Cost of freedom

We were both sitting and leaning with our backs against two trees, I was looking at him, and he at me. His face was red, either from cold or something else. Blood dripping from his mouth and his hand seemed red enough to seem like blood. I don't know how it works but something makes me think that it's a very bad thing.

"How do you feel Estel? Do you think you can walk a little more? We should go away from the entrance, someone is probably about to come out and search for us." I said to him worryingly. His face was now getting more pink but more in the white shade instead of red.

"If you help… I can't see anything anymore. I only feel the cold of my body…" He said while hissing and huffing intensely. I helped him stand up, his body was heavier than before and he started losing heat. I took off my shirt and gave it to him to wear on top of his own. He needs to keep his heat inside, if it leaves him… I might as well have a corpse on my back. Therefore I did what had to be done to keep him alive. We went inside the forest, we lost sight of the hall of memories. Now, only trees covered in cold hoarfrost, not as cold as the one from the mountain.

Walking further, even the grass itself felt weird. It feels weird while walking on it. It's just… It's not even cold. It feels nice to walk on it, it's soft and tingling instead of hard and piercing. The difference in how cold it is maybe the greatest thing that has happened to me in the last time. But the feeling of emptiness is still in the air, all around me. I feel like there is nothing worth leaving for, but at the same time, there is something I still can do to maybe find something that will make it worth living.

"How far… Do we have to go?" Estel quietly whispered, I didn't feel any help from his side. He was starting to lose the remnants of his strength, I felt it. He fell making a sound of a soulless body falling. But he wasn't dead yet, I see him breathing, I see him talking or at least trying to talk.

"I… Don't know, we might be lost. I don't even see the sun at this point. We need to go somewhere far." I don't know why but I also can't access the map inside my head that I got from that man. Can I not use it in this forest? It's weird… Why? Did something actually happen to me that makes me unable to look at that map?

"Let's sit down." I don't even know what to think about it, we are surely far away from the hall of memories to not be found. I put Estel down on the ground while I was walking to keep my heat up. Still energetic enough to walk but not energetic to even try to be happy about leaving the prison. I wonder… Why is it even there and why are they being paid to make people suffer.

"Estel, can I help you somehow? Are you okay?" I asked him but the only answer I got after a minute was just a loud gasp followed by hissing and huffing. He was exhausted, his eyes were very red, the veins on his hand were very explicit. And I saw that his hands were laying down on the ground without any strength trying to put them up.

"I-I am sorry, Hayden… I never expected that I would say this to anyone in my lifetime. But… I will die here." He quietly said while putting all of his strength into his mouth, trying to say something, and he did. I was sobbing under my nose, tears were freezing while falling. I looked at him, came close, and embraced the man who was my master. A man who was one of my brothers, real brothers. The man who started it all… He who did everything for me to make me survive. "Don't be sad… You are a smart guy, you probably knew about my death. You were expecting it and I, well, did as well. I have no more point in living, I have never said that to anyone. But, the guy I wanted to take revenge on, he is long gone as well. I asked someone who came from the same city some time ago, so I just pointlessly tried to move forward. But I wouldn't be able to even when we are here. Even if we would go somewhere, I wouldn't be able to live." His words were putting me into a state of lament, I was screaming and crying at the same time while looking at the man who until now, those 9 or more days had the most life inside. He was… A man who even after such a long time would still find the strength to smile.

"B-But Estel…" I tried to say something, but his tired voice that sounded like one of his last breaths was stronger than that of a healthy teen such as me.

"Don't cry, you have to be strong. I know about your goal, about your change, and about how you started believing in god. I wish I could find that belief myself to keep myself going further. But do me a favor, change all of this. Don't turn this sacrifice into a waste." He started coughing blood at this point, still alive but his voice was getting even smaller, but still making more sense than me.

"What… What sacrifice?" I asked him with a lot of worry behind my voice. I don't know why he said that, what does he mean actually?

"We didn't want to tell you, but, this whole plan, at the end when you were training. When I woke up, before I did, we were talking with everyone in the operation who knew exactly about it. And I then told them about your repellent of the dark. Then I thought about something, because surely because of just that only you would be able to survive. Therefore, I had a long conversation with Lupo about it, he agreed with me… And then, we made it so that we will do everything to make you leave. We all put our trust in you, to change this world from everything it stands for. For everything wrong with it. Finally, change all of this s*it. We all hope that you can do it…" The elf was coughing louder and it seemed like he was about to run out of any blood he still had inside of his body. I looked at him, my eyes still in tears, voice cords in shreds from screaming so much.

"Estel, please! Don't leave me alone!" I screamed at him, but it was already a little late as he didn't even hear me. He only made a gesture with his mouth, those were some words. I heard them but I had to really imagine what it exactly was.

"Don't lose your way, our way. Brother." I held his hand, it went completely cold. As the whole of his body did, his face white like the snow, eyes closed. Hair destroyed, just like me. Now, his corpse in a pool of dark red blood, and I, alone standing in front of my brother. My mind and mouth scream. My heart is crying enough to make it sting, pain surging from my heart as I saw him out of breath. He was dead, it was still probably afternoon but not sure how late. I don't see the sun, I am lost. The only thing I can do is just walk with the pain inside of me. I didn't take the shirt from Estel, I don't want him to be left in the cold half naked. Even though the heat will fade away at one point. But it's not honorable to take something from a dead man, especially a brother.

And so, I am all alone now. Alone in the cold with no one here anymore. Everyone died, my friends, brothers, my family. My city probably forgot about my existence completely. I am a nonexistent being for them, it was over a month since I was there, on the outside world. But in that hell, it was just nine days. Nine, very long days. Several steps and I already started feeling the pain of walking in the cold. My legs are slowly going numb, both from running and cold. Exhaustion finally reached me just like it did with Estel who will be probably borrowed under leaves or snow in little to no time. I hope I can make it there later and give them a proper burial. To let god see them just like I want to see him.

My legs feel like they are about to just completely give up, I would fall into the cold snow itself at that point which would probably put me in a coma. I need to avoid that as much as possible. I still can't believe it… They all sacrificed themselves to help me leave, just me, to let me fulfill mine and probably their goal. If they wouldn't have the same goal as me at that point I know that they wouldn't sacrifice themselves like that. They passed their will upon me, they passed their want and their souls upon me. If I won't change the world, my soul shall be damned. And God himself is my witness.

But now, my legs, my mind, everything I have. Started giving up. I felt myself being submerged with the snow that now felt like silk, cold silk around me. It was… Nice, it felt very pleasant. I went to sleep, I started sleeping. The thing I wanted to avoid, is this my death?