6) Class Clown: Bailey

It was awful being the new girl, especially when she had only started in the second term. People just seemed to ignore her, besides, they already had their friend groups, and she, Bailey, did not.

It was embarrassing to stand alone in the corner of the school grounds, pretending to look busy. She felt as if everybody was staring right into her soul, although in reality, she knew that they actually didn't care about the shy and awkward new girl.

That was not unusual though. In her last school, nobody had liked her much either. Maybe that was her fault though. She had very strict ideals about how her friend should be. Nobody had seemed to fit the description and Bailey doubted that anyone in her new school would fit either. She was probably searching for someone who did not exist, but Bailey just wanted someone who could understand all her anxiety and be able to sympathize with the depression that she had learned to hide so well.

Mom was worried about her though. She said that she wanted to set up a meeting with someone from her grade so that Bailey could meet her in a calmer environment and not be so anxious. Bailey did not want that though. She did not want to look like even more of a loser than people already thought she was. Besides, who had time to "meet up" with the new girl.

Whoever this person was, chances were that they were just another typical teenage girl with no real personality, other than the one she had in her phone. Why was social media so important to teenagers these days? Had People forgotten how to socialise face to face? That was was a fundamental skill that nobody could get anywhere in life without.

Bailey scanned the playground, shielding her eyes from the blazing sun with her hand. A serious looking girl caught her eye.

The girl was standing in the opposite corner of the quad, seemingly doing the same thing that Bailey was. She appeared to not have friends either, and Bailey wondered if the girl might also be new.

She was rather exotic looking. A long, messy plait hung over her slumped shoulder like a coil of dark rope. Her dark, mysterious eyes were framed by long, curling lashes and dark eyebrows that seemed to be carved and cultivated by the Queen's gardeners themselves. She was pretty, but in a rather unusual way.

She did not seem any different from the other students, but at the same time, she stuck out of the crowd with rather striking differences. Bailey could not quite manage to make sense of her racing thoughts… and her racing heartbeat.

The girl suddenly looked in Bailey's direction. Bailey noticed a sad look that crossed her beautiful face, a look that she was so familiar with, but had learned to hide so well in the past few years since her first encounter with depression. Bailey, despite it being completely out of character for her, smiled a friendly and warm smile at the girl, but the girl, whoever she was, only looked back at Bailey with the same unchanged, unhappy look and turned away, heading towards the stairwell.

Bailey watched after the girl as she disappeared up the stair case. Despite the shoulders that seemed slumped in a depressed sort of way, the girl had an absolutely beautiful figure. She seemed to glide up the stairs in a fairy like manner.

She wanted to see the girl again. To look into her beautiful eyes once more. She was falling for the girl wasn't she? It was so damn annoying! Bailey reminded herself of how stupid romance was in high school, but she could not help it. She could not slow her pulsing heart rate. There was something different about the girl though. There was something that made her similar to Bailey, more similar than she could understand, but she could not quite put her finger on it.

"She is probably just another popular girl who has broken up with her boyfriend or something, that's why she looked so sad." Bailey thought as she headed towards an open bench, to continue writing the essay that they had received for English homework.

Bailey much preferred writing to anything else. Who cared about social interactions and friends anyway? School work was far more important and besides there was little chance that anyone would accept her anyway. She knew she was different, and she knew that everybody could see how different she was.

She had already made a fool of herself in the Mathematics class that morning. On realizing that she had left her favourite blue pen behind, Bailey had dissolved into a heap of panic attack and anxiety.

To anyone who did not experience severe anxiety, having a panic attack about a missing pen seemed utterly ridiculous, but to Bailey, in a moment of fleeting panic, it had seemed as if the whole world was ending.

You see, panic did that to you. It made it impossible for the victim to think clearly and see that what they were panicking about was positively ridiculous, and there were other ways to solve the problem. Bailey had not been able to see the rational side at the time though, because anxiety was like a shield that blocked everything rational from sight.

Panic attacks always started exactly the same. Bailey would begin to sweat profusely, as she rubbed her salty palms together unconsciously. Then she would begin to shake as though there was an earthquake inside of her.

After that, came the "rubbish rambling" when Bailey would go on a rant where she said ridiculous things or spoke so fast that nobody could understand what she was saying, not even the very strict Mathematics teacher, who had seemed highly displeased at the rather dramatic display that Bailey was giving.

Last came the worst part. The part that managed to freak out anyone who was not already freaked out. Bailey would begin to hyperventilate as if she were a steam engine running down rusty old tracks- which would explain the trembling too. Sometimes this would be accompanied be a sudden outburst of childish crying, that left every witness either thinking of her a childish attention seeker, or as someone with a severe mental disorder.

Her heart rate would increase, and often, on seeing these symptoms and knowing that she was making a fool of herself, she would only begin to panic more. It was a vicious cycle, these panic attacks, and Bailey still got them despite being on medication for anxiety as well as depression. It was the same medication that her brother took, only a dose higher than his.

Although the medication had reduced the number of panic attacks, it had not completely vanquished them. This was the same with the depression. Whilst the number of depressive episodes had decreased, they had not been completely removed from her life. She still felt very depressed on some days, suffering mainly at night.

The particular incident that morning, had resulted in her being sent to the sick bay as the Maths teacher, who looked rather like she might have her own panic attack, had been extremely concerned with the symptoms Bailey had been displaying and fearing it to be the beginning of a manic episode, or a loss of sanity, had sent her to be dealt with by someone else.

Within the first five minutes of Bailey being sent to the sick bay, she had managed to calm down and see the rational side of things. It was almost as if a switch had been pressed or a plug pulled and all her anxiety had vanished.

The school nurse had insisted that Bailey stay in the sick bay, at least until the Mathematics period was over. This had annoyed Bailey immensely, as she knew very well that the panic attack was finished now, besides, she was missing important mathematics work!

But nobody seemed to understand panic attacks. She longed for someone to be able to understand them, but she knew from the way the class and teacher had looked at her, that nobody did. It was extremely frustrating to feel like she was completely alone in her troubles.

Everybody seemed to look at her as if she were some caged animal in the zoo- an amusement to everybody. To someone who did not directly have to deal with the panic attack, it must certainly have seemed quite hilarious though. Bailey knew that she looked very silly when she was panicking, ad the reactions she got were either intense worry of fear and sometimes people thought that it was funny too.

Why could everybody just take a moment to understand how her brain worked! She was not that different after all, there were plenty of children like her, maybe just not in the near vicinity...