Nothing to Fear but Fear Itself

I sucked in brief, shallow breaths through my mouth. The smell was so pungent and rancid that it made my eyes water. I couldn't wrap my brain around what we were about to do. I looked down at my torso, staring at the chunky bits of congealed blood, stomach continents, and flesh, that had been smeared across every inch of the bedsheet that had been draped over me.

We had watched Rick's group for a brief while, holding our breaths as they continued to walk hand-in-hand down the road without the walkers even giving them a second look. Seemingly, their plan had worked and we were about to do the same. Aaron and I had let two walkers in through the back door, while Spencer cut out the appropriate-sized bedsheets for each of us. We now all stood at the front door, staring at the wood, waiting for someone to make the first move.

We were all scared. This was an insane thing we were about to do. All this time I clutched on tight to a crowbar in fear of letting a walker get too close to me, always keeping them at a distance. A knife was a sharper and much more precise weapon, but I'd choose a crowbar over a knife any day. Now, I was moments away from walking amongst the dead, brushing shoulders with them and hoping, no praying, I'd go unnoticed.

"Tell me something to get me through that door," Aaron said. He stood between Spencer and me, his eyes locked on the doorframe as we all did. I finally looked over at him, not sure which one of us he was talking to. But, when he looked down at me, I realized he was looking at me for comfort. My mouth fell open, unsure what to say to him. I then realized they were both looking at me for guidance. I now knew what Rick must feel like all the time.

"I--I, my--" I stuttered on my words trying to find the suitable thing to say, but in all honesty, I was just as scared as them. "Two of my brothers and father were in the army. I used to wake up with terrible nightmares while they were gone. I had so much fear inside of me, never knowing when or if they would even come home. But, my dad use to tell me something and it was the only thing that could ever calm me down," I said.

Aaron and Spencer both stared at me while I talked. "What did he tell you?" Aaron asked.

"There is nothing to fear but fear itself," I answered.

Aaron sucked in a deep breath, huffing it out and nodding his head as he looked back towards the front door. I took that as a sign of him being ready. I reached my hand out, grabbing onto the clod metal knob and slowly twisting it open. I reached my hand out backwards, waiting for Aaron to grab on. As soon as his hand grasped onto mine and he grabbed a hold of Spencer, I took our first step out the front door.

I could feel how heavy my chest rose and fell, any thoughts in my head being drowned out by the lull of walkers around me. Their growls hissed in my ear with each step I took. A battered woman with wired hair bumped into my shoulder, her broken jaw swinging back and forth as her body bounced off of mine. I kept my movements minimal, not swinging my arms or cocking my head too much as I walked down the front steps. I had to mimic the persona of a walker. We were the walking dead now.

I kept my vision straight ahead. We were now walking down the middle of the road towards the infirmary and I knew this was the direction Rick was headed in too, but they had a major jump on us. I didn't know what their plan had been to leave their house or why, but I kept an eye out for them on the way. Although, it was well into the evening now, the sun just holding on at the horizon and giving me little light left to see.

Then I saw them. We had about a hundred yards left to get to the infirmary, but off to my right, I could see Rick's group huddled in a cluster just down the pathway by the pond where fewer walkers had ventured. I looked back at Aaron, catching his eye and leading him over to where I was looking. It didn't take him long to understand exactly what I was trying to tell him. The same way he needed to be with Eric, I needed to be with the people of mine that I could find. He nodded his head and I smiled at him one last time, knowing that he and Spencer would be okay to get to the infirmary on their own.

My hand slipped out of Aaron's grasp and I headed off to the right, not even taking the second to look back at them. I staggered through the crowd of walkers, reaching the pathway down to the pond when I caught Michonne's eye. She smiled wide as she kept a close eye on me as I continued the slow pace to reach them, not drawing any attention to myself. I watched as Carl passed Judith over to Gabriel under the bedsheets. They were talking quietly in a circle when I finally reached them. Rick's gaze trailed up towards me, looking as if he wanted to wrap me up in a hug, happy that I was still alive.

"Are you okay?" he asked me instead, his facial expression giving away every relieved feeling he had to see me.

"I'm good," I answered, a reassuring smile on my face. "What's your plan?" I asked, knowing very well that he had one.

"We were headed for the armoury for flare guns to draw them away. There are too many walkers though, too spread out. We need our vehicles back at the quarry. All of us drive. We'll need to round 'em up. We leave, we come back," he explained.

"Okay," I nodded my head, taking a deep breath in.

"Can we do this?" Jessie asked, concerned for her boys.

"We have to," Rick answered, "We will."

"We should go now, the sun will be gone any minute," I said.

Rick nodded his head agreeing before he looked over at Gabriel who now clutched onto Judith. You could tell that Rick was worried, but he had no other choice. Gabriel picked up on his doubts quickly.

