The What If Game

In the following days, Rogues start pouring in by the dozens. Ashton said his men went a little further than our intended radius and reached more. By the third day, we had brought in at least three hundred. Julianna and Misty have been amazing in helping  direct and organize where they go and keeping quarantine clean. Now, we're in the planning room, plotting and planning out blueprints for homes to be built. It will take a while, but if it means making them comfortable so be it. For the most part, they've all agreed to join our pack, only about one hundred saying they would rather return to their life as Rogues when this is all over. A loud resounding knock on the front door pulls my attention away. "You three, keep planning. We need this started ASAP," I say. The girls grin and nod, Ashton only giving me a lazy salute from his seat. I hear another knock and grumble, "I'm coming I'm coming." When I open the door, my hazel eyes meet his deep brown ones and a rainbow of emotions floods through me all at once. Rage at how easily he left me; but that rage covers an immense pain I learned to lock away long ago. Surprise that he's even here when he made it clear long ago he didn't want me or anything in my life. And then there's the inevitable flutter of my heart. A flutter of longing and the urge to throw myself into his arms and kiss him and slap him all at once for hurting me and for making me love him in the first place.

"Vlad..what are you doing here," I whisper hoarsely. He smirks and raises an eyebrow, his dark brown eyes wandering around behind me. His black hair shines with blue tints in the light and his taupe skin seems to have gotten a little darker but not much. Ashton, come to the foyer please, I ask through the bond he and I created. I hear his footsteps behind me and I hear him hiss softly when he sees who's in front of me. "You called me, Angel. Or did you forget," he replies, stepping over the threshold. I breathe through my mouth softly, refusing to inhale his warm but musky scent. I will not let him affect me this time. "And since when are you at anybody's beck and call," I quip, crossing my arms over my chest.

He smiles as he steps closer to me, bordering on invading my personal bubble. "I'll always come when you need me, Angel. All you need do is call," he whispers. A slender hand reached up and cups the side of my face as he closes the distance. My body tenses as he leans down to kiss me. When he pulls away, he frowns and touches his lip softly. "I assume your lips are tingling. New lip gloss. Like it," I bite out sarcastically, forcing a smile. I get a grin in return. "Always so stubborn. Always ready for an argument, " he retorts.

Wynter growls in the back of my mind, begging to be let out. "Right. Ashton will show you to your room. Should you need anything, please don't hesitate to ask anybody but me," I say coldly. I turn on my heel, about to walk away when a hand wraps around my arm gently, igniting sparks throughout my body. I jerk away and growl softly over my shoulder before leaving.

ASHTON

I watch as Dawn walks away, knowing what this does to her. What he does. I saw the impact he had on her all those years ago. When he left her, so did her light. That sweet bubbly girl was gone. This new her is foreign to almost everybody. "Let's go," I grunt, walking in the opposite direction of where D went. She made it clear he is to be on the opposite side of the manor.

Dawn and I have a fairly simple relationship. Casual sex every now and then, a close friendship. No romantic feelings though. I don't know if she can feel those anymore. Or rather I know she can. For him. She hates herself for it. I stop in front of the oaken door and push it open. "Here's your room. Go nuts," I say shortly. He smirks at me. "And her room?" I narrow my eyes and hiss. "Away from yours. Far away. So keep it that way." With having said that, I turn on my heel and walk away. I will not let him near her. Not if I can help it.

Dawn

I tap my nails impatiently against my tub as I wait for the hot water to finish, bubbles creating a rose scented foam on top. When it's sufficiently filled, I shut off the water, slipping out of my clothes. I pile my hair into a clip on the crown of my head before stepping in. I shudder and sigh, sinking into the water contentedly. I lean my head back against the tub, sinking a little lower so the foam comes to the top of my breasts, leaving little exposed. I hear my door open and close softly, tensing up when I hear footsteps. "He loves you, y'know," Ashton says casually. I can feel his eyes watching me; gaging my reaction. "He lost the right to my heart when he made me out to be as needy as a goldfish and left me. He's here to help. After that, he'll leave again," I say smoothly, not opening my eyes.

