Chapter 21

I was at the beach. I had on a deep blue dress and a white bathing suit under. My black sunglasses were on my head and I was sitting on a towel and I was reading Romeo and Juliet for a school assignment. Jared was in the water, Mom was sitting next to me soaking up all of the sunlight that hit her skin, and Dad was in the water with Jared. My best friend, Lydia, was coming up to our family because we brought her and her siblings with us. And of course, I was excited to see Trevor. We have known each other for almost 2 years now but since the day I met him, I've had a major crush on him. Lydia took off the shorts she had on and went into the water to mess with Jared. She would always make him laugh and plus she knows about my feelings for Trevor. Their older sister, Lisa, was nice but I felt like she never liked me. Every time she saw me she always gave me a glare. She was walking next to Trevor coming up to meet us. She caught my eye and looked at me for a few seconds before looking away.

My eyes wandered from Lisa to Trevor. His perfect build for his age, the mid-tone skin, his messy hair, and his perfect smile. He was, by far, the most handsome person in my school. All of them were gorgeous. Lydia was more on the nerd side of the school but her light brown eyes mixed well with her fair skin tone. She was a bit darker than I was but we were around the same color. Lisa was probably one of the prettiest girls in her university. And smartest. Her dark eyes were a good combination with her dark brown hair that had some gold highlights in the sunlight. And it looked better when she wore black and her hair was completely loose, going past her chest. Trevor was the heartthrob of the school. He was a year above me but even girls in my grade and lower were completely crazy for him. I don't blame them. He was the track star of the school but also one of the sweetest and smartest guys in his grade.

This was the reality I wanted. The reality that my mind created in just a few hours. I wanted this life instead of the one I have now. With Trevor and Lydia, but some part of me still liked this life. Having Trevor's arms around me in bed and Lydia and I making jokes in the car. I was split into 2 different realities and I couldn't decide which one I truly wanted. If I gave up this one, I wouldn't have any pain or suffering but there was a chance I wouldn't be in bed with Trevor right now. I was torn between the two.

Before my glorious dream finished, I opened my eyes and the same sunlight that was hitting against my mother's freckled skin was now hitting my clear, fair skin. Trevor's arm wasn't around my waist anymore. My body still felt the warmth lingering from his arm around me all night. I rubbed my eyes with the heel of my hand, trying to shake away the sleepiness from them. I turned to see Trevor sitting up in the bed with his eyes closed. He wasn't sleeping but he was thinking. I couldn't help but stare. He looked so peaceful with his eyes closed and completely relaxed, even if his mind was going 100 miles per hour.

"What is with you and staring?" Trevor said. He opened his eyes and looked at me while letting a small smile creep up on his face.

"I like to observe things," I said. I sat up next to him and he closed his eyes again.

"What are you thinking about?" I asked, taking his hand from his head and tangling our fingers together. I felt butterflies in my stomach when our hands touched, as if it was the first time in years that I have touched him.

"Just thinking about today. You know, since you want to make a big deal about it," He said.

I looked down at his hand and saw the leather bracelet that he still had on.

"I mean, it's probably not the best thing ever but we can spend the day together watching movies or walking around the hotel. We can even bring Lydia with us if you want," I said.

"I have a better idea."

"And what is your better idea," I said with a small laugh.

He opened his eyes and looked at me. The same smile still on his face. "Well Lydia spent last night hacking into the systems again so she is completely exhausted right now. All I want right now is to be here, with you, and watch a movie. It's already 1 PM so we could watch 2 or 3 movies before I show you this place I found here in the hotel," He said. I smiled at him when he suggested the idea of staying in bed.

"Wait. Did I seriously just wake up at 1 PM?" I said in shock. What time did we go to bed last night?

"Amber, you do realize that we were in a car accident and we went to bed at about 2 AM, right?" He said. I could feel my eyes widen. For the first time ever, I slept a full 11 hours without waking up in the middle of the night.

"And you didn't think to wake me! Thanks for the sleep. I appreciate it but I need to get up early. Just start the day or else I might never wake up again," I said in a joking manner. We both laughed.

