A Bad Day

"Renee?" He asked as he blinked awake.

Sure enough, there she was right in front of him. She looks rough, but she's alive and that's all that matters. She has tubes coming out of her wrists that lead somewhere near her bed. Her hands are on his shoulders, feeling so comforting.

"Renee!" He lets out a choked sob as he pulls her into his arms, reveling in the feeling of her. Her skin is soft and so is her hair. All he can do is hold onto her. There was no way he was going to let go anytime soon. She was there, in his arms, alive.

They stay like that for a while, Renee awkwardly bending over to keep her arms around Landon, who's still sitting in his chair. But she doesn't mind.

After some time passes, she whispers, voice hoarse as if her throat was sore, "I'm sorry."

"No, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I'm not enough for you. That I wasn't enough to make you want to stay." His voice wavers as he gets to the last sentence.

Landon never told Remy everything Renee had said when they were alone yesterday.

"Landon, I love you, and I love our friends, but I don't know that you're enough."

"Oh," was all he could say, feeling her words like a stab to the heart.

"I don't think there's anything anyone can do to help me. I know Mark's dead. I know that. But maybe that's not enough. I just feel so angry. So angry at the world, angry at the people that let him walk free. He got what he deserved, but that was only because of you. The court didn't do anything, and I just feel so helpless. And it makes me so angry. But I just have to be like, 'Oh, everything's fine!' like none of it fucking matters. And that's all I can do. And I'm sorry if that doesn't make sense to you, Landon, but I just need to say these things. Sometimes, I feel okay. But right now, I just feel so much anger, but there's nothing I can do. I just have to feel angry in private and be smiley and approachable in public. And it fucking sucks."

Landon hates when she feels this way and hates even more that he's incapable of saying what she needs to hear. He doesn't know what words will make her feel okay, and that's so stressful. He doesn't know what to tell her, so nothing comes out when he opens his mouth and the tears tumble down his face. This can't go on; neither of them will be able to bear much more of this, and he knows it. But he feels that there's nothing to be done. This is just the way things are now. Renee will feel okay some days, but on others her mind will provide only misery and torment for her, and the only way to ease that is by sharing it with Landon.

They love each other. But some days, Landon worries that love won't be enough to save them.

They love each other. But what if that love runs out? What if it's overcome by rage and bottled-up emotions? Somehow, Landon knows that he will find out the answers soon. Because this can't go on.

Renee stands up and looks directly at him with a sorrowful expression, "Landon, that's not your fault. There is nothing you, or anyone, for that matter, could've done to stop me." She looks away. "I don't think anything would have stopped me."

A cold shiver runs through him as feelings of hopelessness flood his head. After a long silence, he asks, "What time is it?"

"About one in the afternoon."

"Jesus, I must've been tired."

"Wonder why..." Renee says sarcastically in a lame attempt at a joke. Regardless, Landon gives her a smile.

"Have the doctors been in yet?"

"No. I just woke up." She said it so smoothly, yet Landon could tell that wasn't true. Her eyes looked red, and tears still stained her cheeks. She must've woken up at least half an hour ago. The only thing Landon couldn't piece together was the reason she had been crying. Was she upset that he stopped her from going through with it? Or happy that he saved her life?

"Oh," he said casually.

He kept a calm face, but inside, his heart hurt so bad. Like he was drowning. And only Renee could save him. But she couldn't even save herself, so he felt suspended in this feeling, trapped until she found a way to pull through the darkness that was consuming her.

A short while later, a doctor came in and told Landon he had to leave because they were bringing in a therapist for her to privately talk to. He was compelled to stay in the hospital until she was done, but Remy and Emmitt came to get him and were persistent in forcing him to leave with them. They took him out to lunch, hoping the change of scenery would make him feel a little bit better.

At the restaurant, Remy asked, "How are you?"

"That's a stupid question," Landon replied matter-of-factly.

"That's true," he said, unable to contribute anything more.

