A Terrible Fight

The artillery of both sides has been rendered useless. It's now time for the infantry forces to make their dreaded moves...

Where the ice walls used to be, the Pink Army assembles all of its strongest warriors; swarms of vulturine guineafowl, Citizen Illinois, Cdr. Buenos Aires, Sir Louis the Just, Batroc the Leaper, Reverse-Flash, Pink Flash, Crossbones, Morgan, Clark, and Fish of Watertown, Bissell, Oglesby, Old Ranger, Duncan, Palmer, and Hamilton of Springfield, Rivlin, Begin, and Weizmann of Good Zion, Taskmaster, Obsidian, Mr. Fish (not the will-be governor of New York), King Shark, Kikyo Mikage, Komodo, Klaw, Papa Midnite, Iceman, Executioner, Eel, Ocean Master, Juggernaut, Citizen Cold, Black Knight, and Capt. Love. They're all armed, and they're all dangerous. They dare what remains of Fitz's offensive to cross into Lincoln City...

"Go away," the two Flashes shout simultaneously, super-vibrating their voices as they do, "or go to hell! We will put you there for you!"

"GO AWAY," Tarzan shouts, "OR GO TO HELL! WE WILL PUT YOU THERE FOR YOU!"

Harold Nixon sighs, and shakes his head. "STILL can't believe there are versions of me that don't have manners..."

"Fuck you, faggots," George Callister, a member of the Order of Chiklis from the Eagle Eye universe, shouts. "We've got our eye set on the Grey House!"

With a bugle, Neil Armstrong sounds the charge. Both sides heave a very loud yell, and charge into action.

On both sides, supersoldiers are in the lead. All three throw away their shields, like discuses, and start fighting each other; Citizen California vs. Citizen Illinois and Commander Buenos Aires...

All around, the grounded and surviving knights of the Order of Bakersfield get to work. Schwarzenegger takes the lead, roars, and begins slashing away at Fish, Oglesby, Old Ranger, Hamilton, and Begin. Pacheco leaps in, and helps out.

Warren, Stephens, and Markham gather in a triangle, backs to each other, and start fighting Morgan, Clark, Bissell, Duncan, Palmer, Rivlin, and Weizmann. These seven rogues may be strangers to each other from where they come from, but Markham, Stephens, and Warren all must admit that they all make quite the formidable force, when they combine their arms at militaristic primes of their lives...

All of Fitz's old shipmates and fellow POWs, and their respective alternate reality doppelgangers, surround Capt. Love, and aim their bayonets at him. Capt. Love sighs, and bows his head. Why, o why don't Cyrus, Novak, or Ambruso have more militaristic counterparts in the multiverse?

Capt. Love is soon saved...by himself. The two Flashes flash everywhere, generating yellow and pink streaks of light, as they go along. They rip the hearts out of several chests, and leave them in a pile, next to Capt. Love. Some of them still beat...

All around Capt. Love and the Flashes, several of Fitz's recruits fall over, with holes in their chests. Only a fair amount, for Capt. Love, remain. Everyone left in the Order of Mathews dies.

Pink flash stands, with his arm raised, and through Callister's chest. He's got his mask on. "Who's the faggot NOW," he says, in a scary voice, "fag?!" With that, he lowers his arm, and lets Callister's corpse slide off, and over...with a hole in its chest.

Pink Flash and Reverse-Flash stand on either side of Capt. Love, their alternate identity from Californian history. All around, the disheartened warriors in Fitz's offensive fall over and die, with holes in the left sides of their chest.

Capt. Love scoffs. "Saved by myself... Never would've imagined." He takes a look at the pile of hearts, near him; Freddie Hanscom's head is there, because as a zombie, he didn't have a heart. Except for the zombification, the head looks much like Thom Mathews's. "I'll have to drop those in jars of wine, later."

"Good luck with that, Cap," Reverse-Flash says.

"We got shit to do," Pink Flash finishes his sentence. With that, they both speed off. Capt. Love loses control, fixes his bayonet, and fights who's left.

Obsidian fires his side a helpful shot, by making it night all over Lincoln City. He has to strain himself...but he must do this, if Cyrus is to pay him well for his efforts... At this point, of course, Obsidian isn't thinking about the fact that few of his fellow combatants can see in the dark any better than...a fish eagle.

In the shadows, Makoto gets to work. She stealthily butchers several guineafowl cocks, with her katanas.

Zuri, as the Black Panther, helps her out, too. This darkness is the perfect supplement to the black color of his vibranium panther-themed suit...

Nomad takes out several, too, in this darkness. As Captain America, though, he could probably never take out half this many targets...

Katana slithers through the darkness, butchering guineafowl cocks as she goes along. Somehow, she pinpoints where Obsidian is. She sneaks up behind him, leaps, draws Soultaker, and runs him through, through the chest.

