Monster Movie

Dean says "We still got to see the new Raiders movie." Sam says "Me and Sarah already saw it." Dean incredulous "Without me?" Sarah says "You were in Hell." Dean says "That's no excuse." Dean looks ahead and says "Big pretzel!" Sam and Sarah both smiles and Sam shakes his head, Dean takes three pretzels from vendor and Dean says "Thank You." Dean hands Sam and Sarah a pretzel each and they said "Thank You." All three of them take a bite from the Pretzel and Jamie says "Guten tag." Dean with his mouth full ""Guten tag" yourself." Sam and Sarah looks over at a man in a Sheriff uniform and Sarah says "Mmm. Looks like that's our man." Sam, Sarah and Dean walk over to the man and Sam asks "Sheriff Dietrich." Sheriff Dietrich asks "Are you the boys and girl from the fed?" Sarah says "Agent Hall, Agent Angus and Agent Young." The three of them show their badges and Sam says "We called ahead about your, uh, problem." Sheriff Dietrich says "Right. Um... I'll tell you what, why don't we talk this out away from the crowd, huh?"

Inside the Morgue Door opens and a body is taken out, covered with a sheet and Sheriff Dietrich draws back the sheet he says "Marissa Wright, 26. Just up from Lockhard for the 'fest. Terrible, Just terrible and It's the last thing this town needs at peak tourist season." Sam says "Definitely the last thing Marissa Wright needed." Dean turns the body's head and sees two dark puncture marks on her neck like a vampire bite "What the hell?" Sheriff Dietrich says "Yeah, you got me -- I mean this killer's some kind of grade-A wacko, right? I mean, some Satan worshipping, Anne Rice-reading, gothic, psycho vampire wannabe." Sarah says "Sheriff, in your report, you mentioned a witness." Sheriff Dietrich says "Yeah, I wished I didn't but our witness insisted, That's Ed Brewer. Not exactly what you'd call reliable.

Bar with waitresses dressed in Oktoberfest costumes. Sarah, Dean and Sam walk to the bar. Jamie hands two beer glasses to Lucy, another waitress and she says "I remember you." Dean says "And I remember you..." Sarah coughs and makes herself known and she says "We're looking for Ed Brewer." Jamie asks "What do you want with Ed?" Dean says "Well, we are uh... federal agents." The three of them show their badges and Sarah says "Mr. Brewer was witness to a serious crime. We just need to -." Jamie flirted with Dean which annoyed Sarah and she coughs and says "Okay, maverick. Um, so where can we find Mr. Brewer?" Sarah, Sam and Dean are sitting across from Ed Brewer at a table, Ed Brewer uncaps his beer stein and drinks he says "I told the cops everything I saw. No one believes me. Why should you be any different?" Dean says "Believe me, Mr. Brewer, we're different." Brewer says "I spoke the God's honest truth and now I'm the town joke." Sam says "Marissa Wright's murder is no joke to us and we want to hear everything, no matter how strange it may seem." Sarah says "We have a lot of experience with strange." Brewer uncaps the beer stein and drink again "It was just after midnight. I just left here, and like I do every night, I cut through the park on the way home. At first, I thought it was a couple kissing. But she was... struggling too much. And this man, he was -- well, he was biting her neck." Sam asks "Can you describe her assailant?" Brewer says "Oh, he was a vampire."

Dean says "Okay, right. And by that, you mean –" Brewer says "You know, a vampire." Sarah says "Uh huh." Brewer says "Yeah." Dean says "So, he looked like –" Brewer says "He looked like a vampire. You know, with the fangs and the slicked back hair and the fancy cape and the little medallion thingy on the ribbon." Dean says "You mean like a Dracula?" Brewer says "Exactly, like a Dracula. Right down to the accent." Sam says "The accent?" Brewer says "Yep." Sarah asks "What did he say?" Brewer says "You know, something like..." Brewer raises his arm over his face as if he has a cape on "Stay away, mortal! The night is mine! You do believe me, don't you?"

