The Lord of Servants 8,5

[Another Story: The Day I Lost You]

The afternoon before the sun sank, half an hour after Vixon’s arrest, Viktor went home alone with his face saddened, thinking about his son's fate. He tried to stay positive, hoping Vixon would be unharmed but, from what he heard from others, if one got involved with aggression against nobles in any form, one would never return.

“What should I tell her?” he thought, frustrated. “No… I can’t tell her that our son is…!”

Viktor felt immense guilt and sharp pain in his chest from imagining the mental pain his wife, Sonia, would have if he told her that.

At the time he arrived in front of the door; the sun sank. He knocked on the door lightly with his body and soul drained out from exhaustion and stress.

Sonia was sewing a thick fabric in the parents’ room to make a tunic for Vixon while humming a soothing lullaby she used to hum for Vixon when he was younger.

She heard the knocking and opened the door with a smile on her face, seeing her beloved husband home from work after hours. Everything was going great until she noticed the problem.

“Viktor?” she said as her smile faded. “W-Where’s Vixon?”

Viktor opened his mouth, but words couldn’t come out from his mouth. He didn’t have the heart to tell her that Vixon was gone forever.

“Viktor?” Sonia was anxious as her lips quivered. “W-Where’s our son?”

Viktor gathered his courage to mutter some words.

“He… He will be home soon, dear.”

After hearing the obvious lie, Sonia’s worry washed away. Sonia knew Viktor’s words were a lie, but her heart encouraged her mind to believe Viktor’s words.

“Oh…” Sonia said, relieved. “What is he doing right now?”

“He… He is taking a walk for a moment.”

“I see.” she smiled. “Ah, why are we standing here?”

They entered the house and sat in the dining room. Sonia filled a mug with water and gave it to her husband.

“How’s the work today, dear?” Sonia asked.

Viktor drank the water.

“It’s going well, but…”

He abruptly stopped as the thought of Vixon flashed into his mind.

“But… what?” Sonia asked as he held her husband’s hand.

“Ah—! W-We… We almost lost someone in the mine because of an accident.”

“What happened?!” Sonia’s eyes opened wide. “Is Vixon all right—?”

“Y-Yes… He’s… He’s okay. Today, our boy saved a person.”

“He did?” Sonia smiled, relieved and proud of her son. “I… I’m glad he used his strength to help others.”

“Y-Yes…”

“Ah, I should prepare the supper for us,” Sonia said as she stood in front of the furnace.

Viktor went to their room, resting. He lied on the bed, trying his best to sleep with his worn-out body.

“This must be a nightmare…” he thought as tears flowed down his cheeks. “This must be a nightmare…”

He tried to rest but his mind was restless; even though he forced his eyes to close shut. Each time he almost fell asleep, an image of his son crossed into his mind.

“Vixon…” he thought as he clenched his teeth.

Half an hour later, Sonia finished preparing the supper.

“Dear,” Sonia called from the dining room. “The dinner’s ready.”

Viktor gave no response as he had sunk deep in his mind.

“Dear?” Sonia called as she entered their room, seeing her husband spacing out with his face saddened. She lied on the bed next to him.

“What’s wrong?” she asked as she hugged her husband, returning him to his senses.

“Ah… N-Nothing.”

“Tell me… Did something happen?” Sonia became worried.

“Nothing.”

“Okay…” She smiled as she caressed Viktor’s face. “The dinner is ready.”

They both sat together in the dining room. That day, they were having vegetable soup for dinner. On the table, there was another plate closed with a lid.

“He isn't home yet…” Sonia said as she looked at the empty seat with her body trembling in anxiety. “Where’s he, Viktor? Where’s our son?”

“He will be home soon,” Viktor assured as he held Sonia’s hand. “He—”

“Just where’s he?!” Sonia snapped as she broke into tears. “Where’s our son, Viktor?! Why don’t you tell me—?!”

“Sonia, dear—!”

“The last time he went late… He came home with wounds—!”

Viktor hugged his wife as he patted her back.

“Calm down…” Viktor muttered as tears fell from his eyes. “He will be home safe, okay?”

“Where’s he?”

“He’s… He has something to do. That’s why he will come home late. After we finish our supper, he will be home in no time.”

