Chapter 42: What a Waste of a Lovely Night

Malinda ignored what happened and instead goes through my bag again, finding something new. Subsequently, the flashlight starts failing to work and the lights glitch. I grab it and try to fix it.

While I was trying to turn it on again, Malinda asks, "What is this?"

After a second, I see she's holding Jacob's journal.

"Oh, uh, that's—" is now a good idea to bring up Jacob? Or is it even a good idea to bring up?

I don't say anything and just watch as she flips through the pages. Without looking, she asked, "You write about me?"

"Well, it's not really mine,"

She continues reading. It was dark and I couldn't see anything, but I suddenly hear her gasp and stand up. She softly huffed, "Jacob…"

"Yeah, I wanted to tell you that but…"

"Do you know who he is?"

Guess I have no choice. I hesitated, "We're… related."

Malinda paced back and forth and panicked, "You are related to him?! This entire time, you have been deceiving me, and even called me your friend."

"What do you mean? I'm not deceiving you." I try to calm her down.

"You're just like him! You're going to expose me… you're—you'll bring everyone you know inside here."

"Malinda, I won't do that! Listen, I swear—"

"The picture… you took a picture of this cave. That is the evidence." She grabs my phone and mindlessly presses random options.

"Malinda, I'm nothing like Jacob. I won't bring anyone here, I promise." She wasn't listening to me. I stand up and blurt out, "I understand your family arranged a royal marriage for you." She suddenly stops and looks at me, "I know you hated it. You hate crowds and big gatherings, and you hate being forced to do things."

"How do you know that?" She questions silently.

"You… told me?"

"I never told you about the marriage!" Shit. "I simply mentioned about courting. Was it also written in the journal?! You are really trying to learn every secret of mine?!" She continues going through my phone. But she's going just through random applications.

"I'm really not. Look, give my phone and we'll talk about this properly."

"That's what everyone says to me! There's no point in talking if my voice isn't heard. It's never heard! I never get a chance to say anything, ever! And when I do speak my mind, everyone hates it! They don't listen… they don't care… They don't understand… I don't understand." We both stare at each other for a moment until, "I don't need to." Malinda throws my phone in the pond.

My eyes widen and I wanted to get furious again. But I look at Malinda and know deep down there's a bigger issue here. I take a deep breath, "You said that was my evidence. And you threw it away. But I don't care. Because I told you, I'm your friend."

"Leave me alone."

"I want to stay with you."

"I don't want you to."

My heart skipped a beat. She's still gazing at me with fury. For some reason, I waited.

I nod slowly, "Okay. You say no one listens to you, but I will. So, if you don't want me to stay, then I'll go."

I wait again. Or any sort of reaction. Anything at all. But there was nothing. I straighten my back and start walking. While I was, there were obvious hints of uncertainty and I was waiting again.

Nothing.

When I left the cave, a raindrop touched my shoes. I look above and it was starting to drizzle a bit. When I did, the flower crown on my head fell down. I almost forgot I was wearing it. I picked it up and examined it.

Then I look behind me one last time. I know nothing would happen, but I feel seriously strange up to my stomach right now. Can't do anything about that now. I go back upstairs to the dirt bike and start driving. During the trip, I suddenly realized that I didn't bring back anything with me. I mean, my phone would already be gone by now, not that there's anything important stored in there, and everything else inside that bag is pointless, so I didn't care anymore. I just hoped there was music to distract me from my thoughts again.

-

It took a while to hit me that I was already back home.

There were silly squeals echoing through the house and I check the living room to see what's happening.

"...brown paper packages tied up with strings, these are a few of my—" I see Aunt and Rose singing together around the dining room. Looks like they're having fun today. Can't relate. I try to escape the scene until my name was called out. I look back.

"Y-you're back early." Aunt Maine fixes herself and awkwardly greets.

"How was your date!" Rose yelled out while jumping to the floor.

"Date? I wasn't on a d—" I cut off my words when I realized she was pertaining to Jessica, "Ah, yeah. Great. It was great."

"You got your tuxedo all dirty. Didn't you bring your umbrella?" Aunt Maine asks.

I start walking away, "I'll just dry off." I reply weakly.

Looking at my room and feeling the sense of aloneness and comfort after this long day was such an ineffable feeling.

Falling straight down to my bed was an everyday thing, but today felt especially heavier. For a moment, I went completely numb. Like the trip from back home, nothing was hitting me. And I didn't even know the time or amount of time passed. The bed was also starting to get a little soaked because of me, but I couldn't care less. However, I did feel extremely cold. Both physically, and emotionally. I said I'll dry off, but I don't feel like getting up right now. Frankly, I don't feel like getting up anymore.

My hand was still attached to Malinda's flower crown and my eyes couldn't look away from it. And it stays like that for another while.

Every single person has been through the worst of their days, and in the midst of it, they think of absolutely abandoning everything for one second, but knowing deep down they can't. That's how I would describe this moment right now.

But then again, like earlier today, my head was pretty empty. Like I'm too tired to think properly. Some images and moments of today and the past week flashed in my mind, but I can't even react to it or make any rational opinions about it. It was just blank. I was just blank.

I haven't felt this low for the longest time. That's because I continually adjusted my emotions to reality so that I wouldn't be let down anymore. For the one day I thought I could let loose, this is what happens. So, I'm now descending deeper than my bed in complete regret. I would usually have something to divert my attention away from everything. Knowing that I don't have my phone or sketchpad right now, there really isn't much to do. Right. Even Malinda, someone who doesn't know anything about me yet, told me I have to face my problems one way or another.

What do I even do with my life?

Ignore everything that happens to me to school tomorrow? I scoff, remembering about the art-poem homework bullshit.

I see a clean, plain white paper on my table and a pencil.

I don't want to move a single muscle. My body feels like giving up one me. But it's like something is forcedly dragging me to get up and do something. And I hate it. I really hate it.

For some reason, I go towards it.