Chapter 3- Shocked

"What the hell is this!?" I asked, Shocked.

"I...Um... this uh." She was crying so hard she couldn't even speak. I hugged her and hold her. She cried and sobbed in my arms. I let her be.

After few minutes when she managed to control her tears I stood up to bring water for her. She gulped half of the bottle and I was eager to get an explanation of her actions.

"Okay now explain!" I demanded. She nodded and took a deep breath before speaking and when she started, my heart was in pieces with every word that left her mouth.

"I lost hope. I.. I was tired of this pain Su. I just wanted my mind to get distracted from all those thoughts and pain so I decided to cut myself. I...I thought that maybe, ma..ybe physical pain will numb my emotional pain. I'm so sorryy. I w-was just being selfish. I-I didn't think about you or anybody else. I just wanted all of this to be over. Sometimes I think everything that h-happened was a dream and I'll wake up but this is not a dream. All of this is r-real. We are o-orphan Su. All of us. You, me and Ash. They are r-really g-g-gone. D-dead! We lost them and there is nothing anyone can say or do to fill the emptiness in us and I accepted it Su. I-I accepted that they are gone and they'll never c-come back. B-But it still h-hurts. I thought maybe by accepting the truth the pain will fade but it just g-got worse. It got more hard for me and watching you breaking down yesterday and than those child care people thing, It all got mixed up. I just lost hope. I panicked. I didn't even realized what I was doing until all I saw was red on bathroom floor. I'm sorryy. I'm soo...soorryyy." She was crying and so was I. Saying I was shocked would be an understatement after hearing what she just said.

I took my time to register every word she just said. I was reliving that night. That call. Crashed car. Hospital. Blood. Chase's last words. Bodies of my family. Mum, Dad, aunt Cassie, Uncle John, Jude. All of them covered with blood. Chase taking his last breaths. His last words were echoing in my head. All of it happening right in front of my eyes like it was real, Not just in my mind. Everything stopped, All I could focus on was on that night. I didn't realize I was trembling and shouting until Sienna came to embrace me. Whispering sweet words in my ear but all I could hear was doctor telling me my family was dead, that my cousin was dying.

I never realized how hard it must have been for Amy. She was even younger than me. She Didn't even know anything when I rushed to the hospital with Jake. When I told her what had happened she almost laughed, thought I was joking. And when it registered that I wasn't joking she got blank. All she said was "NO, no no no no this couldn't happen." She locked herself in one of the room of this house which is now her permanent room. I was so lost in my own misery that somehow I overlooked her pain. I never even once talked to her about all of this. I avoided talking about everything all together 'coz I couldn't bear my pain, I was weak. I never once thought of how all of this was effecting her mentally. Whenever she broke down, I just hugged her and told everything would be alright. But I never talked to her or asked her if she was okay. I got busy, so busy that I couldn't even had time for the only family I have left.

That night God had his own surprise for me. A birthday present that made me want to die. All I could think was Death. The death of my family.

"Susan sweety, please listen to me!" Sienna begged holding me. Clutching onto my shoulders like I'm gonna vanish any moment.

That was when I came out of my misery and stood up to get water. My throat was dry. I wiped my face and drank water. I took a glance at Amy, she held her head down sobbing silently. I cleared my throat and spoke. Trying to keep my calm and be the support she needed from the start.

"Amy, sweetpea I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I know this isn't easy but I promise we'll go through this together baby." I scooted closed to her. "You are not alone sweetpea, I'm here for you. For both of you. I love you guys so much. I couldn't imagine my life without both of you in it. Please don't do this again. P-please. And sweetpea you might not realize it but you were always there for me. You did more for me than I could ever ask for. You are strong. You are so strong sweetpea you don't realize. I know this is hard but we have each other. That's all the we need right?" I said trying to stay strong, for her, for this family, for this house.

She nodded. "Yes. I promise I would never do any such thing again. I'm sorry," I took her in my embrace. This little human amazes me in more than one way.

"Stop apologizing. It's Okay. I love you so much sweetpea." I hugged her, tight.

"I love you too Su."

We sat there in each others arm. My mind repeating her words. She panicked and cut her wrist. Wait!

"You had a Panic attack!" I stated moving away to get a better look at her. She was avoiding eye contact so I cupped her face and made her to look at me and gave her a smile saying 'It's okay'. Telling her that she doesn't need to hide anymore.

"Yes I had." She sad sadly.

"For how long?" I pressed. I wanted to know.

"Almost three months." She whispered embarrassed.

"Hey, no need to be embarrassed. This isn't something you should feel bad about. It shows how strong you are that you were facing it alone. But you don't have to suffer alone anymore. You wouldn't ever hide anything from me alright, you hear me?" She nodded. I gave her a small smile and hugged her once more.

"Can I ask you something?" She said, sadness and hope in her eyes.

"Of course."

"What will happen if child care people will know about this?" She said looking at her bandaged wrist.

Not even once this crossed my mind. After so many trials and attempts court finally decided to give me the custody of Amy and Ash since I was an adult. I couldn't lose them. If child care people would come to know about this they would think I'm not capable enough to take care of them and the would send them in a foster home. I couldn't let that happen. I already lost almost all of my family, I couldn't lose the remaining of what i had left. And this wasn't just about Amy cutting her wrist but it was also about me. I never wanted to acknowledge it but I'm also as emotionally and mentally disturbed as Amy.

"They'll send both you to foster home." My voice came out as a whisper.

"I don't wanna leave you." She said softly. barely managing her calm.

"I know. And this is why I have decided something." I took a deep breath before finishing. "We need to see a therapist."

"Therapist?"

"Yeah. We need to get our emotions checked. We need someone for our mental health. Can you do this much for me sweetpea? See a therapist?" I said holding her hand. She looked at me in the eyes and replied.

"Okay." This made me smile. A genuine smile.

"We'll go together okay. I'll talk to Maggs and ask her to fix our appointment with a therapist." I said.

"Alright" She said but her eyes has mixed emotions in them. Something was bothering her.

"What is it sweetpea?" I asked furrowing my brows in concern.

"It's just, what will my friends think? Will they think I'm mentally unstable?"

"What! No baby. Just because you are seeing a therapist doesn't make you mentally unstable. It just mean checking up on our mental health like we do our body checkups. Okay?" I tried to reason with her.

"Okay. Thank you Su. I love you."

"I love you too sweetpea. You hungry" She nodded.

"Okay children come on now. I made your favorite dinner tonight." Sienna said smiling ear to ear. We smiled back at her and followed her to the kitchen. I almost forgot she was here seeing the whole scene.

I'm thankful for her. After the news of the car crash she decided to shift here permanently with us. She stays in one of the staffs room. She do all the cleaning and cooking and sometimes drive Amy to places when I'm busy. She's been so helpful. When we reached to the kitchen Amy decided she wanted to watch T.V while eating so that's what we did. We watched one of her favorite Disney movie 'Frozen' and ate our dinner happily.

We decided to stop the movie in the middle when she was feeling sleepy. She went upstairs to her room. I took our plates to the kitchen and kept them in dishwasher. Sienna must be asleep since she was nowhere to see. After washing dishes and placing them in their cabinets I went upstairs. As usual I checked on Ash and went to my room. My body was aching from everything happened in past few hours so I went inside the shower and my body relaxed under the water. I wore my PJ's and jumped on my bed with a thud sound. My eyes were getting heavy ready to welcome the dreams I would rather not have. But I closed my eyes nonetheless and fell into a deep slumber.