“Okay…” Sonia wiped her tears.

They both had their supper. They couldn’t eat in peace as they kept staring at the empty seat.

Viktor reached his hand to the closed lid on the table, but Sonia slapped his hand.

“Ouch—! Sonia?”

“That’s for Vixon!”

“What’s inside it?” Viktor asked as he wagged his slapped hand.

“It’s… It’s something special for him.”

“Special? What is it?”

“It’s something special, I said!”

“Sigh… You always gave him the most special, don’t you?” Viktor smiled.

“Yes… After all, he’s the most special thing we will always have as long as we live.” Sonia smiled as she looked at the lid. “Don’t you remember the day we got him?”

“Ah… How could I ever forget that?”

[Flashback: Unloved]

Years ago, Sonia Wildrow (27 years old) was a beautiful low born woman from a small tailor family. Because of tragic incidents, she lost both of her parents, forcing her to get married early to survive.

Before meeting Viktor, Sonia had been married twice, but all the marriages she had ended because of a reason: She was a barren woman; she couldn't get pregnant even after several desperate intercourses.

Gossips of her bareness soon spread among the ears of the fellow commons, saying God cursed Sonia’s womb for her mother’s sin. The commons rumored that her mother slept with another man after Sonia's father died in a war. To punish her mother's evil deeds, God let Sonia's mother get raped to death and closed Sonia's womb forever, despite Sonia’s faith of being a devout woman.

After realizing the harsh truth of not being able to have a child, Sonia never smiled. She never opened her heart to anyone else and lived with scorns from the commons and nobles alike. She continued living as a tailor, but she had a hard time having a customer because of the stigmas surrounding her.

She prayed endlessly, believing and hoping that God would show her mercy as He once showed his mercy upon the unfavored and unloved woman, biblical Leah. ‘Why had you forsaken me, O Lord?’ the words she always repeated aloud when praying in solitude.

Soon, she lost her hope and faith in everything, including God, believing that even God himself had closed His ears over Sonia’s deepest woes.

She lived like that until that fateful encounter that would change her entire life. She met Viktor, who would become her beloved.

Viktor (28 years old) was a foreigner, presumably from a lesser town near the empire, who migrated to Axyvur, fleeing from the empire's assault. No one knew anything about Viktor, except for his vast knowledge of metals.

One day, during a quiet and cold evening, Sonia was alone on the street, on her way to her home.

Sonia’s face was devoid of emotions and light. The only thing she had in mind was she wanted to die; she wanted everything to end already. She saw neither worth nor value in herself anymore, as godless prostitutes would have a happier life than her.

Three patrol guards saw Sonia descending the street alone. Captivated by her mesmerizing beauty, ill and lascivious intentions clouded the mind of the three. They quickly surrounded her and brought her to an empty alley.

They began tearing her clothes, uncovering her body, but Sonia didn’t even try to fight back or scream for help as she closed her eyes, wishing for a painless and swift death. The guards started beating and kicking her while ogling over her beauty.

Unknown to them, the alley was next to a small bar. Viktor was outside the bar, leaving. He glanced to the dark alley and saw Sonia being assaulted by the guards. Normal people would just ignore such a thing as helping her would give them nothing.

The moment Viktor saw that, he rushed inside the bar, seeking help. He paid some men coins to aid him in rescuing Sonia. The men he hired forced the guards to flee, leaving the bruised Sonia alone.

Viktor helped Sonia, despite her refusals. Viktor removed his tunic and wore it on Sonia to cover her nakedness. Viktor had to carry her in his arms because those guards injured Sonia’s legs, preventing her from walking, but thankfully, none of her injuries were fatal and would heal in less than a week.

He carried and escorted Sonia to her home with the cold wind piercing into his bare skin. At that time, Sonia felt warmth on her chest as she saw how sincere Viktor was, but the warmth didn’t last long as he knew Viktor would also leave her after he knew that she was a barren woman.

Days after that, Viktor visited her daily, posing as a mere customer. Not wanting to escalate things further, Sonia told him the truth about her, hoping Viktor would understand. Unexpectedly, Viktor persisted; he still loved her.

