The Red Pill
Author: Cuddles_Sempai13
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Synopsis
Bodies are found more easily than lost keys in a quiet neighborhood of Seattle, Washington. Almost every other day, all the news channels compete to report the news. Rumor has it, it’s the infamous serial killer, Thompson, who broke out and is trying to satisfy his murderous urges. Regardless, the residents find it very odd how these cases began right after the new neighbors moved in. Ms. Terrifota is a friendly and social-butterfly. Her daughter, Eliana, is a well-mannered but a quite shy girl, unlike her mother. But are they all really they seem? And what about the bodies? Will the killer finally be caught?
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Translation Quality
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Story Development
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Thank you all for your feedback, I greatly appreciate it! I have never written a novel before in my entire life and I definitely believe that I have to vastly improve on my writing skills so all your constructive criticism are really helpful for me. Periodt. I don’t really have enough time to type a chapter and proofread it while applying all of your tips at the same time with my homework and all, so I will fix my chapters on the weekends... _(┐「ε:)_ Once again, I thank you all very much for your feedback and I hope you all have a wonderful day!✨
Writing Quality: 3.5/5 (rounds to 4) There are mistakes in writing that can be fixed by rereading the story. Update Stability: 5/5 I put that for everyone. Story Development: 3.5/5 (rounds to four) Your pacing is good and I like the plotline, but I don't really feel the thriller part at all. Character Design: 3.5/5 (round to four) I feel like I don't know enough about your MC, but your characters are nice, and I do enjoy the MC. World Background: 3/5 I feel that there isn't enough background details about your world. It is nice, but I still feel things missing. You are going at a good pace, hopefully more details will added as you continue. Keep up the good work!
You're doing great! I don't want to repeat what has already been said. Just make all the corrections and take your time! The text is better to work out, especially at the beginning. I would like to see more descriptions of places, characters, their feelings,appearance, behavior, etc. We all are here to learn and improve our skills... All the best!
This story could use some editing and some more detail in certain places. I reallly think you have good potential here though for a great story! Keep up the good work.
Want to be honest with you. You're doing stunnig job and I absolutely don't want to discourage you, on the contrary, I encourage you to make some minor corrections. The title is great, it makes me inquisitive... about the content. That's a big part of success as writers say. It looks that you have an atractive idea. That's another plus for you. The plot keeps readers attention and some kind of suspense. It's the way should be. The characters are good, but they luck clarity. Give them a pinch of spice (describe their feelings, action). Try to not mix POV's. I will come back in a few days!
I love the thriller part of the story as well as the mystery creeping in the shadows. It’s one of my most favorite genres to read, and I think you execute it fairly well. One more book added to my collection. Only reason it isn’t perfect is due to some grammar errors like run-on sentences. Tried to point out some to you. Hope it helps ! Second part I would like to see more of her world as her surroundings, so I can picture it better. Yet this is but a minor thing. All in all, keep up the good work, Author !