Chapter 185: I was alone...

I was sitting on the bed, calm minded and staring at the wall. Two weeks had passed since the incident in Adam's attic. I was still traumatized and couldn't believe I really didn't kill her. I was happy but it also came as a shock to me.

'Eleanor...' Adam sat me down and squatted with his hands on my knees. 'Am sorry...'

The words echoed in my head and immediately tears dropped down my face. Hearing him say he loved her was as good as burying me alive. He said being with her brought him the energy being with me never did. It felt like a puzzle piece missing from his life. He said it was more than he could bear and he had to be away from me.

He admitted to wanting to propose marriage to me. He was about to but that's when he received a phone call to go to England the next day and he aborted the mission planning to do it later after his return. Unfortunately, later never came for me. It was never.

It rained that evening. Along with the medics, I returned to the hospital as promised only that I requested to walk there. After several attempts of denying me, I gave my word that I would be there; no matter how far it was. By car it was about thirty minutes from San Martin Palace. On foot maybe an hour. And then, somehow the rain dropped even harder. It was as if the heavens were crying over our broken relationship. It was a loss to many.

As the rain fell on me, it felt as though the entire ocean had be dropped on me. A massive waterfall degrading me with its heavy weight. I didn't know how to feel anymore. Is this just a dream? Was this a dream or it was happening. I didn't know. One thought was the only thing that was in my mind. I had to get away from Adam.He had broken my heart.

As black as sweep, was the night. The underside of the clouds above the sheets fell hanging above the city. I clutched my arms around myself hoping to give that which no one else would. Comfort.

A coldness came along with the rain and it penetrated my fingers, arms and legs and chest. I was soaked to the bone and drenched in humiliation. I lost everything. I lost my career, my man and my life. I lost it all in just a finger's snap.

Having arrived at the hospital, I was in a very bad state. My wound was soaked and wet; it got infected. I got a fever and cold from the wetness in the rain. I was quickly registered and treated. After falling down at Adam's place, I had trauma to my spleen and went through surgery.

It was successful and I was treated as an outpatient. Unfortunately, my encounter with Iridessa at her palace and my behaviour in Adam's attic qualified me for a psychiatry patient. I was said to be violent and had episodes of hallucinations. I was called a threat to others and to myself too. I wanted to kill myself over something that wasn't even real. The thought of it alone scared my spirit.

I was admitted to a rehabilitation center unlike a mental institution. I wasn't crazy, they said. I just needed psychological support.

I cried daily, sometimes in throat rattling sobs. Other times in a weak whimper. When I got tired, I'd keep quiet and yet with each blink, tears would come out of my eyes and such became my normal life.

I refused to be seen by anyone nor did I request to see anyone. I never talked to anyone and didn't allow anyone in my room. I wanted to be alone. I couldn't trust even the walls around me. I feared they would fall away, exposing another even stranger reality I knew nothing of.

To think that I was the same girl with a million followers on Instagram and Twitter was just a sham. I had a lot of fans and was adored by many people. My face was everywhere on the planet and to even imagine that my life was once like that, felt like a dream.

When everyone else did various activities offered by this support centre, I stayed in bed. I wished that maybe by chance, the uncanniness of my life would soon in circles, move around my head and drive me out yet here I was, in a confided room doing nothing for a whole two weeks except from facing the wall.

For the very first time in my life I was alone. In every sense of it, I had no one with me. And I didn't know what to do. I was once as precious as a black diamond, and here it was... laying in a million pieces with no one willing to pick them. Not even me.

******

The door clicked open and my body didn't even react. It was probably another doctor who had come in to see me. Almost everyday, one of them called specialist came in to assess me but none of them picked up my case. I was happy that way. I didn't want any sort of treatment. I was convinced and satisfied that I was where I was meant to be.

I lied supine, with my head facing the wall. My hand hang over the bed lifeless. A lose sheet was covering my trunk and the rest of me.

My skin felt like it was being burnt all over and more profound, my muscles ached with soreness that crippled them. I could not even lift a finger to chase off insects that were crawling and habituated my body. My lips were chipped. I rarely had some food and water, causing them to become dry and peel off.

My eyes became swollen and I could feel heavy masses beneath them. I barely slept nor blinked as it caused them to dry and get infected. My hair had flaked and fallen off due to dryness. Despite having a nurse come in to wipe my body, it wasn't enough for her to spray some oil on my hair; it had given up.

Summing up all these, I could feel it. I looked hideous.

My heart. Oh, my heart. It tugged at my chest and engulfed in a metallic rack of fear, it slammed back down like a bear trap. With each passing day, it begged for rest. It requested me to finally summon the will to let go and die. How I wish....

"This is the worst case that we have here at our centre...." A feminine voice mentioned and I recognized her as one of the nurses here. She was flipping through some pages and stopped after she came to the one she was looking for.

"Her name is Eleanor. She came here a month ago due to --"

"I know the story...." A masculine voice thundered. He must've been the specialist assigned to me. "Please wait for me outside...." He told the nurse and she did so politely.

After the door was shut, his feet crashed against the floor and echoed in resonance as he walked towards me. He bent down to face me but my eyes never focused on him. I kept staring straight ahead dispite the fact that there was someone in front of me. He reached out his hand and held onto mine, pulling me to sit up.

My body like a dummy, followed through his motion and sat up. He pulled the nearest chair while steadily supporting me with the other hand in case I fall.

"Eleanor.....can you hear me???" He asked and I found his voice to be rather strange. It was deep enough to tell he was a man but soft enough to spread love like that of a woman's.

I blinked and cold droplets scared my cheeks as the raced to my chin. His hand, yes his hand, warmer than a volcanoe melted the dispassionate heart within me. His caress across my cheeks felt like a breathe of fresh air dispersing the coldness around me. Then, he placed two things in my ear and I could hear the sound of something that was as a swift but calm sound like....a heartbeat!

"Eleanor....The human heart beats approximately 4000 times per hour and each beat is a trophy engraved with the words YOU ARE STILL ALIVE..."