Author’s Notes (Part 4, Section 3)

20/07/2020

Tell me that I should keep holding on

...

Baby , Baby, Close your eyes life's a dream

~ Dreamer Girl by Asa

The Dream Elixir

To be honest, I can understand why my parents want me to study law. If there is any other person that wants the best for me apart from myself, It is my Dad. He always likes to call my physical defects a peculiarity and he wanted me to be outstanding in all ramifications so people could truly see me for my peculiarity.

He toiled and sacrificed so much for my sake and I can not blame him for wanting the absolute best out of me.

He wants me to be outspoken, eloquent, versatile, unbreakable, fierce and strong hence why he wanted me to study a course as charismatic as Law. I could honestly understand him for not wanting anything less or mediocre from me.

He wants me to be able to always defend myself as it is possible for people to always think lowly of someone with physical defects like me; limiting their abilities to the barest minimum, when in actuality they can go for whatever they want. These are things that birth low self esteem and lack of self confidence.

In all honesty, people tend to always pity and even victimize people with defects and sometimes those with the defects fall prey to people's demeaning schemes and begin to actually carry themselves like victims and this gradually soils the confidence that they were trying to grow; the confidence in believing that that morning on earth is stopping them form going for what they want to go for.

Most people with physical defects battle with self confidence and it takes the grace of God for them to realize their authentic identity and take pride and self love in their physical make up . This is something I know so well.

My dad wanted me to be excellent and I wanted them same for myself too but we wanted it in different ways.

When I asked my Dad why he wants me to study law, he told me that it was because I was eloquent and spoke very often in public which is a vivid trait a lawyer possesses since it's a profession that requires undiluted outspokenness.

He also told me that he felt I had the dexterity to study the course and it was his desire for me to be outstanding in the field.

My mum on the other hand had initially wanted me to study medicine so I could specialize in Orthopedics so in the future, I could treat patients who had similar or even the exact same defect that I have but I sucked at math, so delving into the sciences was clearly not my forte.

Hence, the next best course my parents deemed to be was Law. They wanted me to be a lawyer so I could be well respected in the society and difficult to trample upon.

It was cute that they wanted the best for me in their own way and I was really thankful to them that they saw me as a child with an amazing future but, the kind of excellence I wanted for myself was a lot more different.

I wanted my excellence to stem from the roots of ethereal, mind blowing creativity. Beyond wearing professional gowns and sitting in an air conditioned office for hours on end, burying my face into a enormous textbooks and Law Journals just to ascertain the exact judgement to give an accused during the adjournment of a case, I wanted the world to know the girl that was powerful enough in her ability to invoke the most beautiful emotions in people just by staring at my drawing or reading a book of mine.

What I yearned for the most was to give people a glimpse of what actually goes on in my dreamy mind. I wanted to take art in it's liberal form to an ethereal dimension.

I wanted to heal lives and cause people to marvel at what an epitome of a masterpiece of art that I truly was.

I am the Dreamer Girl; The Dream Elixir; an escape from this cruel, harsh world. I dream that in this world, I can make a mighty, recognizable change. This world is supposed to be free, full of love and a paradise in it's own axis and I wish to be that elixir that would give people the hope that good dreams still do exist and they happen to people.

I want people to believe that they can hope for and actualized their aims and dreams; that they can go for what they want, forgetting the nightmares they once used to have, irrespective of whatever form it took; whether it be lack of support form friends and family, lack of motivation or even lack of self confidence.

Those things were nightmares in their own forms because we entrap ourselves in these things whereas we can actually break free from it and go for whatever we want. Just like nightmares aren't reality, the discouraging things that people say to us just to stop us from going for what we want, the insecurities we constantly battle with, really should not be our reality but the mistake we make is to often mistake these nightmarish snippets of fear and uncertainty and then morph it into our reality when we actually were ordained to be great people in life.

The sweetest dreams of our lives are the ones we have, picturing ourselves as great, rich, happy, influential and blessed people and not bitter, broken and struggling people.

I wanted to be that person who would gear people on to go for what they desire confidently, even if it requires going to the ends of the earth just so they could find their destinies with nothing, whether it be their physical outlook, their family background of their past getting in the way. I wanted to be that true dream elixir who would help people escape from the nightmares they have been entangled in and instead dust of the cobwebs of fear, doubts, impossibilities insecurities, lack of confidence and step into a new glorious, dreamy light of liberation, zeal, passion and dreaminess in itself.

I wanted to draw extraordinarily, write extraordinary and create an artwork of a life time, consisting of the dreamiest, symbolic things that would fuel people's souls to genuinely live their dreams and pursue their destinies with all of their might and with all of their lives because it was truly worth the adventure.

The peace you feel knowing that you're going for what you truly want is a motivation on it's own because, you would stop at nothing to acquire it, like a golden trophy of a blockbuster game; it was something I got to realize which is why we are all we've got in life. Self motivation is indeed the best form of all motivations.

That was why I called myself the Dreamer Girl because I am that girl that is passionate about being the dream that she dreams of. I wanted to be more than just a Dream achiever. I wanted to be the living epistle; the living movie of my dream; The Dreamiest of all dreamers. That's who I wanted to be. I wanted my presence to be so strong that when I'm around people, they get that stirring in their hearts to rise up above the odds and shine brightly like crystals.

These are things I want my dad to realize and I wish he would realize it already but I had faith that he would because I had Sire and I had my pen. I am penning my life down for the world to see and have a glimpse of what it would look like if I am allowed to study literature and arts; my Dream course.

I believe so much in my pen and it's ability to save me. I have heard that the faintest pen is mightier then the sharpest sword. Applying faith in all that you do regardless of how petit it's size is would go a long way in turning so many things around

I sincerely hope that this saying would actually come to my rescue because I've taken my own step of faith now, it's left to God to do his job and put his mighty hand upon my pen...