Trevor reached over and grabbed the remote that was on the nightstand and turned on the TV. I put my head on his shoulder and my hands against his chest. He put his arm around me and his hand landed on my waist with a tight grip. He played the first movie we found. It was a funny movie and I wanted to keep watching it but I could feel my body slowly shutting down and my eyelids drooping. Even though I got hours of sleep, I was still exhausted from the accident. And I haven't gotten a good sleep in about a month. I let my lids drop and I fell back asleep, hoping to get the rest that I truly needed.

* * *

When I woke up it was still bright out but it wasn't that bright. Trevor wasn't in bed with me anymore and the TV was off. I looked around the room before getting up and looked at my leg. It didn't look as bad as yesterday but it still hurt with every step I took. At least I could walk normally now. I walked over to my bag that was in the chair and there was a note on top of it.

A-

Meet me in the lobby at 6 PM. I have something to show you and it looks better at sunset.

-T

I turned my head to search for the clock on the nightstand. 5:10 PM. Great. That's enough time to fix myself up a little. I grabbed another T-shirt and a ripped pair of jeans. I walked over to the bathroom to look at my hair and see if I could go out with it or if I needed to fix it a little bit. I turned on the light and turned the faucet on, splashing water in my face to clean off any dirt that was on there or sweat or oil. I dried my face with the nearest towel and changed into my ripped jeans and the T-shirt. It was just a simple white shirt that wasn't as long as the ones I slept in. I grabbed my toothbrush and brushed my teeth considering that I woke up and then fell back asleep 30 minutes later. After brushing my teeth, I brushed my hair and put it in my usual side braid. My hair was getting frizzy so the best I could do is put it in a braid. I walked out of the bathroom, turning the light off as I left, and looked at the clock. 5:30 PM. I had plenty of time to stop by Lydia's room to check on her since I haven't seen her since yesterday. I turned around and opened the hotel door, leading me to a small hallway that had rooms every few steps. I walked down to Lydia's room. Room 23.

I knocked on the door before hearing a muffled "Come in," from the inside of the room. I opened the door and saw Lydia sitting on the bed, watching TV and her laptop closed right next to her.

"Hey," I said, entering the room and closing the door behind me.

"Hey," She said, turning her head to look at me with a smile on her face. I stopped in the middle of the opening and put my hands in my back pockets before leaning against the wall.

"How are you? Trevor told me that you've been staying up all night almost for a week now," I said. She looked away for a moment before looking back at me.

"I already know about Jared. Trevor told me and he made me realize that it was for the best. So you don't have to worry about telling me," I said, with a faint smile.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. I should have but I just couldn't," She said. I searched her face before responding with "It's fine."

We reminisced in the silence for a few seconds before Lydia asked, "Where is Trevor anyways?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "I'm supposed to meet him at 6. He wants to show me something."

Once those words left my mouth, she let a small smile creep up on her face. "Have you guys. . .you know," She said. I could feel embarrassment flow through my whole body but the only thing I could muster was a laugh.

"Well someone's curious," I said, walking towards her.

"I mean. It's just you guys are in a hotel. . .with nobody except me in it. . .and you guys have a room all to yourself. I'm almost 15 not 6. Plus, I don't want him to hurt you," She said. I sat on the bed across from her, letting her eyes follow me.

"Shouldn't it be the other way around? You know, Like you protecting Trevor instead of me?" I said.

"Oh please. Trevor is 18 he can take care of himself. It's just. . .ever since Lisa, you're the closest thing I have to a sister. You're probably my best friend and I don't want to deal with my brother breaking your heart," She said. I smiled at her words. Being called her best friend made me happy because even though it seemed like she hated me only a few weeks ago, we have gotten so close that I feel like she is also my best friend. And a real friend too, not like Claire.

"Lydia. . .Trevor and I are fine. Plus, have some confidence in your brother. He told you he loved me and that he is scared of it. I don't think he is going to break my heart if he feels the way he told you he does," I said.

"Trevor hasn't really been the person to break hearts so I guess I can have a little confidence in him. But if he does hurt you I will not hesitate to punch him. Even if he is my flesh and blood," She said. We both laughed at her little protective speech.

