Part 2

"Grace are you really going to race again? I thought you said you wouldn't?" My mom asked.

I bit me lip and said "I know but I won't lose anything. I just want to race for fun."

My mom looked at me with disagreement and I gave her a smile.

Mom said "You have enough money already."

I said "I'll be back before you know it. I'll see you later!"

I got my backpack and left running before she stopped me.

I got a call from J-hope and I answered.

J-hope said on the phone "The race will not take place in downtown. Suga changed it to a different location and I'm on my way. Meet me at the gas station by your house so we can go together."

I said "Alright, I'm on my way."

I drove there and J-hope came from around. He waved his hand so I could follow him and I did. After, awhile we made it to the location and I couldn't believe it.

J-hope and me took off our helmets.

J-hope said "Honestly, I don't think it's a good idea for you to do this. You don't even need the money."

I said "I see your very scared."

J-hope said in a scared tone "I'm pretty sure who ever is trying to ride through these curvy dark mountains in the middle of the night is trying to die!"

I laughed and said "Your right. This guy is trying to kill me or himself."

J-hope looked at me confused and said "He's the one who has the most money out of all of us. Why would he want to die?"

I said with a chuckle "I was kidding! You take things to serious."

I said "Let's go."

I drove up to the crowd and so did J-hope.

V smirked and said "Wow you must really want more money."

I said "Excuse you? I'm just riding because I love it. I don't need the money today but extra would be ok."

V looked at me head to toe.

J-hope said "Where's Suga?"

V pointed to a Mustang.

Suga was leaning against it and two girls were beside him. Kissing and touching him.

I whispered "Mint head? Interesting."

J-hope looked down at me and nodded his head sideways.

V asked "What?"

I said "Tell him to hurry up! I got things to do!"

V hushed me and I looked him confused.

Suga glanced up to look at me and then continued to ignore me.

I shouted "Hey! You!"

Suga glared at me.

I shouted "Are you racing or not?!"

He looked at me with a smirk and walked towards me.

I kind of got nervous and held J-hope hand.

J-hope turned to look at me and whispered "Call me if something happens."

I looked at him confused and next thing you know Suga was right by him.

"Let's go." I said as I walked past them.

J-hope smiled awkwardly.

I put my helmet on and got on my bike.

I turned to look at Suga and he smirked at V as he put his helmet on.

I rolled my eyes as they both seemed to always smirk for everything. The same girl came in the middle with a different outfit but it literally showed way more than last night.

Suga checked her out but once he put his helmet on, it was just eyes on the dark road.

I never had driven on a dark curvy mountain but I didn't care. Practice makes perfect and it didn't hurt to see new things.

"Ready?" She asked.

Suga said with his deep confident voice "Always!"

"Set" She said.

I just nodded.

"Go!" She shouted.

For some reason I felt different this time but I ignored my feelings. Suga didn't go a different way because there was no other way. We had to drive right next to eachother really close. On the sides of the bad quality road it looked like a desert and then like a forest. He drove really fast and didn't care that his motorcycle was losing balance.

"Worry about you and focus!" I shouted in my head. I speaded up past him and didn't care anymore about him. I could feel my body heat up as I felt a thump behind my motorcycle like if I had just got hit.

I quickly looked back and it was Suga he was trying to kill me. "What the fuk!" I shouted at him.

He drove up next to me really close and pressured me to drive on the very edge of the crusty old road. My heart raced faster than my bike as I looked down and saw that could be the death of me. I felt myself get angry and that's when I smacked his arm really hard.

Suga got away but then I saw him driving next to me again. I quickly accelerated as I saw him get closer but his front tire hit my back tire. Which made me lose control and fall off my motorcycle. Suga was able to control his bike in time and came to a stop next to me. I quickly got up, took off my helmet and threw it on the floor. I got furious, walked up to him as he took off his helmet. He got off his motorcycle and I pushed him. He almost lost his balance but recovered it quickly.

"What is your problem dude?! You almost killed me!" I yelled angrily.

Suga chuckled and asked "This is racing. What did you think? I don't make races easy and there not meant to be easy. Get used to it or get out the racing life baby."

I said "Don't call me that! You mint head!"

Suga looked at me disgusted and repeated "Mint head?"

