we can't see any stars tonight, but that's okay

when harry's shirt came off and the two were ready to go through the motions, louis urged harry that the lights stay off. harry was the type to need a night light to remain comfortable, though, so the two had to make do with just a night light in the corner, shining dimly (though still much too bright for louis' comfort), not exactly lighting up the room but rather filling it with a warm, yellow tint. harry thought it was nice, soft. but seeing louis' unease made his stomach flip just a bit before he decided this was just a weird quirk of the ocean boy's, probably, just like his blue eyes with so much depth it seemed like a different dimension—nothing to worry about. so he didn't ask much of it.

the two of them, unsurprisingly, fit together like puzzle pieces. and not in the sexual way—the manner which their arms fit around each other, how louis' hands slithered their way right to the small of harry's back. so when harry took to unbuttoning the older boy's pants, and he felt him stiffen, he realized right away and stopped.

"you sure you want to do this?"

"yeah." louis nodded, shakily. "go for it, love."

he hid his hands behind his back to keep harry from seeing that they were shaking, but bless him, he saw everything about his ocean boy. "we should stop."

louis bit his bottom lip, looking down in almost-shame, wanting to fight harry back, but all his instincts screaming at him to pull away completely. "i- sorry… i just- i thought, i thought that i would be okay. y'know? i thought i was ready. if i knew that i would fuck up like this i wouldn't have-"

"hey," harry interrupted the self-deprecating words tumbling out of louis' mouth like they were used to being there, "it's okay. i don't want to fuck someone who is uncomfortable, anyway. it's a turn off, you know? so don't feel too bad about it. i like being around you for more than just sex anyway."

"harry, you don't even know me. we both know what your goal was. stop trying to make me feel better and accept my apology."

the way shame bubbled up in louis' throat hurt harry the most. it wasn't his unsatisfied boner, it wasn't his wallet from paying for drinks, it wasn't his head from getting so wasted in the first place. but the way this beautiful boy, this ocean boy spoke as if he was nothing. "it's okay. want to watch a movie and cuddle up?"

they settled for the notebook, a classic, one that harry had seen at least ten different times, though it would never get old. because they had both seen it, it was much easier for them to talk.

"god, i hate how they act here! why not just be straightforward about misunderstandings?"

but eventually, conversation pulled past just the movie, and became much more. turns out, their tastes in music were similar, and both in uni. surely, harry thought, even if they had not met that night in the bar the world would have found a way to bring them together anyway.

"my favorite song is how to save a life, by the fray." louis sighed mistily, "i like the lyrics a lot. i think it's cool how he could express his feelings in words like that."

"yeah? have you ever written anything?"

"i have… but, nothing good or serious really. i like writing poems and songs just for the hell of it. gets stuff out of my system, you know? i mean, i'm an english major, but the classes i've taken so far doesn't really get super expressive, and even if they were, i'm sure i would struggle coming clean about anything, anyway. i mean, with the professor probably judging not only our writing, but also our personal life."

the idea of louis, who already had a way with words in everyday conversation, writing lyrics to a song, excited harry. he wanted to unzip the other boy's skin and take a peek inside, know his ins and outs. ever since that first time they had met, even if louis had not known it yet. louis really was the type of person you could just sit and watch, listening to the way words fell of his lips so meaningfully, the way his adorable mannerisms shone through the holes of his defense. he was so caught up in watching the boy, the dim light of the television morphing the color of his eyes from an ocean blue to a deeper hue. one that harry didn't even realize was real color.

"harry? are you listening? bold of you to invite me over, interrogate me, and not even listen," louis snorted, before his tone dropped to a more somber tone. "but sorry, i was probably boring you."

"don't even start, it's fine, i like listening to you. just got enchanted by you again, is all."

"what a flirt, you are, styles. give me a break," the older boy giggled. and oh god, harry's heart did more flips in his chest.

"wanna go outside for a smoke?" he finally choked out, deciding that it would calm his hammering heart down. "bonding lad experience y'know, drinking, watching movies, smoking."

"yeah, i guess we're basically best friends now." friends. harry wasn't even upset by this word. to have the privilege of even knowing the boy felt special.

they went out on harry's balcony, lighting a couple cheap cigarettes, inhaling and exhaling smoke in tandem. and it was perfect. weird, harry thought, for him to feel so comfortable with an absolute stranger. this definitely was not what he had expected when he decided to go to a bar with niall and liam. maybe he should go to bars more often?

the mid-october air was biting at the two boys, chilling in an unpleasantly pleasant way, as harry would often think of it. there were no stars in the sky, despite that fact going against all romantic clichés that the green-eyed boy loved. but somehow, it was still more than anything he could ask for.

as if louis could read harry's mind, he spoke exactly what they both were thinking at that moment. "this is all i need, i think. nothing more. even if the view sucks, even if we smell of smoke, alcohol, and nerves, it's this kind of thing that makes getting here feel worth it. like i���m consciously aware that every choice i made leading up to this moment was right, because i feel so safe now."

harry closed his eyes and beamed quietly. "a philosophical one, aren't you?" he breathed, as if he weren't thinking the same exact thoughts. "are you lonely? do you not experience this often?"

normally, louis would recoil inwardly at such a comment, but the two of them were so deep in their own little universe (as well as deeply intoxicated) that neither cared. "no, i suppose not. i mean, i have a best friend. his name is zayn, and i love him a lot. but he's busy, you know? i long for this kind of serenity but it's hard for someone who lives such a fast-paced lifestyle. but i'm not lonely, i don't think, i mean, there are times i feel alone. but don't we all? and aren't we all, in the end? so it's fine really."

the younger boy knew that louis would never open up like this sober, so he had to take what he could get in the moment. "are you okay?"

louis grinned softly, the corners of his eyes crinkling up and making harry's heart do somersaults all over again. "never better."

it wasn't the answer he was looking for, but it would do for now. so he just put his arm around the smaller boy and relished what they had then, as louis leaned in, clinging onto every second. in case this sort of thing never happened again. they never stay, after all.

but to the both of them, they felt like they had known each other for a lifetime, not a night. crazy, harry thought, how soulmates work; if they exist, then this was definitely it.