"I should probably go meet Trevor. It's almost 6. I'll see you tomorrow ok?" I said. She nodded and smiled before turning back to the TV. I got up from the bed and walked over to the door, entering the small hallway again. I walked over to the door where the stairs were and carefully walked down, ignoring the small spike of pain that bursted through my leg as I took each step down. I finally got down to the lobby and saw Trevor leaning against one of the 4 openings. His back was facing towards me, letting me see the dark blue hoodie and the black pants he wore that went well with his boots. I walked over to him and messed with his hair from behind before standing in front of him.

"So what is this mysterious place?" I asked in a joking manner. He smiled, showing his perfectly aligned teeth, before taking my hand.

"Well, it wouldn't be a mystery if I just told you here and now, would it?" He said. He tangled our fingers together before walking into one of the openings, dragging me next to him. He clicked the elevator button with the up arrow and within seconds, the metal doors opened.

"After you, My lady," He said, letting go of my hand and laughing a little after saying his small phrase and bowing.

I walked into the elevator and said "Why thank you kind sir," in a small british accent and curtsying. He got in right after me and pressed the button that had the number 27 on it.

"Do you think you can climb some stairs with that leg of yours?" He asked, looking down at my leg and nodding when he let the words out.

"I wouldn't be me if I didn't suffer a little pain," I said sarcastically, looking up at him. He gave a small smile and I returned the same smile. When he looked away, I couldn't help but realize how tall he was. I was only 5'6" and I knew that I had to go on my toes to reach Trevor's cheek but now, he towers over me. It's like he has grown every second when I know that he is still the same height as when I met him. I feel so short next to him but also secure, like nothing can hurt me.

We finally reached the 27th floor and walked out only to find the door that led to the stairs at the end of the hallway. We walked up to the final floor, which took more effort considering my leg was throbbing with pain now, and Trevor opened the door that led to the roof. I walked out the door, slowly, and admired the cotton candy sky that had hints of orange in it and showed the land and buildings Amarillo had to offer. I walked all the way to the edge, letting the cool breeze pass by me. Fall was almost over but Texas still had the perfect mix between hot and cold. I couldn't tear my eyes away from the fluff that was blue, pink and gold, up in the sky.

Trevor came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist and whispered in my ear, "They say Texas has the most beautiful sunsets."

He lifted his head and kissed the back of my head as I put my hands on top of his. I continued to admire the sunset with a smile on my face. I let the wind pass on top of our bodies. We stayed there for about 15 minutes before the sun disappeared from the plain eye.

"Why did you show me this?" I asked, curious why he was so desperate to spend time here instead of with Lydia on his birthday.

"I thought that it was time to have a real first date. So I was thinking, maybe we can just stay up here for a few hours tonight. I have food and a blanket," He said. I turned to face him with a huge smile on my face.

"I'd love to," I said. He returned my smile at my response.

"I couldn't have wished for anything better," He whispered. He let go of me and walked around a corner to reveal a fuzzy blanket and a box of chocolate covered donuts. We sat down at the edge, letting our feet dangle off the building, and watched as the cotton candy sky turned into an indigo one with little white dots.

* * *

We sat on the edge for at least 3 hours. We kept searching for shapes that the stars made and I was more creative with them after the nights I spent with Jared doing the same thing. It got to a point where I was wide awake and Trevor was slowly falling asleep. After all I did get almost 15 hours of sleep today.

"Don't you want to go back to our room? You're literally falling asleep sitting up," I asked laughing a little.

"Just haven't been sleeping well. That's all," He said looking at me.

My brows drew together in confusion. What was he thinking about that kept him up.

"What's been going on?" I asked.

He shrugged before looking forward again at the dark city. "I'm worried about Lydia. About you. There's just some things on my mind that keep replaying and just bother me," He said. He looked back at me and gave a faint smile.

"What things?" I asked.

He shook his head before his brows drew together and took a deep breath before answering. "Just everything that happened in the warehouse. 3 years there takes a toll on you and for me I've just always been so angry. And all the things that happened with you and Lydia in the warehouse...I just replay it in my head sometimes and feel like I could have done something to protect you," He said. I started to connect the dots. Usually in the warehouse, Trevor would always be in the gym when I woke up. My eyes subconsciously wandered down to his hands. His knuckles were bruised.