I rolled my eyes and felt pain on my left foot. I looked down and my leg on the side was bleeding. I could feel myself calming down and that's why I could feel the pain. Usually, when I was furious or angry I couldn't feel pain. I stepped back and winced in pain.

"Oh no I dislocated my foot!" I said in my head with panic.

I looked up at Suga and he was smirking.

I pushed him and said "This is your fault!"

Suga said "Bae it's not my fault you suck at racing. Don't bla-"

I turned around and stepped with my left big toe. I picked up my helmet and felt my foot on fire now.

Suga said "You need to finish the race cry baby!"

I got on my motorcycle and said "Catch you at the finish line mint head."

I left fast and felt my foot getting swollen.

"I'll finish this or try and then leave! You can do this!" I said.

I saw the finish line and felt like it was a trap. I didn't see Suga near me or hear him. It made me nervous but I needed to finish this once in for all. I accelerated and looked at J-hope. I made him a sign with my hand to get ready to leave. He quickly got on his bike and waited for me to get there. At this point I didn't care if I lost anymore. I accelerated and when I did next thing you know Suga was right by me. He came like fire but I still beat him. I past the finish line almost a tie with him but I continued to drive.

J-hope joined me and I shouted "Let's go home!"

J-hope asked in a shout "He hurt you?!"

I ignored him and he turned around.

I was going to come to a fast stop but I didn't have time to stop him. I needed to worry for myself before it was to late. It wasn't the first time I had dislocated a bone but I wanted it to be the last time.

I got home and threw my motorcycle on the floor. I limped as I hurried in the house and shouted "MOM!"

My mom was on the couch and got up.

"What the?! What happened?!" She shouted.

I threw myself on the couch and said "Hurry I dislocated my foot!"

My mother rolled her eyes and said "Is this what you meant by you would come home early?"

"MOM! LOOK I'M SORRY BUT CAN YOU HELP ME IT'S GETTING SWOLLEN ALREADY?!" I started to cry as I could feel the pain all the way to my knee.

My mother took my shoe off and sock. She got some vaporub and started to massage it. I winced in pain and then she quickly went to the kitchen.

"Here." She said.

I got the towel and put it in my mouth as I knew I would feel really sick.

"How many times did it pop?" She asked.

My heart pounded as I didn't want to tell her but I knew I had too. I held up three fingers at her. I put my hands around my thighs as I got ready for her to fix my foot.

"Relax Grace." She said which made me not want too.

I relaxed it and she popped it.

I squeezed my eyes shut and yelled through the towel that was stuffed all in my mouth.

She twisted it and it popped again.

I felt my eyes tear up as I knew the end was coming and she pulled it one last time.

I let my tears roll down my face as she said "Come on get up!"

I took out the towel from out of my mouth and said "I can't. I'm in so much pain."

She said "I don't care! Get up and do exercise! You need to warm that foot up and make sure it functions right again."

She pulled my hand towards her so I could get up and I got up.

She said "30 exercises with both of your feet. Lift yourself up with your toes and then land down with your foot fully touching the ground."

I slowly did it and my mom said "Fast! I hope you learned your lesson."

I said "I don't think I did because I want to go again."

She smacked my arm and she said "I can't believe you!"

She threw another clean towel at me so I could put pressure on the cut I had on my leg.

She left me there and I felt my blood boil as I remembered that mint head.

I finished the exercise and pouted as I laid down on the couch.

"I'm not getting up from here," I said. My whole leg was in so much pain but I was worried about J-hope.

I saw my backpack by the door and my phone was there. I sighed and said "I'm not getting up."

The door swung open and I widen my eyes. It was J-hope and I said "Dude you scared the boogers out of me."

J-hope said "Dude you look horrible."

I said "What did you go do?"

J-hope said "I went to go yell at Suga but he wasn't even there."

I said "He planned this with V. Suga says that's how you race in order to win but you know I don't race like that. I race because I love it. He literally almost killed me."

J-hope sat down and said "What did he do?!"

I said "He hit my bike which made me fall off. I dislocated my foot again and cut the side of my leg."

J-hope said "I got some natural plants that could help it heal faster."

I said "I do too. I'm about to go outside and go look for that plant."

J-hope said "I want to punch Suga so bad."

I said "I smacked him too once I saw him attacking me. After, I fell I pushed him but I didn't punch him. I left instead but I want to punch him."

