Chapter 4

Her short stature made the journey much longer than anticipated.

Instead she arrived at the mansion. Her goal was cruel and uncalled for. A part of her despised herself for thinking of this idea in the first place, but… it was prominent. Shaking her head, Saranie realized how horrible the way she rationalized her idea.

The whole reason Saranie had been introduced to Tripharem was because the lord's son had died. Jahilk died in front of her suddenly. At that time, it was horrible, but she wasn't really affected. Even considering she was thrown in the lord's dungeon for Jahilk's death. But there she met Tripharem.

So what if he died before that could happen? He was going to die later, so it wasn't like she was changing too much. She saved Yunara, so she needed to test the other side. Testing it on someone who would die, but had a huge effect on her life.

---

There were guards at the gate. Metal bars surrounded the property with bricks holding the sections together in the form of pillars. The yard behind the bars was an open, flat area with a few trees. There were little places to hide, but the fact she was the size of a child gave her an advantage. A strong one.

With her distraction behind her and guards moving about controlling the chaos, Saranie had little time to find Jahilk and kill him. All without being noticed or being under suspicion for the attack in the first place. She had no idea what would happen if she went to the future while her younger self was killed.

Saranie used the cover of darkness on the side of the property. There were a group of guards near the entrance of the property. To either reinforce in defense of the lord or to explain the situation. Saranie found it terrible either way as there would be more bodies here.

With a running start, Saranie used mana to run and jump over the bricked pillar. It would make it difficult for those patrolling the area and it was also in line with a tree so there was more cover provided for her. Then Saranie sprinted towards the tree to hide behind it. Lanterns and magical lights started to completely fill up the property. Which meant that she couldn't rely on her magic until she got inside otherwise someone with mana sense could spot her.

Looking over towards the entrance gate, guards were gathered and getting orders. The initial surprise was over. Moving away from them, she moved closer to the house. Quickly dodging into a bush as two guards turned the corner. Unfortunately she made a lot of noise the moment she got into it. Quickly looking around, Saranie crawled on the ground away from them. She could see a light coming from a window under a porch from the house.

"Was it a dog?"

Saranie was in a rush. Moving quick and only taking in information that was unnecessary to succeed her mission. It was nice that the guard thought she was a dog, but she wanted to smack that woman in the face. It hurt more than she thought it would as she got called a lot worse in her life.

The window led into a familiar place. It was the dungeon where she had met Tripharem. Saranie quickly used her mana, cut the bars on the window and dropped inside. Hopefully no mages noticed it.

---

The place was cleaner than she remembered. Two people were currently in the cells. None she recognized or cared about. Although they spotted her. While she had nothing against them, she had to kill them. They were in a dungeon so they must be guilty of a crime. Using strong mana darts was terrible as she was still worried about a mage, but there was nothing she could do now.

Their heads popped as Saranie kept moving. The place was damp and with only a single gate in her way that was already open, it made her life easier. Probably a guard was called and forgot to lock up.

Opening the door, Saranie climbed a staircase. It was dark and magical lights lit the way for her. Truly no expense spared. Not that they were expensive, but the fact they were used to light this little stairway into a dungeon.

Opening the next door that she had to jump up to, to reach, she pushed it slowly open. The sound picked up in the distance. Boots tapping against the floor ahead of her and above her. There was yelling of orders to station men at vital points. Saranie walked down the open hallway next to the walls.

Paintings and magical lights adorned the grey painted walls. Once they may have been white, but they were now a bright grey. It gave her little to hide behind if someone were to go down this hallway.

The closer she got to the sounds, the worse she felt. She had hoped that they would take more time to react. Spending more time fumbling about uncoordinated. Adding to the chaos, rather than creating order. Only now did she realize her mistake.

Saranie was aware that this was the past. The past in her memories. A time of peace, instead of war. It wasn't during a time of war. Not when tensions were high. Not when low food supplies that led to civil unrest. Not when death was so common that killing a man with food was considered normal if he flaunted it around refugees.

This wasn't a war. There was no need to kill.

She had just killed two people just for looking at her and even planned to kill another. To test her theory?

