WHIPS AND CHAINS
Recap
The same thing happened when I tightened the belt over your arm. However, as a result of my carelessness, my previously sunny days have now become cloudy and wet. I wanted to get high, but I did what every addict does: I cheated, stole, and lied. As a result, now that I'm out and free, this melancholy rush I crave has claimed another member of my family, and I sit here thinking, "DAMN." I'm still feeling bad, but I should be grateful that I now have control over my life.
She didn't even close with a greeting? I sincerely hope the following ones are better.
-
Why do I constantly receiving strange letters?
Hello, Damien
I'm smitten by you whenever I think of you. Because of you, my life is in ruins, and I'm a complete disaster. Most days, I struggle just to get out of bed and dress. Those crazy concepts are still circling around in my mind. As I start to think of ways to make myself feel better. I'm unsure of my options at this point. I won't be able to get through even one day without you. I used to have dreams that I never realised. So I've made my family very ashamed of me right now. When I was younger, those are the dreams I can recall having. Though it doesn't seem like it, my life is much harder than it seems. Then, I was unsure of what would occur. But now everyone can see how bad off I am. You're determined to stay and sabotage my life. In addition, I gave you control over me because I lack the strength to resist.
I occasionally feel pleased, but I'm usually depressed. Please, oh please, oh please, oh please, oh please, oh please, oh please, oh please I made an effort to halt it, but it was already too late. I no longer have any influence over my choices. My thoughts are being directed by your voice within my head. slowly but surely making me crazy. I'm sitting here contemplating how to say goodbye to you. I am aware that you are a permanent resident of this place. There is one thing, though, and I'm positive it's true. I am unable to carry on living my life without you. I can't help but feel lonely even if there are people all around me. And although he claims to love me, he no longer demonstrates it. See, I've been trying to find myself again, but I feel like I've lost my way. I have therapeutic notions running through my head. My eyes have been opened, yet I find it difficult to express to them how devastated I am by his rejection. We fight far too frequently, and I wish we could stop. How am I supposed to mend a broken heart when my spirit is so shattered? My smile covers up the tears in my eyes. My laughter covers up my yells. This has been the situation for a while. Not everything is as it seems. I seem to be happy all the time. disregarding anything outside. You should be mindful that many things remain unsaid, though. Nobody is familiar with me. The only thing they know about me is what's on my cover. However, I wish I could set it free. Inform them of what is beneath. I instead practise smiling in front of a mirror. I then make an effort to sound more natural in my phoney chuckle.
What is the issue? Are you in need of assistance? They'll only ask for that. I've decided to hide behind a mask as a result. Darkest blue, dancing from Jupiter to Mars, caressed by the moon and the stars. To be discovered in the moonlight and cherished under a clouded sky. The sun has never heard me sob, so let it go by. Because no matter how bad things go, I always have the moon to keep me company, and there's something special about moonlight that makes it seem as if it was made just for me. I once felt optimistic about this life. I occasionally still held that belief, but it was ebbing away. I feel abandoned in my misery, and it's difficult to mend. I'm getting a bit more broken every day, yet I'm still clinging to these emotions.
I'm hiding my true smile, the one that shows my ignorance, behind the entire smile. I shouldn't be thinking lonely things, but I am. I can conceal it so well that it makes me feel as though I'm in hell. I was fighting these devils off while experiencing tremendous inside anguish. Anything that won't make me feel so afraid would be preferable, in my opinion. There are some things that make life livable, therefore I know it is possible. One dollar bills no longer bring me the same happiness they once did. I remember a time when dreams were attainable; right now, it seems that I am utterly fallible. I want to find myself as soon as I can. I feel as if a cocoon is surrounding me. Instead of being so unconnected, I'd like to hatch. I must put an end to this coldness before I die.
I've always been carefree and happy since I was kid. I used to run around laughing until it was time for tea. I used to spend all of my time smiling and playing games. I once thought I was in control of everything. I was in decent shape once.
It's amazing how things alter when people disappoint you. See how that once-happy grin changes into a dejected scowl? You search for someone who will take a chance, who will care, and who will understand. To be alone aches. You are killed from the inside out by it. It causes you to feel choked. You stop in your tracks as a result. You sob your way to sleep while tightly clutching your pillow and hoping all night long for a cuddle. I was happy and carefree when I was younger. My life is now consumed with pain and misery. When I was younger, I was never alone, but now days I sincerely hope I'm not. You are blind to everything else and only see what you choose to see. You only pay attention to what you want to hear, ignoring everything else without a second thought. Then how can you assert that you are aware that it is untrue because so many things fail to succeed? What if, however, I had you pay attention and informed us of everything you were unaware of? What caused you to stop and take notice? Would it be audible to you if I told you about all the times I sobbed in silence at night and all the hurt that naggingly lingered inside? Would it concern you? Or would you keep treating me like I don't exist? Could you see what you've been missing if I made you? But like the scars on my arms and legs, you're rejected. If I showed you my heart slowly deteriorating, would you recognise it had been years in the making? You were absolutely unaffected by the sobs and tears. Not at all, I assure you. It might be past due for you to pay attention to what has been occurring right in front of your eyes.
initial love,
Danielle.
I drop the letter, and then I hear a knock at my door, and she comes in.
Danielle...