Fünf. Five. Cinq. Cinco.

… All I ever wanted to be…

I stared at the first line of the essay I was currently trying to write. I have no idea when I decided to start applying to Universities, but here I am, trying to write my application essay. Letting out a sigh, I made a bunch of faces and tried to focus on the matter at hand.

I groaned, why had I to be stuck with this? My father and the band were in an interview, so that meant that Carl and I were stuck in backstage under the care of Ralph, Bryan and Mike. I still don’t understand why we need three babysitters… but okay…

I turned to face at Carl, maybe he could help me, but by the way, he was focused on his laptop, I was more than sure that a bomb could explode and he wouldn’t even feel it...

“Go back to your essay Esther,” Carl spoke as he kept typing on his laptop. “I can sense your stare.”

“I don’t know what to write!” I whined. “I don’t know what I want to be!” I complained.

Carl gave me the “really look”. “That is bullshit Esther, and you know it,” Carl stopped typing and let out a sigh. “I strongly believe that you are the only person in this whole world that actually knows what she wants to be.”

I made a disgusted face. “No.”

“Esther,” Carl sighed. “I’ve known you since forever. Quite literal. You have never believed in princesses and princes, you wanted to be the person who killed the dragon, not because you wanted to find your prince, but because you wanted to save someone, whoever it was. You always want to be different. That’s what you want. You want to be unique and remembered because of it. It’s not selfish, it’s intelligent because even though people say that you do charity and stuff for the sake of your father, we all know that it ain’t true. I’ve heard you complain about tours and yet you are still here.”

“Carl,” I frowned. An idea was forming on my head. “You make absolutely no sense, but I know what I want to write.”

Carl chuckled and returned to his laptop, his job was done. I took in a deep breath and cracked my knuckles. I hovered my fingers on top of my keyboard until I had exactly the right words to write.

“All I ever wanted to be was me. It sounds strange and I know, but the truth is, that if I don’t know what I want to be, how can I become a better person and help the world? Since I was young, I was always thinking ahead. I remember the age when little kids want to be either a princess or a prince, I didn’t want to be a princess. What is the point of being stuck in a castle with an evil witch or a dragon, waiting for a random stranger to come and save you? I wanted to be the person who killed the dragon, not the prince, no, a random stranger saving someone from danger.

The next thing I wanted to be was a superhero, but not with superpowers that I gained from aliens or magic. I wanted to be a superhero that helped people crossing the street, helping out with food, cloth, toys, anything. I wanted to be a hero who helped people get their lives back on track.

Now that I am older, I want to discover myself, and so that I can become better and help. I believe that the only way to do that is by learning new things. I don’t want the world to know me as the media as portrait me. I want to make sure that when people talk about me, they talk about the real me.

I thought that all I ever wanted to be, was to be like my father, and a surfer. I wanted to have a family, and I swore to never leave them, no matter what.

But you want to know something? Scratch everything that I just said. I want to be me, yes that is the truth. I want to be better than those who were supposed to help me figure out my life. I want to be the person that doesn’t walk away because something is difficult, I want to be the person holding the sword, ready for any fight, even if it means to get up many times from the ground. I want to be, never defeated…”

“Esther?” Ralph questioned as I typed down my essay. I was very inspired.

“Ya?” I replied not removing my hands from the keyboard.

“I don’t think that we are in a place where we can get you another laptop that fast,” Ralph sighed. “What are you doing?”

“I am typing down the essay on what I want to be,” I closed my laptop. “And you know what I really want to be?”

“What?” Everyone questioned.

I smiled with a shrug. “I want to figure out exactly that,” I exclaimed. “Don’t give me that look, Carl! I know that I want to be different, I want to be me, but I don’t think that I want to be inside a classroom. I’ve never been inside one, two on earth am I supposed to figure out who I want inside four walls? I want to travel around the world, and learn things that can’t be taught in a classroom! I want to enjoy the life I’ve got, and make the best out of it. I want to make all my dreams come true.”

“Then don’t apply,” My father shrugged as he placed a hand on my shoulder. “You don’t have to do something because people expect you to do it. That has never been something I’ve taught you.”

“But, I thought that?”

“Thought what?” Ducky chuckled.

“Esther dear,” Guile smiled. “We have always known that you don’t belong inside a classroom. You’re someone with too much curiosity and you need to feed it. Why do you think that you always come with us on tour?”

