Chapter Twenty-Two: Silver Lining

My dad, insisting we should watch a movie, got up and headed to the kitchen to start on dinner. A small smile forced its way through my stone face at the thought, dad can't cook to save his life. I flicked through the channels on tv while he filled me in on the case.

"The good news is that he was denied bail. So, he'll stay in prison until his trial, which is said to be in a couple of weeks. Gia is unfortunately refusing to lay charges against him, so they only have him for what he did to you. And the prosecution is depending on your testimony in order to build a strong case against him. Tshepo is hoping he'll get 10 years behind bars." My dad explained and I huffed.

"That's it?" I asked in disbelief. I wanted him to rot in there.

"Well it would have been more if Gia pressed charges. But yes, 10 years is the minimum we're willing to accept." I rolled my eyes in frustration.

"I want him dead." I said darkly, deciding to try and find something on Disney +.

"You and me both." He said just as darkly.

"So, what happened to Porcelain?" thinking about her enraged me. My dad looked at me quizzically for a few seconds before he made the connection, and then chuckled. Even his laugh is tired.

"Anthony wants her admitted to a psychiatric hospital for evaluation. As you can imagine, she's refusing." I snorted. I mean they are twins. Who's to say she isn't psychotic too?

"What did she have to say about all of this?" I needed to know. The deep sigh that came from my dad made me anxious.

"Just remember mntanam, that man is the only family Gia has really known. And he had abused her for many years before she finally escaped him when she married Anthony. She doesn't see it as abuse though. That is what she knows as discipline. So, according to her, her brother was disciplining you. And we are unfair to get him arrested." My face formed into a frown as I digested what my dad just told me. I couldn't pinpoint exactly how I felt about it. I didn't want to think about Gia. Not right now anyway.

"And my friends?" I paused, pushing myself into the couch, "do they know?" I didn't want anyone to know. If it were up to me, we'd pretend it never even happened.

"Ayanda knows all the details. I told her to keep it to herself. She came to see you in the hospital after your operation and wanted to move in here so she could be there for you, but I wanted that to be your choice. She calls me 12 times a day to check on you. She says she told Kevin and the rest of your friends that you fell while jogging and hurt your knee, nothing else." Of course, Ayanda knew, my dad made the right choice. Rather her than anyone else. I know she won't tell a soul.

I watched Barbie In Swan Lake while my dad cooked, grateful for the distraction. I needed innocence. Barbie will never go through what I went through. Sure, she gets her heart broken. But she stays innocent forever, something I wished could happen to me too.

We watched The Cheetah Girls 1 & 2 over dinner, a spaghetti bolognaise that I could have sworn was cooked by someone else because it was marvellous. Nothing like the mess my dad usually makes. We barely spoke, but it was the most fun I had in days. Dad cares naught for Disney musicals, I knew he was only watching in an effort to cheer me up. It worked, because for a few hours, I wasn't suffocated by pain, but I was living with it.

When the second movie finished, my dad helped me to my room, lingering long enough to tuck me in and plant a kiss on my temple. And when he closed the door behind me, the tap in my head opened and I was enveloped by pain once again.

I scrolled through my phone, ignoring the countless messages and missed calls from my friends. I didn't want to talk to anyone. My dad was the only one I felt comfortable enough to talk to. And that annoying nurse. I wanted to stay hidden from the rest of the world until the hurt melted away. I wondered idly if that would ever happen. It was unlikely, but a girl could only hope. I opened up my Spotify app, pressing the shuffle button to let Spotify decide what I should listen to. Rihanna's 'Love the Way You Lie Part 2' came on and I almost laughed at the irony, as the music floated around my room through the speakers. My face started to twitch.

On the first page of our story

The future seemed so bright

The lyrics caught me by surprise, the glass over my eyes did not.

Then this thing turned out so evil

I don't know why I'm still surprised

Even angels have their wicked schemes

And you take that to new extremes

But you'll always be my hero

Even though you've lost your mind

I struggled to breathe through the knot in my throat. It could have happened to anyone. Why did it happen to me? Why did he leave me there? Why couldn't he protect me? Why does it hurt so much?

Now there's gravel in our voices

Glass is shattered from the fight

He betrayed me. I trusted him. Granted, I don't know him that well, but I trusted him to protect me. Was this punishment for being infatuated with him? Is that what this was? I was hauled out of this house like a bag of rice, violated in broad daylight in the middle of a road, all because I wanted to go to a car show with him. How do I move on from this?

So maybe I'm a masochist

I try to run but I don't wanna ever leave

Til the walls are goin' up

In smoke with all our memories

But he saved me. That man would have raped me had Anthony not come when he did. The memory of my daisy dukes sliding down my legs sent a tremor through my body. When he realized I was gone, he raced to find me. The tears soaked through my duck feathered pillow as they kept gushing out. My phone beeped twice, two incoming messages that I didn't have the energy to check for. I thought I knew pain before. I didn't. This ... this is pain. How do I shut it off? It is unbearable. I hate him. I hate him so much, it hurt.

This house is too huge; if you move out I'll burn all two thousand

Square feet of it to the ground,

Aint shit you can do about it

'Cause with you I'm in my fuckin' mind,

Without you I'm out of it

My phone rang, cutting the song off, I didn't recognize the number. I don't know what possessed me, but I answered, pressing the phone to my ear with bated breath.

"Azania?" it's him. Why was he calling me?

"What do you want?" I asked in contempt.

"Your forgiveness. I want you to know that I would never hurt you intentionally. I never meant to put you in that position, Azania. What happened last Thursday was my fault. I let my emotions get the best of me, was irritational and in turn, I left you unprotected. I was so stupid." He said in a sincere voice. I tightened my grip on the phone.

"Your stupidity almost cost me my virginity, Anthony." I said in a small voice. I heard his sharp intake of breath over the phone and closed my eyes.

"It haunts me day and night. I am truly sorry Azania. I don't know how I'm ever going to make this up to you. I know it is impossible to erase the memories and pain, but I want to try, even if it only erases an ounce. And I won't stop until I do." His voice is a gentle caress. I was unsure of what to say, so I stayed quiet, wiping my tears away furiously.

"Please stop crying." He begged and I breathed a humourless laugh.

"I wish it were that easy!" I snapped.

"I know. I'm sorry."

"Stop saying that. Sorry doesn't change anything." I retorted.

"You're right. I apologize." He said solemnly.

"I hate you." I spat and he sighed.

"I know. I hate me too." He sounded defeated, like he knew there was nothing he could do.

"I don't want to add to your stress. I just wanted you to know how sorry I am. I won't stop saying it until you believe me. I'm glad you've decided to stay." I could hear the relief in his voice, making me regret my decision. I stayed quiet.

"Goodnight Azania." He said and I could hear the smile in his voice. The phone clicked off before I could reply, and I eyed it for a few seconds before I chucked it next to me on the bed. The music resumed.

I needed to sleep, but I did not fancy a needle up my butt at that moment. I opened the Audible app on my phone, choosing to listen to one of my favourite books, 'My Sister's Keeper' by Jodi Picoult. I replayed the conversation I just had with Jackass over and over again in my head, confused at how I felt about it. I hate him, this I know for sure. But he saved me, and that I could not ignore.