. He then turned around and Meng Ting appeared at the end of the street, holding a bouquet of white roses. He was waving and smiling at him, as well as walking toward him, step by step.

Yan Sui immediately locked his line of sight onto him before striding forward with large steps. Meng Ting blinked and stopped walking forward. Soon afterward, the boy and the flowers in his hands were all together embraced by the man, very vigorously embraced.

"Yan Sui…" Only two words had left Meng Ting's mouth before he was even more tightly wrapped up in the man's embrace. He already guessed that Yan Sui would be worried, but he did not think that he would be this worried.

While Yan Sui was holding him, his arms were slightly trembling. At first, Meng Ting was taken aback, but then he relaxed his body, and let Yan Sui hold him. He did not pay any more attention to the bouquet, which he had acquired with difficulty.

Yan Sui continued to tighten his arms, as if he wanted to hug this person until he was absorbed into his bones and blood. He could only do this as he was unable to say a single word.

Before, when he could not find Meng Ting, he was worried and angry. Even if it was Meng Ting, Yan Sui thought that when he saw him, he would give Meng Ting a proper scolding.

Meng Ting had wandered off and Yan Sui waited for him at the original place. How could he just heedlessly follow some other person? What if he met nefarious people? What if…he did not dare to continue thinking about this 'what if.'

However, when Yan Sui finally saw the boy, he was instantly overwhelmed by a staggering rush of the remaining fear and rejuvenation of his loss. Besides holding the boy tightly, he could not say anything.

"Yan Sui, I'm sorry. I made you scared," Meng Ting whispered and rubbed against Yan Sui's neck, then he kissed Yan Sui's cheek.

Yan Sui embraced Meng Ting for a long time, before releasing him. He carefully examined Meng Ting thoroughly, making sure that he had no injuries. Then, with a darkened face, he led the boy to the hotel.

Yan Sui passed by Ash, and lightly nodded, then continued to lead Meng Ting inside.

Ash hesitated for a moment. He did not know whether he should follow them or not.

Meng Ting looked at Yan Sui's side profile, then he wanted to look back at Ash. Unfortunately, before he could see Ash's face, he was already taken into Yan Sui's arms. Yan Sui took off his suit jacket and directly wrapped it around the boy. After that, Meng Ting could not see anyone at all.

In the whole process of entering the hotel, then the elevator, and then their room, Yan Sui had not spoken to Meng Ting. It was like he also did not plan to say anything to him.

Gradually, Meng Ting became quite panicked. He thought that Yan Sui would be angry, but he did not think that he would be this angry. He glanced at the flowers still held in his hands. Inside, he felt a bit despondent as well as a bit afraid.

Yan Sui saw the quiet boy in his arms choke lightly. The door of their room had just been closed before he embraced the boy again. His embrace was even stronger than before, and the bouquet in Meng Ting's hand fell to the floor. Meng Ting reached out for it, but in the end, he still chose to embrace Yan Sui back, instead of bothering with the bouquet.

"Yan Sui…" Before he could finish his words, Yan Sui raised his chin, then kissed him.

Yan Sui's kiss was seven parts fierce, two parts lust, and also one part self-restraint. Inside Meng Ting's lips, he completely swept through once. Yan Sui's ferocious and attached manner gave Meng Ting the illusion that he was going to be devoured into the man's stomach.

Only when Meng Ting's breathing became more and more chaotic, did Yan Sui release the boy. He looked into Meng Ting's eyes, then he picked the boy up and walked over to the bedroom of the suite.

Meng Ting's arms encircled Yan Sui's neck. There was an added contemplation in his expression, like he was trying to figure out what to say. However, during the interval while he was still thinking, Yan Sui had already carried him back to their room and placed him on the bed. After that, Yan Sui's kisses started pressing onto him again.

He was kissed from forehead to chin and then downwards, starting from the side of his neck. It could not be described as fierce, yet it could not be described as gentle either.

Panting lightly, Meng Ting held Yan Sui's head and grasped his hair, yet he was still unable to hinder Yan Sui's following actions.

"Yan Sui, is it that you're angry, so you don't want to speak with me?"

Meng Ting actually did not mind being intimate with Yan Sui. However, up until now, Yan Sui still had not spoken to him. Because of this, he could not help but feel a bit worried.

"You will still want to speak with me later, right?"