J-hope said "I'll do it."

I quickly said "No they won't let you race."

J-hope said "I don't care! He almost killed you! We never raced like that."

I said "I know but if you want to race then you have to play by the rules. Honestly, I don't even care now that I think about it. I know racing is dangerous and I won't let him stop me from racing."

J-hope smiled and said "I love how your talking but he may try to kill you again."

I said "I'll kick his butt before he even tries to kill me again."

J-hope said "I'll look outside for that plant."

*Next morning*

I woke up really early to give my mother her medicine before I left.

"Where are you going?" She asked.

I said "I'm going out for a jog to warm up this foot."

She nodded her head sideways and said "I shouldn't had fixed your foot. You would be on that couch right now in pain."

I sighed and said "I would have found someone else to help me. We wouldn't survive if I didn't race."

I walked out the house and went on the side walk. I already had done my warm up so I began to run. I looked down at my foot and smiled.

"I can't believe my foot doesn't hurt that much anymore. On a scale 1 to 10 it would be a 1." I said in my head.

*Night time*

"Wow your going out with a guy? To a club? With that dress? No racing?" My mom asked surprised and sort of happy.

I said with a smirk "I don't feel like racing tonight because I'm sort of pissed. I don't think it's healthy if I drive with my mood like that. If I want to be a professional racer then I need to make it alive. Don't you think?"

My mom rolled her eyes and turned on the TV. She said "Don't wear those heels for long or your foot will get swollen."

I said "Wow thanks for the bad luck."

I walked out the house once I got J-hope message.

J-hope widen his eyes and said "I haven't seen you like this in years."

I said "Oh be quiet and drive."

I sat behind J-hope's seat and hugged him from behind.

I said "This feels weird."

J-hope said "My friend says he'll have your bike looking fresh again by tomorrow."

I said "He better."

J-hope laughed and he drove away.

We drove downtown and there he was by his bike. I got off and J-hope stayed on his bike as he knew it would be quick.

I walked up towards V and he widen his mouth as he saw me. He looked at Suga and Suga looked at him. V turned to glance back at me and Suga turned to look at me. I was now infront of Suga and I was loving it.

"Where's my money?" I asked with a smirk.

Suga looked at me head to toe and turned to look at V. Suga stared at my left foot and made his way up to my eyes.

V came towards me but turned to give the money to Suga.

Suga smirked as he was going to hand me my money. I almost grabbed it and he said "I let you win."

I said "That was the least you could do."

Finally, I snatched the money out of his hands and was about to leave. He turned me around and put an arm around my waist. Pulled me really close towards him.

I felt myself get nervous as I had his face so close to mine.

"How are you ok? If you were all broken last night?" Suga's eyes sparkled in the dark night as he asked in a whisper.

I looked up at him and tried to push him away.

Suga said with a smirk "I won't let go until you answer."

I didn't say anything and he looked down at me confused.

J-hope pulled me with him and I said "I got my ways pretty boy. Worry about yourself mint head."

I held J-hope hand as I walked off with the money.

I said "Thanks dude."

J-hope said "I knew he would end up falling for you. He always does these things."

I didn't say anything as I felt my hand get tired and made me do a confused look.

J-hope got on the motorcycle and I sat behind him. As I put my helmet on I turned to look at Suga and he was smirking at me.

I hugged onto J-hope and he drove off. The club we were going to wasn't that far away and we went in.

I said "Where did you reserve our seats?"

J-hope smirked and said "You'll see."

I bit my lip and said "I can't wait now!"

We took a seat and you could see the whole city from where I was sitting at and I said "You have officially gained my love."

J-hope laughed and took out the bag of money.

"Fuk." He said as his eyes widen.

I widen my eyes as I got confused and thought maybe there was no money in the bag.

"What?" I asked.

J-hope pushed the bag to me and I turned the bag around. I looked into it and my mouth flew open.

"Dude how much money is this?" I asked.

J-hope said "I think it's about 10,000 dollars."

I said "He spends that much in one night or what?"

J-hope said "I wouldn't be surprised with the way he dresses and takes out those women to hotels."

"I need a beer." I said to the waitress.

J-hope said "No don't drink. I want to drink. If you drink who will take care of the money?"

I said "Fuk your right. I'll just drink this one but I want to dance."

J-hope said "Oh I know. Let me pay for a room. For the two of us."

