The Emotional Clock

6

"So what do you think she means?"

"I don't know man, but I think she was being serious. There wasn't any of her typical cheery tone. She was pretty gloomy and philosophical even. However, I do think there's a reason you keep seeing this girl."

" Yeah there's probably a connection between that and the dream I had too."

" Oh the one that made you piss your pants like a baby." Max mimics with the tone of an upset toddler.

"Yeah that one." Rowen trails off and begins going over the dream again shuddering at the thought of the creature.

They arrive at her classroom at 1130am. Max helps Rowen ease into one of the desk chairs and sits beside him. A ten-foot-long chalkboard stretches across the front of the room. Flakes of chalk litter along the white tiled floor. Desks stand at attention in a 4 by 8 formation. Windows along the left side of the second-floor classroom overlook the academic quad. In the distance, between two academic buildings, Rowen could see a glimpse of the round wooden roof of the pavilion.

She limps into her classroom at around 1145 carrying her silver tipped wooden cane. A sigil of a raven is engraved in the handle. Dr. Frieg is a slender yet beautiful woman in her early thirties whose limp is caused by a missing left foot. She never spoke of how she lost it and when asked all that was said was that it had been a terrible "accident". The handicap had not stopped her from having a bright, caring personality however. Her light, airy voice always lit up a room and carried over positivity to all her clients and students. Another physical feature that stood about her was the narrowing scar that angled downward from above her right eyebrow down to her right cheekbone. One would wonder that she probably has a glass eye as well to match her left blue eye considering the scar runs deep and eye contact with her always lagged with the left one. Every time Rowen attended her class, he always felt that that glass eye was always watching him.

"Thank you, Max. Would you be so kind as to give the two of us a couple moments?"

Max struggles but manages to escape the deceitful gambit that is the desk chair combo. Why do these things have to be such a pain in the ass to get out of anyways? Even thin people have a hard time getting up after class. He walks out of the classroom and shuts the door behind him. Glad to know I'm just the fucking mule. Least she could've done was include me. What is her game anyway?

Once Max exits, the room becomes a bit dimmer. However, no one touches the light switch or the lamp on Dr. Frieg's desk. The lights shrink to a faint glow and a slight breeze swims through the stagnant classroom air.

"Did you know that sadness is the rawest and realest emotion?" Dr. Frieg asks him as she approaches the desk he's sitting in.

"Come again Professor?"

"Anger and all of its different shades of envy and irritability is based on too much of an impulse and is often blind. Happiness, while often true, is too short lived, sporadic and easily manipulated. For life isn't perfect and has no happy ending. Death is not happy. No ending ever is." She continues.

The doctor's tone is of conflicting confusion. While she plays what she says off as a normal conversation her words are dark and heavy. She paces back and forth past his desk before going towards the window. She stops at the window gazing out of it as if admiring something in the distance. Her eyes so awestruck by something that his presence almost seems unnoticed. Rowen could feel the energy in the room grow thin and slightly cool as if someone had sucked out all sunlight and positive emotions with a vacuum. The air cool but stagnant felt like an early morning mist in a rainforest with no life stemming from it. A feeling of familiarity arises within him and a chill shoots up his spine. Tick. Tock.

Rowen glances over at the clock to see it creep past the half hour mark. Had she really been talking that long? That's impossible. She's only said a couple, albeit, unnatural things. Had it been truly unnatural though? Not a natural conversation but what she had said resonated with him and held some truth. And what about the exam he came to take? The urge to take is test rose. Despite being creeped out he just wanted to get this test over with, so he could get out of here. He felt that if he waited any longer he'd forget everything he had studied. His heartbeat quickens, and his leg starts to twitch up and down like a rabbit.

"Shouldn't I take the exam now?" He retorts in a hesitant, shy manner.

"Sadness is where the truth comes out. Sadness opens the heart and the mind and reveals honest intentions and truths. Sadness is when you are most vulnerable, yet it is when you hold the truest power. It holds the greatest story of rebirth. The absolution of one's self." She continues.

She turns her head from the window and sits down gently in at the desk next to him. She stares at him and he fixates on the glass eye. Normally when looking at someone's irregularities one would be uncomfortable, yet drawn to it, but as he stares into the blue icy surface of her eye he feels safe. All the events of the past day (had it really all happened within a day?), seem to dissipate into the glossy abyss taking up her left orifice.

"Vulnerability," She swallows and says delicately, "is when you know yourself the most. When all your strength is depleted, and you can no longer hold up your walls you open yourself up to the truth and yourself. There is power in that vulnerability, that weakness, that sadness. It is sadness that can yield the wavelengths of every other emotion."

Rowen sits there and gazes in unfeigned clarity. Never had he been stricken with something so simple yet so logical. However, he still wonders why she is telling him all this. Though shouldn't he know? With everything that's happened to him? But how would she have known?

"You experienced it today didn't you?" She asks already knowing his answer.

"Yes." He gives in not clearly understanding how she could possibly know.

"More than once?"

He nods in a shudder. What the fuck is happening? What isn't she telling me? Why do I feel empty? How come my hands and legs won't stop shaking? I can feel my heart leap out of my chest. The back of my head is starting to feel hot too. What is this? A depressed anxiety?

"Despite what you have been feeling, what you are feeling, you really did make a difference in that girl's life. Her pain, as you know, was more than skin deep." She affirms.

"I know." He swallows and glances down at the tile floor.

"It's going to be difficult Rowen. It's a gift but a cruel one. Stick close to Max and when it happens again come straight to me. Doesn't matter what time. Doesn't matter what day. Just come to this room and I'll be here."

"Wha…what is happening to me? Why do I feel this way?"

"Depression is a complex and fickle thing. It's even the basis and symptom for other disorders as well. All will become clear soon."

"Just tell me." Rowen pleads with pain and trembling.

Before he could even contemplate how she knew what happened, she leaned in and pecked him on the lips. Taken aback by the display of affection, he backed away. But immediately everything changed. He felt a sudden surge in clarity and energy. A storm had been cleared in his head leaving nothing but sunshine and rainbows. No longer did his head pulsate, no longer did he feel drunk with exhaustion, no longer were there thoughts of blades on skin. He felt at ease and before he could fully come back to the moment Dr. Freig was gone.

He looks around the room, under the desks, and even in the closet in the back-right corner of the room. Dr. Freig was nowhere to be found. Scratching his head, Rowen gets up confused but refreshed. It was as if someone breathed fresh spring mountain air into his body and was now running on pure positivity. One could even say he feels like he's been dosed with cocaine or heroin but without the negative side effects. He puts a hop in his step and exits the classroom.

"I guess I don't have to take that test." He murmurs to himself and smiles.

Max waits for him to exit the classroom and immediately bombards him with questions.

"Well what did she say? How are you feeling? Why'd she kick me out?"

"It was strange but I feel a lot better. And she..uhhh…kissed me."

"You have to do better than that my friend." Max nudges and chuckles.

"Alright but let's walk."