Jamie and Lucy at the bar, Jamie says "They must be here following up on that murdered woman." Lucy says "Crazy Ed and his vampire story." Jamie says "He might be weird, but he's not crazy." Lucy says "Look, you're just saying that 'cause the guy has a crush on you and he tips you in 20's." She blots her lips on a napkin and leaves it on the bar and Dean walks up to the bar and asks "So, you got a beer back there for me?" Jamie says "I don't know, Agent Young, you off duty?" Dean says "And then some." Sam comes up and picks up the napkin with Lucy's lipstick print on it. They lean against the bar facing the room and Sarah is really annoyed with Dean and his continousous flirting, she sits next to Sam on the other side, Sarah asks "So, what do you think? Goth, psycho, vampire wannabe, right?" Sam says "Definitely not our kind of case." Dean says "Agreed, But who cares?" Sarah, Sam and Dean walk toward a table Dean says "Room's paid for, and it's Oktoberfest. Come on, brother Beer and Bar wenches." Sarah was slowly getting fed up with how Dean was reacting so decided on something when the Job was done but didn't want to say anything until the Job is done.

Sam, Sarah and Dean take a seat at a table and Sarah doesn't say anything and Sam says "Pretty sure women today don't react well to the whole "wench" thing, Dean." Dean calls out to Jamie "Hey, bar wench, where's that beer?" Jamie says "Coming up, good sir!" Dean says "Dude, Oktoberfest." Jamie says "There you go." Jamie turns to Sam and Sarah she asks "What can I get you both?" Sarah doesn't say anything and Dean says "Oh, they doesn't drink They're Christian scientists Doesn't even take aspirin they're a real drag on stakeouts." Jamie laughs "Your funny." Dean says "I'm a lot more than that. I'd love to get a chance to show you the rest. What time you get off?" Jamie says "Ha ha. Like I said, "funny."" She walks away, Dean says "Man, it is time to right some wrongs." Sam says "Come again." Dean says "Look at me. I mean, I came back from the furnace without any of my old scars, right? No bullet wounds, knife cuts, none of the off-angled fingers from all the breaks. I mean, my hide is as smooth as a baby's bottom. Which leads me to conclude, sadly... that my virginity is intact."

Sam says "What?" Dean says "I have been rehymenated."Dean takes a drink Sam says "Re--? Please. Dean, maybe angels can pull you out of hell, but no one could do that." Dean says "Brother, I have been rehymenated and the dude will not abide." Sam says "All right, dude. Well, you go do whatever you got to do, and I'm gonna go back to the room and get some sleep." Sarah finally speaks and says "I'll head back in a minute just needs to talk to Dean for a minute." Sam gets up and leaves, giving them some alone time and Dean says "Hey, you alright you've not been yourself." Sarah sighs and she says "Look i've been doing some thinking and it's about us, Dean you always seem to flirt with every girl you see completely forgetting about me it makes me wonder maybe you want to be single." Before Dean could even respond she gets up and leaves a confused Dean.

In a carpark in secluded spot. The night of a full moon, It is foggy, Owl hoots and a couple is kissing in a car, Anna-marie asks "Rick, Did you hear that?" Rick asks "What?" Anna-marie says "It sounded like a wolf." Rick says "Come on, Marie, don't change the subject. I told you what could happen to a man if he doesn't --" Anna-marie says "Those stories aren't true." Rick says "They are Baby, if a man doesn't get the stuff out of his system regularly, it can back up and cause all kinds of... medical type problems." There is a shadow of hands, then a monster's shadow on the car Anna-marie and Rick are kissing Anna-Marie says "Shh, do you hear that?" Rick says "Anna-Marie, there aren't any wolves in Pennsylvania." A werewolf breaks the window and pulls Rick out and Anna-marie screams.

The Next day Sam and Dean sit across from Anna-marie at an outside table and Sarah sat beside Anna-marie comforting her and she's slurping loudly from a large cup Sam and Dean exchange a look "And then it just -- it just tore Rick into little pieces." Dean says "Ma'am, we understand how hard this is, but can you describe the creature?" Anna-Marie says "Oh. It was a werewolf." Sarah asks "A werewolf?" Anna-marie says "Mhm." Sam asks "You sure?" Anna-marie says "Oh, yeah. With the furry face, and the black nose, and the claws and... and the the torn up pants and shirt. Like from the old movies." Sam says "Uh..." Sarah says "Well, okay, so... Thank you for your time." Sarah, Sam and Dean get up and leave, Outside the morgue Dean says "First a Dracula and now a full on movie time Wolf Man? What the hell is going on in this town?" Sarah opens one of the storage drawers and pulls out a body she unzips the body bag. The three of them are disgusted by the smell, Dean says "Damn!" Sam says "All right, Whatever did this wasn't a psycho wannabe."

