Suicide is Painless

Morning came quickly as we spent most of the night piling up the walkers so we could burn them in the morning. A lot of the people here call them geeks, it was funny how we all had different names for them, I quickly took to calling them walkers instead of creepers. The group also welcomed me nicely, or as nicely as they could after what they just went through, but they were grateful for my help as I took down a lot of the walkers. Once everyone had settled down, we got about two hours of rest before we began to actually deal with the body count. For the short amount of time that we slept I stayed in Glenn's tent, other than Daryl he was the only person that didn't have a family member whom he shared with, and honestly I felt a lot more comfortable with him than Daryl.

"So what did you call them?" Glenn asked as I helped him carry the body of one of his friends over to the back of a pickup truck. We were gonna drive them up to an open field and bury them properly.

"Creepers," I responded, "but I like the term walkers better."

He then jumped a little at the sound of Daryl hacking a pickaxe down on the head of one of the walkers, making sure it was dead. We continued to load up bodies until one of the women, I believe her name was Jacque, started screaming.

"A walker got him! A walker bit Jim!" She called out to us. Everyone swarmed, surrounding him, including Glenn and I.

"Show it to us," Daryl demanded as he ran over, pickaxe at the ready. Jim picked up a shovel prepared to defend himself, but before he could act on anything T-Dog grabbed him by the arms and Daryl lifted his shirt, revealing the bite mark.

"I'm okay, I'm okay," he pleaded, begging for mercy.

Everyone stepped back staring in awe as we all knew the fate of this man's future. Some couldn't even make eye contact with him as he had no control over the fact that he would be dead within the next day. Rick then gently grabbed him by the arm, leading him to take a seat on a crate by the RV. Walking back over to us, we began to discuss how we should take action.

"I say we put a pickaxe in his head and be done with it," Daryl snarled.

"Is that what you would want? If it were you?" Shane asked, he was Rick's right-hand man, they knew each other before the world had gone to shit.

"Yeah, and I'd thank you while ya did it," Daryl responded, shaking his head as to why there was even a question about it in the first place.

"I hate to say it, I never thought I would, but maybe Daryl's right," an older man spoke up.

"Jim's not a monster Dale or some rabid dog," Rick cut him off, "If we march down that road, where do we draw the line?" This then set off a reaction from everyone, voicing their opinion about it and arguing.

"What if we can get him help?" I chimed in, just throwing out suggestions and stopping everyone from going back and forth about it.

"I heard the CDC had been working on a cure, maybe we can try going there," Rick nodded his head.

"Heard that too, heard a lot of things before the world went to hell," Shane said.

"But if the CDC's still up and running?" I asked.

"Then that is a stretch right there," Shane disagreed.

"Why?" Rick stepped in. "Don't you think if it was possible that something was there, the government would cover and protect it at all costs?"

"It's our best option," Lori, Rick's wife, piped up.

I could see Daryl growing angrier at having to possibly leave by the second. "This is bullshit," he cursed as he turned around and walked towards Jim. "Why doesn't someone just grow some balls and get rid of the damn problem!" He yelled as he raised his pickaxe ready to swing, but Rick ran up behind him, raising his gun to Daryl's head.

"We don't kill the living," he clicked the safety on his gun which stopped Daryl from going any further.

"That's funny, coming from a man who just put a gun to ma' head," Daryl huffed and walked away.

"That settles it, we leave for the CDC later this afternoon," Rick called out to the group. That set off a thought in my head, I needed to talk to Rick, tell him that I couldn't come with them.

"Rick, can I talk to you?" I asked as I pulled him aside, far enough away so no one else could overhear us.

"What's up?"

"I want to thank you for taking me in, you probably saved my life out there," I paused, "but I can't come with you. M-my family is here, at a farm not too far from the city, off of Highway 67," I explained and Rick's head shot up when hearing the last part. I thought he was about to get mad at me for lying to him in the first place.

"A farm… off of route 67?" He questioned and I nodded my head. "Is it a little white house?"

"W-what? How do you know that?" I stuttered on my words.

He shifted his weight to his other leg and sighed, he was having trouble making eye contact with me, "Scar, listen to me." I stared at him blankly, confused. "When I was on my way to Atlanta, I-I had to stop for gas and I came across a farm, but nothing was left… no one was left," he nearly whispered the last part.

"No, no, that couldn't have been them, there are a ton of white farmhouses, it could've been anyone," I shook my head refusing to accept this. My legs become shaky and my breathing unsteady.

"I didn't know to put the two together until now, but the sign, it read Jensen," he held my shoulders trying to steady me, "Scar, I am so sorry."

Tears welled up in my eyes, "How'd they die?" I breathed in deep trying to keep myself together.

I could tell he didn't want to say it. "Suicide," he answered, shaking his head in disbelief. Hearing that broke me, I couldn't believe it, they weren't able to make it five days without me and left still knowing that three of their kids were still out there.

I felt like I couldn't breathe, "I need to get out of here," I stuttered out before turning and running towards the woods, passing both Glenn and Daryl on my way. My legs wouldn't stop, I wanted to run forever, away from all the shit that has been thrown at me the last two months. All the misery, despair, loss, it was suffocating me. Just yesterday I had to put my own brother down, today finding out my parents were gone, I couldn't handle it anymore, I didn't want to have to feel any of this anymore. But then my brother's words rang in my head again 'you have to win, beat this.' Tripping on a log from running so fast, I landed on the cold ground, the leaves crunching beneath me. I winded myself from hitting it so hard. I just laid there, trying to catch my breath as I stared up at the sky in which the branches of the trees broke up the clear blue. After a couple of minutes of silence, the sound of a twig snapping caused me to shoot up, making myself alert of my surroundings.

"Saw ya runoff," Daryl said as he approached me and I exhaled, relieved that it was only him. "Rick told us what happened." I just stared at him, confused as to why he, out of all people, came after me. "Threw a pretty big fit myself when they told me ma' brother was missing," he broke the silence between us.

"Yeah, I don't think your missing brother is the same thing as my dead parents," I snapped, brushing past him.

He huffed, almost like a grunt of frustration towards me, "You lose everyone, that's just the way it is now. Get used to it."