Yan Sui's response to him was holding a certain sensitive part of his body in his mouth and biting softly, his tongue made Meng Ting's whole body tremble. His hand that was clutching Yan Sui's hair, tightened slightly. He was afraid that his grip would hurt the man so he released it. He wanted to grab onto the quilt under his body, but then his hand was caught by Yan Sui.

Yan Sui placed Meng Ting's hand over his head. This kind of unconventional punishment had not ended yet, but in the end, Yan Sui was not willing to hurt the boy. He used caresses and kisses to affirm Meng Ting once all over, from the hair on his head to his toes, but some matters still had not been brought to an end.

Meng Ting's eyes grew even more misty. He had the look of being hardened by bullying. Yan Sui's heart softened. He stretched out his hand and wanted to rub Meng Ting's face, but Meng Ting turned his face away. He grabbed the quilt and shifted himself, breaking away from Yan Sui's embrace, then wrapped himself up.

Yan Sui did not withdraw his hand and the darkness in his eyes became even darker than earlier when he had just seen the boy. He thought that Meng Ting was also angry. Indeed, he should be angry.

Before Yan Sui could blame himself, a muffled voice came out through the quilt, "If you won't speak with me, I won't speak with you either." Meng Ting said these words while truly feeling quite hurt, yet the feeling of fear was even more intense. He was afraid that Yan Sui would never speak to him again.

Soon afterwards, he was held by Yan Sui, taken into his embrace, and called quietly with an unclear tone, "Meng Ting…"

Yan Sui only briefly called him then Meng Ting quickly came out from the quilt. He tightly held Yan Sui's neck and complained by whispering, "I know I'm wrong, and you can scold me, and it doesn't matter if you want to fight with me, too. Just don't stop speaking with me. I feel very sad and also very scared."

"Sorry." Yan Sui spoke, but it was an apology. He hugged the boy tightly. It was only now that he could feel secure in the reality that Meng Ting was really back by his side. "I am in the wrong."

It was him who lost the boy, but he had transferred his emotions onto Meng Ting. He picked up the boy together with the quilt, patted Meng Ting's back, then once again sincerely said, "I'm sorry."

"Hmn," Meng Ting answered, then he clasped tightly onto Yan Sui's neck. Slightly loosening his grip, he said, "In the future, if you get angry again, you still need to speak to me, alright?"

"Alright," Yan Sui answered, but knew that Meng Ting did not actually understand his fear. When he did not speak, it was not because he did not want to speak; rather, it was because he could not speak. He was also afraid of saying something that he would regret.

"Hmn, then you don't need to apologize anymore." Meng Ting also did not want to continuously listen to Yan Sui say sorry to him. He knew that it was he, himself, who was in the wrong in the first place.

"I didn't do it on purpose."

Meng Ting leaned on Yan Sui's shoulder and gazed at Yan Sui's side profile. He spoke quite slowly, but his words were fairly clear and coherent. "I returned the flower to the man, then I went looking for you, but there were too many people. I followed a person for a long time just to find out that it wasn't you, but he really looks like you. At first, I thought he just looked similar from behind, but afterwards, when he turned his face, I found out that his appearance also resembles yours."

The man had a moustache around his mouth and an unruly look with a hint of decadence, but it was undeniable that this was the kind of man that could no longer be described with words such as 'handsome'. However, in Meng Ting's eyes, the most important point was that he and Yan Sui had a great resemblance.

"He's older than you. I thought that it could be Dad, so I followed him quietly."

As before, Meng Ting watched for Yan Sui's reaction, but discovered that he did not have any reaction at all. Even the strength of his embrace remained unchanged. Meng Ting paused. He could not decipher what Yan Sui was thinking about in this moment, but still continued to talk.

"But soon afterwards, I [1] was found out again…I'm so useless."

([1] Clapkingle note: It says 他 [He] in the original text but I'm pretty sure it was a typo and was meant to be 我 [I].)

Meng Ting repeated his whole conversation with the man to Yan Sui. After that, he joined him in his silence.

That man was obviously Yan Yu, yet he said that he did not know Yan Sui. Originally, Meng Ting did not feel like sad, but now that he was observing Yan Sui's silence, he was also quite saddened. It was not Yan Sui's fault, yet he had suffered a lot of undeserved anger. Moreover, this undeserved anger came from his closest relatives.

They were not at fault, but his Yan Sui was not at fault either.

Yan Sui stretched out his hand to rub Meng Ting's hair. After a long time, he said, "It's normal that he doesn't know me."