Sam pulls out some shredded flesh from the corpse with a pencil "Look at those bite marks, Right down to the bone... and deeper." Dean says "Strong enough to tear a healthy man apart limb from limb, Could be a werewolf." Sam says "Yeah, except, look. The heart's still there in one piece and they never leave the heart behind." Sarah says "Thus I reiterate -- what the hell is going on?" The Sheriffs enters the morgue and says "Well, I was hoping you boys and girl could tell me. I just got a rush job back from the lab on those fibres we found on the body." The Sheriff pulls out a plastic bag from an envelope "Canine, Wolf hairs." Dean says "I'm getting a headache." At the bar Sarah, Sam and Dean are sitting at a table eating "I don't know, man. Looks like we've stumbled onto a midnight showing of Dracula meets Wolf Man. Is that it?" Sam says "I don't know. I mean, Wolf Man seems real enough. Makes Dracula seem a little less impossible, I guess." Dean says "Yeah, but werewolves don't grow wolf hair. That's just a myth." Sam says "Yeah." Sarah asks "So, what? We've got a vampire and a werewolf monster mashing this town?" Jamie brings over another round of beer for Sarah, Sam and Dean and she says "Looks like you guys are staying a while, I heard about Rick Deacon." Dean says "Yeah, this case just got weird enough for our department." Jamie says "Well, beers are on me." She leaves and then Dean asks "Hey, you think this Dracula could turn into a bat? That would be cool."

Museum at night time a sign reads, "CANONSBURG MUSEUM OF AMERICAN HISTORY." Inside, a guard is talking on a cell phone "Sorry to bother you. Yes, I do know what time it is... I was just wondering if you were expecting a delivery of some kind? I don't know well, it looks old. That's right yeah, an Egyptian kind of deal No, it was just sitting there on the loading dock No, Doctor, there's no shipping invoice and There's no nothing." The lid on the sarcophagus begins to move "I don't know when it was delivered, it was here when I clocked in tonight. I thought you'd know what to do, Think Helen has any record of it in her files?" The Guard turns and see a mummy rising from the sarcophagus, he stumbles backward as the mummy leaves the sarcophagus and begins moving toward him "Holy mother of crap!" The Guard shoots the mummy, It grabs his throat and lifts him up against the wall and the Guard chokes as the mummy strangles him.

The following day the police are moving around and the sheriff is talking to Sam and Dean investigate the sarcophagus and Sam says "This sarcophagus isn't ancient." Sam holds up a tag that reads, "THE FX SHOP PROPHOUSE PHILADELPHIA, PA." "It's from a prop house in Philly." Dean says "Well... it goes well with the bucket of dry ice he was keeping in it." Dean lifts up a small bucket of dry ice from inside the sarcophagus Sam asks"Is he making his own special effects?" Dean says "Yeah, a mummy with a good sense of showmanship." Sam says "This is stupid." Sarah didn't feel like joining the guys she went for a walk to clear her head, she bumped into Jamie and they started talking and Sarah told her that she and Dean are together, she felt bad for flirting with Dean and Sarah was alright with that, Dracula starts following the both of them they both turn around and Dracula says "Good evening." They both started running and Dracula follows them "I have watched you both for many nights from afar. My passion knows no bounds, Mina!" Jamie fumbles in her purse "You are the reincarnation of my beloved, and I must have you and Sarah you as well just because I think you look beautiful."

Jamie sprays Dracula in the face with pepper spray and they both run, "Mary, son of a..." Dracula runs after both Jamie and Sarah, Dean says "Sarah! Jamie!" They both crashed into Dean and he turns and sees Dracula and says "Son of a bitch." Dracula says "You should not use such language in the presence of my brides." Dean pauses, Dean says "Okay." Dean punches Dracula, They fight "Sarah! Jamie! run." Dracula says "You have no choice in the matter, Mr. Harker they're both mine." Sarah, Jamie and Dean are sitting at a table. Sam walks over to them asks "Hey. You guys all right?" Dean says "Yeah, I think so and I think I know what's going on." Dean puts a folded towel on the table and Sam says "Yeah?" Dean says "Part of it, at least." Sam opens the towel, Dracula's ear is inside and Sam says "Uh, the ear part?" Dean says "Ripped it off of Dracula's head. Touch it."