Obsidian screams like a girl, as night becomes pink day, once again, all around. The day warriors, once again, have the advantage.

Powers and all, Soultaker claims Obsidian's soul, as he dies. One of Katana's katanas is now that much stronger, as Obsidian's soul is forcefully united with the many souls of this old sword's many victims.

Mr. Fish, Taskmaster, Juggernaut, Ocean Master, Klaw, and Iceman are all dead. Nomad killed Mr. Fish and Taskmaster. Makoto killed Iceman and Klaw. Black Panther killed Juggernaut. Katana killed Ocean Master.

Katana's thankful that Yellow Lantern's already dead, courtesy of Nite Owl II, via air-to-air combat. Otherwise, she'd be in some very hot water with him, right now, having just killed his son, and claimed his soul via the Soultaker sword...

Northstar descends, and faces Akihiro. Akihiro's got the Fish Eagle Force in him. His eyes glow. Like a Japanese-Canadian terror, he glares at Northstar, as the latter prepares to storm his two best friends; and Northstar DOESN'T mean his adamantium-infused fists...

"Traitor," Northstar whispers.

"Am," Akihiro growls, "I?"

Fantomex swaggers up beside Akihiro, with the Fish Eagle Force still in him. EVA hovers near him, also charged with the Fish Eagle Force's power. Revanche, also with the Fish Eagle Force in her, swaggers up beside the both of them. Silver Samurai lands nearby, and draws adamantium katanas. Ka-Zar lumbers in, on his knuckles, and rounds things out.

"This is for Iceman," Northstar hisses, "and for fellow faggotry everywhere!" With that, he charges the X-Men, if not the Alpha Flight, who's come to slay him. He's outnumbered six to one...but as a speedster and an aviator, and a Saskatchewanite, he loves his chances.

Kikyo Mikage shows up, and helps Northstar out. He's got a score, after all, to settle with Akihiro and Silver Samurai...

Sir Louis raids the corpse of the other Sir Louis, who was a member of the Order of DiCaprio, and steals his armor. Having been a later-occurring French royal, it makes sense that Louis XIV's armor was more advanced than Louis XIII's.

Clad in the Sun King's armor, the Just returns to war, with all of Fitz's rude invaders. The Crescent Order soon surrounds him, powers cocked.

Jonah Hex breaks the ice, by firing two revolver shots at his face. The Just smiles, and deflects both with his shield.

Deathstroke shouts, leaps in, draws his katanas, and gets to work, beating the Just to a pulp. He can tell this is going to be fun...slaying a king of France before he's even ruled...

Behind him, the body of the Sun King, with the likeness of Leo DiCaprio, lies. This time, it would be fair; Cyrus's forces have already slain a will-be king of France.

Papa Midnite opens a portal, and walks through it. He compels the Crescent Order to divide their forces.

Deadshot draws a pair of submachine guns, aims them at Midnite, and lets them rip. Midnite smiles, chants, raises his arms, and freezes the bullets, in midair. It seems it doesn't pay to be a perfect marksman when your target has the power to slow bullets in midair...

It turns out Jonah Hex knows some dark magic, too. With that, he and Midnite have at it. They chant, and virtually become skeletons while dueling...

The Chaste surrounds Eel, overwhelming him. Eel hisses, and whips his tail around.

Deathlok yells, leaps, and gets to work, tackling Eel. Both are strong. Eel almost shorts out some of the electronics in Deathlok's prosthetics.

Deathlok and Man-Ape take turns, tackling Eel. Eel may just be a fish out of water, but that sure as hell doesn't make him any weaker...

The Just sucker-punches Deathstroke, and runs. Deadshot chases him, shooting as he goes.

Batroc the Leaper and Makoto have at it. It seems he's just as good with his savate as she is with her steel...

Deathstroke groans, and crawls around on the ground. His hand touches something slimy.

It looks like a pair of feet. Slowly, Deathstroke looks up.

It's King Shark. His eyes are narrowed, and his teeth are bared.

"Shit," Deathstroke swears.

And now, the new fight is on. King Shark begins by flailing Deathstroke around like a fail, beating him against every hard surface in sight.

Deathstroke reclaims his katanas, and fights back. He soon learns that it doesn't pay to chop the arms off a creature who can regenerate instantly.

Black Knight and Black Panther have at it. Black Panther leaps very high, and runs very far, to avoid getting slashed by Black Knight's sword...

The Just and Deadshot speed through town, shooting at one another. Behind them, the remainder of the Order of Statham joins the chase, covering Deadshot.

The gunfight is intense. This is just like a Fast Furious movie...

At long last, Deadshot puts his fail-proof marksmanship to good use. He spots Komodo atop one of the Stathams' cars, aiming a rifle at the roof. Deadshot smiles, aims a pistol out the window, and fires.

