Secret diary (12)

(Lilla's POV)

I felt guilty for not being able to save James from my dad's crazy plans, I knew it wasn't a good idea for him to be involved with the family business, but who could stop my dad from getting what he wanted? He didn't let anyone tell him what he should or shouldn't do... Except from my mom, occasionally, although he wasn't happy to acknowledge it. I sat there for a few minutes, wondering what would happen.

"It'll help him, don't worry about it", my mom said, "go to bed, you will get to talk to him in the morning".

I nodded, "okay, mom. Goodnight".

"Goodnight", she left the dining room and it took me a few minutes to do the same.

I went to my room, realizing I hadn't seen it since we got to my parent's house. I had forgotten how fragile and innocent the pastel pink walls made me feel, and the way my heart broke into pieces while lightly running my fingers through the polaroid pictures on the wall, since my brother was in most of them. I let the tears get lost in the delicate fabric of my dress as I stared at a specific picture, hanging over my mid-century nightstand. It was taken the last summer we spent together, we looked so happy, the sun shining brightly in the beach, ice cream on my nose that he put seconds before taking the picture, capturing the exact moment when we looked at each other and laughed; it was the most special picture I had. I wiped away my tears and took the picture off the wall, sneaking into the study where I kept my large collection of books. It had been more than a decade since our classic books made of paper had been replaced by the newest technology, they were basically ultra thin glass panels, shatterproof, with very useful qualities such as multi-touch screen, speech recognition and text to speech voice reader.

I looked for my 'secret diary', as I liked to call it, and decided to scan the picture, making it the cover of my diary, which had my darkest secrets written in it, my insecurities, fears and dreams; I always hid it in the boring collections I knew no one would ever read.

I was going back to my room when I saw James walking around, he looked confused. "Honey, what's wrong?", I asked.

"I can't find the guest room, please help me", he whispered and I let out a quiet laugh.

"You dummy! Follow me", I took his hand, leading him to his room.

"This house is too big! What do they even need all of these rooms for?".

"Well, each room has a purpose but I think it should feel lonely now that they're alone in this house", I said and opened the door, sitting in bed with him.

"I mean, your housemaid is still here and there's security people outside, rather than feeling alone in here I would feel overwhelmed knowing that they're always watching me", he was right, it never felt like you were actually alone in there.

"That's true but you get used to it eventually". I gasped as I remembered the fact that my dad was going to be his boss, "tell me, tell me! Is it official? Are you going to be working for my dad from now on?".

He nodded, "It's official, yes".

"I'm sorry I couldn't do anything about it, he's so stubborn".

He hugged me, still looking down, "don't worry, at least I won't feel bad for living in your house if I have a job, plus, how bad could it be?", he laughed and I told myself: 'you have no idea'.

"You shouldn't feel bad for it, it's our house now", I rested my head on his shoulder.

"My friends have said things and... you know, now your dad is saying the same. I don't want you to feel like I'm with you for the money", he said, taking a deep breath.

"I know you aren't, my parents don't understand and I don't want you to listen to what they say, okay?", I started rubbing his back.

"Okay...".

We stayed quiet for a few minutes but I raised my eyebrows when I heard James' phone vibrate. "Who's texting you? It's so late", I laughed.

He received another message before he could get his phone out of his pocket. "It's Cece, give me a second...", he checked the messages but got too distracted to tell me how the dogs were... if that was what they were talking about at all. He laughed and kept texting while I waited for his answer.

"So... How are Moon and Star doing?", I finally asked.

"Who?", he didn't look up from the screen as he spoke, "oh, the dogs, I'll ask her".

I didn't know they were becoming friends and, to be honest, that made me feel slightly uncomfortable for some reason.

"She says they're okay, I'm glad she could take care of them", he laid down to kept texting and I was starting to feel ignored as the minutes passed.

"Okay, I don't really have anything to do here and it's late , do you mind if I go to sleep now?", I got up and he grabbed my wrist.

He put his phone away and pouted, "don't go yet".

"I'm tired", I refused to make eye contact with him.

"What's wrong?", he had to let go of my arm.

"Nothing, I just want to sleep", I didn't know if I was scared, insecure or jealous but I wasn't going to tell him I got sad because of her.

"Is it Celine? I'm sorry, I got distracted", he got up too and kissed my cheek. "You can go to sleep if you really need to".

I nodded, "thank you, goodnight".

"Goodnight, love".

I went back to my room and laid in bed, trying to ignore my thoughts. I checked the notifications on my phone: no messages. Why did she only text him? What were they talking about? I kept making myself questions until, about an hour later, I finally fell asleep.