Memories of a burning city appeared in her mind. The stench of the corpses at her feet got to her before the smoke could make it to her. A flash of rainbow like light covered Saranie vision and she was once again there.

Quagle was in ruins. Her allies were burning the city. Razing it so no one could use it. She watched as civilians were hunted and killed in the distance, while the soldiers laid at her feet in blood. Limbs missing with eyes filled with horror. A woman that reflected what Saranie's face currently was.

She tried to hold these thoughts back. Never to let anything like it appear in her mind. Even covering her eyes, Saranie could still see the woman at her feet. Did she have family? Kids? Were they even alive? Dead? Currently being hunted by her allies because they needed to stop this kingdom from pushing on her own?

Rage filled her mind.

"It's those cultists. Making these people kingdoms and groups of people to fight. They are at fault. I need to kill them all!" All her emotion screamed that last bit out. She needed to fight. To kill something.

Saranie thought back to the last battle she had. With the portal and those cultists there. The magical light flashed and she was there again.

Saranie cut into them over and over again. Never closing the portal, just reverting back to where she could kill them over and over again. Over and over. Over and over. Kill…

---

Saranie heaved, the contents of her stomach mixed with the blood at her feet. She wasn't sure how many times she killed these cultists. Her power never stopped her. The rage kept her going. Fueled her actions.

For a while all she did was kill them on sight. After some time however, Saranie tortured the last one. Making them suffer for what they did to the world. Cutting off limbs, burning them, verbal attacks…

More came out of her stomach. She was in tears. Her cries echoed with the portal next to her. Sparks flying off of it. Hitting the ground and sending dirt and bodies in the air. She forced herself to look at the bodies. To see what she had devolved to. An animal, a creature, a monster. She believed it. That inflicting the pain she did on these cultists was right, but it made her something like them. People who like to watch the world fall apart with smiles on their faces. She could remember her smile when she tortured them.

It was only when something came out of the portal that Saranie snapped out of it. Her eyes couldn't seem to focus on the creatu- being in front of her. It wasn't her tears. It didn't want her to see it. She knew it didn't want her to even look at it and she found herself turned around. The shadows from the portal painted a picture for her, but as she put the pieces together in her mind she couldn't remember what was happening. Her negative emotions were stalled. No more rage, anger, fear, or loss. Actually she felt happy.

"This is amazing. I love it, I love it, I love it!" Turning around Saranie looked at her friends. "I love you all!" She ran over to them thinking about-

---

"… that's what we are going to do." Retii leaned on Klighare's shoulder.

Saranie stood up and looked around. A campfire sat in the middle between her and Retii. There were some from her squad and a few others chatting around. But because she stood up so fast, the others became worried about her.

"Saranie, is everything alright?" Retii walked over to her and put her hand on Saranie's shoulder.

"I was… we were…" A flash of the shadow flooded her mind. Falling to the ground Saranie once again got rid of the contents of her stomach. Her face was horrified at what she had seen. The memory seemed to fade slowly as if it didn't exist in the first place.

---

Saranie slowly opened her eyes. Wiping her eyes, she realized that it wasn't just crusty, but also wet. She had been crying in her sleep. When she went over in her mind what had previously happened, she understood why.

Losing herself to rage and killing the targets of it. Over and over again.

The room she was currently in was actually the barracks. In the Vellheart kingdom on their side of the border. If her memory was correct she would be sixteen at this point. Back in her home territory before moving out for the rest of the battles to come, never to come back. Just her alone and in the past. Finishing the fight alone and suffering there at the end.

It was still dark out and everyone else was currently sleeping. Their clothing, armor and weapons near their beds, ready for any fight that might happen. She needed someone to talk to right now.

"Retii?" Gently tapping the woman a few beds away from her with a whisper.

"Saranie?"

"Can we talk?"

---

The sun was coming up. Their breaths were visible in the cold. Retii chose to sit under a tree while Saranie paced around. They were far away from the camp where no one would bother them.

"So?" Retii wasn't trying to push Saranie to speak from the way she said it, but she wanted her to get on with it. It was cold out. Saranie quickly set up a warm aura for the both of them. "What…"

While it was something they had already learned at this point, the fact Saranie did it with little effort and without speaking the spell was an amazing feat. Speaking out the spell was nothing more than for those who needed a guided effort to imagine the spell. Those who were mages, they would rarely speak a spell out loud as it was detrimental in a fight. Saranie was working to be a mage, Retii would know that. But again at this point she had yet to achieve this efficiency.