If possible, he perhaps wanted to think that he did not exist. If he did not exist, there would not have been such a situation afterward between him and He Yue. He had not been in touch with his family for so many years; a large part of the reason was because of him.

Because he was born from the woman whom he absolutely loathed, in this situation, it would be quite difficult not to indulge in anger.

"However, I still want to thank you." While saying this, Yan Sui leaned over and kissed the space between Meng Ting's eyebrows, then he slightly lowered his voice and said, "It's good that he's alive."

Actually, this was not only his own hope, but also the hope of his grandparents who had passed away. The last sentence that Yan Sui's grandfather had said to him was precisely, "Don't blame him." In the very beginning, he thought that 'he' was 'she' [2], meaning He Wan. Looking at it now he must have meant Yan Yu.

([2] The pronouns 'he' [他] and 'she' [她] are pronounced the same in Chinese.)

A person's death was like a light that had gone out. It was natural that Yan Sui would not want to blame anyone, as it was only people who were alive who could really be blamed or not be blamed. His grandfather must have known that Yan Yu was alive or believed from the bottom of his heart that he was alive, even if he was unwilling to return and unwilling to see anyone related to his past again.

Regarding parental blood relationships, Yan Sui never insisted upon it. After he knew that He Wan did not like him, he was merely indifferent toward her and upheld a necessary level of respect, all the while waiting for the day when their relationship would rupture completely.

It was an intense feeling that he began to have when He Wan started attempting to control him because it was impossible for him to be a puppet in her hands. He was just a son whom she gave birth to and did not like. He was a person.

Meng Ting's feet moved a bit and stretched out from under the quilt, then he embraced Yan Sui with all of his limbs. He did not know what kind of words he should say to comfort Yan Sui and could only use hugging to convey his intentions.

"Do you want to have people go search for him?"

It was only an hour or two since he met Yan Yu. Even if Yan Yu leaves F Country, he would not be able to move that quickly. If Yan Sui tries searching for him, he could definitely find him.

However, Yan Sui shook his head. "I can't find him."

Yan Yu had disappeared for almost twenty-eight years. During that span of more than two decades, he had not been idle. Otherwise, Yan Manjia would not have been unable to find the man even after turning everything over in F Country. Perhaps, he never left F Country or Yan Manjia and Yan Zhenbo's monitoring efforts were useless on him.

If he wanted to come to F Country, he would come. All along, he was free to come and go as he wished. The men in their family were not idlers; Yan Sui's grandfather constantly told him this. Perhaps, this was true for Yan Yu as well.

Also, if Yan Sui wanted to see him, searching for him was not the only available means. There were still other ways such as figuring out why he frequently appeared in F Country, figuring out He Yue's current situation, and letting the truth of the events from those years ago come to light…

When that time comes, Yan Sui would not need to look for him. Yan Yu would appear by himself.

This was also his feeling. Compared to breaking off his relations with He Wan, this feeling was even more intense.

Meng Ting was silent for a moment, then he did not continue with this topic anymore which was somewhat heavy for Yan Sui. "He didn't let me follow him, so I didn't follow him. I went back to find you but I couldn't, then I looked at the time and realized it was already late."

"A little girl told me that if I was going to apologize, having a gift will make it easier to receive forgiveness, so I helped the boss of a perfume shop and as compensation, he gave me money, which I used to buy the flowers."

He wanted to make amends by giving that bouquet of flowers to Yan Sui, but Yan Sui dragged him back, and did not care very much about that bouquet. At this moment, it was still left on the floor in the living room.

Meng Ting was not without money. On the contrary, whether it was the dividend given by Yan Sui from his shares or those that were given by the Mengs, it was enough for him to buy the whole shop, whether he wanted the perfume shop or the flower shop.

However, Meng Ting felt that it would be different. It was only by using the money that he earned by himself to buy flowers for Yan Sui that he could show greater sincerity.

"You don't seem to like it?" Meng Ting asked dejectedly. Not requiring a reply from Yan Sui, he raised his own spirits, "In the future, I'll give you a better one."

Although he chose that bouquet carefully himself, the flower selection in the flower shop was still limited, so even if he chose better, it was still not good enough. It made sense if Yan Sui did not like it.

Yan Sui slipped his hand behind Meng Ting's neck and pulled him close so that they were looking into each other's eyes, then he slightly moved closer and kissed Meng Ting's lips. "I like it."