I kicked his leg and J-hope winced in pain.

"I mean for the bag not for us!" He informed me though the pain.

"Oh." I said as I blushed.

"One room please." J-hope took out the money and we left together.

I said "Don't lose the keys dummy."

J-hope said "You know what I think this isn't a good idea. We need a better spot for this."

I sighed and said "Your right someone's going to steal all this sh*t and we're going to regret life later."

J-hope gave me his motorcycle keys and I said "Why me though?"

J-hope said "Your money."

"Ugh! Fine!" I said annoyed as I left to go home.

I drove home and thought how dumb we were for not dropping the money first but it was worth it. Finally, got home and saw my mother on the couch.

"Date didn't go well?" She asked.

I said "No I came to drop my money."

"Grace why did you race?!" She yelled as she asked.

"I didn't but I didn't get my money yesterday. Now, I'm going back to the club see you later." I said as I walked off.

I sighed and said "Why can't she understand this is what I love."

I drove back to the club and J-hope was already drunk. I rolled my eyes as I went up to him.

"Hey we were suppose to get drunk together!" I said with a pout.

J-hope said "You took forever but I got a beer for you."

I said "You really are drunk."

J-hope pulled my hand so we could start dancing and I did. J-hope gave me a beer and I started to drink it.

The dance floor started to get more packed and I started to get a little drunk.

"Another beer?" Someone asked.

I turned to look behind and it was Suga.

I rolled my eyes and said "Why are you here? You came to kill me or what? If you came back for the money I don't have it so fuk off."

Suga chuckled and said "I came to dance with you."

I squinted my eyes and said "Sure you did. You didn't just leave those girls back there for me."

Suga said "You left racing for here though."

I said "Not tonight. I need to drink to feel no pain that you fukin created."

Suga chuckled and said "We haven't even dated and your already hurt."

I looked down at his jacket and said "Yes you stalker."

Suga asked "Why you calling me that?"

I said "That night I beat V you came to have a race with me."

"Your crazy." He said with laughter.

I turned around and was about to walk away. Suga grabbed me and turned me around.

"Don't leave." He said.

I pulled away and said "I only talk to stalkers."

Suga looked at me crazy.

"Suga!" A male voice said from behind.

Suga bit his lip and asked kind of annoyed "Why why why tonight?!"

I looked to see who it was and I shouted "Jin?!"

Suga looked back at me confused and I ran to him. I hugged him and Jin hugged me back.

Suga pulled me back from him and asked "Hey what are you doing?"

I said "Wait you both are dating?"

Jin widen his mouth in disgust and Suga yelled "Are you fuking crazy?!"

I laughed and asked "Can't take a joke?"

Jin said "Wow you look amazing Grace."

I said in a teasing tone "Jin stop lying."

Suga looked at me annoyed and said "Jin leave."

I said "What?! No! Please stay."

Suga said "Jin leave or your fired!"

I raised my eyebrows and asked "Your working for this loser now? Why you always get rude bosses?"

Jin shrugged as Suga was looking at me but turned to look at Jin. I laughed and said "Give me your number. When's your shift over?"

Suga said "He works for me like 24/7."

I patted Jin muscular arm as I said "What on life did you do to deserve such a horrible boss?"

Suga said "Hey! I'm right here you know!"

I gave Jin my number and said "Text me when your free from this sociopath."

Suga squinted his eyes at me kind of pissed.

I walked off to the bar and Suga asked Jin "Why are you here?!"

Jin said "Your parents want you home now."

Suga said "Tell them they don't tell me what to do."

Jin asked "Can I stay here. I don't want to get yelled by them."

Suga said "Suit yourself."

Suga left and Jin rushed towards me.

Jin came and sat next to me on a stool.

I was drinking another beer and I said "I thought you said you were working?"

Jin said "I am but Suga is still going to hang out here."

I said "Your his Uber?"

Jin nodded and said "It's horrible. It's like he never sleeps. I have to be stalking him constantly and then he finds out. I lose him and his parents almost kill me."

I said "So he's rich too?"

Jin asked "What do you mean?"

I said "V told me when I beat him at racing that he was rich and didn't need the money."

Jin put his hand on his hip and repeated "Racing?"

I smiled really big and said "Yup."

Jin said "Your crazy just like him!"