"I think it's best for you to see." Saranie used her knife and cut her hand. Using her lifeforce she created a small mana dart. It was clearly more powerful than the average mana dart as lifeforce powered it. But Saranie was showing Retii the rainbow magical light effect that came with her lifeforce.

Lifeforce couldn't change. It is the same for a person their whole life. Which is why Retii was currently in a defensive position.

"Who are you?"

"It's me Saranie." She dropped the knife in her hand on the ground. "Please just listen." Her hand was still bleeding as she didn't have time to heal it.

Retii quickly fired a mana dart at Saranie, dropped to the ground and grabbed the dagger. Saranie didn't move or dodge. She took the full force of that weak mana dart, a spell that everyone learned right away. It didn't hurt when it hit her, nor the knife currently on her throat.

"I'm listening." Just like Retii, Saranie would never take a chance without an advantage like this during the war.

"The war ended for me, Retii. This is my past." Saranie still had no idea how to explain everything that happened to her, so she was just explaining what she could. "You remember those stories about The Cult of The Void? The ones older kids told us to scare us and the same ones we told to the younger kids? They're real and their back. They are behind the whole war. All of it."

"Wha-" Retii wasn't convinced enough to remove the knife and Saranie understood.

"They have groups in each kingdom. All high up to make change and guide the armies. Vellheart kingdom isn't immune to them either."

"How do you know that?" She more or less spat that out. It hurt to see her do that, but again she understood.

"Like I said, the war already ended for me. This is my past. Would you believe me if I said I was from the future? A future where most of the world was probably already gone and I was the last one left in that last battle?"

"Why would you say something like that?" Perhaps her words or face got Retii to consider the possibility.

"Because it's true. The Cult of The Void are trying to open up a portal. We weren't sure why they waited so long to attack, but given enough time we could figure out why and stop them. We just didn't back then." Tears appeared in her eyes. "They flanked us. Our rear was attacked in that final battle. You were fighting out on the frontlines opening a way for the other groups to move out and close the portal. I was the last one. On the whole battlefield after the explosion. Every kingdom had people in that last battle against the undead and cultists. I made my way towards the portal, killed the cultists, and closed the portal."

"So, you're saying you alone survive? You? The Saranie I know is good, really good, but magic like that is-"

"They taught us an idea that would allow ten people to close the portal. Everyone learned it, but there were special squads to stay back to be sent in to handle it in case. Unfortunately that was probably the reason the base was attacked."

"And something that takes ten people to do was done by a single person?"

"Retii, I put everything I had to close that portal. Those creatures, beings," Saranie heaved, covering her mouth. Retii pulled back and didn't move forward. She kept a guarded position against Saranie while she knelt on the ground. "We, I couldn't let them come through. I closed it with my lifeforce. All of it. At least that was supposed to happen. I expected everything to end, but my lifeforce changed. I had a vision, a memory of my time in the orphanage. At first I thought I was dead. Then I felt how real it was and assumed the worst that it was some illusion meant to trap me. But I think it is real."

"So what is it?"

"I can go back. Back to when we were kids. I did. Do you remember Yunara?"

"Who? Wait, the little girl that…"

"I saved her. Is she here?" That got Retii to lower the knife. Her face told her everything she needed to know. "So she's dead?"

"You said that when she died, you finally decided to learn. That was why you read books to the kids."

'If that is true, then she never saved Yunara. Like that never happened.'

"Think of anything Retii, anything at all."

"Why?" There was a twitch in the hand that held the knife.

"Please."

"Okay."

"Tell me what it is?"

There was a long pause where only the wind spoke. Trees rustled their leaves as if waiting for an answer.

"Spending time watching the sunset with Klighare." Retii's cheeks blushed.

Saranie already knew her ability was accurate. It could take her back to just before she asked Retii to tell her. A flash of light-

"You just thought of spending time with Klighare while watching a sunset."