Just then, Yan Sui could only see Meng Ting. He simply did not have the time to care about the flowers in Meng Ting's hands. Furthermore, he did not know that Meng Ting especially chose these to make amends to him. He even thought that those flowers were given to him by someone else again.

Meng Ting held the hand on his neck, then pulled it down slightly, and the two men's foreheads were pressed against one another. After a while, Meng Ting smiled. He rubbed the tip of his nose on Yan Sui's and asked with a low voice, "That's good. Are you still angry?" This was his first time seeing Yan Sui get angry and on top of that, Yan Sui was angry at him.

"Are you scared?" Yan Sui was still holding the boy quite firmly. It only made Meng Ting move around in the crook of his arm. For the time-being, wanting to leave this embrace was very unlikely.

Meng Ting thought about it and shook his head softly, but then nodded.

"I'm afraid that you'll keep being angry with me and won't talk to me in the future." He was also afraid that because of this, Yan Sui would not want him anymore.

Although Meng Ting did not say what he was most afraid of, Yan Sui could see right through him. Yan Sui sighed gently, turned his face, and stuck it to Meng Ting's cheek, then solemnly said in his ear, "I won't. I will want you. I will always want you."

"I'll keep your words in mind, Yan Sui. I'll remember them forever." Meng Ting said. Then he put forth his strength in his limbs, and hugged Yan Sui even more tightly.

"Good." A smile finally emerged on Yan Sui's face, then he gently patted Meng Ting's back. He suspected that he had indeed overreacted before, but even if he recalled it again now, that feeling of fear and self-blame was still so intense that it could not be ignored.

Meng Ting was important to him, very important. Yan Sui once again confirmed this point.

After some time had passed, Meng Ting untimely whispered, "I'm hungry."

After Yan Sui led the boy away, Ash kept hesitating as to whether he should break into the suite or not. He was afraid that Yan Sui would use the same method to deal with Meng Ting that he used with them, but this was his wife. How could he be treated the same as them, his buddies who were thick-skinned and hard-bodied.

He paced around outside the suite, then the door was opened.

Yan Sui led the boy out. His breathing was completely stable and Meng Ting appeared to be entirely unscathed as well. At last, Ash's heart was able to somewhat settle down again.

He spread out his arms, wanting to give Meng Ting a hug. However, just as he spread them, he was met with Yan Sui's cold gaze and so immediately withdrew his hands.

"Where did you go, Meng Meng? Yan Sui and I were going crazy."

Meng Ting looked at him then looked at Yan Sui. After that, he apologized earnestly, "I'm sorry, it's my fault."

"No, no, no, it's my fault…"

As they spoke, they headed to the restaurant. In the end, they still had not come to a conclusion as to who was more at fault.

The dinner was very sumptuous. After Ash returned his mind to his stomach, he became lively once again. Yan Sui did not give any responses and Meng Ting would nod his head once in a while, which did not affect him talking as he recounted everything from beginning to end. The price of this was that he was mercilessly stuffed a bellyful of dog food from Yan Sui and Meng Ting.

Even considering people who looked after their sons, there was no one as meticulous as Yan Sui. Anything that Yan Sui could do for him, Meng Ting would not need to move at all. Thus, Ash finally realized that he had been worried earlier for nothing. How could Yan Sui possibly lay a hand on Meng Ting?

After dinner, Ash did not carry on with his suggestion for the river tour. All three of them had a scare today to some degree. Yan Sui appeared to have recovered now, yet the extent of his recovery was still uncertain.

"The chauffeur's waiting for orders at all times. If you want to go anywhere, just give me a call. I won't bother you now."

Ash also had matters of his own that troubled him. He could not hide with Yan Sui and Meng Ting here, so he naturally had to find another place to go to.

They separated at the elevator in front of the restaurant. Yan Sui turned to look at Meng Ting. "Do you still want to go out for a walk?"

Meng Ting took measure of Yan Sui, then shook his head after a moment of hesitation. Only after such a long time had passed did he finally start to feel a bit of fear. It was the fear that if he gets lost, he might never see Yan Sui again. Therefore, for the time-being, he did not want to go out.

"Okay, let's go back to the room."

Yan Sui touched Meng Ting's cheek gently, then took him to the elevator.

It was still early after they showered. Meng Ting rested next to the window looking at the myriad of lights twinkling in the city. His expression and mind both felt very tranquil. When Yan Sui came out of the bathroom, he went to the window right away and took him into his arms. Following that, more sparkling waves seemed to have appeared in Meng Ting's tranquility.