Sam touches the ear and says "Ugh." Dean asks "Feel familiar to you?" Sam says "Oh, man." Dean says "Skin of a shapeshifter. Just like St. Louis and just like Milwaukee, Of course this one's all holding buckets of crazy. Oh, and, uh..." Dean takes out a medallion from his pocket and gives it to Sam "This, I uh, pulled it off during the fight. Look at the label on the ribbon." Sam looks at the label. It reads, "THE FX SHOP PROPHOUSE PHILADELPHIA, PA." and he says "It's a costume rental." Sarah says "All three monsters - the Dracula, Wolf Man, and the mummy -- all the same critter, which means we need to catch this freak before he Creature From the Black Lagoons somebody." Jamie asks "So, you guys are like Mulder and Scully or something, and The X-Files are real?" Dean says "No, The X-Files is a TV show. This is real." Jamie says "Oh."

Sam says "Okay, so, the stagecraft, the costuming... it's like he's trying to re-enact his favorite monster movie moments, right down to the bloody murders." Jamie says "Wait a second. Who the hell is Mina?" Sam says "Mina?" Dean says "Yeah. That's what he called Jamie and he called me Mr. Harker." Sam says "Jonathan Harker? They're characters from the movies and the novels -- Mina, Dracula's intended bride, Harker the fiancé that stands in the way seems like he's fixating on you, like he sees you as his bride and Sarah i think he wants you as well to be his second bride." Sarah says "Wow, Lucky me." Sam says "But to fixate on you, my guess is that the shifter has to have seen you before or been around you." Dean asks "Jamie, has anybody strange come to town, somebody that has taken a specific notice of you?" Jamie says "I don't know, Dean It's Oktoberfest, I'm a bartender. There's lots of people. I... wait a second. There is Ed." Sam says ""Ed Brewer" Ed?" Jamie says "Yeah, e moved here about a month ago and Lucy swears he has a crush on me and he comes in almost every night. But, you know, I don't think he's the type of guy –" Sarah asks "Where does Ed live?" Jamie says "I don't know, But he works at the old movie theater and I think he's the projectionist there." Sam says "Take care of Mina?"

Dean says "Yep." Sam leaves, Jamie is pacing in front of the booth Dean and Sarah are sitting in and she asks "So, monsters are real." Dean says "Some of them, yeah." Jamie asks "And the shapeshifter, he can turn into different people." Sarah says "Yeah Yeah, except this one's turning into the great monsters of screenland, which is a new one for us." Jamie asks "You're both not really FBI, are you?" Dean says "Not so much." Jamie says "So, this is what you do? You, your girlfriend and your partner just tramp across the country on your own dime until you find some horrible nightmare to fight?" Dean says "Some people paint." Jamie says "Wow." Dean says "What?" Jamie says "That must suck. I mean, you're both giving up your life for this terrible... I don't know, responsibility." Dean says "Last few years, I started thinking that way, and, uh, it started sort of weighing on me. Of course, that was before... A little while ago, I had this – let's call it a near-death experience, Very near."

Jamie sits down in front of Dean, Dean says "And, uh, when I came to... things were different. My life's been different we realize that we help people. Not just help them, though. We save them we guess it's -- it's awesome. It's kind of like a gift... like a mission. Kind of like a... a mission from God." Jamie asks "So, does that make you... some kind of monk or something? You know, celibate?" Dean says "Man, I hope not." Lucy appears and she turns the light on, she says "You know what? I just -- I came to borrow a bottle. I kind of got something going back at my... Anyway, uh, you guys look really busy, so I'm just gonna get out of your hair." Jamie says "No, seriously, Lucy, it's been a crazy night. Stay for a drink." Dean says "Yeah. Stay for a drink."