I widen my mouth as I jumped off my stool and said "Hey! Don't compare me to that killer."

Jin got off the stool and said "Your going to die racing!"

I said "Racing is life. I do it because I love it."

Jin shooked me and said "Suga talked you into this huh? Well, don't listen to him. Why don't you work at his company?"

I pushed his hands off my shoulders and asked "He has his company? Look I don't care because I'm not looking for a job. Racing is enough for me."

Jin sighed and said "I guess I won't talk you out of this, huh?"

I said "I don't think so sense Suga is still racing."

Jin says "You know why he does it?"

I turned to look around for him and saw him dancing really nasty with some girl.

I said with a smirk "I don't really care. Why don't you drink and have some fun?"

Jin said "I need to drive the kid back?"

I widen my mouth and asked "Your married?!"

Jin said "What?! No! I'm talking about Suga."

I laughed and said "I thought you were married."

Jin said "Now that I met Suga and you, I don't feel like getting married."

"Rude!" I shouted with a pout.

J-hope came over to me and Jin saw him.

"J-HOPE!" Jin shouted.

J-hope shouted "JIN! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!"

I drinked more of my beer and looked around as they spoke.

J-hope gave me his key's.

I asked "You want to go home already?"

J-hope said "No it's so you can take my bike. I'm to drunk to even leave."

I looked at him confused and said "Your very drunk that you make no sense at all. Your going to take a girl back at your place remember? It's not like your going to go back home walking or are you?"

J-hope laughed and said "Oh my! Your right!"

I rolled my eyes and said "Leave now. If your going to go have sex. I don't want to get a call that your drunk or dead."

J-hope gasped and said "What?!"

I said "J-hope go home."

J-hope said "Bye Grace drive safe."

I nodded my head sideways as he left with some chick.

Jin said "Wow and why isn't anyone racing tonight?"

I said "People are but I guess we ain't tonight. I already have money for this whole week so I'm not racing."

Jin received a call and Jin said "I have to leave."

I hugged Jin and said "Kick Suga for me when he's really drunk."

Jin says "I can't he remembers everything."

I raised an eyebrow and said "That guy is crazy."

Jin said "I'll see you around."

Jin left and I turned around.

"How the hell will I go home now?" I asked myself as I chuckled.

Suga came around and asked "You done talking to your boyfriend?"

I looked down at my beer that I was almost through with and asked "Which one?"

Suga widen his eyes as he looked at me surprised.

I said "What chick you taking home tonight?"

Suga chuckled and asked "You want a ride or what?"

I said "I don't know if you'll kill me."

Suga said "Let's go."

I drinked the last of my beer and left with him.

"Take my helmet." He said as he handed it to me.

I put it over my head and before I got on I said "You better not kill me or I'll kick you."

Suga smirked and said "And I'll kiss you if you do."

I smacked his arm and said "That's nasty dude."

I sat behind him and hugged him tight.

"You trying to kill me or what? Don't hold me to tight." He said.

I smirked and hugged him tighter.

Suga smirked and said "Hold on then."

Next thing you know Suga was driving like a sociopath and I screamed in his ear.

"Faster! Faster! YES!" I shouted.

Suga came to a red light and said "Your crazy."

I laughed and said "I live for this."

Suga got serious and asked "Where do you live?"

I asked "I'll get off here."

Suga looked at me confused as I got off his bike.

Suga asked confused "You seriously getting off here."

I said "I don't ride with serious people. I don't want to die so I'll walk from here. Thanks amyways loser."

I gave him his helmet and started to walk on the sidewalk. Suga followed me with his motorcycle and said "Come get on. Your not advancing at all."

I said "I don't want too."

I started to feel pain on my left foot and looked down. My foot was getting swollen and red.

Suga looked down at my foot too and I shouted "Stop looking!"

Suga said "Let me take you home."

I said painfully "Go away."

Suga said "You can't even walk anymore. Just get on."

I took off my heels and continued to walk.

Suga said "Don't make me make you get on."

I said "Touch me and you'll regret it darling."

Suga smirked and said "I like your threats."

I looked at him disgusted and winced in pain.

Suga quickly got off his bike and rushed towards me. He picked me up and I said "Dude put me down!"

Suga said "No! Now listen or I'll make you listen."

I raised my eyebrows as he shouted at me and got surprised as I liked it.

