New Life

After I collect myself and Amy is able to process everything her anger has no bound. She ranted about how evil he is for half an hour but I was in no mood to hear it. I just can't see him as that evil. I just can't process that he just did it all for sex. It seems implausible. He could have slept with anyone, he had the chance too, why me? What made me special? Why did he want to prey on me? 

I turn on the tap to wash my face but I kept staring at myself in the mirror. My eyes were red and soaked in tears. As soon as I look at myself I break down again. We were supposed to go away for the weekend. I was supposed to tell him I love him. Now here I am, in Amy's washroom trying and failing to collect myself. What in the world will I tell my parents? My father loved Nathan, he trusted him completely. 

My eyes fall to my neck and I find love bites from Nathan. Anger bubbles inside me as I try to get rid of the spot. How the fuck was I that stupid? How the fuck did I trust him so easily? 

"April?" Amy knocks on the door, "Are you okay?" 

Am I? Of course I am not okay. I am in love with someone who was never in love with me. "Yes I am okay." I clear my throat and answer. I dry myself and go out. Amy is sitting on her bed waiting for me. 

"So what now?" I ask her in a cracking voice, "What do I do? Should I just pretend to be his wife for the sake of this merger? Or should I divorce him and to hell with the consequences?" 

"Babe, you don't have to think about any of that right now. Just sit down and give yourself some space. I have already told your parents that you are with me and will be here for as long as you want." 

I sit down next to her, crossing my legs. "I don't even have my phone." 

"We'll buy you a new one and you can have whatever you want from my closet. In a way it's good that you have left everything there, now you can genuinely have a fresh start." 

"I don't think I can ever have a fresh start Ames." I sob in her arms, "I love him, Ames. I don't know how to get rid of that." 

"You are stronger than this, April. You will get through." She strokes my hair and makes me lie down on the bed. I curl up in the bed and close my eyes. I try to go to sleep but all my brain can do is rewind the conversation with Alyssa. I was the commoner daring to live happily after with her prince. This isn't an attack on my heart but on my self-respect. They don't see me as an equal. Maybe now that Nathan knows where I actually came from, I am not good enough for him. I was so stupid. And this is ridiculous, I have never been stupid in love, I have always been able to see the bigger picture, to look beyond the rosey colored glasses people wear in love. 

I hear the door bell ring. A few seconds later it rings again, forcing me to open my eyes. It rings again and again. Ugh, who the fuck? I get up from the bed but before I can walk out of the room, the main door clicks open. 

"How-?" Amy looks at the person in bewilderment. 

"Amy please let me talk to her once." I recognise the voice immediately. Nathan is begging Amy to let him in. I won't talk to him. I have more self respect than that, I am not going to wait for him to tell me how he made a mistake or how much he likes me. I am done with this shit. I am not going to let him make a fool of me again. 

"I don't think she wants to see you." 

"Please-" he's cut off by his phone ringing which he turns off "I need to-" His phone rings again, he turns it off again, "She misunder-" phone rings again. 

"It's okay, take it. Before you come back I really think you should get your shit together Nathan." Amy says firmly. 

"No it's not like that." His phone rings again, "What?" He finally picks up in anger. I didn't even realise that I have moved out of the room to the living room. "What are you talking about, that information was confidential!" Nathan yells over the phone, "Are you telling me that you can't handle the office for one day without me, David?" His voice is full of frustration. There was several moments of silence that followed. Amy was still standing at the door, her face was not visible to me. Why was she still standing there?

"Yes dad." I hear Nathan's voice, "I'm sorry. Dad I need to sort something-" he's cut off by Robin saying something which is incomprehensible to me, "Dad, would you just-" he's cut off again, "Okay dad, I'm coming there." He says finally. And yet again something else takes priority over me. 

"Amy, please can I talk to her for one minute, that is all I have right now!" He requested. 

"Nathan, do you really think whatever has happened can be solved in one minute?" Amy's voice is almost sympathetic, "I suggest you go, clearly they need you at the office. Give her time and space, maybe she'd wanna talk to you later." She shrugs and sees him of. As Amy closes the door, I hear elevator's ding and with that he was gone. 

ONE WEEK LATER

It's been a week since Nathan and I separated. I have been hiding out at Amy's every since. My mom and dad came over yesterday after Nathan told him about a 'fight' we had. Can you believe he had the audacity to call this a fight? I told them what had happened and they lost their minds. I stopped them from talking to him with great difficulty. I haven't heard from him as well. My dad told me there have been some issues with the merger and he was working with the lawyers to fix everything before the final stage. He is furious at him and has decided to work from home. In his words, he cannot bear to look at his face anymore. 

