Chapter 1

That damn question came to my mind, every time I see you standing there with your friends, ignoring my existence. From being everything to becoming strangers, it's the worst thing that could have happen.

It has been almost a year since I started feeling empty, I have everything I have ever wanted but nothing can fill that dark pit inside of me, those nights going out to drink couldn't erase the memories, smoking don't calm my anxiety anymore.

!!!!!!!!!PRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!

I heard the damn alarm.

-FUCK YOU- I scream in my mind and then hit to shut it up.

I get up, take my towel and walk to the bathroom, I took all of my clothes off and open the shower, laying my head against the shower wall waiting for the hot water to come since the shower always takes its damn time to template. I took a quick shower since I had to be on time if I didn't want to get a retard on the same class once again.

I took out some tight jeans, a white shirt that had written in black "Do what you want" and my every day white converse, I let my hair to fall in its natural straight self with some little waves.

Going out of my room I see my mother putting the breakfast on the table.

-Eat fast- It's all she says as always.

I don't respond and start to eat since I had about 20 minutes before the first class start. Once I finish, I made my way to my room again to wake up my sister since she's the one who drives me to school every morning since last year.

-Get up, we have 10 minutes to get to school- I tell her shaking her up.

-Ok- She grumbles.

I took my backpack and cellphone and got out of the house into the garage. Once my sister got out, we quickly got into the car and she started to drive, as always going fast since it was late.

It took us about 5 minutes to get to my middle school. Finally parking in front of my school I said goodbye to my sister wishing to go back to my bed, I don't know how I have been handling the torture of repeating the same school year, the same fucking classes and some of the same teachers, everything is a complete pain in the ass.

-Hey Rosé- I heard one of the few people I have ever considered a true friend.

-So early and already annoying idiot- I joked as always turning around to see Melissa waling in my direction or more like running in the eyes of everyone around, to later throwing herself at me to hug, making me stumble a bit.

-But you still love me though- Said letting me go and giving me a kiss on the cheek as she usually does every morning.

-Whatever you say shortie-

I have always call her shortie, not that I'm tall but she has a compact height and an extremely cute self, in other words, she's a HOBBIT.

-What are you thinking? you have that clown face and that's not always good- She said making a funny grin.

-It's just that you have the height of a HOBBIT- I said screaming the last word and moving back a little because I sensed danger.

-She's right though- Says a friend of Melissa and I arriving at our side.

-Shut up Josh, Who the hell called you asshole? - Answer Melissa throwing daggers with her eyes at him.

-Not only HOBBIT sized but also aggressive the kid- Said Josh with a mocking tone before receiving a hard slap on the arm from our crazy Hobbit.

-Calm down, it's too early for him to lose an arm and must handle your marital fights- I said trying to look serious and not laughing out loud because of the comedy duo in front of me.

-He/She started- Both said at the same time.

1......2........3....

-HEY!!!!!-

I couldn't hold it anymore, I exploded laughing like crazy because of their reaction. Those two have been friends for 3 years, I barely join them this last year, but everyone who sees them would think they are a couple, the act like a couple but they don't like to hear people saying that, I would say that at any slip they would end up as one, but Josh has a girlfriend and Melissa..... well she has a complicated relationship with her "Boyfriend".... If you can call that a relationship. Both "hate" the fact that other people think they are a couple.

-Move your asses, it's late and we have chemistry first, if we don't hurry that scumbag will leave us outside- I said pushing them a little to get going.

You have to be kidding me..... FUCK YOU DESTINY. Damn whoever is making all of this happen, when we entered the classroom the only empty spaces were at the front row, one just beside her, since I was pushing those two idiots, the only empty space was the one beside her.

'REALLYYYYYY', in the very few classes I could sit at the other side of the world far away from her and the only empty space was that one.

-Hi Kate- I greet on of Melissa's friend, actually she was the one with whom I could talk easily, also when you asked for an advice or help in general she was there for you, well, at least when she wanted but she's a good person, just a little bit superficial and that ruins the rest of her sometimes.

-Hi Roseanne- Said moving her eyes away from her phone for a second to see me.

-What a lucky day for me isn't it? - I said sarcastically in a whisper, signaling with my eyes at my right side since I was resting my torso in the backrest so I can see her, since she was sitting behind me.

-Hahahaha I see that, it only happens to you because you wait until the last second to get here- Kate was one of the few who knew part of the situation.

-It wasn't my fault; it was because of the stupid Melissa and the idiot of Josh that started a discussion and I couldn't stop myself from watching the two lovebirds- I said pouting. Melissa and Kate were best friends and share the same closed group of friends.

-It had to be those two but still you could have leave them behind- Said rolling her eyes and shaking her head with a little smirk on her lips.