Retii was baffled, confused, then angry. Saranie could see that she was checking for illusions or if she had invaded her mind.

"What did you do?"

"I went back with my ability. Right before I asked you for the answer. You might not believe me and that is fine. I just… I just… I just want you to believe me. I want to talk to you. A conversation back and forth, because I feel so alone." Saranie started crying right there.

For her everyone she saw was already dead. Gone forever. Herself included when she fell into that hole. Going back in time, into her memories didn't really make these people feel real. But that was what she wanted- needed. She needed these people to be real, so she could make real change. To make a future where no one dies.

'Yes, I need to make a future. Saving Yunara, those prisoners, killing Jahilk… If I skip everything that happens after that then I won't be living it. I will need to spend the time fixing everything. Alone…'

"Retii, can I try something?"

"What?" She was currently kneeling with Saranie patting her back. Giving her comfort and believing her.

"I want to see if I can show you. To bring you with me."

---

After a little back and forth, they tried it. Saranie grabbed Retii's hand and had Retii think of a memory. Something powerful to start with. It didn't work. Then Saranie thought of the first time she had met Retii. When she traveled there, she asked the younger Retii if she was from the future. The confusion on that child's face and the laughter that followed only hurt Saranie.

Instead of going back to her talk with Retii, she decided to wait. She wasn't ready to go back. Maybe she could try something else later, then it would work, but she needed some time alone now.

Back to what she was testing before, Saranie traveled to when she had gotten the job with Tripharem. Although she already guessed that Yunara was dead based on the little she gathered from Retii, she needed to be sure. It would be years later at this point and she could have died a different way. Saranie having a job with Tripharem meant that nothing had really changed on Jahilk's side. Sure she didn't kill him, but there had been a widespread panic. That had to be big enough to bring some change.

Once she entered the Orphanage, she met with one of the caretakers. Someone who was there when Yunara died. The woman said that Yunara had died suddenly. Letting her know, in secret, that back then they said she had a disease and had been expecting it to lie to the kids. But in truth it was sudden as it truly had been for everyone.

So then that meant, this ability could create multiple paths she could take. Saranie could easily take a path as long as she remembers it. As long as that path has been taken, she could resume her journey along that path, that memory, and continue to a more favorable outcome.

But one more thing was still needed for her. How much time was left?

No magic could last forever. That was something she had known since the beginning. Would one day she tried to use the ability and it wouldn't work? There was no way to know that for sure, but was there a way to find out how much was left? Also how long could she spend in a memory? Was it possible to live multiple lives, over and over again? Just to start over and go a different route? That part actually scared her. To live like that forever was something she wasn't interested in.

If anything she could lean on one thing. Her duty as a soldier. As a protector. Not just to this kingdom, but the people. Those in this city. The children in the orphanage. Those who work with Tripharem in the blacksmith. Everyone she would meet as an ally. To all the people who want peace.

---

Saranie used her ability to go back to her first memory… no, even before that. There was someone she wanted to see.

Her vision was blurry. There was barely anything Saranie could see. The room was dark, lit only by the fire across from her. The light from the flames licked a face in front of her. A woman who was struggling to keep a smile. Not from pain, but exhaustion.

Saranie smiled back.

---

Three years old. That was going to be her starting point. There was so much she could do and achive. No need to train right now as it was information she was after.

She left the orphanage permanently in this path. It was her way of protecting everyone. Going out into the city and finding out everything she needed. She would go back there in time, but right now she needed to be on her own. This was going to be her fight.

Gather as much as possible and when her body is old enough, pursue it all. Hunt down everything and everyone that has turned against peace and take them out.

Retii, her conversation with her would be the place she would go for advice. Someone who was aware of war that Saranie wants to prevent. It would be difficult, maybe even impossible, but with Retii, she might have a chance.

However a person in a failed path wasn't the best in the long run either. She would need allies to call her own. People who were trustworthy and who would be willing to fight.

This plan will take a long time. Maybe more paths will be created and she will jump around a lot. She could even lose herself, but the garden might help her with that. It has always been a place she could share her troubles. Even if Retii believed her and she was to tell her everything, that path would soon be gone forever. The flowers were forever. They could help keep her together against this battle.