A Walking Hypocrite

"Welp! I'm gonna see what Shane's doing." Jesseye exnaid from their walk and went to bug her other friend.

"Ssooo, whatcha readin?" She asked, abruptly breaking his train of thought.

Shane looked up to find her sitting criss cross directly in front of her. "Um, lord of the rings."

"Oh, that's cool." she obviously didn't actually listen for his answer, "I'm pretty sure Tony and Jazz are gonna start dating. They held hands for like five minutes!" She complained with a frown.

Shane raised a dark brow and sat up. "Oh really?"

"Yeah!" She threw off her hat and let her hair down, combing the tangles out with her hands,"Aannndd, they were kept staring, " She giggled lightly to hide her acrid feelings.

He set his paper back down and rested his head on his palm. "And why do you care?" he asked with an amused expression. Her mouth went dry. She swallowed and glanced down in shame, "Hasn't Jazz liked him for a long time?" He asked while leaning against the wall of the van. "Seems like a good thing."

"I mean, yeah." he was right. She was supposed to be happy for her, "It is. I'm just.." She hesitated to change her words,"Worried." Shane raised a brow at her sudden lack of energy. Had he struck a nerve? "She's um, not great at relationships..." She smiled at him weakly and shrugged, messing with her hair. "I hope it turns out better than last time." She said quietly, sighing deeply.

Shane rubbed the back of his neck. "Yeah, I get that." he nodded though he didn't like talking about it, "I've uh...." Exhaling a deep sigh, his body sagged, "I've been in bad relationships." Her eyes filled with concern. He tried not to think back to his eighteenth birthday.

"I'm sorry," she moved to his bed to comfort him.

He shook his head and snatched up his book again. Six years wasn't enough time. "I-I was forced into some stuff." He put on a smile, but even to her, it didn't seem genuine. He just hoped she understood. "B-but I can't see either of them doing that."

She didn't, but her heart still ached for him, "I'm sorry you were," she said softly though she had no idea what he was talking about. She just wanted to help, so she slowly pulled his book out of his hands and hugged him,"I care a lot about you, Shane." She admitted softly, giving him a sweet smile.

He stiffened at her arms around him, but slowly relaxed enough to return the hug. "Thank you." He mumbled into her shoulder.

"You're welcome. I'm sorry your dad did that to you." She apologized gently, holding him delicately as she prayed he wouldn't push her away. Maybe she couldn't be his girlfriend, but she still wanted to be there for him. She'd try everything to avoid ruining their friendship.

After a little while, he leaned back and he stood up. Her smile dimmed but remained forcefully on her face. He ran a hand through his hair and glanced awkwardly behind him to his open doors. "I'm uh...I'm gonna go for a walk if you wanna come." He said, hopping out of the van.

"Yeah!" She jumped up and out after him,"Sure!"

"Need to clear my head for the next heist." He explained though he had only begun to plan it.

She smiled at him wildly, "Me too. I've gonna been nervous about a lot of things recently. Y'know?" She asked hopefully, following after him like a puppy.

He sighed. "Yeah, I get it." he rubbed his sweaty hands on his jeans.

They walked down the road towards city square. She was ecstatic he had asked her to come with. Maybe she wasn't completely off the list after all?! She giggled excitedly as they passed by some quaint country shops and small businesses.

"Oo~! Look at those flowers!" she pointed excitedly at a cluster of sunflowers and daisys, "This is a cool route." She said with a smile. Shane shrugged.

He usually ran this way in the mornings. He'd go up into town center then head home by using the round-about to turn around. It usually took him around a half an hour, but they weren't going that far today. He sat down on a bench, patting the spot next to him. "What about you?" He asked glancing over to her "You ever had a boyfriend?"

She sat next to him, her face lit with a grin,"Of course I have!" She snickered lightly and shook her head. Of course he asked 'ever'. Like all the others, he probably thought she was too innocent to have a real relationship.

He raised an eyebrow interest. "Yeah?" he asked, trying to sound as indifferent as he could.