The movie theatre, Phantom of the Opera is showing Organ music swells as Sam walks in and he checks the clip in his gun then walks towards a shadow of a man playing an organ, Ed Brewer switches the music to something happy and he turns around in surprise "Whoa!" Sam pushes him against the organ and holds him at gun point "You, FBI man -- What did I –" Sam says "Shut up, okay, you know what you did." Ed says "What?" Sam says "I know what you are." Ed says "I'm not anything, I just like to play the Casio." Sam says "Had time to grow the ear back, huh?" Ed says "What?!" Sam pulls on Ed's ear and he screams in pain, Sam says "It's supposed to come off." Ed says "No, it's not!"

Back at the bar Sarah, Dean, Jamie and Lucy are all sitting around the table, Lucy says "Oh, that sounds awful. Jamie, honey, are you okay?" Jamie says "Oh, I am fine and didn't even touch us Dean, he just blew right in and fought him off." Dean says "Well, I didn't actually fly, but I'm sure it seemed that way at the time." Lucy blots her lipstick on a napkin and Jamie says "It was really, really something." Dean says "Sarah? Jamie?" Lucy says "So, Dean are you like a black belt or what?" Dean looks at his glass, it swims before his eyes "Well, I guess they train you both to fight at the academy or whatever." Sarah has already passed out, Dean leans across and punches Lucy He pushes Jamie out of the way, she asks "Dean, what are you doing?" Jamie passes out, falling back down into the booth and Dean says "It's you, isn't it?" Lucy pushes her jaw back into place, Dean kicks her again. "Oh, damn it! What did you put in our drinks?!" Dean smashes a bottle on the edge of table "That's all right, I'll skin you myself." Dean passes out and Lucy says "End Scene."

A dungeon Dean is unconscious and strapped to an upright table wearing lederhosen he then wakes up and says "Oh, come on." Dean looks at a portrait of a woman's face on the wall which resembles Lucy and Dracula says "She is beautiful, no? Bride number three from the first film. She never got the acclaim that she deserved. Which is why I chose her shape, her form, to move among the mortals unnoticed. To listen to the cricket songs of the living. That is when I discovered my bride had been reborn in this century." Dean says "I can't get over what a pumpkin-pie-eyed, crazy son of a bitch you really are. You're not Dracula! You get that, right? Or even if you think you are Dracula, what the hell's up with the mummy?!" Dracula punches Dean in the face "I am all monsters!" Dean says "Life ain't a movie, you sorry sack of –" Dracula punches Dean again and says "Aah." Dracula says "Life is small. Meagre. Messy. The movies are grand, simple, elegant. I have chosen elegance." Dean says "You think "elegance" is really the word for what you did to Marissa, or Rick Deacon, or any of the others?!"

Dracula says "But of course. It is a monster movie, after all." Dean says "You do realize what happens at the end of every monster movie?" Dracula says "Ah, but this movie is mine. And in it, the monster wins. The monster gets the girl or in this case girls and the hero, he's... electrocuted. And tonight, Jonathan Harker, you will be my hero." Dracula puts his hand on a large lever on the wall and Dean chuckles nervously "W-w-wait, wait, wait." Dean struggles to escape, The doorbell rings and Dracula says "Please, excuse me." Dracula leaves, he walks through a modern looking hallway and the doorbell rings again, Dracula opens the door and a pizza boy is standing outside and he says "Good evening." Delivery boy says "Uh... pizza delivery." Dracula says "Ah, you've brought a repast. Excellent. Continue to be of such service, and your life will be spared." Delivery boy says "Uh huh." The Delivery Boy pulls out pizza from his bag and holds it out and says "That'll be $15.50." Dracula asks "Tell me..." Delivery Boy says "Yeah?" Dracula asks "...is there garlic on this pizza?"

Delivery boy says "I don't know. Did you order garlic?" Dracula says "No!" Delivery boy says "Then no. Look, mister, I got four other deliveries to make. You want to just pay me the money so I can go?" Dracula says "Of course, yes, but I have a coupon. Back at the bar Sam enters and walks around. He takes out his cell phone and calls Dean and says "Dean, hey listen. Uh, Ed is not our guy. Um, I'm guessing you're at home with Jamie, so just give me a call, okay?" Sam hangs up He looks down and sees the broken bottle on the floor, and the napkin with Lucy's lipstick on it and says "Lucy." A bedroom in Dracula's house, Sarah and Jamie are lying on the bed and they are both awake and Dracula says "You are both wake." Dracula gestures to a silk white dress for Sarah and a white satin dress hanging by the bed for Jamie, "The gowns It suits your beautys please, put them on."