Emmitt spoke up, "Okay, I'm gonna say it. What happened sucks. Renee clearly needed a lot more help than we thought, we ignored that, and she almost died... But the thing to think about is that she's alive. She could be dead right now, but she's not. And that's good. And right now she's talking to someone who probably knows how to help her. That's good, too. So really, this is a good day."

"Yeah, this is definitely not a good day," Landon corrected. "but looking at it like that helps."

"How about we just ignore this whole subject for right now?" Remy suggested.

"Oh, we could talk about how Remy and I hooked up!" Emmitt exclaimed. "Betcha didn't know about that one, Lando." He winked.

"Don't call me that. And I'm sorry to say that Remy already told me."

He gasped, "Remy! How dare you! I thought for sure I'd be the first to tell everyone."

Remy smirked, "So you were just going to out me to Landon without my consent?"

"Oh. Sorry. Yeah, I was. But I thought it at least would've cheered him up. So I was willing to sacrifice that."

Landon faked a sniffle, "It would really cheer me up if you guys figured out your relationship."

Emmitt sighed, "I am willing to do that for you. Also, Remy, we had to have this talk eventually." He slammed his hands on the table. "So let's talk."

Remy met the challenging look in his eye, "Okay. Let's talk. I kissed you the first time. Then you started it the next time."

Landon's eyes widened, "I thought this was just a one time thing! It happened twice?" He had an annoying grin on his face.

Ignoring him, Emmitt added, "And both times, neither of us pulled away. So it doesn't really matter who started it."

Remy pondered this, "Hm. So the question is, how do we feel about each other?"

"Personally, I'm not looking for any serious relationships, but maybe I'd make an exception for you," He winked again.

"Yeah, I don't really want a boyfriend. You seem like you'd be a lot of work."

"Hey!" He said. "How'd you know that?"

He shrugged, "Just a feeling."

Landon broke in, "Oh, my godddd. Can you guys just make out already? Oh, what if I said that would make me feel better? Then, would you do it?"

Still ignoring him, Remy asked, "So what happens if we end up making out again?"

"Whatever happens, happens. We can see whoever we want, and as long as it's not serious, we can do whatever. But if either of us start wanting something more, we have to say something to the other person. Pinky promise?" He stuck out his pinky for Remy.

"Why don't you guys just hook dicks instead of pinkies?" Landon called from his side of the table.

"Okay, I have heard quite enough out of you," Remy glared, a smile poking through his facade. Then, turning to Emmitt, he wrapped his pinky around his, the action seeming a lot dirtier after Landon's "suggestion."

By the time lunch was over, Remy's face was bright red, but it was worth it to see Landon laugh, even if it was at his embarrassment.

With lighter hearts, the trio went back to the hospital. Unfortunately, when they saw Renee, all the weight that had disappeared returned instantly. She looked worse than when they left her, like she was completely wiped out, but she smiled as they entered the room.

"Hey," she smiled tiredly.

"How'd it go?" Landon asked.

"Uh, not so good. Turns out I can't really talk about my feelings with doctors." She talked in a way that would suggest something she was saying was funny, so they gave her breathy chuckles. She turned serious as she told them, "My parents are gonna be here soon. They came on the quickest flight as soon as they heard."

"Oh. That's good, right?" Remy said.

"I feel like they're going to be mad at me," she confessed. "I know they're not, but I can't help but feel like a kid who did something bad, and now their parents are going to yell at them."

"It'll be okay," Emmitt assured. "They'll just be happy that you're alive."

"Thanks," she gave him a worried smile.

He added, "If you ever need to talk-- about absolutely anything-- please don't hesitate. You mean a lot to me, to a lot of people." Emmitt's voice began to shake uncharacteristically. In all the time Remy had known him, he'd never seen him be anything less than confident, so it was a little alarming to see him so unnerved by this.

She nodded. "Thanks," she said again. "I appreciate you guys coming to see me, but you can go now. I'd rather you not be here when my parents arrive. They'll be very embarrassing. Besides, I know you skipped classes for me, so you probably have a lot to catch up on."

Landon went to her side and kissed her softly. "I love you."

She said it back, and the boys left her to be swarmed by her parents who came only moments later.