He sighs, coming to sit on the side of the tub. "Dawn, be honest. Do you want him to stay?" His question makes my stomach flip and I frown. I sigh, opening my eyes. "I don't know," I say honestly. "He and I, we have a complex relationship on a good day. Because of choices he made. Not me, not we, he made. Nobody else made them for him," I say. He sighs, frustration marring his handsome features. "Alright, let's play the What-if game," he says. I groan, sinking lower. "No! I hate this damn game." He laughs but gets up, handing me a towel. I growl and take it, raising an eyebrow at him. "Turn around or get out," I say. He chuckles. "It's not like I haven't seen it all before. Worshipped it all before you could say," he says. His voice takes on a husky break as he gets closer to the the tub.

"Nice try. Now out," I say with a grin. I wait for him to close the bathroom door before I stand up, stepping onto my soft bath rug and wrapping myself in the lavender colored bath sheet. I unclip my hair, letting it do as it pleases again. When I walk out, Ashton is lounging across my bed like he's done so many times before, with his eyes closed. I sit beside him and sigh. "Okay, what if he does stay," he says suddenly, sitting up. I groan. "Then he stays. But on a separate property," I reply.

"What if he stays specifically for you?"

"Then he's out of luck."

"What if he wants to try again?" This one gets a growl. "Then he shouldn't have left to begin with." Ashton bows his head, sighing. "What if he just needed time? Time to explore his options? Time to grow a little," he whispers. My jaw ticks and I fight my feelings, pushing them down. "Then I hope he found what he wanted. Because he's not getting me back. We have a complicated as shit relationship and I will not take the easy way out of simplifying it," I snap. I get up, tightening my hold on my towel. "He left me, Ash. Not the other way around. For years, he was amazing at writing pretty words that, in the end, were empty promises. He had my heart in his hand and instead of protecting it like he promised, he threw it down and obliterated it with his combat boot. He made his choices. Just like Scott did.." I trail off at the end of my sentence as my voice cracks and shakes before the dam breaks and I fall to my knees sobbing. All of the hurt and abandonment slams into me like a tsunami and I wrap my arms around myself, trying to physically hold myself together like I fail to do emotionally. Within seconds, Ashton is pulling me to his chest, cradling me as I cry. "He left, Ashton..I won't give him the chance to hurt me again..I can't," I say with finality when I manage to calm down. He reaches up around me, passing me the inhaler I keep in my nightstand. No matter how hard I try, when I cry, I always start gasping for breath in the end.

"Scott made his choice, D. Or rather he let Ravyn make it for him because he's spineless. But not everybody will leave. I'm not saying give him a chance. If you want to kill him at the end of this shit, go nuts. I won't stop you. But you need to let yourself feel again, D. Instead of hiding all of this," he says gently. He presses a kiss to my temple softly and sighs. "Maybe try talking to him about this," he says softly. I shake my head. "What good will it do? I have. He says he understands, he goes through the motions and says the right words. But he doesn't seem to actually mean them or feel them. Why waste my breath when it won't change anything. I wanted him to fight for me and he didn't. Talking or not, there or not there, he doesn't care one way or the other. Why spend my time with someone that doesn't appear to care either way? Who seems just fine without me in his life? No, talking won't do anything but upset me more," I say. He sighs but doesn't keep questioning me. "Look, I need a nap. Please," I say, hating how my voice takes on a pleading tone. He nods, getting up and heading towards the door. "Please stay," I whisper hoarsely. He stops, turning to look at me. After a moment of hesitation he nods. I walk into my closet to grab a black and red lace bralette and matching panties, slipping both on.

I walk around to the right side of the bed, pulling the blankets back and curling up under them. He slowly moves over towards me, wrapping his arms around me and holding me against him, my back against his chest. I feel him reach down and pull up my weighted blanket, the additional twenty pounds on my body serving to soothe me slightly. I sigh softly, relaxing against him. Admittedly, between Vlad and meeting Ash, there was about two or three, maybe four guys that I slept with in an attempt to keep my mind off of Vlad. If I started to feel attached, I ditched them. Ash is the longest one, having had this arrangement for a few years now. But this position isn't unusual either. There have been plenty of days or nights that one of us just doesn't want to sleep alone. We usually stay in my room though. I roll over, resting my head on his broad chest, my eyes getting harder to keep open. Slowly, darkness consumes me and I surrender to much needed sleep.