Viktor proposed, and Sonia just accepted it, knowing that Viktor would leave her soon. After months of marriage, Viktor persisted, astonishing Sonia. For once, she realized she found someone who loved her unconditionally.

After realizing that, she could smile. Her faith returned as she became devout once more. She had found her happiness, but it didn’t change the fact that she was a barren woman.

***

[Flashback: The Day I Found You]

A year after their marriage, during snowy weather, close to midnight. Sonia and Viktor were together in the dining room.

“Viktor…” she muttered. “I’m sorry. I can’t give you a child.”

“It’s fine.”

“Even though you give me happiness, I can’t return it.”

“I am happy just being with you.”

“If only I could give you a child…”

Viktor caressed Sonia’s cheek and looked at her eyes.

“I love you, Sonia,” he said as he smiled. He kissed Sonia’s forehead before embracing her. “I love everything about you.”

Sonia embraced Viktor back as tears flowed from her eyes; she was both happy and sad.

“I… I love you, too, Viktor.”

Viktor went to the bed early to rest while Sonia stayed in the dining room, praying in the cold evening. The sounds of howling wind and flickering candles accompanied filled the silence. She clasped her trembling hands from cold and sadness. She closed her eyes with faith and muttered her words softly.

“Our Father in Heaven, hallowed be Your Name, Your Kingdom come, Your will be done, on earth as in Heaven. Give us today our daily bread. Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us. Save us from the time of trial and deliver us from evil. For the kingdom, the power, and the glory are Yours now and for ever.

“O Lord, in Your Holy Presence, I come with the heart of the servant. Thank you for Your Kindness; for Your Mercy; for Your Love for us. O Lord, I wish naught but…” Tears fell from her eyes, flowing down her cheeks. “Please… For once… Let me have a child with Viktor. Let me grant him the happiness he deserves… Please…. In The Name of Father; The Only Begotten Son; In The Allowance of The Holy Spirit. Amen.”

She opened her eyes, wiped her tears, and went to their room, but she stopped after hearing loud knockings on the door.

‘Knock, Knock, Knock.’ The noises came from behind the door, stopping Sonia from reaching her room. She suspected the noises might be just from ice rocks carried by the wind at first, but the noises persisted for ten seconds.

It was clear the sounds were knockings from a person, but who would be insane enough to go out during a frigid winter night?

Being paranoid, she took a kitchen knife with her and reached for the door. Her heart was pumping wildly while her body trembled from the fear of the unknown.

She wanted to speak loudly and assertively, but her lips quivered, letting out a pathetic whimper instead.

“W... W-Who’s… there…?!”

The knockings stopped, surprising her. Did she just scare the person away? She placed her ears on the door, trying to hear anything behind the door.

She heard nothing but the howling, frigid wind. Thinking the person might have left them alone, she opened the door slowly. As the door opened, the chilling air entered the room. Even though Sonia wore a thick fabric kirtle, she could feel her skin freezing underneath.

She then saw a small wooden basket covered with a white thick fabric, almost blending in with the snow. Was it a handout from the stranger earlier? There’s only one way to know. She lifted the basket and brought it inside, placing the basket on the table.

She inspected the basket from the outside and found nothing suspicious. She removed the fabric covering the basket and, surprisingly, the inside of the basket wasn’t food or coins. It was a week old baby sleeping peacefully inside the basket.

“A… A baby…?!” she thought.

She checked the baby’s condition and found out that the baby, a male, was in a good condition. His body was warm despite being placed there for God-knows-how-long. She took a clean cloth and wrapped the baby’s body to warm him up.

“Where are your parents?” she thought as she carried him in her arms. “Did your parents throw you away?”

The soft vibration from the baby’s breathing triggered Sonia’s maternal instinct. She rocked the baby slowly as she looked at his innocent face.

“Aww…” she muttered. “You’re really cute.”

After a while, Viktor woke up and came to the dining room to drink. The moment Viktor saw Sonia with the baby, he was surprised that his drowsiness went away instantly.

“S-Sonia?!” he asked aloud. “Who’s baby is that?!”

Viktor’s voice woke the baby up, and the baby started crying.

“Viktor!” Sonia said aloud with her face angry, like a mother bear defending its cub. It was the first time Viktor saw her like that. “Look what you've done! You woke him up!”

“H-Him?”