As the past few days flash in front of my eyes, my alarm clock rings. I turn it off and turn to the other side. I have no interest in waking up and doing the work. My heart is shattering into pieces every time the phone rings and its not him. He hasn't called me. He has made no attempts to talk to me. Maybe he doesn't want to. I can't believe his affection was a lie.

Amy got me a new phone two days ago. I open my instagram and somehow find myself on Alyssa's instagram page. 

"Good morning." Amy came beaming in the room, "Let's have breakfast." She came in the room with a tray full of breakfast. She caught me look at her story which says she's somewhere in Italy shooting for her next photoshoot. "April, no. Don't do this to yourself." 

"Is he in Italy with her?" I ask, "I mean that would make sense right? Maybe that's why he hasn't called me."

"April..."

"No, I get it. Who has time to talk to a wife when you have a supermodel for a girlfriend?"

"April give me your phone!" Amy says sternly but I ignore her. 

"I mean how could I ever fall for those lies? How stupid am I?" I run my hand through my hair in frustration, "But his eyes. Oh Ames, his eyes never lied." 

"April!" Amy held me by my shoulders, "He is gone for good. Babe, you have so much going for you. Please don't spiral over this boy, he's a nobody." She pulls me into a hug. 

"You are right. I mean he was a nobody till 6 months ago, right? I need to focus on my work." I nod my head vigorously and suddenly get nauseous even thinking about Nathan. I have to start my new life. I have to find the strength from somewhere. 

"I should get away from this city for a while." I say to her. 

"What? Where?" 

"I should go to New York. I have got a lot of Non-Profits who want to collaborate with me there." I straighten up and drink my coffee. My nausea increased suddenly and I rush into the bathroom to puke. 

"April!" Amy rushes behind me and holds back my hair. "Lemme call 911."

"No." I pull my head up and say, "I'm fine. I don't know what happened. Can you get me some water?" Amy rushes and gets me some water. I feel so weird. I have never puked in the morning. Suddenly my eyes stop at the big cross on the calendar, marking Amy's period date and I remember I haven't tracked my period. Oh my God, am I late? 

I sit on the bed and do the calculation. Shit! I am 8 days late. No no no. This cannot happen! Can it? I rewind in my head all the times I have had sex in the past month and I was careful every time. How the fuc- shit! We weren't careful all the time. New Year! New Year was almost a month ago. 

"April what happened?" I look at Amy in horror. My face turned white. I don't know how to tell her this. How do I tell her that, I'm the idiot who didn't care for a condom? How the fuck can I be so much in love? "April you are really scaring me, please say something." 

"I think I am pregnant." I blurt out, without looking at her. 

"No. Don't tell me you weren't careful!" She sits besides me with face as white as mine. 

"I wasn't. One time! One fucking time! And its going to cost me my life now?!" I yell. My eyes welled up thinking about it. Suddenly, all I saw was black. My vision was gone and soon my body fell into the bed and darkness consumed me. 

--------

When I regained consciousness it felt like a new day. I slowly opened my eyes hoping to find Nathan right beside with his heartwarming smile. I was hoping he would be holding me lovingly, after all I fainted. He should be worried. I may be pregnant with our child, he should be caring. When I open my eyes it all shattered once again, he wasn't here. I was still at Amy's house, in her bed. 

"April, honey, are you okay?" Amy stroked my hair lovingly, "How do you feel?"

"I feel..." I start to say that I feel miserable. I feel nauseous, I feel empty without him by my side. But I say, "I feel fine. What happened to me?"

"You fainted, honey. So I called 911." She couldn't find words to complete her sentences. 

"Then what? Why didn't they take me the hospital?"

"They said..." She hesitated but took a deep breath and said, "They said your blood sugar was low and that it is common in early stages of pregnancy."

The moment she confirmed by hunch, I wanted to faint and not come back to consciousness ever again. It is true. It is fucking true. How in the world can one unprotected sex cost me everything? One fucking time! 

"They gave you an IV and said you should contact your gynaecologist as soon as possible. They told me you are almost 3 weeks pregnant but only the gynaec can confirm it. I also..." She begin to say something but stopped, I looked at her and ask her to continue, "I also asked them about abortion options." She said with a hint of fear of overstepping, "I'm sorry I was just gathering information." 

Abortion? I took a deep shaky breath. I don't know what to do. What the fuck am I supposed to do?

"Should I tell him?" I asked her.

"Honestly April its completely your choice. It is your body. He cheated on you and he doesn't deserve to be a part of any of this. Even if you keep the baby, which again is completely your choice, do you really want your baby to have a father like him?"

"No, I don't. I also don't want to listen to any bullshit explanation from him. He has hurt us enough for the past few weeks, I'm not going to let him hurt us even more. As far as abortion is concerned, I don't want to do it, I want to keep my baby." I tell her firmly without thinking much. Even I am surprised by my decisions, they were all instinctive. They were all mine, they came from within. It's time to start a new life.