Bear the Pain

Gabriel led us to the little white chapel he had been residing in for the entirety of the apocalypse. All this time we had been fighting to survive, moving from place to place, encountering the darkest side of human nature. And he has just been here, hiding. The white wood panels began to fade with age and lack of upkeep and the steel roof had now almost entirely rusted over. Although, the structure still remained secure. From what we could see from the outside he had managed to board the windows up tightly and the large oak doors could be locked by a key that only he held.

The perimeter around the church seemed still, quiet. As we waited for Gabriel to unlock the front doors to let us in, the only sound I could hear were the birds that whistled from the trees.

"Hold up," Rick stopped him, "Can we take a look around first?" He asked. Although you could tell it was more of a statement rather than a question. After everything we've gone through, no person could be trusted outside of this group, even if that person was a priest.

Gabriel took a step back willingly, allowing us to enter into the church first. I followed in after Glenn, my gun held out in front of me. It took my eyes a second to adjust to the dim room's light compared to the sun from outside. We moved up the centre aisle quickly, headed to the front of the chapel that split into two separate halls on either side of the stand. I went to the right heading down a hallway, before latching my hand onto a doorknob. I looked back at Michonne who followed me. She nodded her head, signalling that she was ready for me to open it.

I swung the door open, entering into what looked to be Gabriel's office. Michonne was hot on my heels, the room was empty. He had Bibles sprawled out over every inch of his desk. I fumbled my hands through some of the pages when I reached his notebook. Every inch of every page had words scribbled on it. He recited the Bible's text and what seemed to be his own thoughts written down here and there. "Thou shall not kill," was written the largest in the middle of the page. I immediately slammed the notebook shut, the words hitting me like a punch in the gut.

The last time we had stepped foot in a church was when we were searching for Sophia. That seemed like a lifetime ago. That day was also the last time I saw Roy alive, a memory I still failed to share with Lincoln. In my mind, it was better that he didn't know. Part of me thought it was because I wanted to shield him from the same pain I felt that day, but really I was scared he'd be disappointed with me. Disappointed that I didn't try harder to find him. Maybe if I did, he'd be here with us right now.

The sound of Rick whistling drew both Michonne and I back outside, the rest of the chapel was clear. Gabriel waited for us outside, along with the remainder of our group.

"I spent months here without stepping out of the front door," Gabriel said as Rick handed the keys back to him, "If you found someone inside, well, it would have been surprising."

Rick stared at him questioningly. "Thanks for this," Carl stepped in, carrying Judith in his arms.

"We found a short bus outback," Abraham mentioned. He was eager to get back on the road again. Learning that his mission was to get Eugene, the scientist with the mullet, to Washington. Eugene claimed he had confidential information on how to create a cure to end the apocalypse. I thought his claims were a stretch, but it gave Abraham hope, and for the short time I have known him he seemed like the type of man to always act for the greater good. "It doesn't run, but I bet we could fix that in less than a day or two. Looks like we found ourselves some transport." Rick was silent for a moment. "You understand what's at stake here right?"

"Yes, I do," Rick gritted his teeth.

"Now that we can take a breath--" Michonne fought.

"We take a breath, we slow down, shit inevitably goes down," Abraham cut her off.

"We need supplies no matter what we do next."

"That's right, water, food, ammunition. Short bus ain't going nowhere," Rick settled it, walking back into the church.

My head spun to my left upon Linc placing his hand on my shoulder. His face looked pained and anxious. I've seen that look from him many times before, the last time was when he had to break the news to my mother that he was enlisting again. He nodded his head to the left and I walked with him, away from the group as they filtered back inside.

We walked to the back of the church, behind it where the short bus had been parked. "What's wrong?"

"I-- I don't know how to tell you or anyone else here," he said, his eyes barely making it off the ground. My face contorted with the thoughts that swirled in my head. "After just making it out of Terminus there was no time to tell anyone and now I feel I've waited too long."

My heart beat heavily in my chest, but I held my voice still, remaining calm, "Linc, this is your family now. Whatever you have to tell me or them, it'll be fine."

He was silent for a moment, "Beth was with Mark and I," his voice cracked, his eyes finally meeting mine.

As soon as he looked at me straight I knew. He didn't have to say anything more. My knees buckled below me, my hand immediately smacking over my mouth like I was trying to keep the breath from escaping my lungs. I crouched near the ground, processing what he was trying to tell me.

"Mark and I tried to save her-- but I ended up losing them both," he said, his voice barely audible.

The pain I felt right now was for Maggie. Knowing what she was about to feel, knowing what everyone was about to feel. Beth was a light of life among us. All this time we had thought she was still separated from us. Glenn had said she had gotten off of the bus that day to look for Maggie. We were holding onto the hope that she had gotten out and was still out there. Maggie was about to lose the only family member she had left.

I stood up, finally wrapping Lincoln in a hug. "You have to tell her," I said, my chin resting on his shoulder, "as hard as it is going to be, you have to bear the pain. Having hope that someone you love is still out there is going to kill her more than the moment she finds out. You have to let her grieve."

Upon looking up from where my head rested my eyes locked on Daryl's. He stood by the only stained glass windows that Gabriel refused to board up. He watched us with a close eye already knowing something was wrong.

"Come on," I whispered, letting go of him. He rubbed the back of his hand over his nose and cleared his throat to pull himself together. I didn't press him any further on what had happened to them. Knowing first hand that living through it was enough. Talking about the inevitable wasn't going to change what happened now, no matter how much you wish it could. He nodded his head, agreeing.

"How'd you survive here for so long?" Rick was questioning Gabriel as we stepped foot back inside. "Where did your supplies come from?"

Daryl met me halfway through the aisle, "You alright?" he asked quietly.

"Yeah, everything's fine," I lied. He stared at me for a long moment as I brought my attention back to Gabriel. He knew easily that I didn't want to talk about it and left it at that.

"Luck," Gabriel smiled. "Our annual canned food drive. Things fell apart right after we finished it. I was just me." He then spoke to all of us like he had to explain himself. "The food lasted a long time, well, then I started scavenging. I've cleaned out every place nearby. Except for one."

"What kept you from it?" Rick looked down at him.

"It's overrun."

"How many?" Rick quickly asked.

"A dozen or so. Maybe more."

Rick looked at us and we all perked up. Tyreese nodded his head and Sasha smiled. A dozen was nothing. For us, a dozen walkers were enough for three strong people to take out alone.

"We can handle a dozen."

"Bob and I will go with you," Sasha instantly offered, "Tyreese should stay here, help keep Judith safe," she smiled, looking at her brother.

"That'll be okay?" Rick asked.

Tyreese's smile went wide, happy to stay with the baby he saved from the prison, "Sure. You ever need me to watch her, need anything for her, I'm right here."

"Daryl and I will go too," I also offered. "Lincoln will help Tyreese," I said, looking over to my brother knowing the conversation he needed to have with Maggie.

"Anything to help," Lincoln agreed.

"I'm grateful for it."

"I'll draw you a map," Gabriel piped up.

"You're coming with us," Rick stated. My head snapped over to him. What was he thinking?

Gabriel looked shocked, scared. "I'm not gonna be of any help. I mean, you saw me. I'm no good around those things."

Rick nodded his head, listening to him. "You're coming with us."

A dozen walkers didn't seem so simple now. This priest was going to be our death wish.