Yisishiyagalolunye

I was sitting on the roof, distracting myself by looking at the stars dance across the sky. I used to love coming out here when I was younger; I even used the broken tile on the roof to store snacks. That wasn't a good idea. Stupid rats.

I heard someone opening the hatch to the sky window. I looked to see Sam clumsily climb out of the window and take a few breaths before kneeling behind the wall of the adjacent roof peak. I couldn't help but giggle at my bear-like best friend cling to the wall in fear and weakly glare at me.

"What's wrong?" he asks shakily. I shrug in response. He scoffs.

"I am up clinging to the tip of a sky tower, challenging death to take me, so that you can lie to my face? Do you really want to do that with Arianrhod watching you?" he shrieked, pointing to the moon above us. I enjoyed watching the taller boy's discomfort. He had yet to let go of the wall beside him.

"I have to go somewhere with Riley for the weekend," I muttered. This earned me a scoff.

"And that's why I had to drag myself up onto this deathtrap? I get you don't like her but its just a weekend," he said. I rolled my eyes at his ignorance. That wasn't the part that got to me.

"We are going to meet with the other chiefs … to find Riley a potential match," I said glaring at the moon.

"That's good, isn't it? Then she will ascend quicker and your duty will be easier…" he reasoned. I looked over at his furrowed brows and sighed. He wasn't getting it. I wanted the blond oaf to read my eyes, but he was being too naïve for my liking.

"Is it because Lis and I won't be able to join?" finally was catching on! I offered him a soft smile. He continued," You don't need to worry. I don't think killing us is high on the Pride's agenda right now. They even seem to be warming up to us. Desaley even offered to take me hunting tomorrow…"

I tuned out the rest of his rambling and frowned to myself. It wasn't that I didn't trust the twins' safety in my absence. It was in the Mpande Pride's best interest to not cross me. But I didn't necessarily revel in them cosying up to the Northern siblings. They're mine.

"I'm just not looking forward to spending so much alone time with Riley, okay," I finally let out. Sam finally stops his verbal diarrhoea and looks at me with a frown.

"Has she tried anything with you?"

"No!" My voice was louder than expected, scaring off a pair of birds perched in a nearby tree. He raises his eyebrow at me.

I take a deep breath and finally meet concerned crystal eyes before continuing, "I just don't know how to be around her. I know that she never meant to hurt us but she did and I can't help but blame her for how things turned out." I sighed and tuck my knees to my chest, shifting to face the forest once more.

I hear Sam shuffle over to me quickly, clinging to my side when he reaches me. I hear him take a few shaky breaths before securing his arm around my shoulders. I snuggle into his side and release a heavy breath.

"I don't know what to do," I admit in a voice that makes me want to cringe. I hated being weak in front of people but this was Sam – my brother – my defences were safe at his feet. He kissed the crown of my head and I snuggle deeper into his tense side.

"You are there to protect her. She isn't entitled to anything else from you. So put on your mask, get her hitched as soon as possible and come home to us. The sooner that we get Riley on that throne, the faster you, me and Lis and get our life back," he kisses me head softly once more when I mumble a soft 'thank you' into his shoulder.

"Now can we go inside? I think my sister deserves to know about your upcoming outing and I would prefer if we didn't have to invite her up to this fucking rooftop," he said. I chuckle and nod. I help the petrified Norseman off the roof and back onto the solid ground. I swear my idiotic friend wanted to kiss the floor in gratitude from the relieved expression on his face.

I hugged him goodnight and made my way to the room I shared with Lissa. I made it around the corner before nearly bumping into Lucinda. Her bright red hair had been removed and her natural head was covered by a thin swirlkoos to sleep in.

"Nikola. You have a big trip tomorrow; you should be sleeping," she said. I tried not to look at my feet when she spoke. There was a silent authority about her that allowed her to silence a room without raising her voice.

"I was on my way to bed, aunty," I said quickly. She raised her eyebrow and simpered.

"Talking to the moon again?" she asked. I rolled my eyes and nodded softly. She walked over to me and gently squeezed my shoulder. I smiled up at her.

"I'll protect her," I said.

She nodded, "I know you will. You always have."

"I missed you, my girl. I know my husband can be dom sometimes, but he missed you too. He was so happy that his 'amatombazane yami' were back him," she said. I could hear the joy in her voice as she spoke but also the sadness.

I knew that me leaving would hurt a lot of people, but they weren't too concerned with how much I was hurting at the time. I needed to leave. It was better but now I was back, and I had to face those memories and the people who made them. It was too much.

I didn't notice that I was breathing fast until I saw the concerned look on the older woman's face. She was trying to talk to me, but I couldn't hear what she was saying. I needed to get away from her … from here. I slowly backed away from her and sprinted towards my room. I slammed the door behind me and put my forehead against the cold wood.

"Skatt… Nik?" I heard Lissa's voice pour over me. I focused on the sound of her voice and her heartbeat. I tried to match my heart to hers. I felt her rub soothing circles in my lower back and softly kiss the back of my neck until I calmed down. I turned in her arms and almost collapsed. The smaller girl pulled me to the bed and into her arms. I was facing away from her, but I could feel her breath and heartbeat against my back. I wanted to scream or cry or do something but I couldn't form the words so I focused on until I could breathe properly again.

"Breath, skatt, just breathe," she whispered into my ear.

We stayed like that until we both fell asleep. I knew that I needed to ensure that this weekend went well. I would have to face people I have been avoiding for so long. I would have to put up my walls and put Riley first this time. I just wish that I could get take my family with me so I didn't have to do it alone.