Chapter Eight

Well.. I sha wan charge and I don dey inside church charging and listening to the word the pastor was preaching. I mean, he who God has a purpose for, he will surely use. Just like the case of Saul, he was a persecutor of Christians but eventually God ministered to him, changed his name and, used him for his work. 2nd Corinthians 5:17; therefore, if any man believes in Christ, he is a new creature. Old things have passed away, behold all things has become new. As long as I confessed my sins, I would be saved. For the son of man is evenly foolish that he thought his secret are hidden even from the father.

I thought I was going to church to charge, I didn't know I was being called by God to come forsake my sins and believe in the lord Jesus. And that was it. I got saved and never missed church programs. Funky is dead and brother Damilare Oluwaferanmi is alive through Jesus Christ our lord.

Going to 300level second semester, I had finished my workers in training and started teaching in Sunday school. I mean, whosoever God is with, no one can be against him right? And even I am facing different tribulation, seeing different maami water girls, I shall not be shaken right?

Sister Ajoke, was the head choir, and I always admire how she sings with her high pitch tiny voice, just like the angels shouting hallelujah to the most high. I will not ignore to mention that her beauty supersede that of a goddess. I mean, what is a goddess beside God's wonderfully made Ajoke. Her face is always brighter than the sun and a gaze at her beauty will make men stare in admiration.

I am convinced this is her, the one for me. And God said to David, go, pursue, you shall meet and recover all your lost possessions. I mean, sister Ajoke is for me. And many times I had been praying about her and would always see her in my dreams. Why shouldn't I approach her, I mean, son of man are only living on a borrowed time and this life is short not to live your worth.

Though I am only in 300level now, time is going, I can meet my life partner here right? Sister Ajoke is the one and this I am certain. I approached sister Ajoke, told her what I have seen in my dreams, I bided to pray about herself and myself going into a courtship and interceding for our future.

"brother Dammy, I don't know o… I don't think I am interested."

"sister Ajoke, do you want to disobey the voice of the lord?"

"ah! brother Dammy, no ooo, I can't disobey God. But, I also believe, if this is right, God will give me my taste naw…" She said while bending her face to a corner 

"ah! sister Ajoke, don't forget what seem foolish in the sight of men is wisdom to God. More so, I am fashionable too… back in the days I don't wear all these shabby trousers and big ties. It is God who took them from my hands. A child of God should always look simple. The bible says, love not the world neither the things of the world, if any man loves the world the love of the father is not in him."

"see brother Dammy, let us forget it, it can't work."

But why is sister Ajoke behaving like this naw, don't she fear God? She should at least try to think about it abi I am that ugly ni? Well..a man is meant to suffer before he finds a good wife.

After several weeks and I have been telling sister Ajoke what God has planned for both of us, she is still saying No! the semester is almost ending, sister Ajoke, this is 400level in our front then service, then business, then marriage. Time is not on our side, let us pray. She kept on insisting. Well, I will kuku go to her hostel. I mean, even when the children of Israel were condemning God, God did not turn his back on them because he has promised their father Abraham and he is surely not a God that fails to fulfill his words.

It is actually my first time to want to visit sister Ajoke. I even asked for the direction from one of our church members. It was on Friday evening around 9pm. She wasn't expecting anybody, she might even be sleeping but I needed to come at night. Rumors has it that when you want to ask a girl out, you do it at night cos it is the time their brain is settled and would hear whatever you tell them otherwise if it is the case that she does not like you at all at all. After all, women are controlled by what they hear.

I was almost reaching her side, "thank God, NEPA don bring light self."  I am in their passage and no one was outside to point me to her room. Seems everyone was sleeping at this time. "I came too late I know but, let me try to let her know I came by."

I remembered brother Tolu telling me it's the second room by the right. But wait o, what are these sounds like "hmmm mmm um mm" "is she doing exercise ni. No wonder she has a very good shape. She do work out before she sleeps. Wow! Tremendous!" I looked from the key hole and what I saw completely left me in shock like I was electrified by the city transformer.

What?? Holy mother of Zachariah! Chai... angel Yurel!!! Sister Ajoke is licking brother Badmus lollipop! Ah! abomination! Brother Badmus prayer warrior co-coordinator and sister Ajoke head choir are fighting wrestling on the bed, they are shakushaku one another. Ah! no wonder she will not listen to God's will, ashey, she is enjoying the fruit that has opened her eyes. Ha! Holy Moses! I know I am suppose to turn back and head back home but I needed them to know they had been caught like how Jesus has planned to return.

'Emi werey' I used my leg that has the strength of Samson and hit the mother fucking door and the wall fell down flat like the wall of Jericho. I looked at Ajoke and gave her a dirty slap. Okay… I didn't do that, kikiki(laughing out loud) let's return to the story.

I was too shocked to have discovered the undiscoverable and with this strength, I forced the door open. Sister Ajoke was shocked and afraid that I had caught them, brother Badmus ran off from the room like a thief on pursue. I didn't know what happened but the son of God in me left me and Funky came back. Asin, it was just like an already buried dead person resurrected from the grave. Enh enh… just like in the case of Lazarus. Well… me, omo oro, I asked Ajoke to sleep back on the bed, I locked the door very very well, brought out my rode of Moses and led the children of spermatozoa out of the wilderness.

I left back to my hostel at exactly 1am. I know it's risky to walk around by that time, but who would sleep comfortably in that room with that condition? It could be that my dead body would be brought out the next morning, and me I am not ready to die.

Getting home, I had to sit and think if really I had given my life to Christ. I mean just like Samson Adeoye will say "you may lie to others, leaving aside the fact that the truth will someday reveal, but lying to yourself, you are the biggest fool ever!" A person who is with Christ will not have easily fallen back to sin right? I should probably let my mind sink inside the waters of thought.

"I had gone to church to charge, I sat at the back of the auditorium, I gave my phone to the ushers to charge for me. I saw Ajoke at the altar, singing with her Lucifer's voice. I cherished her charisma, her voice, her face and smile. I wished she was mine. I wished we get to know each other better, I realized the pastor called an alter call, asking for those who would want to give their life to Christ. I realized Ajoke was shouting, praising those courageous to stand. I thought if I stood, she'd notice me, and if I became a worker, we could easily get along."

Are these, the real definition of giving my life to Christ? And that was it, I stopped going to the church. The pastor and the rest of the workers, who had knew nothing about what has happened would come and visit, preaching that I should come back to service. But no! My mind is already made up! I am no more going to any motherfucking church. lemme flex jor! I moved out of my hostel and rent a new room at shangai, a place far away from permanent site.

_____________________________________

Interpretation

Golo– gonorrhea

Em– Them

Upanddown–. Up and down

Oga Ade – Mr Man

Ynash– buttocks

Shakushaku– fuck

Issorite– it's alright

Emi omo Oro – self appraisal

Jammed– reached

Olosho– prostitute

Lobatan– finally

Nepa– power holding company

Emi werey–. Evil me