Letters From No one

[Back at the Dursleys'. Petunia and a bundled up Dudley come in.

Petunia: (reassuring a distressed Dudley) It's all right. It's all right.

(They walk in the living room.)

Harry and Vernon enter. Vernon slams the door and shoves Harry against a wall, taking his hair.]

"YOU KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF OF MY GODSON" Sirius Black yells.

"I don't need to listen to you freaks" Vernon retorts, looking proud of himself for 'putting a freak in his place'

"One we are not 'Freaks.' Two Shut the Fuck up. And three Silencio." Remus yells, and just like that Vernon Dursley and his family are quiet once again.

[Harry: Ow!

Vernon: What happened?!

Harry: I swear I don't know! (Vernon snarls) One minute, the glass was there and then it was gone! It was like magic!

(Vernon scoffs at this, shoves Harry in the cupboard under the stairs and slams the door)]

"Keep your hand off him!" Neville yells, shocking himself as he sends a stinging hex at the elder male Dursley.

[Vernon: There's no such thing as magic!

(He blackens out the vent on the door, an owl flies into view and lands itself on a TV aerial on one of the houses' roof)

The camera slowly pans up to reveal Dudley in his smartest school uniform, posing and smiling grandly.]

Laughter breaks out of the theatre at Dudley. Though it mainly came from the Marauders and the Twins, with Harry chuckling quietly.

[Petunia: Awww, smile. (She takes a photograph of him. She gasps in joy.) Vernon, just look at him. I can't believe it. In just a week you'll be off to Smeltings.

Vernon: Caveat Smeltona. Proudest moment of my life.

Harry: Will I have to wear that, too?]

"No, thank Merlin, you just have to wear a big black cloak with the Gryffindor colours" Hermione joked.

[They draw their attention to Harry

Petunia: What, you? Go to Smeltings?

(Harry nods, questionably)

Vernon: Ha!

(They laugh in amusement)

Petunia: Oh, don't be so stupid, you're going to the state school where you belong. (Goes to the kitchen and fishes out a grey shirt in a boiler.) And this is what you're gonna be wearing when I've finished dyeing it.

Harry: But that's Dudley's old uniform. It'll fit me like bits of old Elephant skin.

Petunia: It'll fit you well enough. Go get the post. (Harry then heads to the hallway) Go!

Harry leaves the living room area into the hallway and picks up some letters, one of which had his name on it with his address of where he slept. Uncle Vernon and Dudley sit at the table while Aunt Petunia is busy fixing breakfast. Harry walks in with the mail and hands it to Uncle Vernon, then walks to his seat with his letter.]

"No Harry! You should have thrown your letter in 'your' cupboard and read when you were forced to go back in it!" Lily said, saying 'your cupboard' and 'forced back into it' as if it was dripping venom.

"If Harry was clever and cunning we would know it by know" Alex says jokingly.

"OI" Harry yells offended to all the laughs going around.

[Vernon: (after reading a postcard) Oh, Marge is ill! Ate a funny whelk.

(Dudley suddenly notices Harry's letter and runs to grab it from him and give it to his father.)

Dudley: Dad! Look! Harry's got a letter!]

"Can't you keep that big mouth of yours shut long enough for Harry to read his letter?!" McGonagall - surprising almost everyone - shouts.

[Harry: Hey, give it back! It's mine!

Vernon: Yours? Who'd be writing to you?]

"Only most of the wizarding world" Ron snorts.

"Including our beloved-"

"-Little sister Ginny-"

"-Who would most likely kill us-"

"-If she were here-" The twins speak in tandem.

"You know I think I might like Ginny if I got a chance to meet her." Lily said.

"Also your 'twin speak' is really confusing!" James exclaimed, the twins just chuckling at him.

[The family gathers to look at the address. There is a broken seal on the letter. The family looks up and Harry gulps. Much later, another owl flies by with a letter and drops it off. Inside, Vernon grabs a handful of letters and rips them up. In the closet, Harry hears a whirring noise. He looks out at Vernon drilling wood over the letterbox opening.

Vernon: No more mail through this letterbox.

(Harry quietly closes the cupboard door. The next day, Vernon and Petunia are outside the door. Vernon is about to head off to work. Petunia kisses his cheek.)

Petunia: Have a lovely day at the office, dear.

(She stops, looks and sees a bunch of owls.)

Vernon: Shoo! Go on!

She notices something and pats Vernon on the shoulder to get his attention, and what they see is more letters addressed to Harry.

Later, Petunia is cracking an egg into a bowl, and what instead comes out is a folded-up letter. She cracks another one, but another letter comes out as well. She then cracks yet another one, but the same happens again. She stares at the letter, and then she hears the owls screeching. She draws her attention to the outside of the window, and what she sees is four owls sitting on some garden chairs. Petunia then screams and runs off.]

"Drama Queen" Lily and Snape mutter, the later not being heard.

[Much later, Vernon is tossing letters into the fireplace. Harry comes around the corner. Vernon grins evilly and tosses more in. The scene fades to the next day, the family is sitting around, Harry is serving cookies.

Vernon: Fine day Sunday. In my opinion, the best day of the week. Why is that, Dudley?

Harry: (when Dudley shrugs and didn't answer, as Harry hands a cookie to Vernon) Because there's no post on Sunday?]

"Not in the Wizarding world!" George speaks.

[Vernon: Ah, right you are, Harry. No post on Sunday. Ha! No blasted letters today. No, sir. Not one single bloody letter, not one.

(Harry sees a shadow outside the window. Outside, millions of owls are perched.) No, sir, not one blasted, miserable-

As Vernon was talking, a letter shoots out of the fireplace and zips across Vernon's face, cutting him off. There is a rumbling and then millions of letters come shooting out of the fireplace. The family shrieks in horror as Harry watches in amazement.

Dudley: AHH! Make it stop! Please make it stop!

He jumps on Petunia's lap as she and Vernon continue screaming

Vernon: Go away, ahh!

Dudley: What is it? Please tell me what's happening!

Harry jumps onto the coffee table to grab a letter. He gets one and starts to run away. Vernon jumps up as well.]

"You better not touch him!" The three Marauders, and, well everybody else that is not a Dursley, Dumbledore, or an ever angry teacher, growls.

"Harry why didn't you pick one up off the floor-"

"-Wait don't tell us-"

"-You were practicing-"

"-Your seeker skills" the twins teased, making Harry blush,

[Vernon: Give me that! Give me that letter!

He chases Harry and grabs him before Harry gets into his closet.

Harry: Get off! Ahh!

Vernon restrains Harry as several letters begin to shoot everywhere around the house.

Vernon: Ahh!

Harry: They're my letters! Let go of me!

The wood plank nailed in front of the letterbox finally breaks from the excess pressures of the letters shooting through the letter.

Vernon: That's it! We're going away! Far away! Where they can't find us!

Dudley: Daddy's gone mad, hasn't he?!]

"Hate to say it Dud, but daddy went mad a long time ago" Harry says as if explaining something to a child.

"DON'T YOU DARE SPEAK TO OUR CHILD YOU FREAK! IF ANY OF YOU FREAKS TALK TO US AGAIN YOU WILL BE IN JAIL FASTER THEN YOU CAN SAY FREAK!" Vernon bellowed, finally breaking free of the silencing charm that Remus put on them.

"And now we can report you to the aurors. For threat to hurt, in lack of a better word, children of 4 ancient and most noble houses. Which would then result in a charge for line theft. We couldn't put a charge on you until we had a recent threat, so here we go." Alex states, sending a smug look at the horrified Dursley's.

[Petunia watches with a horrified look on her face, knowing that Dudley may be right.]