Suga's phone started to ring and I said "Answer, I won't leave."

Suga said "It's my dumb parents."

I said "Wow your so rude."

Suga said "But you like it."

I hissed and said "Your crazy. How about you hurry up and take me home."

Suga smirked and drove me to the front of my house.

Jin started to call me and I said "Hello?"

Suga whispered "Put it on speaker."

I nodded my head sideways but he leaned over my ear to listen to Jin. I tried to push him away but he ended up holding my hand.

Jin said "You still at the club?"

I said "No, why?"

Jin said "Was Suga there when you left? It's just his parents are going crazy that I didn't bring him with me."

Suga shouted "Don't wait for me! I'm staying over at Grace's house!"

Suga let go of my hand, took my phone out of my hand and ended the call.

I said "Are you crazy mint head? You will not stay here!"

Suga smirked and said "I will because I have no where to sleep."

I asked "Is this about the money?"

Suga looked at me with disbelief and said "I don't need your money. I have plenty."

I said "Great! Then go to a hotel."

Suga said "I just helped you and you want me to go to a hotel."

I said with a square smile "Yes."

Suga said "I can't. Let me stay here with you."

I started to walk away very slowly and said "So you can kill me in my house with my mother. No thanks!"

Suga said "Oh your mother doesn't let you sleep with men."

I said "I'm not a hoe!"

Suga said "I won't make any noise! You owe me!"

I said "Well you owe me more! Let me remind you that you almost killed me! I'm literally in so much pain because of you! I had a dislocation because you mint head decided to throw me off my bike! Now I don't have a bike!"

Suga rolled his eyes and said "With the money you got you can get new parts or maybe even a new motorcycle."

I got a call and it was my mom.

I walked into the house and yelled "Mom, where are you?!"

"Here." She said from her room. I tried to walk into her room very normal as I could. I didn't want her to tell me "I told you your foot would get swollen."

I said "You got your medicine?"

She said "No."

I said "I'll get it from the kitchen. I'll be right back."

I walked out her room and Suga was in the living room looking around. I rolled my eyes and whispered "leave."

Suga whispered back with a smirk "To your room? Ok."

I sighed and got her medicine as I walked into her room again.

"You brought your date here?" My mom asked.

I said "No! Just go to sleep. Maybe it's one of those tiring nights."

My mom said "I'm not dumb you know."

I gave her the medicine with a water bottel and she drinked it. "Remember you can't have kids if your going to be a racer. If you die then they'll stay here on their own."

I said "Are you trying to have the talk because I'm not staying to listen?"

She sighed and I walked out her room.

I went into the living room but Suga wasn't there. I looked outside and his bike wasn't there but I didn't hear him leave. I went into my room and he was examining my room.

"What on earth are you doing in my room? Where's your bike?" I asked.

Suga turned to look at me and said "In your very small uncomfortable garage. How can you stay in a very small place?"

I raised an eyebrow and said "Wow rich boy. Well, I didn't tell you I was rich or V. Most certainly I didn't invite you in my poor house."

Suga started to take off his emo looking boots and said "V already had told me you needed the money but I didn't think you needed it that bad."

I grabbed my pillow and smacked it across his face. "How about you shut up before I let you sleep in the garage."

Suga widen his eyes and said "I have never seen you get like this with anyone but me. Do you like me or what?"

I looked at him disgusted and asked "Do you want me to slap you a little harder?"

Suga said "I'll take that as a yes but beware because I'm not much of a good boyfriend. I'll probably cheat on you and-"

I smacked him harder with my pillow and said "Talk one more time and I'll fuk you up."

Suga smiled and said "Alright if you want to fuk now."

I pulled him by his ear off my bed and pointed on the floor "That's where you'll sleep."

Suga winced in pain as I let go of his ear. He then looked at me disgusted and asked "When was the last time you moped the floor? It looks filthy."

I said "It is like you. How about you-"

"I'm sleeping in the couch if you don't let me sleep with you." He said really serious.

I sighed angrily and asked "What have I done to deserve this curse?"

Suga asked "You sleep naked?"

I looked up at him like I was done with him and pushed him out the way.

"Where you going?" He asked.

I went to the living room and laid down on the couch.

Suga chuckled and I rolled my eyes.

"I have never met someone so annoying in my life." I said in my head.