CHAPTER 7

" It's going to be ok, "

I have been mumbling those comforting words to Lisa for the past forty five minutes after she had her fifth nightmare .I had washed her when we got home after the doctor checked on her.

I put her to bed .

I knew it would be hard on her but I didn't know it would get any worse and it did. She had a panic attack twice .

This time I didn't think she would be able to go back to sleep.It was almost morning anyway so i switched on the television trying to find a movie on Netflix that wouldn't trigger her.I settled on comedy and I cuddled her.She was still crying but not as much as when she had just woken up from her nightmare screaming

"don't touch me!dont touch me!it hurts stop!please stop!"

It took all the strength in me not to fall apart.She needed me to be strong and I was going to be strong for her.

I kissed her hair and I felt her smile and we watched for a while before My 7:00am alarm went off and i pulled my phone to call Malikana.

"Babe who are you calling, "Lisa asked moving slightly so that she's facing me.

"My assistant,I want to ask her to reschedule any meeting i might have today, "

" why? If it's because me don't bother, babe I'll be fine, "She said forcing a smile . I knew it wasn't real but it still got me . I smiled at her at least she was trying.

" Stop being too considerate Lisa ,am your husband.You have always been there for me, just this one time let me be here for you.I know you are strong but let me be by your side.Lean on me babe its ok not to be strong, "

She smiled and although it was weak, it was genuine , and I felt like I was falling in love with her all over again.

She moved closer and straddled me .She connected her lips to mine and I responded to her kiss .

The kiss got heated and at the moment I felt like I never wanted this to end.Her mouth was warm and inviting .She then trailed kisses down my neck leaving bite marks ,I loved every single of the kisses on my collar bone .She moved to remove her pajama but I stopped her .I knew she wasn't ready for this like hell if I had been through what she had been through I wouldn't be comfortable doing anything more but she seemed to have other Ideas as she frowned which was not a good look on her. I wanted to kiss the frown away so I kissed her hands instead and just when I thought she got the message , She moved her hands to my crotch causing me to push her off and she fell off the bed.

She glared at me and her eyed began to tear up. I didn't want to hurt her yet that was exactly what I was doing

" babe am sorry, " I tried reaching out for her hands but she pulled them away.

"You don't want me, I knew it, " Lisa accused.

"It's not that I don't want you Lisa,I just don't think having sex right now is healthy for you, " I reasoned.

"Is it because I was raped and now am too dirty for you Chris, do I disgust you, do you feel less attracted to me,do you now see me as a lowlife whore for allowing myself to be raped by four men , " She went hysterical again and I felt like punching something.I hated the assumptions she was making .I hated how she felt insecure, I hated how she degraded her self , She was worth more than that and it hurt me that she didnt beleive in herself anymore.

I moved toward her cautiously , when she didn't throw anything at me i pulled her close to me.

"Lisa., come down, " I said hugging her tight.I knew she needed assurance, like hell I too needed it. Lisa was not good at handling her own psychological demons and I knew I screwed up.She had started to calm down and I rubbed her back and whispered into her ears the words I knew she needed to hear , the very true words of how I felt.

"Lisa listen to me,you are still the most pure woman I know and not even those horrendous men could change that.You we're never tainted, There's nothing dirty about you and in no universe would you ever disgust me .You gave me your virginity after our wedding why would I think of you as a whore, Lisa you are beautiful and I always thank the heavens for how lucky I was to have you as a wife, and if anything am the one scared that you would be disgusted by me." I said and I felt her start crying again but softer this time round. She then pulled herself from me and smiled.

"I think those men did a number on my confidence huh! " Lisa said trying to be playful ,but i didn't respond.I needed her to know I meant every word of it.

" I love you Christian Parker, you are an amazing man and I feel lucky for having you, " she said getting on her toes to kiss my forehead causing my heart to flatter.I moved to our bed and sat her on my lap.