I licked my lips. “Because the woman who gave birth to me, walked out on our family,” I started. “And because the one time you guys left me alone, I got the babysitter to quit in seconds, and almost burn down the house?”

My father chuckled. “Point, but also because every time you are on tour, you learn something new and your eyes lit up with new knowledge.”

I let out a relieved sigh. “So, I don’t really have to apply?”

“No!” everyone chuckled.

“Well then,” I smirked. “Are we done here?”

“Yeah. Why?” Questioned Guile.

“I don’t know about you guys, but I am in the mood for a soundcheck concert.” I winked.

I was practising my piano skills, which I have mastered, whilst everyone got ready for the concert. It was fun to be around backstage, and have the clearance to be wherever I wanted to be. The people from the arena had tried to kick me out, but Mike (my hero) told them that if they touched they were dead, they understood that I am Esther Gunner and I have every right to be where I want.

I was playing a song that I heard Enoch playing a couple of days ago. It’s weird I know, but I learned to play the piano but ear. Storytime! When I was about two, if I don’t miscall, I heard my father playing a new song, and when he stood up to answer a call or to gather something, I don’t remember that know, I walked over to the piano and sat on the bench staring at the keys, it took me about three minutes, but I managed to figure out the song he was playing, and when my father saw this, he took the opportunity and he taught me. Afterwards, he also taught me how to read the sheets.

“Esther,” Mike reappeared in my sight. “Concert starts in two.”

“Noted.” I winked as I closed the piano.

Mike stared at me and I raised an eyebrow. “What were you playing?”

I shrugged. “I don’t really know. I heard Enoch playing it a couple of days ago.”

Mike frowned. “That means that you don’t know how to read the sheet?”

“I know,” I smiled as I grabbed a water bottle from a table. “But I usually play by ear.”

“How come I didn’t know that?” He questioned.

I sighed. “No one apart from Enoch and I know,” I replied. “Consider yourself lucky.”

“I’ll keep your secret.” Mike winked as he crossed his heart.

“Thanks,” I poked my tongue out and ran towards Carl.

Carl and I were playing some video games when the music from the concert stopped. We paused the game and turned to face the television that let us keep an eye on stage. My father was making his way towards the piano, and everyone was sitting down on their stools with smiles on their faces. The only time that Enoch went to the piano in the middle of the concert, was if someone had its birthday, and I was more than sure that it was no one’s birthday.

“I know that you are all wondering what is going on,” My father spoke and I nodded. “I am pretty sure that my daughter and Carl are staring at the screen with confusion written all over their faces.”

“Heck yeah man,” I spoke, even though he couldn’t listen to me.

“Esther,” My father started. “This song that I have requested to play alone, is for you. Remember the interview you overheard and I said that I had a song for you?”

I nodded as I made my way to the stage. The minute I was there, the light was shining on me and my father had a smile plastered on his face. “I do,” I replied as someone gave me a microphone. “Are you going to finally play it for me?”

My father winked at me. “I will,” I also heard you playing it on the piano before the show.”

I chuckled. “Sorry?”

“How did she do that?” Rhodes questioned. “She had no clue it existed. Let alone have the lyrics for it.”

My father smiled proudly. “Esther learned to play the piano by ear,” My father explained. “It was until she was a bit older that I taught her how to read the sheets.”

“Music prodigy, just like I have always said.” Ducky smiled and I rolled my eyes.

“Esther, this is for you.” My father spoke before he started.

“You are a princess in my heart,

and I care for you so much.

I love the fondness in your eyes and your tender little touch.

I saw when you were born,

and I knew right away,

that I wanted to live forever,

only to watch you play and grow.

You are the light in my darkness,

you bring the joy to my heart,

and the memories are great,

and a powerful sense of fatherhood that no can debate.

I watch you sleep and dream of things that I can only wonder,

that innocent look upon your face just makes my heart grow fonder.

I see you run and jump and shout and call out my name.

No live that I have ever known could ever feel the same.

No suffering or tragedy nor deeply seated pain

could ever overshadow the bond that we retain.

And so my little princess,

before you go to sleep

Remember I am your daddy

and I am yours to keep."

I cleaned my tears before I ran up to him.

I might be the daughter of a rockstar, but I am and will always be his little princess…