A Burning Memory, Part 1

"Once upon a time, in a land far, far gone and demolished, there was once a man named Torem Ignis. My dipshit father." 

A cold opening to what was priming up to be quite the long, riveting story of snark, profanity, and lots and lots of that classic, unadulterated Ria-charm we all come to unwillingly love and tolerate.

"Now Torem was a rather bright fellow, actually. In fact, he was considered to be brighter than most. So smart and clever he was, that in his time, the mere utterance of his name creamed the pants of all of his many young admirers, and welled bitter tears in the eyes of his jealous inferiors. But just why exactly was he so universally acclaimed? Just how much smarter and cleverer can he actually be compared to your average snobbish smarty pants? Irene - care to explain to the rest of the class?"