Chapter 30/Fake love

Was I just a pile of meat for him ? I kept thinking about it but I couldn't find another solution for this problem. The feeling I got in my heart right now was real. I couldn't help but loved him. But was it the same for him ? Or was it just the shallow that told him to fill it with sex ? Was it just a way for him to get rid of that emptiness inside of him ? All those thoughts inside of me. I couldn't just simply get away from it. I was stuck thinking of that mysterious man. To think of it, I never really learnt anything about his past. What was he like before meeting me ? I wanted to know more about him. But was it too late ? He was the one that wanted my head now. And I wanted his heart.

Our past went so-so. He never really talked to me about him. I was the only one who did. He knew my thoughts, my frustrations, my lies, my sadness. He knew pretty much the reason I even liked him. How he learnt so much on me will always be a mystery. But at least, he knew I really and still loved me. He was the darkness I never really could get ahold of. The shadow that could just disappear on a whim. Whereas I, on the other hand, were the sunshine the people needed. With no time for myself, I was stuck to be at the top. Whereas he could eat at 'Food Lovers' without any fear.

"(Bell)..Well, I'm not sure you understood that but none of that matters. I feel like overthinking our situation with Alexis. I just want us to be free from our peers. Why can't we just love each other normally ???"

What I meant was that our world were so apart that even if we wanted. None of us would actually succeed in seeing one or other. Thd fact being that I still didn't know the man I love. In short, was it just a fake love of my part ? Did I truly love him ? Did I just crave for his body ?

To be continued.

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