Lack Of Empathy

I had fainted because of the dizziness. Now I struggled to open my eyes. They felt heavy, as if they were holding heavy weights on them. On opening them, I found myself in my parents' room. I noticed my mother sitting on a tufted sofa in the corner. She looked at me with concerned eyes then said, "Honey, how do feel?"

How was I feeling? I felt tired, though I did feel much better than before. Earlier, I felt as if my legs were stiff. It was as if they rebelled against my mind and refused to walk.

I questioned her saying, "What happened?"

my Mother said, "You passed out. I told you to eat something before leaving for school, but you forgot, again. You were too weak to survive the day. Milo told me everything. She told me that you were feeling weak because of the hunger. From tomorrow onward, I'll make sure that you consume something before leaving for your university."

She planted a kiss on my forehead then said, "We're going to the highlands with Uncle Okan. If you feel better than before then we shall go otherwise we will stay here.

I said, "Why don't you all go and leave me at here. I can handle myself?"

Mother replied saying, "Leaving you at home is not an option as we are travelling too far and we might not return until tomorrow."

I said after a minute of evaluating the situation, "Mom, please give me a few minutes to think about it and see how I feel."

She said while leaving the room, "I'm in Denize's bedroom if you need me."

I thought about it for a while. I couldn't end my family's trip because of my issues. I knew that I would be terrified of the car trip, but my parents would have to cancel their plans if I decided not to go with them.

Once I had made my decision, I walked out of bed, and headed to Deniz's room. I knocked at his door and said, "Mom, where are you?"

She came out of the dressing room and said, "Yes darling, what have you decided?"

I said, "You all should turn on the car engine. I'll be down there in a minute."

The car trip to the highlands was one of the many horrible car trips that I have experienced. My parents would ask me of how I felt, every five minutes. Everytime, I would filter my words and respond to them saying, "I'm fine."

I felt like a prisoner of my own mind. The trauma was like a robber who was forcing me to give away all the good moments that I could cherish. The trauma was forcing me to remain silent and to filter my words everytime someone would ask me of my feelings. I was helpless. I was the one who had hurt me.

I was petrified during the entire car trip. Keeping my eyes shut was the only way to keep myself strong enough to continue the journey. Once we reached the highlands, we were then joined by Uncle Okan, Uncle Nijaz, and a few of our other relatives. We spend the noon of our day exploring a forest there.

After our exploration, my parents decided to do a barbecue and bonfire. While everyone sang songs, I sat in the corner feasting on the barbecue.

I seemed normal on the outside but the inside of me felt sorrowful. The flames of fire were a sign of hope. The flames were proof that I had better times ahead of me and that the remorseful day still had a lot of joy to offer if only I were to cherish it.

There came a point when the event was too overpowering to handle. The songs that they were singing were about memories. As many believe that when we are cheerful then, we enjoy the songs but in sorrow, we understand the lyrics.

The mishap had damaged me from within.

At the time, everyone was busy singing, and Uncle Okan was reading his article and looking at me simultaneously. Seeing, everyone enjoy made me sink in the depths of despair. I started to whimper then ended up making piercing cries and weeping.

Everyone panicked and got concerned about what had happened. I couldn't filter my words anymore. What made me cry was the thought that I could have been dead a few hours ago. My parents approached me, and I fell in their shoulders and told them everything. They too began to shed tears because of the thought that they could have lost their daughter. My parents told everyone of what had happened, so they could avoid any sort of rumors.

All of my relatives came to me and gave their condolences and words of kindness. What I realized about him at the time was unbelievable.

I noticed that he wasn't affected or worried about the situation. Even if he did feel some sort of empathy, he still lacked expressing it.

Other's condolences made me feel much better, for a few minutes, until I felt much worse. He just sat by the fire and studied some documents, without caring of the world.

Uncle Nijaz told him to do something to help me out. He then asked for everyone to step aside and enjoy the moment while he would talk to me. He came and sat beside me then said, "So Belle, who is your favourite designer?"

I looked at him in exasperation and thought to myself, "What kind of a man is he? I am in grief and he tries to talk to me about designers." I could not misbehave with him as he was older than me whuch was why I said, "Coco Chanel."

He then asked me, "What are you learning about fashion designing these days?"

I responded by saying, "We're learning pattern making."

He said, "Oh! That sounds interesting. Tell me something! What should be the ideal attire for a businessman such as me?"

I paused for a minute then replied to him by saying, "Well from what I've learned, I believe you should wear a suit, tie, a pair of dress shoes, a belt and a good watch as it is an accessory which makes you look more professional."

He nodded and then (pointing to the friendship bracelet on my hand) said, "What is that? I'm interested in learning about youth's fashion." I smiled and said, "Oh well, this is a friendship bracelet that my best friend, Belgin, gifted me,"

Uncle Okan said, "Oh wow! Well, I have some work to do and I might need a fashion designer's opinion on it so do you want to assist me?"

I nodded.

He presented various uniforms that his designer had designed for his office's upgrades. I appreciated him taking fashion advice from me even though I was a student and not a professional.

Once we were done, I returned to my family. We all sang songs and had an excellent time. Before sleeping, I thought about the entire day and that was when it hit me. I realized something important. It was that he had sucked away the sorrow from me. His strategy was unique and cunning. He took off my focus from the actual problem and created distractions for me, so I could forget about the core issue. I thought to myself, "that is not the right way to deal with a situation."

We had to return home the next afternoon therefore, we had planned to have breakfast with Uncle Okan and Uncle Nijaz(The other relatives had left earlier). On the table, while the men were talking, Uncle Okan said, "Belle should have a phone. I think she should have one because her University is farther from Mahoor's and she travels long distances every day. She should have a device such as a phone, so she can at least call her parents if she needs to."

My parents were too innocent and too simple that they did not inspect the reason any further. My father answered him saying, "Yes, but we cannot buy her a phone right now; keeping in mind our current financial situation." Uncle Okan placed his LV bag on the table, then dug his hand in and pulled out a phone from it. He stretched his hands towards me, across the table.

I looked at my father with facial expressions, clearly showing that I wanted permission from him to keep it. Uncle Okan said, "Keep it! It's your need, and do not worry about your father. I'll persuade him."

My father nodded which signalled that he had permitted me to accept it. I was aware of uncle Okan's persuasion and convincing power therefore I believed him when he told me that he would take care of it. Milo looked at me with delight rather than jealousy. She smiled at me and with congratulating eyes. Seeing her joyous for me was relieving.

He gave me a phone for free and I took it!

How could I be so blind?

I had learned that Uncle Okan couldn't express emotion; how did I not see it all coming? Was it all fake? I couldn't figure it out until it was too late.

How could my parents not understand that it was suspicious for a man to give an expensive phone to their daughter? I wish I saw it coming; I wish!