The two men embraced each other quietly. Only after a while did Meng Ting turn to look at Yan Sui. "Shall we go home tomorrow?"

Although F Country was really fun and he also liked Rose Manor, he was aware that this place was not their home. Their home was at the place where they got married, in Xia Country, in Haicheng.

"Let's go home," said Yan Sui as he turned to kiss Meng Ting's cheek. Leading with both of his hands, he turned Meng Ting around so that they were looking at each other, then they slowly came closer. It was a kiss that was gentle and carried some distinctive flavor of the night which lasted for a long time and made them forget about themselves.

Their lips separated. Before Meng Ting completely opened his eyes, he was kissed by Yan Sui again. This time, the kiss was not only gentle. It also had a bit of irrepressible desire. The two men kissed while walking over to the sofa. They were even unwilling to find time to go back to their room.

"Don't be afraid. I won't hurt you." Yan Sui whispered in Meng Ting's ear, then he sucked his earlobe that had already been blushing since earlier. Meng Ting made a noise like a kitten and his cheeks became even rosier.

"Yan Sui…aren't we going back to our room?"

"Not going back." Yan Sui answered Meng Ting's question with certainty. He gently turned him over and lowered his head to bite his Adam's apple. As his tongue scraped across, half of Meng Ting's body weakened. His eyes widened slightly. A sense of desire, that he was familiar with yet not completely used to, surged intensely.

His subconscious reaction was to lift his legs and hook them around Yan Sui's waist, but it did not feel right. Just as he wanted to withdraw them, Yan Sui pressed on his legs to keep them from moving away. "Just like this, don't move."

"Okay, okay…" Meng Ting answered and slightly narrowed his eyes. In his hazy line of sight was Yan Sui's passionate and yet restrained appearance. It was just like the expression he had at dusk when he kissed his whole body, only Meng Ting was not in the mood to look at it then. But now, it was in front of his eyes.

The same feeling he had last night of wanting to make him happy was emerging again. Meng Ting's hand moved away from the sofa's pillow and climbed onto Yan Sui's chest. He leaned forward slightly. Copying the way and the strength of how Yan Sui kissed him, Meng Ting earnestly started kissing him.

Yan Sui wanted to remind him, but he was unable to speak aloud the words he had for asking Meng Ting not to move. He supported the boy to prevent the two of them from falling onto the floor. He continued moving his hands while he endured the way Meng Ting was setting him afire with a complete lack of restraint.

Meng Ting already lost his strength halfway through kissing. After grabbing Yan Sui's hand and licking his fingertips, his kiss could be counted as completed. However, Yan Sui's reaction became fiercer than before by a fraction of two.

Last night's excessive activity made Meng Ting sick. No matter how much he wanted it at the moment, Yan Sui still kept a bit of rationality. However, regarding this kind of thing, Meng Ting was a self-taught little devil with the complete intention of sucking him dry. If Yan Sui was able to continue to endure this, he would have been a man in vain [1].

([1] 枉为男人 [wang wei nan ren] was the phrase used here. 'Being a man in vain' had the connotation of wasting, being a man or being undeserved to be called a man. Similar to when people say "he wouldn't be a man if he could endure this.")

He first had Meng Ting help him resolve it once by hand, before going into the main topic, but it was precisely this which had made both of them feel like they were going crazy.

"Is it still not… good? I think it should be good…"

Meng Ting laid his stomach on the back of the sofa. His toes curled up slightly and his whole body appeared faintly pink. His hands, feet, and whole body went soft. He had been stimulated to come several times already. However, Yan Sui who was behind him, did not have any trace of wanting to stop and rest.

"Ah, hng…"

It was with great difficulty that he managed to speak a full sentence. It then immediately changed into slight strange soft moans.

"Don't hold it in. I like your voice."

Yan Sui moved close to his ear to say this. He gently held him with his arms, supporting Meng Ting's body which was tilting over again.

"Yan Sui…" Meng Ting turned his head and called out. Seeing the redness increase in his eyes, he continued to call, "Yan Sui, Yan Sui…"

It was a soft call which carried a bit of huskiness and was also brimming with an unconscious tenderness. It completely stimulated the man to the greatest extent.

Yan Sui turned his head to kiss Meng Ting's lips and finally released, then this session of love activities, which had consumed time and energy for too long, finally came to an end.