Chapter 14

-Harper-

It was rough the next couple of days, trying to deal with the media and the cops. They all wanted to know what happened, who took me, where they took me to. But I didn't want to tell anyone, I didn't want to be near anyone. Gabe stayed close but understood my need for space. I stayed in my bedroom mostly, and Gabe stayed in a room across the hall. His mind was there giving me space, but close enough that if I reached for it I wouldn't have to reach very far. That nightmares were always hovering as well. Gabe kept them at bay and I usually had a good night's sleep, but I knew it took a toll on him to have to monitor my dreams all night. He barely slept even though his father offered to watch over me for a little bit, I felt like he wanted to be the one who I turned to if I needed help. I rolled over in bed trying to clear my mind, to let it drift peacefully into sleep, but there was nagging exhaustion in the back of my mind. Something I wasn't fully aware of, and I knew it wasn't from me. I shouldn't be exhausted, Christmas break wasn't even over yet. I should be well-rested and bright-eyed. I closed my eyes and I couldn't ignore his needs anymore. It was just selfish of me.

Gabe...are you awake? There was a quick response of feeling, he was very awake now. He was waiting to get me anything I needed or wanted. I opened my feelings to him, and within a couple of seconds my bedroom door swung open on a well-oiled arch and I sat up in the middle of my bed. I rolled to my nightstand table and turned on the small lamp. It's warm light chased back the shadows and Gabe stood in the doorway, not really sure if I wanted him to enter.

"Please Gabe, you need sleep." I held my hand out, and he staggered slightly over to the bed. He crawled up beside me and I laid back on the mass of pillows at the head of my bed. His exhausted hazel eyes dipped shut.

"You wanted to talk." He mumbled and I reached up running my fingers over his eyebrows, and down the bridge of his nose, across his cheekbones, and I could feel his mind drift into a sleep that should have only been reserved for the dead. I cuddled up against him and he rolled onto his back. I slipped right into his arms, and my head rested perfectly on the hollow of his shoulder. And all the anxiety static in my body fell silent, I rested peacefully in his arms. Feeling completely content with my life, knowing that outside this little cocoon of safety was a world that wanted answers and was harsh. But for right now the smell of Gabe's body wash was enough to invoke a feeling of warm fuzziness. I dozed on and off for a while. I heard the bed shift and the door open. I popped up out of Gabe's side and Miles stood at the foot of the bed. He looked at my face, the bruises were mostly faded and the cuts were healed.

"You deserved every second of that for what you did to my stepbrother." I frowned and looked to Gabe who was still passed out.

"I may pick on him and push him around, but never have I hurt him the way you did when you disappeared." His voice wasn't harsh, but soft. He cared about Gabe, this was his brother. Well stepbrother, but still.

"I may not be able to dream sail, or be able to hurt you right now, but I promise you. If I ever see that look of desperation on his face again I will end you." He turned and walked out of my room, and when the door clicked I looked down to a still very sleepy Gabe. I pushed off the blankets and carefully slid out of bed. Making sure not to make any noise as I crossed the room. My school books sat on the desk and it seemed like another world. Thinking about finals and only worrying about the classes I wanted to take. It felt like I was being so naive...so young. Blind to the true dangers the world could hold. And I wanted to be a Guardian? My father had warned me when I was younger of the dangers of having influence over other's people's lives and I remember the talk so vividly because it terrified me but it taught me the lesson that he wanted to get across. I sat down in front of my books and there was a single thought in my mind. I should have been stronger, I wanted to be a Guardian. I needed to be better, my first year shouldn't be the adjustment year. I needed to buckle down, to get the idea of childish things out of my mind. I looked back to Gabe and he rolled over on my bed. I needed to have a single thing on my mind and that was getting better, stronger. For him. For me. I sighed and I thought about breaking it off with Gabe just until I was capable of defending myself the idea caused tremendous pain and anxiety to flood my body. He was the crutch I was leaning on, and I was aware of it even if he wasn't. I looked at my books and then back to Gabe, he would never hold me back. If it explained to him my feelings my emotions, he would understand and would support me. I walked over to the side of the bed he was facing and ran my fingers over his hairline and he didn't budge. He was so tired, he would be an amazing Guardian someday, but he shouldn't have to practice on me because I was unable to protect myself. I grabbed my phone, headphones, and walked to my dresser drawer. There was a lot to think about, a lot of decisions to make, and my mind was in chaos. I pulled my sports bra, and athletic pants out and changed in the bathroom before casting one last look at my bed wishing to crawl back in and return things to the way they had been, but like it or not that encounter changed the way my mind thought through things. No longer would I be defenseless and weak. Waiting to be saved. I would save myself so no one else had to.

I knew it would be hard to talk to Gabriel about this, but I couldn't let him just pretend that everything was still the same.

After returning to school I sat in my room with so many thoughts on my mind. How was I going to explain this to him?

Would he understand?

He knocked on the door, and I could feel his mind wander to mine. I got up and opened the door for him. By the look on his face, he knew that this wasn't going to be a good talk. It was going to be rough, for both of us. I had to detach myself, that was the only way I was going to be able to get through this.

"Gabe we need to talk..." Almost instantly I felt his guard go up, and it brought tears to my eyes. No. Shut it down. Detach Harper, you know how to.

"I don't want to hurt you, and ever since--," My hand went up to the back of my neck.

"I have felt like I just am not the same...I need space. I need-" He came over and pulled me into a tight hug.

"You don't have to explain anything to me, if you want space then we will take a break until you are ready..." I felt my heartache. To see the sadness and hopelessness in his eyes. He tried to hide it from me, but I saw it never the less. I couldn't leave him hanging out in the cold. Gabriel was a good guy, and angle or demon would be lucky to catch his attention. I know I had been.

"You don't have to wait for me." The words left an ugly taste in my mouth. The corner of his mouth curved in an almost amused smile.

"I wouldn't wait for just anyone, but once you have seen heaven nothing else will do," He ran a hand down my cheek and I let myself enjoy the caress just for a moment.

"Gabriel, I'm serious." His green eyes stared into mine. Pressing a soft kiss to my forehead.

"So am I, I will be here when you are ready." He released me and walked to the door and it felt wrong to let him go. It was a mistake, but it wasn't going to change my decision.

I needed to take time to work on myself...and I couldn't do that if I depended on him as I do. I had to learn how to stand on my own. For better or worse.

So now it was time to face the beast inside me, one that had been awoken while I was tied to the chair. I would never allow myself to be in that position again. I would be better, stronger, faster. I should have been able to defend myself.

It was time to learn.