"I will keep her safe in my church until you draw them out. I promise you," Gabriel said, his tone more sure than ever.

With that said, we watched as Gabriel walked off in the opposite direction towards his church. He walked slowly, keeping his head down and rocking Judith every so often to keep her calm. Rick then grabbed onto my hand, I grabbed little Sam's, and he grabbed his mother's, and she grabbed her other son Ron's, who grabbed onto Carl, who grabbed onto Michonne. We had a long walk ahead of us to the quarry on the other side of town and the sun had finally given out on us.

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We managed to make it all the way back down the street. This was going to work, this had to work. If we kept this slow but forward pace and continued to keep our movement minimal, we would actually have a chance. I kept my mind focused on those eight simple words my father used to say to me. There is nothing to fear but fear itself. There were so many things to be fearful of right now, but somehow, just the thought of laying in my childhood room, my father tucking me back in after a nightmare and repeating those eight simple words was enough to keep me moving forward.

But fear has a funny way of creeping back up just when you think you have it under control. My head whipped back around, the feeling of Sam's hand slipping free of mine as he put on the breaks. Fear riddled all over his face.

"Sam?" Jessie whispered, his other hand still holding on tightly to hers. His face scrunched up as he stared at all the walkers around him, his eyes beginning to well up with tears. "Sam? Come on, come on," Jessie spoke softly as she tried to pull him along with her.

"You can do it," Rick pushed gently.

Sam shook his head no. "Yes you can," his mother encouraged him.

"Hey, Sam you can do this. Sam, just look at mom," his older brother Ron tried to help.

"Honey, I need you to come with me."

Sam's voice began to whine as you could hear the fearful tears coming, "I want to," he cried.

I looked around, watching as more walkers began to huddle around us. Since our scents were covered, they hadn't made us out yet, but you could tell they were beginning to be drawn by the whispers.

"I need you to be strong--"

My eyes shot open and my stomach plummeted to my feet when three walkers lunged at Sam, devouring his small body with theirs as he screamed out. Jessie reacted like any mother would, unable to control her agony. She still gripped tight onto Sam's hand, unable to let her baby boy go as she screamed out at the top of her lungs. I stumbled backwards towards Rick, my head whipping around at all the walkers that were being drawn towards her screams.

"Jessie, come with us," Carl spoke quickly, "We have to go, now," he said, trying to pull her back down to reality. You could see her face go completely white, all emotion washing off of it like she had become numb. Right then and there she had given up, allowing the walkers to take her down next.

"No, no, no," I could hear Rick sob silently from behind me. Jessie now yelled out in pain as we had to silently watch her get ripped apart. The tears welled in my eyes, unable to blink them away as I stared at the scene before me. There was nothing we could do, there was no way we could help. The feeling was powerless.

"Dad," Carl's struggling voice pulled us out of our trance, "Dad," he called out again. I looked down at Carl's arm as he used all of his body weight to yank himself free. Jessie's hand still had a death grip on Carl's wrist as he was being pulled closer to the walkers that devoured her. Rick finally snapped out of it, throwing his arm backwards and slamming his axe down on Jessie's arm. It took two blows before the bone separated, causing Carl to fly backwards onto his back.

We all stumbled around, taking staggered steps back from the walkers that now knelt over Jessie and Sam's bodies. I watched Carl get back to his feet when my eyes landed on Ron behind him. My face dropped, watching as he picked up the gun that fell from Carl's holster and clicked off the safety. Carl turned around upon hearing it, stepping aside slowly as he watched as Ron steadied the gun in front of him.

"You," Ron breathed out, aiming the barrel at Rick. All of Ron's anger was riddled across his face as he stared at Rick. "You," he said again, his brows scrunching together like all of this was Rick's fault.

The hairs on my arms jumped upright and I took a step backwards while gasping. I watched as Michonne's sword sliced through Ron's back and shot out the middle of his chest. Both of Ron's arms flew outwards, his body falling backwards on the sword as his knees buckled from underneath him. My body jerked again when Michonne pulled the sword back out from his chest, the gun Ron was holding shooting off to the side as he dropped to the floor.

Michonne took a step back from him, allowing the walkers to stagger passed her and onto the body. I looked over at Rick, watching him breathe out a sigh of relief as he nodded at Michonne, telling her she made the right call.

"Dad?" Carl called out, his tone confused. We all turned our heads toward him, every fear I could possibly feel knocking the wind out of my chest. The bullet that shot off to the side, hitting Carl in the eye, his socket completely ruptured and tore through the side of his face. Blood rushed down his right cheek before he collapsed on the pavement.

"Carl!" Rick cried out, scooping his limp body off of the ground and into his arms. All of the walkers were on us now.