"You know yesterday after our little argument I felt awful for hitting you,I just wanted a baby with you and when you said no I felt like you didn't want to have babies with me that i wasnt good enough to mother your kids . I put a lot of thoughts in my head I felt as if you were seeing another woman and after you left i thought I had sent you right back into her arms.Thats why i came searching for you but that's when those four men found me and did that..i can still feel their hands on me and i just wanted you to touch me so i could only feel your touch ,i want you to touch me till i can't feel their disgusting hands on me " she narrated and I felt sick .she just confirmed It was all my fault .If I wasn't with Malikana she wouldn't have come searching for me ,she wouldn't have been raped .It was all me.

It seemed Lisa had noticed my silence and for a moment I thought I had spoken out loud.

"Hey it's ok am not blaming you Christian.I now realise how stupid it was of me to think you'd ever cheat on me or even look at another woman.I am sorry I ever doubted you babe, and its ok of you don't feel ok sleeping with me for sometime ." Lisa added kissing my cheek.I felt as if I was going to vomit. I was betraying the very trust she put in me .I had slept with Malikana and the worst part was I wanted it to happen again.This whatever was going on between malikana and I had to stop.I loved my wife and hurting her was the last thing I wanted to do but it seemed like I was already doing it, i kissed her and that led to us having sex .

i touched every inch of her ,i kissed every inch of her body ,i left my marks on her. I wanted her to know she was mine .

I pulled her in my arms and that's when she reminded me i was to call My assistant.

As if on Que my phone started to ring .Malikana was calling me.

"Hey, " I answered .

" Hey, Chris are you ok, " Malikana voice came in and the concern in her voice was unmistakable.

"I am ok Malikana, although I won't be coming to the office today so reschedule all my meetings, "

" I will sir , though I doubt the Sananda companies would accept the reschedule, Janet filled me in that they were very important potential partners and they have a reputation of being impatient." Malikana added so professionally and I found it more enticing, another new side of her that I added to my list of likes.

" you have to go, " Lisa said.

"Huh!" I asked confused .Lisa grabbed my phone.

" Don't reschedule the meeting with the sananda Company , he is coming to the office, " Lisa told malikana before hanging up.

"Lisa you are more important than any business deal, "

"I can manage and we both know your business means a lot to you.I am going to meditation anyway , so no need staying around to babysit me, " she said getting up from my lap.

"Go clean up, your breath stinks, " she said pulling me from the bed.

" That's not what you said when you were kissing me like as if you wanted to suck my soul through my mouth few moments ago, " I joked and she chuckled.

"Ok smartass shoo shoo, " she said handing me my towel and then pushing me towards our bathroom.

" Shoo shoo seriously, that's for dogs Lisa, " I fake pouted.

" Then be a good dog and do as your master says, " she said before pecking my lips  lips I got in.

The water was cold but maybe that was what I needed a cold shower for my cold soul.I washed quick and dryed my hair.

Coming out of the bathroom my suit was already placed on the bed and I thanked the heavens for Lisa. My closet was huge and finding a proper suit always took me thirty minutes to one hour.

When I was done dressing Lisa brought me my sandwich.

"Sorry babe, I didn't feel like cooking and hey you look hot in that suit, " Lisa said clearly checking me out with a look of pride and lust.

"Only for you babe, " I told her with a smirk .She grinned so wide like a kid offered a candy.I chuckled  kissing her .She carried my briefcase to the car linking her hands with mine. When I got to my car I unlocked it before kissing Lisa one more time.

"Will you be here when I get back home, " I asked.

"No, am leaving for meditation , for at least three days, "

" I'll miss you, " I said and I meant it.

"I'll be back Christian ,it's not like am going to die or something.You know I need it, " Lisa said touching my cheeks.

"Can I come with you, " i pouted and I know I looked like a sulking teenager but who cared I wanted to be with my wife.

" Christian as much as I would love carrying you around as my handbag I need to do this on my own.Now we won't want the CEO to loose an important deal would we?" She said pushing me into my car seat.

I took one last look at my wife with her loose pajamas and messy hair, her petite frame .She looked at me and smiled causing my breath to hitch .She was breathtaking even without trying .I looked at her one more time before driving away.

Damn I loved Lisa.