8) Moment of Discovery: Bailey

"So what do you think of the school?" Emma's mother asked Bailey

'It's okay" She stammered, struggling to contain herself with all the excitement building up within her.

Before her, sat the beautiful girl, with her coil of hair, her mysterious eyes and her beautiful figure, only she was far more attractive close up. Bailey could not help but to stare at the girl.

Her name was Emma.

"Just okay?" Emma's mother chimed. "Yeah, I don't really like all the social stuff, I prefer to be alone with my books."

"Emma also has no friends." Emma's younger sister said, grinning slyly at Emma. Bailey blushed, "I have friends, but books are so much better than most people, and I am sure that Emma feels the same."

"Yeah, Same." Emma said, looking at Bailey for the first time. She had not said a word since they arrived, but on hearing her voice Bailey was taken aback. It was nothing like the shrill voice of Emma's younger sister.

Seeming to have warmed up to the conversation, Emma and Bailey became immersed in a deep conversation about their favourite authors, books and how immature people their age could be.

"I try to understand them, but they all think that I am a bit weird." Emma answered to Bailey's question of what she thought of their peers.

"I don't know them too well yet since I have only started here recently, but they clearly have a bad sense of character if they think that you are weird!"

There was a bit of an awkward silence, and Bailey wondered if it had been wrong to say that. She always did this! She always said stupid things that creeped people out and made them think that she was a total weirdo!

She was so stupid! She had gone and ruined a friendship that had such potential! It was maddening!

"Thanks." Emma responded gruffly, she was clearly not use to compliments, especially from her peers.

Relief flooded over Bailey. She was just a little shy, that was all. Bailey would be sure to compliment her less in future, some people just felt awkward getting compliments. Bailey knew that because she was one of those people herself.

As the conversation progressed, Bailey found herself caught in a whirl wind of desire to be friends with this beautiful girl, Emma.

She seemed so similar to her, they were like soul mates! Perfect together... as friends of course, bosom friends. There was such a great potential for a friendship between them, Bailey could see herself being with this girl forever.

"What did you think of that Emma girl?" Mom asked as they drove home.

"I like her. I think that we could be pretty good friends. She is quite similar to me, and she is so beautiful!"

"Beautiful?"

"Yeah, she is quite a pretty girl. Not that looks matter though. I know that they are not important in a friendship."

"Oh, I thought that you were a lesbian for a moment." Mom said, laughing slightly.

Bailey tightened her lips and clenched her teeth. She wanted to say something, but she decided against it, it would only further suspicions. Silence was better, even though silence could also seem suspicious. Bailey detested lying though, and avoided it at all costs, but if she were to say anything, it would be to convince Mom that she was straight, and that would be a lie.

Since she was ten years old, Bailey had known that something was different with her. Other girls just looked so attractive, but boys were not.

When Ethan Turner had asked her to be his Valentine in grade four, she had rejected him. Mom said that she did not have to like the boy to be his Valentine. She should just be nice because it was only a play thing, but still she had refused to accept.

In grade five, tired of being the one who was always asked by all the boys to be their Valentine, she had taken matters into her own hands and asked Natasha Willis if she would be her valentine.

Natasha had been utterly horrified, and so had all her friends, the teachers and Natasha's mother, who had phoned up Bailey's mom quite quickly, complaining that Bailey was influencing her daughter to commit sinful acts.

Bailey had not seen what was wrong with asking Natasha to be her valentine. She was a pretty girl, and Bailey liked her. Of course, it was nothing more than a childish crush, that was normal in primary school, but Bailey had still felt attracted to her.

Mom had explained that girls could not ask other girls to be their valentine because it was very wrong, but when Bailey had reminded Mom that she had said it was just a play thing, Mom had just shaken her head and told Bailey that it was okay to ask boys, but she could never ask a girl to be her valentine.

It had seemed so unfair to Bailey, not to mention confusing! Bailey did not like boys in that way. She liked to play rugby with them, and run around with them, but she never wanted to kiss a boy, let alone marry one!

Despite noticing that something was different about her, it had not clicked that she was gay till Bailey was almost fourteen years old.

Bailey and her family went to one of Mom's friend's weddings, and there had been two brides. Mom explained that the women were lesbian and that they loved each other more than they loved men. Mom said that some people liked the same gender, ad that was okay. Bailey could not help wishing that she could also marry a woman, not a man one day.

It was only late that night, when Bailey was lying wide awake, unable to sleep from all the noise of the earlier wedding party, that the thought had hit. She was gay!

At first she had been excited to understand why she had always felt so different, and could not help but laugh at herself for thinking of herself as straight for so long when all the signs were there. Then she had become fearful that she was so different, and worried that she would be rejected by her family and friends..

It had taken almost another full year of countless 'Am I gay' quizzes and many nights of wondering, until Bailey had realised and accepted that she was indeed gay.

In the beginning, she had considered herself bisexual, but as time went on, she realised that she had no attraction to the male population whatsoever, and had begun to label herself as lesbian.

Now at sixteen, Bailey was confident that she was indeed gay. She still struggled internally with accepting herself, knowing that her family were not very supportive of gays, but it was better now.

She especially struggled with the realisation that she was continuously sinning, but as her relationship with God had grown stronger, she had seen that He still loved her even if she was gay. She also learned that being gay would not mean that she would go to hell as her family had told her, but that the only way that someone would go to hell was if they did not accept Jesus as their lord and saviour.

Bailey did accept Him, so she knew that she would still go to Heaven. In fact, the realisation that she was gay and Christian, had caused her to make a radical change in the church that she attended, and now was the only member in her family who attended a more accepting church.

Bailey planned on coming out at seventeen years old, but the thought of coming out made her very fearful and she preferred not to think about it.