Komodo's brains get blown out, and he topples into the road. Deadshot has to swerve to avoid his corpse.

Deadshot catches up, with the fleeing Just. He aims a simple pistol, and waits for a clean shot...

He's rudely interrupted, when Gibson breaks into the car from the roof, slides in, aims his own pistol at the Just, and takes a shot. The bullet circles in midair, goes under the Just's chin, and through his head. There's no exit wound; the Sun King's old helmet ensures that.

With that, the Just's car flies right off the highway, and dives into the Potomac River. All three of the surviving Statham knights gape, as this happens...

In the moment of awe, the Flashes speed in, and slay the surviving opposition. In one fell swoop, they finish off the last of the Order of Statham.

Pink Flash stands atop a lamppost, with his arm through Gibson's chest. Gibson bleeds out of his mouth, while dying.

Below, Deadshot falls to his death. A pile of rubble falls on him, when he hits the bottom.

Pink Flash glares up at Gibson, while killing him. "You should've stayed with Jane Smith," he growls.

"Her name," Gibson spurts blood, "is Fox."

"Whatever." With that, Pink Flash lowers his arm, and allows gravity, and the pavement far below, to do to Gibson what he alone can't.

The car of Frank Martin, one of the Statham knights, has wrecked, of course. Reverse-Flash phases through its trunk, and loots whatever Martin was transporting... He also finds some gold bricks, in the back of the Aston Martin Vanquish that Handsome Rob was speeding. They've all got a Balinese dancer engraved on them...

Crossbones and Nomad have at it. From his gauntlets, Crossbones shoots shuriken blades. Nomad catches his shield, and deflects them. Sometimes, the shuriken stick themselves into the shield...

King Shark and Deathstroke still fight. Both can be very violent, when they fight...

Heavy-footed, Citizen Cold drags himself past Ray's fallen corpse. Somehow, Ray's eyes have been burned, and scorched, right out of their sockets.

Citizen Cold drags his cold gun to a ledge, and mounts it. He looks down. Below, King Shark and Deathstroke fight. Deathstroke's back is to Citizen Cold.

Citizen Cold scoffs, and aims his firearm at Deathstroke. He's sure King Shark could use the backup...

Alas, Cold is spontaneously run through, from behind, with a sabre. He gapes, lowers his arms, and drops his cold gun. His slayer scoots it behind him, with his boot.

His slayer is Lt. Evan, a warrior from Jonah Hex's time, who bears the likeness of John Gallagher, Jr. He keeps his sabre in Cold's chest, until Cold breathes his last. Now, Lt. Evan pushes Cold off his bloody blade, with his boot, and causes Cold to fall from a height, to his sure death.

King Shark is distracted, and stops, to acknowledge Cold's sudden murder. His mouth is wide open...

With a grenade launcher, Deathstroke fires a grenade into King Shark's mouth. King Shark swallows it, without realizing what he's done.

Lt. Evan gathers Citizen Cold's cold gun, after having cleaned his sword, and sheathed it. As King Shark's corpse is blown to bits below, Lt. Evan smiles, wanders off, and starts practicing using Citizen Cold's legacy for himself...

Once again, Deathstroke is challenged, by Gotham's Executioner. Tired, but still passionate, Deathstroke takes up his blades, once more, and clashes with Executioner, too...

Capt. Love is still overwhelmed, but is still holding strong. He runs his blade through the chest of Turner, from the Atonement universe, dooming the last of the Order of McAvoy. Earlier, Lucy Fugue had slain Jade, when the diabetic latter needed an insulin dose.

Hans Landa charges through town, slaying guineafowl as he goes. He almost NEVER has this much fun slaying Jews...

The guineafowl bring back sweet memories to Léon Rom, the Congo-colonizer from Hainaut, as he uses a Henry rifle to take on each charging guineafowl, one by one...

Idi Amin joins him, showering a SAW everywhere, at all the guineafowl and pink elephants that dare charge them.

He gets even happier, when the enemy's pink elephants, with umbrella-shaped bo staffs, charge him, from all fronts. Rom takes up an even bigger Henry rifle, and gets to work slaying them, too. If the elephants weren't pink, or proficient in umbrella bojutsu, they'd remind him of the Belgian Congo, too...

The guineafowl dogpile Sirius Black, as the black dog. Sirius, of course, goes berserk, growls, bites, and starts slaughtering the cocks in droves, all around him... As he goes, he transfigures several of them into roast chickens. He's going to need something to eat, after all, after he slaughters all their worthless faggoty asses...

John Ottway arrives, and fights at Sirius's side. He exploits the many roast chickens, that Sirius has transfigured, while doing so...

David, a vampire of the Order of James from the Underworld universe, joins Ottway and Black, and defends both. He feasts on the blood of both the guineafowl and the roast chickens, as they go along...