She sighed as she figured which of her previous relationships to tell, "But they never took me seriously." But back then, she had used it to her advantage. Only the lowest of the low tried to rape a child, and she had learned to defend herself long ago, "Haven't dated since highschool. My last guy thought I was too fragile, so you wanna know what he did?" She asked with a tight smile.

It seemed her past wasn't all rainbows and sunshine afterall, "What?" He encouraged her speech. Did she not live just the best life ever?

Falling back into her old nature, she decided to tell the worse one, "He led me on for a year. And I was too stupid to realize he didn't care anymore until I bumped into one of his other girlfriends." She laughed pessimistically then waved his concern off, "That was a while ago tho. The worst..Most weren't that bad." she tried to tell him, redeem her integrity some how, "Just let me crash on their couch, smoke their pot.. steal their food. All cuz they thought I was cute and weak," her green eyes pointed at a pink daisy. What if he was the same? What if he never took her seriously? What if he really thought her dream was crazy too?

"I've stayed off the market since then.." She sighed as she watched people jaywalking across the street. She finally looked back to him and tried to smile. "But I'm not sure I want that anymore." She chewed her cheek then shrugged, not wanting to be obvious. But what if she kept trying? Would things change?

His cheeks heated lightly at the meaning of her words -- he was her person of interest, "Yeah..." he cleared his throat and nodded,"..that's good. You can't let that hinder you." Wasn't he leading her on now? Like Jazza, he had asked her to walk with him, told her something very personal, and then gestured for her to sit next to him. Maybe it was better that he was leaving soon. Maybe he could control the damage.

She nodded,"Yeah. I don't. I just didn't want that to happen again." She told him with a small forced smile, wondering why his face was pink.

But... the pain of his past was hard to forget. Six years could not erase the eighteen before, "Though, I understand not being able to." He bit the inside of his cheek and shook his head. 'Not yet,' he told himself. She was kind now, but what if she got angry? What if she got horny? How would react? Would she..? "B-but uh hey." guilt forced his encouragement. "You'll find the right guy. Maybe you've already found him and you just don't know." He said with a laugh as he rubbed his legs.

Her smile faded as her hopes for being with him were dashed, "Yeah.." She crossed her arms behind her head and looked up to the trees above them,"I hope so..." She stared at the sky quietly for a moment then glanced down to him and sighed. It reminded her of that first night at the restaurant. His question, her answer. She keep getting such mixed signals, then, suddenly, nothing. Wasn't good, wasn't bad, just... nothing. "You're a good friend. I'm sorry I've been complaining about being single so much recently." She knew she needed to just let go of it. He had known about her attraction for a couple weeks now, but had done nothing -- nor indicated that he ever wanted to. She needed to face the facts.

He shrugged and leaned back as well. "It's ok. I don't mind it." He told her softly. Jesseye knew he didn't mean that. She was a hyperactive, annoying little brat, "I'm always here for you if you need me." He promised with a smile.

Regardless of her negative thoughts, she decided to edify her Savior and chime,"Same!" and expel a light, empty chuckle into the sky.

"You're the only real friend I ever had. So." He shrugged again. For a split second, Jesseye's smile faltered. His words sunk in further, driving the devil's nail deep into her heart. She was only a distraction. He'd only asked her to come to avoid old memories. If he didn't care for her that way, he never would. There was nothing she could do about it.

Jesseye cleared her throat, "So I'll be your friend as long as you'll have me," she said with a squeeze of his hand.

He looked to her hand in his and smiled lightly. "Same here."

"I don't care what happens, I've got your back, okay?" She smiled, released his hand, and crossed her arms. Least she was doing this now before her feelings got too strong to push down. She hated doing it, but if this was the price she'd have to pay for her restaurant, she'd do it. It only felt closer and closer every day.

He rubbed the back of his neck. "We should um. Probably head back now. He told her, standing to his feet. He didn't even wait for her to stand. Because of her height, she caught up quickly, but it still hurt. He suspected her life before conversion was much more shady then she let on.