Chapter Twenty-Four: Love Language

I was shivering violently, cold to the bone, but the heater of the Jeep kicked in a little while later as Kevin drove to his place. It was silent in the small confines of the car as we drove. I couldn't tell what he was thinking, all I knew was that I didn't care. A few minutes later, Kevin pulled up to their garage and killed the engine. He turned to look at me for a few seconds before he got out of the car, only to come to my side and scoop me into his arms after unbuckling my seatbelt. I tried to protest, but he ignored me and opened the garage door that lead to the house. I was limp in his arms and he carried me like I weighed nothing.

The house was seemingly empty because it was the most silent this house has ever been, and I've been here a lot. He opened the door to his bedroom, barely struggling with me in his arms, and carried me straight to his bathroom. Once in the bathroom, Kevin set me down gently on the closed toilet seat and moved to fill the bathtub with water. I watched with a trembling body as he poured some bath salts in the slowly filling bathtub and the water started foaming immediately, the scent of lavender filling my nostrils. The scent reminded me vaguely of Porcelain. When the water was filled almost to the brim, he turned the faucet off and turned to look at me, his eyes sparkling with love and care. I had my arms wrapped around me, and he slowly unwrapped them from my body, not taking his eyes off my own. His hands found their way to the zip of my jacket, and he slowly unzipped it and gently took it off me.

I was breathing heavily, my breath mixing with the blanket of steam that covered the room. There was no sign of lust in his eyes as he pulled my plain white shirt over my head. After what I have been through, I would have expected to cringe away from his touch, as I did earlier, but I stood still and let him undress me. His fingertips brushed against my arms, leaving goose bumps in their wake. I was left in my bra and panties, and I had no desire to cover myself up. Only because the look in his eyes told me all he wanted to do was take care of me and take my pain away. I gave him a small nod and he pulled me into his arms, squeezing me gently and making me feel safe at the same time.

"I never want to see you breakdown like that baby. It broke my heart." he whispered in my ear as his hands found their way to my back, and skilfully unclipped my bra. He kissed my shoulder and let my bra fall to the floor. My heart rate started picking up as the realisation dawned on me that Kevin had never seen me naked before, despite us dating for 3 years. I did not feel violated at all as he trailed kisses down my neck, towards my shoulder blades and between the swell of my breasts. I think this is what I needed, anything to get rid of the feel of those cold, bloody hands on my skin. Kevin's touch will erase that. I know it will.

"You," he murmured before placing a soft kiss below my breasts.

"Are," he kissed my flat stomach as his fingers tugged at the waistband of my panties.

"Beautiful." He said and placed a kiss on my navel as my panties pooled at my feet. He looked back up at me and rose to his feet. He placed a finger underneath my chin, forcing me to look up into his emerald eyes. I was panting when his soft lips met mine, swallowing my apprehension. This was the first time I had kissed him with emotion since the incident, and it erupted the butterfly zoo in my stomach that had gone into hibernation. He must have felt it too because he suddenly breathed into the kiss, clashing his wet clothed clad body into my naked one. I weaved my fingers into his wet silky hair and deepened the kiss. He pulled away after a few moments and pressed his forehead against mine, both of us breathing heavily.

"I love you so much Azania. Whatever is going on with you, whatever happened to you; just know that it will never change how I feel about you. I don't want you experiencing whatever pain you are feeling alone. I love you and I am here for you. Okay?" he whispered, his voice a sweet and gentle caress. I closed my eyes and nodded, feeling the tears prick my eyes again. He placed his cold hand on my cheek, and I leaned into it as a single tear escaped my lids. He wiped it away with his thumb and kissed my forehead, shushing me.

He took my hand and guided me to the bathtub, making sure I stepped in safely and he still held onto my hand even when I had sat down in the overflowing water, making it lap on the sides. It took my body a few minutes to adjust to the scalding water, but soon I relaxed into it. He put a rolled-up towel at the base of my skull, allowing me to rest my back against the ceramic tub, submerging my entire body into the bubbly water. He grabbed a hairbrush I left at his place once, from the cupboard below the sink and started brushing out the tangles in my hair, from tip to root, as my eyes fluttered closed. While my hair was damp, he parted it into four sections, and started twisting my hair like I taught him. It felt like heaven.

He pressed a kiss on my forehead and whispered 'I love you' when he was done, before he padded out of the bathroom, leaving me in the lavender filled bathtub. Sometimes I forget what a great boyfriend Kevin is.

It was two days before Valentine's Day, meaning that the, uhm ... the assault happened 3 weeks ago. I had gone back to school the week after my birthday, much to my dad's protests but I couldn't stay cooped up at home forever. My stitches were removed a week ago, but I was still wearing the brace, only because it felt like my knee would give in whenever I tried walking without it. I had started rehab and the physiotherapist I was assigned to hates my guts. At least I think he does because he pushes me too hard and too far.

I avoided Jackass at all costs. My dad and I steered clear from the main house, and the main house steered clear from us. And I'm glad it is that way. I hadn't seen Gia since that day, and I didn't ever want to see her now that I know she blames me for what happened. My dad blames her. And I think Jackass does too. I hear them fighting every second day. For a house that is supposedly soundproof, I could hear a lot more than I cared to. Seeing him at school was harder than anticipated. He had agreed to give me my space, but he was making an effort to show me that he'd do anything to earn my forgiveness. The Captain's dinner with all the captains of every team in school, their coaches, and the faculty and of course our 'beloved' principal, was a complete nightmare. We had to pose for various pictures, had to sit through interviews together with the press and our sponsors and he was by my side the entire time. It had been suffocating but I had a role to play, and I played it well, smiling the whole time and not showing a single sign of weakness. My mask was on most of the time, no one except my dad, Ayanda, and those involved knew what happened to me. Ayanda had told everyone that I injured my knee jogging, and people sort of just accepted that explanation and stopped asking me questions I had no desire to answer.

I didn't want anyone to know about the assault because I didn't want them looking at me any differently. Jackass at least had the decency to keep it to himself as well. I was all smiles and no problems at school, and then I'd turn into an emotionless zombie at home. The two never mixed and no one saw anything different. I had started going to therapy because my dad thought it would help me deal with things. I hated it. I liked being an emotionless zombie more than I liked being the girl who broke down in the middle of a highway.

A heavy sigh escaped my moist lips as my thoughts drifted to Kevin. I had been cold and distant from him ever since I went back to school. Sometimes, his touch nauseated me, and I would cringe away from him using pathetic excuses like 'we're at school' and 'you'll get in trouble.' There was no emotion behind my kisses, or passion behind our embraces. He would try talking to me about it and I would tell him that he was imagining it. But he never gave up. He went to such great lengths to fix whatever was broken between us that when my dad let it slip that I would be going to therapy, he offered to drive me there and offer his support. I was nothing but rude to him, but he stuck by me, and that meant the world to me. It made me feel even more horrible that I did what I did with Jackass, without taking him into consideration. I have always been selfish, and I hated myself for it. I needed to do something really special for my boyfriend for Valentine's Day, just to show him how much I appreciated him.