♕Chapter 4♕

Kylo remembered walking back towards his office from the conference room after his meeting with Dean Hux. He remembered rounding the corner. He remembered feeling himself shaking uncontrollably, how his clenched fists rattled at his sides inexplicably, so forcefully that for a moment, he wondered if they were experiencing an earthquake before realizing, he was the one shaking, so hard he couldn't stop; it was him, all him.

He remembered the other professors hustling past him in the opposite direction, remembered someone brushing against his shoulder, someone else telling him to have a good evening but the words ringing, almost indiscernibly, in his ears. It was 5 PM and all the professors was heading out for the night; Hux had at least done him that favor, though even that much surprised Kylo. One would think Hux would have made every effort, come to think of it, to place this meeting during the busiest of office hours of the day so everyone could see young and accomplished department head Kylo Ren absolutely lose his fucking mind.

His schedule must have been full.

The second Kylo's office door closed behind him, everything went black. He remembered nothing, and when he came to, two shards of glass were sticking out of his knuckles, and his doctoral certificate lay facedown at his feet, more glass scattered around his Wolf & Shepherd dress shoes.

A knock on the door pulled him from his fury-fueled black out. Professor Kanata stuck her head through the door. Without so much as a flinch, Kylo hid his bleeding hand behind his side, expression blank and unchanging.

"Everything ok in here, Kylo?"

"Yeah." He responded emotionlessly. "Frame fell down for some reason. Have a good night, Maz."

She nodded, smiled sympathetically, but made no question, taking her leave.

He stared at the blank spot in the wall where his certificate had hung, fuming at the irony of the entire situation.

Straight out of school, Kylo had accepted the position of English professor at the University. He was more than intelligent, more than capable. He didn't have the experience, sure, and was just as shocked as anyone else when they offered the department head position to a 28-year-old. But the previous chair was perfectly impressed with Kylo's proficiencies, and none of the other professors felt they could balance the role with their schedules, or weren't deemed to be able to by the higher-ups.

Kylo had just been in the right place at the right time. It felt too good to be true, and understandably, he'd be on probation for the first year at the very least.

And that was where Armitage Fucking Hux came in.

So there was the fucking catch. Hux had it in for Kylo ever since Kylo he completing his undergrad while Hux was working at his master's. Now, Hux was the fucking Dean of the entire school; how he'd managed that was beyond Kylo. But Kylo was five years Hux's junior and even as an undergrad, had stolen the attention and affection of the literary professors. So much so that Hux, dejected and furious, went the philosophy route instead.

And now, years later, he was making Kylo pay the fucking price.

It was time for his one-year performance review, handled by none other than the Dean. It was the perfect opportunity to make Kylo look bad for personal reasons. What had he even said in the meeting? Kylo was so furious he couldn't even think straight, let alone remember whatever bullshit had strung from Hux's mouth. Something about his personal struggles interfering with his work, his inability to connect with his students, his attitude-- too intimidating to make his students feel able to approach him for help, his condescending attitude towards his subordinates.

It was all complete bullshit. Kylo had never once received a complaint. Hux was probably just taking harmless gossip and spinning it out of control. Even with seven notable publications with major presses under his belt at 29,  Hux was still trying to overthrow his position.

It was complete and utter inane horseshit.

It wasn't like he didn't have offers. Better offers. In his fury, he pondered the possibility as seriously as he could. He had a job offer from a local press. They'd wanted him as editorial director for weeks. How would Hux like that? If he pushed Kylo out of his current position into a better one?

Before he could think, Kylo reached for his phone. He began typing , blood smearing on the screen. "Shit." He hissed, furiously trying to wipe it away. Nothing like a small irritant to make you realize how close you are to fucking snapping.

"My office stat." Was all he could manage with such shaky, blood-wet fingers. He plucked the glass from his knuckle, grunting through gritted teeth and tossing the pieces into the trash can. And with one last sweep of the English hall to make sure he was the only one left in the building, or at least on the floor, he felt comfortable enough to commence treating his office like his personal punching bag.

━━━━━━━━┓ ✠ ┏━━━━━━━━

Before you'd even rounded the hall towards Ren's office, you heard something hard and heavy hit the door. A book, maybe? Your brows furrowed and you rushed to his office, letting yourself in, finding him breathing heavily, slightly hunched over, as if he'd just thrown something with great force. And by the state of his office and the noise you'd heard moments before, it appeared that he had. Repeatedly.

You closed the door behind you, staring agape at your surroundings. "What the hell is going on here?"

The look Kylo gave you was fierce. Formidable. His body seemed to shake with anger as his eyes seized your gaze. Within seconds, he was on you.

Reaching to cup your cheeks, he shoved your back against the door, lips absolutely attacking yours. He panted heavily into your mouth as you gasp against his lips, wrapping your arms around his neck. He kissed you angrily. Furiously. As if you were the only thing keeping him from burning his office to the ground.

His hands went to work, tearing your denim jacket and throwing it to the floor as hard as he could. "Get. These. Off." He growled, lips barely leaving yours as his hands moved to rapidly unbuckle his belt.

You complied without arguing, not because you felt like you had to do what he said, but because he could feel how much he needed someone. Whatever was going on, you could feel the loneliness and despair and fury rolling off of him in waves.

You unbuttoned your own jeans and shoved them down your thighs, stepping out of them as you tore your blouse above your head. He treated your bra like he'd treated your jacket, ripping it off you like it was his greatest enemy. With considerable strength, he flung it aside. It caught on his desk-lamp, toppling it over as it flew across the room, the pile shattering to the ground.