It is already the last block of the year, we're almost at the end of our middle school time and the chemistry teacher had the "brilliant" idea of rate us with a stupid project in teams of three, so literally we won't do anything while the other teams present their projects.

I spend all of the class looking outside of the window immerse in my thoughts as always though lately more than before, I couldn't look at the board because part of her face and body occupied big part of my field of view, so that was not an option and at the front I had nothing to look at, the only safe place was to look outside the window, the clear sky that didn't represent at all my mood and my feelings. I started to think how is that I got to that uncomfortable, painful and sad position.

Of all things that I have been through , of all of the pain and fights I fought, of it all what has come to invade my life, what came to occupy my mind all night and make me sleepless, what makes me write, what makes me play the guitar with the melodies of the songs saved in my phone and diverse devices, those who are engraved in my mind that makes me sing them while playing their melody.

Everything changed, it became more intense, the details that I thought were tiny a year ago, now took more importance that what I would believe they would, my priorities were others, my thoughts too, and now thinking about it my feelings too, as much as I wanted to deny it, that I wanted to change it, it grew more and more that I couldn't stop it.

Friendships took a mayor roll on my life, it's hard to call someone a friend, I had to learn that the hard way a year ago, but I had luck finding some good friendships.

Life took a new meaning and my way of living changed, instead of looking to survive now I started to live, I don't live for everyone else anymore, I don't put myself aside to help them, I haven't stop helping people but now I know that the first is me, second is me and third I will see if it's anyone else.

I started to love myself, I stopped the hate I had of myself and started to see what I was really worth of, I can finally see myself in the mirror and say 'I am beautiful', what I am and how I am is for me.

All of it because of what happen, nothing that what people said to me before made me change but it had to happen something I never thought would happen, because of the words and actions of a single person, that as fast as it came, she left and all because of my fault.

It was the first day of classes, it was the last year of middle school, I have to repeat it because a bunch of events that took me to the hospital and to a large amount of time in rehabilitation of four months stuck with some stupid cast that wouldn't let me move.

I don't even know what's worst, having to wake up early again, the fact that I didn't know anyone or the fact that I must see the same fucking subjects once again.

I already found myself in the classroom of the first class of the day, in one of my favorite spots to sit, at the last row far away from the door. That day I was wearing black tight leather pants, I love wearing them with a white v neck and my beloved leather jacket, accompanying them some black converse.

I don't consider myself a bad girl to be wearing that kind of outfit, I just found it very comfortable to wear.

Obviously everyone knew each other already, I was the only outcast when everyone started to arrive, I could feel the stares from the people around me, those analyzing eyes trying to figure out what I was doing there, how I was like and all the normal thoughts a student can have when they see someone new.

And I was doing the same since I didn't had anything more interesting to do, it was a kind of bad habit of mine but it worked for me in some ways, I could know who I was going to get along with and who should I avoid, it was easy for me to decipher their thoughts and personalities by just looking how they move and say.

A few minutes later some girls sat near me, they looked like good people, the same style of people I use to hang out with.

-Hi- I heard one of them say.

-Hi- I said drily, I tend to act a bit cold when I first met people out of nervousness by instinct, I could pass by a serious type of person.

-What's your name? – Said the same girl, skinny, medium height with long black hair.

-I'm Roseanne, and you? – I said trying to sound respectful.

-I'm Ellen and this are my friends Pipper- Said pointing at a small girl with almond like skin color- Rebecca- This one with a fair skin almost like milk with a big smile on her face – Summer – Now pointing a girl with medium height, fair skin and brown hair – And this is Marian – Said pointing the last girl who was gathered around, she has a bronze tez with brown curly hair.

The day went by fast, when I noticed there were two classes left, everything went alright, better than I expected for my first day, the girls were fun to be with and I started to get along with them, especially with Ellen.

The English teacher was talking about something I really didn't pay attention to, I was looking outside the window that had the view of the backyard of the school, it had a few trees that reminded me of the woods, I don't know why but I love the feeling it gave me to an isolated forest those that books describe them as mysterious and dark, even though the sky was clear and the sun shinning brightly above, under the trees were only shadows. Looking outside was the only thing that kept me awake.

I put my eyes away from the magnific view and looked around, everything was new to me, even though I assisted to that school a year and a half before having to repeat this year of school, I never let myself analyze the people around me that much, those who were in other classes were strangers to me, maybe I knew one or two of them by sight and name but everyone else were Jane Doe and John Doe's to me. I stopped my sight in someone who I didn't knew would change everything I knew until that moment. It was a tall girl, with defined features, thick lips, brown eyes, long brown hair with lighter highlights, it was picked up in a ponytail. She was resting her forehead on her hand while keeping a serious expression, she called my attention in a moment, but I didn't think much about it, I just watched her movements for a few seconds....

!!!!!!!!!PRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!

And finally it's the end of my first day back to school.