Sarah asks "Where are we? What have you done with Dean?" Dracula says "Harker is resting elsewhere. Please, put on the gown and you may dine. We are having pizza." Jamie asks "What?! What is wrong with you? You made up Lucy, right? Pretended to be my friend." Dracula says "I needed to know if you were the ones." Jamie says "You could try talking to people! But instead you become this?" Dracula says "The gowns." Sarah says "I don't want to play your stupid game, okay?! I just -- I just want to go home." Dracula yells "Put on the gowns!" The front door of Dracula's house, Sam picks the lock and he enters, holding his gun at the ready in the bedroom Sarah and Jamie is now wearing the gowns, Dracula says "I-I scared you both, You're the only two I don't want to scare. I used to love the movies."

Jamie says "They aren't real, You can't make them real." Dracula says ""Real" is being born this way. Different. "Real" is having your dad call you "monster" -- it's the first time you hear the word. And he tries to beat you to death with a shovel. Everywhere I ran, everywhere I tried to hide, people found me, dragged me out, attacked me. Called me "freak," called me "monster." Then I found them. The great monsters. In their movies, they were strong. They were feared. They were beautiful. And now I am like them. Commanding. Terrifying." Sarah says "Lonely." Dracula says "Was lonely. Now I -- I have you two." Jamie says "Ever think that maybe you're lonely because you kill people?" Dracula says "Or I kill people because I'm lonely." There is the sound of something being knocked over in the next room "Did you hear that?" Sarah says "What? Dean? Dean?!" Dracula hits both of them, knocking them out.

Inside the dungeon Dean is still trapped and Sam enters, Dean says "Oh, thank God. Just in the nick of time. That guy was about to Frankenstein me." Sam unties Dean and says "Hey there, Hansel." Dean says "Shut up!" Dean gestures for Sam to kick down the door, Sam puts his foot through the door, punching a hole in it. The entire door falls flat off its hinges and Sam says "Let's go." The bedroom Sam, opens the door and crosses to Sarah and Jamie lying on the bed. Dracula intercepts him from behind and throws him through the wall "You will never be Van Helsing!" Dean attacks him, they fight "And you, Harker, now you die." Dean says "How 'bout now you shut the hell up?" Dean is thrown to the ground, Dracula raises his arms, about to go in for the kill. He is shot in the chest and Dracula says "Silver?" Dracula turns to see Jamie holding the gun "It was beauty that killed the beast. No, Mina, do not weep." Dracula falls into a chair "Perhaps this is how the movie should end." Dracula dies in the chair.

In the town square Sarah and Dean are talking and Dean says "I'm sorry i should've thought about your feelings and the fact that i love you and well i know this is gonna be extremely weird and not what you was expecting but Sarah Moore will you do the honour of being my wife?" Sarah was incomplete shock and wasn't sure if she was dreaming or not but she knew straight away her answer and say "Yes of course you are forgiven and Yes of course I'll marry you." He picks her up and they both kiss and dean puts a ring on her finger Sam gives them both a hug and congratulates them on their engagement and Sarah and Dean kissed and Jamie says "Congratulations to you both." Jamie then leaves and Dean says "Feels good to be back on the job, doesn't it?" Sam says "Yeah, it does." Dean says "The hero gets the girl, monster gets the gank. All in all, happy ending -- with a happy ending, no less." Sarah laughs and Sam says "Real classy, Dean." Dean says "Hey, all I'm saying is the shifter man had a point, you know? It would be nice if life was movie simple. Although, if I was turning life into a movie, I wouldn't do this Abbott and Costello meet the monster crap." Sam says "Yeah, no. I know what you'd pick." Dean says "No, you don't." Sam says "Yeah, I do." Dean says "No. You don't. You don't!" Sam says "Porky's II." Dean says "What?" Sam says "You heard me." Dean says "Lucky guess."