His hands found your hips. He gripped you hard, lips pushing back against yours. His hands flew to your thighs, lifting you up so you could wrap your legs around his waist. Nothing separated you except for your thong. Taking a minute to forget about how messed up he was at the moment, you thought about your closeness, your proximity, and your breath caught in your throat.

And then, surprising even himself, Kylo lifted his lips from yours, leaning back to stare earnestly into your eyes.

"What would you do if you had an opportunity," He began, panting, breath falling against your lips, "An opportunity to be better. To be bigger. To be everything everyone thought you could ever be and more?"

You furrowed your brow. "What the hell are you talking about?" You whispered, not waiting for an answer as your hand went to his cheek and you moved to pull him back in.

He stopped you. "No, I'm saying, what if something was holding you back, and you had the chance to really become the best version of yourself, but you had to make some sacrifices?"

"What kind of sacrifices?"

He pondered for a moment. "Small bouts of happiness. Maybe more distractions." He eyed you knowingly.

You didn't notice.

"Isn't happiness more important than anything else?"

"Not if you think you could be happier somewhere else."

You pondered for a moment, not knowing what the hell he was talking about, but speaking on instinct. "Then fuck it. Stick it to the man. Show them what you're made of. If you think you can be great, then you shouldn't let anyone stop you. As long as the personal cost isn't too great."

"No cost is too great. Not to me."

You nodded, looking into his eyes, trying to understand, and failing. "Okay. Then fuck it. Shoot for greatness. Shoot for everything." It was what you believed Ren would say to you if the tables were turned.

He took in your face for one more moment, just a brief, fleeting moment. He took in your features, the soft expansiveness of your eyes, the plump line of your kiss-swollen lips, your bare, goosebumps-ridden skin, your heaving chest. And within seconds, his lips were on you again, and you felt him shove your panties aside and push his rock-hard length into you.

He grunted as he stood fully seated in your pussy, his breath shuddering against the crook of your neck.

You gasped at the intrusion, suddenly feeling the pressure of his size in your lower belly. His hands supported you at your waist and he began to work his hips, his thrusts slapping against you. Open-mouthed, his lips worked at your neck, hot exhales falling against your skin.

You felt your legs tighten around him as he fucked you into silence against the door; it was only just after 5, and you found yourself silently praying that you were truly alone.

But as your pleasure mounted, you found the less you cared. You heard Kylo grunt and the noise alone was pure bliss that sent shockwaves through your clit.

His head moved lower, lips working at your breasts. He grunted as he tongued your nipple, taking the bud into his mouth and licking lazily.

The added sensation was too much for you to keep up with.

"Kylo." You whispered, clutching him around the neck, trailing your fingers through his flawless, dark waves.

"Cum on my cock." He moaned, lips kissing up your chest. "Want to feel you cum on my fat cock and hear you scream my fucking name."

"Kylo." You mewled, "what if there are still people here?"

"I don't give a fuck." He growled, slamming into you, his pace now brutal and ruthless.

You opened your mouth to moan as you felt the familiar tingles indicating the nearness of your climax. Unable to stop yourself and unable to care any longer, you opened your mouth and cried out, nearly screaming as he fucked you through your orgasm.

"Kylo! Fuck! Yes!" You cried, words followed by a shattering moan.

Kylo followed quickly behind you, emptying himself into your clenching pussy and grunting fiercely as he thrusted through his ecstasy.

"Fuck, FUCK!" He roared, the sounds of your whimpering "yes, yes, yes, yes, yes's" Bringing him back down to reality. His eyes fell back on you as he regained his clarity. You looked nearly unconscious, blacked-out by pleasure, eyes fluttered shut and expression skewed from the overwhelming pleasure.

He stared at you as you came down from your body-crushing high. He watched your parted lips as you panted. He watched the naked frame of your back pressed against the door and your heaving chest. He watched you until your eyes finally fluttered open. And you caught him. Caught him staring. He looked gentle, in that moment. Peaceful, just watching you. It made your heart flip in your chest.

You didn't know what he'd gone through. You didn't know where all of this came from. You could only try to understand, and try to assure yourself that it was clear why he had wanted you here with him. That you were the only person who could make it all disappear.

He set you down but didn't let you go. Your lungs filled with air, greedy for oxygen. You checked in briefly with your body; you were lightheaded and felt like you could topple over. You kept breathing, trying to steady your legs, grateful that he was supporting your quivering body with strong, steady hands. He pressed your forehead to yours, holding you close while you caught your breath and gathered yourself, adjusting to the feeling of jello-like legs and waiting for the feeling to pass.

He was so close, felt so warm, holding you like he cherished you. His touch was gentle. You almost didn't recognize it.

Without thinking, you leaned up. Gently, your lips landed against his. It was soft. You treated him gently, almost as if you scared the kiss would disappear.

And then it did.

He sighed and sank against you, giving in for a fleeting moment before catching himself and slowly pulling himself away.

He didn't meet your gaze when he spoke. "No. That's not what this is." I'm not allowed to kiss him, you thought. "Only before." He said. "Maybe during. Never after."

You dropped your gaze and silently hoped he couldn't see the heat rising to your face, nor the tears to your eyes. I'm trying to help. Why did he even ask me here? You found yourself asking internally.

But the moment the question surfaced in your head, the moment it became clear. The answer lied in the sound of him re-buckling his belt, in the feeling of his spend beginning to roll down your legs, in the piles of scattered clothes around the office. Suddenly feeling something akin to a small heartbreak, you slipped from your place against the door, covering your exposed chest with your arm as you briskly searched for your clothes and yanked them back on.

You didn't say a word before leaving the room.

Neither did he.