Pink elephants surround Phango, a half-blind leopard in the Order of Neeson, with their bo staves. Phango roars, draws his claws, and gets to work on their undersides, whenever he can get at them...

A time-displaced Spc. Beck, from the Battle of Ia Drang in the Vietnam War, and a knight of the Order of Harrington, is tempted not to weep, as he sprays a SAW everywhere, slaughtering guineafowl as he goes along. He wishes that his own weeping widow, too, could've been portrayed in the Ft. Benning scenes of We Were Soldiers...

Big Harold, a knight of the Order of Whitaker from the Platoon universe, joins him. He throws grenades, where Beck can't shoot.

Hannibal Smith joins them, making it a party for three. Between shots with his rifle, he smokes a cigar.

A time-displaced Jean d'Aulon, also in the Order of Harrington, brings his feminine boss, Joan of Arc, honor, while slaying guineafowl cocks and pink elephants in the name of France...and Fitz. This isn't the same as protecting France's greatest female, of course...but at least it's more of a workout. If only idiots would've tried to assassinate Joan more often...

Olson, from the Jack Ryan universe, and a knight of the Order of Feore, wears an over-armed mecha, that's elephant-themed, and styled in South African colors. With it, he does battle with the pink elephants. For him, this feels great. He's an arms dealer, and it's about time he redeemed himself, for selling that salvaged nuke to Richard Dressler, that abominable neo-fascist, and would-be Fuhrer of Nazi Eurasia...

Dell Toledo, a knight of the Order of Chiklis from the American Horror Story universe, leads his own show of freak Creature Commandos in a savage battle with the guineafowl. He himself takes on a bull pink elephant...who isn't so much a bull, as he is an intact steer, being gay and all...

Jimmy Pig, a supersoldier and another knight of the Order of Chiklis, from the Soldier universe, takes on Citizen New York. They prove to be an even match. Alas, Cdr. Israel soon joins in, and creates more work than Pig's used to...

Jimmy, a wild child soldier and a knight in the Order of Bell from the King Kong universe, is surrounded by pink elephant bullocks. Like a savage, he loses control, and starts fighting all of them. Tarzan arrives, and backs him up.

Griffin O'Connor, a teleporting knight of the Order of Bell from the Jumper universe, teleports here and there, attacking Pink Flash, Reverse-Flash, and NorthStar. All three speedsters are good at what they do; better than O'Connor, perhaps...

Back to Capt. Love: Slater (from Archer), Gabriel (from the Americans), Four (from Divergent), Nate Ford (from Leverage), Melander (from Parker), and a time-displaced Asael Bielski all take turns, trying to slay Love. The Flashes and Northstar are still too busy with O'Connor; hence, they probably won't save their antebellum Californian twin a second time around...

Love waves his sabre everywhere, and slashes anyone who comes near him, with murder in their eyes. In moments like these, he sure wishes Don Rafael Montero had his back...or Cyrus, even...

Love kills Slater, ending the Order of Slater. He kills Melander, too, ending the Order of Chiklis at the same time.

By killing Melander, Love inadvertently brings Ford some relief. Up until now, he's been disputing with Melander over who's calling the shots, in this assault...

Mooseblood the Mosquito, a knighted mosquito of the Order of Rock from the Bee Movie universe, lands on Love's exposed neck. With luck, Mooseblood will drain Love dry before...

Love slaps Mooseblood, killing him. Alas, he has to let down his guard, to do so...

Bielski swoops in, and shoots Love to death, with the entire magazine of a submachine gun. And so, the Jewish Polish martyr triumphs over an enemy of antebellum California, from about a century before his own time...

Bielski backs away, and watches, as Love's corpse falls over. From above, a pile of bricks falls atop him.

Bielski, Ford, Four, and Gabriel all cheer, pat one another on the back, and scatter, looking for more faggots to slay. Farther away, up at the High Pink Castle, the hot pink up there is getting hotter...

Cyrus, Novak, and Ambruso stand atop the outer wall, as Perry, Bucatinsky, and del Negro, surveying the battle in the city. They've all lamenting looks, on their faces.

"Our defensive fatigues," Novak remarks.

"Nothing has failed," Cyrus insists, "as long as this wall stands as tall as it does, and the President stays outside of it."

"He won't have to try very hard to break in," Ambruso dreads. "This is all illusory, after all."

Cyrus grins. "Our limit is our minds. There's three of us, and only one Grant II. Plus, we still have his whore in our clutches. Even with two Nixons, an Armstrong, a Miller, Michael Collins, Sir Gawain, a Caesar, a Trudeau, a Reagan, and Huo Yuanjia in his ranks, what can he do?"

Like statues, the three gay men stand high, atop the wall. Below them, the castle causeway spirals around the tall mountain it's on. Fitz's offensive will soon use it, for an epic cavalry charge on the Grey House...which, for as long as this lasts, will likely remain the High Pink Castle...