“It’s a boy.”

She looked at the baby, trying to calm him down.

“Aww, my cute baby,” she muttered as she kissed his forehead. “It’s fine, dear. Don’t be afraid. Mommy will keep you safe.”

Sonia hummed a calming lullaby to the baby and rocked him slowly. After a minute, the baby calmed down and fell asleep.

“Sonia,” Viktor asked as he sat next to her. “Whose baby is this?”

“I don’t know. I found him in this basket. Someone left him outside our house.”

“Okay, Sonia, listen to me—”

“You aren’t doing what I’m thinking, right?”

“Sonia, we have to return him to his parents.”

“No.”

“Sonia—!”

She pinched him on his hand.

“Keep your voice down!” she muttered with a death stare. “If you wake him up again, you’ll be sleeping outside!”

“Sonia, we can’t keep him.”

“We can!”

“Sonia, what if his parents are searching for him now?”

“That’s their fault! I’ll keep this baby with me!”

“Sonia… You know the feeling of a parent who lost his child, right?”

“I… I do…” Her voice was weak.

“That’s why… We can’t just steal someone’s happiness.”

“But—”

Viktor caressed Sonia’s cheek.

“Please, Sonia. Please understand.”

“I…” Sonia was about to let the baby go, but when she felt the warmth, the sound, and the weight of the baby in her arms, she didn’t want to let the baby go, whatever happened.

“No!” she said. “I’m keeping him!”

“Sonia—!”

“We can do this for an entire night and my answer will remain the same: No.”

“Sonia, return the baby.”

“I’m not giving Vixon away!” she said as tears fell from her eyes. “I have named him… I don’t want him to go!” She hugged the baby on her chest. “Let me keep him… Viktor, you always wanted to be a father, right? Now, this is a chance for us. We can have a son.”

“Sonia… I know what you’re feeling. I know it better than anyone else except for you. You always wanted a baby, but Sonia, this baby isn’t ours. It’s someone’s—!”

“No means no! I’m his mother now! If you insist on returning him. I’ll run away!”

Viktor knew her desperation for a child was too great. She always wanted to be a mother, but because of the sad fate, she couldn’t have one. She envied all those mothers who could hold their own baby in their arms; she envied those complete families.

“Sonia…” he muttered softly. “I understand. We will keep the baby, but in one condition.”

“What is it?”

“I’ll search for his parents tomorrow. If none lost their child, we’ll keep him.”

“Okay…”

She put the baby inside the basket and brought it to their bed. She put the basket next to her, occupying a place for one person.

Viktor stood in the doorway, looking at them both. He wanted them to spend their night together in case he found the parents tomorrow. Viktor went to the storage room beside their bedroom and slept there.

“Are you perhaps… the gift from God?” Sonia thought as she smiled. “Have God sent you for me?”

She took the baby from the basket and hugged him on her chest.

“I’ll take care of you, dear Vixon,” she promised as tears fell from her eyes. “I’ll do my very best to make you happy.”

She closed her eyes and fell asleep with the baby.

The next day, Viktor asked the neighbors about the baby from morning to afternoon while Sonia nursed the baby, enjoying the time they had left before she had to let him go. Even if it’s just for a while, she felt happy.

Viktor returned home, and, with a smile, Sonia greeted him. She put the baby inside the basket with a clean cloth and handed it to Viktor. But Viktor returned the basket to Sonia and smiled. No one lost their child there, meaning Sonia could keep the baby.

***

Sonia smiled as she remembered that time.

“By just remembering that…” Sonia said as she looked at the same basket near the furnace. “I’m happy.”

“Same for me.”

Sonia stood and opened the door, looking on the street far away.

“Sonia?” Viktor said as he stood next to her.

“Don’t worry. I just…”

Viktor patted her back.

“Sonia, you’ve got to rest. I’ll wait for him.”

“No. You’ve to rest.”

Viktor knew arguing with her was futile, so he went to their room and slept for hours.

He woke up, but Sonia wasn’t next to him.

Curious, he stood and went to the dining room. He saw Sonia there, sleeping with her head on the table.

