Break My Heart (Part 3)

Violet has never felt so comfortable with anyone before. She never loved anyone this much before. She never gave so much of herself and got so much of another in return.

That orgasm she just had was the most intense she had ever known. At every turn this day, Violet felt closer and more intimate to Nick. Which is why it hurts so much more when he says it, when he asks.

Nick tells her about the conversation he had with Steve; "Violet would never trust Steve again for this." She thought it instantly. "He was trying to break them up," and as the first tear rolls down her cheek, she thinks, " and it was working."

She gets up and puts on new underwear. Then a pair of black sweat shorts, and leaves the room.

"Vi?" He calls to her, but didn't chase after her. "Would you just listen to me?" She keeps going. He could hear her putting on her socks and sneakers, then she put on his hoodie, as she walks down the hall. The door slamming behind her.

At this point, Nick gets up, but it is too late. By the time he makes it to the living room, Violet is already gone; while Pandora whimpers and scratch's at the door.

He pours himself a glass of Scotch. Drinks half, then gets himself together to take Pandora for a walk.

***

An hour goes by. Nick wonders if this was maybe for the best. He thinks about how Dinah would be laughing at him for this all blowing up in his face, exactly like she said it would, as he finishes his third drink.

***

Violet finally comes home after about six more hours. She hangs up his hoodie, and pets Pandora who is happy to see her, wagging her tail. Nick could smell the cigarettes and weed stench on her clothing.

"Violet sat down next to Nick with something important to say. She hoped she would not be interrupted." Nick remains quiet and pets the dog, now in his lap. "I can't thank you enough for all the ways you changed my life. You mean everything to me. We've done a lot in the last six months, everything, except for one. I don't know if this is some kind of test or game to see how much my heart can take, If it's not, it sure feels like it. I mean, was this all a lie? I thought you really felt something here too."

She looks him in the face and takes a breath.

"So break my heart if you have to, I've survived everything else you did to me and for me, and what life has done to and for me. I'll survive this too and I'll grow from it....

I'm done now."

Nick continues to be silent, as he thinks about what she had said. "Vi, I'm sorry I hurt you earlier. You are incredibly mature for your age. You're 19, going on 35." She nods.

"I wasn't into this idea when Steve first suggested it. I'm just trying to keep you informed, about the business and the pitfalls we face working together. I wasn't trying to hurt you. There will be many times when we have to talk things through, and those are not always going to be easy conversations to have. We have to have them, and we have to have them like adults."

She rolls her eyes. He tries to explain that he could be unreasonable too sometimes, she just hadn't seen them yet. Violet was listening, but he could tell, she was having trouble concentrating. They both were drunk or on drugs, mentally they were in a good place for an honest conversation. Neither of them had fought like this before, not with each other. It put them both in an awkward position. He wasn't trying to raise her or tell her what to do. She was her own woman. So she needed to act like an adult, all on her own. He'd given her so much, and not asked for anything in return, but for her to just be the adult he was advertising her as, to all of his friends. Was that really too much to ask that she just be responsible?

That said, they were having boundary issues. He didn't want to stray, but he also didn't want the constraint. She only knew monogamy. Violet, for months, had been the internet's favorite sexual play thing, vicariously, through the man who sat before her. Yet, she had never felt so naked in all her life as she did in this moment, "I love you, Nick."

"I love you too, Violet." He reaches his hands out to her, and she cuddles up behind Pandora, laying her head on his chest. Nick turns on the movie he had been watching when Violet came home. Alita: Battle Angel climbs into Hugo's room.

As they watch it together, she realizes what was going to happen, and she knew she couldn't do anything to stop it. They were only in business together and their relationship could have an expiration date. She didn't want to even think about it.

All Nick wants from her was a serious commitment. He was trying to tell her, without telling her. If she wouldn't even talk to him about the idea of their present, how could he bring up a real future together? Maybe Violet wasn't mature enough for him, and maybe he should go?

Both of their thoughts betray them. Their hearts want each other more than anything else in the world. They were also so afraid of getting hurt, that they never said any of what they were thinking about, to the other. Neither of them felt like they were in control of themselves anymore. Their honest conversation didn't lead them where either of them wanted to be.