“Sigh…” Viktor thought as he sat next to her. “Forgive me, Sonia. I don’t dare to tell you…”

Viktor saw the plate with the lid on the table and opened the lid; there was a piece of roasted beef there. Sonia had prepared it for Vixon because, as long as Vixon lived, he never ate meat. Not even a single drop of blood from venisons.

“She… She has been working hard for this…” Viktor thought as he couldn’t hold his tears anymore.

When they both went to work, Sonia knitted clothes and sold them for coins. She made little, but she wanted to surprise Vixon with her own earnings because she felt guilty she couldn’t afford to buy meat during his 17th birthday.

Viktor caressed Sonia’s hand on the palm and felt her once soft palm had become rough from doing all the housework by herself.

“I’m a useless husband…!” he thought as he looked down and clenched his teeth.

Viktor looked at the beef and ate it, not because he was greedy, but to make Sonia happy by thinking Vixon ate the fruit of her hard work.

“I’m sorry, Sonia…” he thought as he cried. “I am the worst!”

Viktor went to Vixon’s room; it was tidy thanks to Sonia’s hard work. He messed the bed to make it look as if Vixon slept there.

“I’m ready to face punishment…” he thought. “I’m ready to be smitten by Your Wrath for this…”

The next morning, Viktor immediately went to the mine before Sonia woke up. Sonia was still sitting down and stood, stretching her body. She looked at the plate and opened it; he was happy thinking Vixon ate the food.

She went to Vixon’s room and saw the bed all messed up, meaning Vixon slept there before. But if he’s home, where’s he now? He looked around the house and noticed both of them left already.

She felt disappointed because she couldn’t see him, but she’s relieved knowing that his son was okay. She continued her chores and waited until late afternoon.

She waited in front of the door and saw Viktor walking home. She expected Vixon would follow him, but when Viktor arrived, Vixon was nowhere.

“Where’s he, Viktor?” she asked with a worried face. “He’s home, right? He—”

“Just like yesterday, he’s taking a walk again—”

Sonia ran past him, searching for his son while shouting like a mother who lost her child among the crowds

“Vixon?!” she shouted aloud hysterically, alerting the people on the street. “Vixon! Where are you?!”

Viktor hurried and grabbed her arm, but she fought back like a cornered animal, pushing Viktor down.

“Sonia—”

“Release me!”

She ran around, crying and shouting for Vixon’s name desperately. Viktor caught up with her; she was in the woods 15 minutes away from reaching the mining site.

“Sonia!” he shouted as he hugged her. “Calm down, dear… Calm down…”

Viktor cried from seeing his wife breaking down like this.

“Where…? Where is he…?” she muttered and cried with her eyes empty. “He’s not here… He’s not there…? Let me see him, Viktor… Let me see Vixon—”

“I’m sorry… You can’t…”

“Why?”

“...”

Viktor couldn’t say what happened to Vixon as he stayed silent.

“Why?” she asked again. “Is it because I’m a terrible mother?”

“No…”

“Then why?”

“...”

“Answer me, Viktor… Why?”

“...”

“Why—?!”

Viktor reached his limit, he broke down and shouted.

“Because he is gone!!!” Viktor answered aloud before falling on his knees, weeping with his body and soul weak from the stress.

“He’s gone, Sonia. He’s gone… I’m sorry…”

“What are you talking about?” she asked with her voice weakened.

“He’s no longer here… He is—!”

“Viktor… It’s not the time to joke, okay?” she asked with a broken, devastated smile. “So tell me…”

Viktor couldn’t say anything anymore as he felt a sharp, burning pain in his chest as if knives pierced it. He tried to speak, but only pathetic, inaudible whimpers came out from his mouth. Sonia then realized; Vixon was indeed gone. She couldn’t deny the fact anymore as she started breaking from inside.

“It can’t be…” she muttered as her face went pale, and her hair whitened as if she rapidly aged in seconds. With her mind and heart shattered apart, she let a loud, ear-piercing shriek of sorrow that emptied her lung and strained her throat.

“NO!!!”

Viktor heard the terrifying scream from the very start until finish. She screamed for roughly five minutes, causing the birds resting on the trees to fly away in panic, chirping aloud enough to conceal Sonia’s scream.

She fell down unconscious like a corpse next to her husband.

“Sonia???” Viktor held her unconscious body and cried. “Sonia!”