"Is that why you always worked out whenever I woke up in the middle of the night?" I asked. He shook his head in a response.

"Part of it is because I'm still angry at everything. But the other part is that I was weak when I came into The WildFires. So I always just tried to become stronger mainly to protect Lydia since she was the only family I had left. But when you came I just started getting angrier with everything. Like I was a tiking time bomb," He said. He wasn't feeling sorry for himself, instead he was just feeding the anger that built up in him.

Trevor wasn't a person to feel sorry for himself. He was probably the strongest person I knew but he was also honest with himself. He knew his feelings and whenever I asked he would always tell me even though he could survive if he just locked them away. But then he wouldn't be Trevor. He would be like Luke or Jason. Strong but weak. Strong enough to hurt someone when their anger exploded but weak because they couldn't face their true feelings. Because they would think that it made them look weak, but it made them stronger. Better.

"Are you still angry?" I asked looking away from his hands and up at his eyes. He hesitated a moment before nodding his head. He looked at me before saying something that I don't think he ever admitted to anyone.

"It scares me sometimes. What I'm capable of. I'm scared that I might just blow and hurt you or Lydia. Especially after yesterday with those 2 trackers. I just don't want to hurt you or Lydia," He said with a stern face. I gave a faint smile at him. Some part of me has always been scared of Trevor but it wasn't for the reason he thought. I was scared because I fell in love with someone I barely knew. I'm still a bit scared of him because he's the one that calms me down when I need to be. He is one of the only things holding me together.

"You fear what you don't understand. I get what you feel," I said. I looked away from him so he couldn't see my reaction. Ever since The Lightning Disease killed my mom, I've been angry at everything. I decided to suppress it along with all of my other emotions except for the good ones like happiness. But on the inside, I always have a fire burning that is growing everyday.

"Ever since my mom died and then my dad, I've always felt angry at the world. That's why it was so easy for me to shoot the guy in the warehouse and almost kill those 2 police officers in the forest. Sometimes it's hard to stay the way I am. Calm and relaxed but on the inside, I'm trying to hide away the angry part that just wants to hurt the people that have hurt me," I said. I've always felt defenseless when this world began but when Trevor or my dad put a gun in my hand I felt like I could finally do something. That I wasn't the weak teenage girl that couldn't even throw a good punch.

"But the person I hate most is myself," I said quietly. With all the anger inside me of both of my parents being ripped away from me and Jared leaving, the majority of the anger was directed at myself.

"Why?" Trevor asked in a surprised voice.

I shrugged. " Felt like I could have done more to protect my dad. Jared."

Trevor took my hand into his and entwined our fingers together. I looked up at him to see him looking at me and searching my face with curiosity. "But why do you hide it?," He asked. I shrugged.

"You fell in love with the calm and relaxed Amber. I'm just scared of the angry Amber and what you'll think of her," I said.

He let go of my hand and stood up.

"Come on. I have a bit of a solution for you," He said. I pushed myself up and followed him down the stairs all the way to the elevator. Trevor hit the button taking us down to the lobby and we waited for a few seconds, in silence, to reach the bottom of the hotel. When I heard the ding that the elevator made, indicating that you reached your floor, I grabbed Trevor's hand and tangled our fingers together. He looked at me for a second, with a small smile, and then led me out of the elevator. We walked straight and then took a left and at the end of the hall was a gym. We walked inside and Trevor turned on the bright lights. It was almost empty. The only things here were a few punching bags and maybe 1 or 2 treadmills.

"Every day at the warehouse I would train and work on my fighting for 2 reasons. One, to protect myself and Lydia and two, so I wouldn't be defensless. My dad taught me how to fight a little but I mainly watched how he trained and saw how he would build up strength," He let go of my hand and stood in front of me with his arms crossed over his chest.

"It helped whenever I needed to punch something or just felt like I would explode. Over the years I managed to build up strength," He said. I looked around, scanning the room one more time before meeting his gaze. His eyes were serious and stern. The most seriousness I have seen in his face was at this very moment.

"Ok? What does this have to do with me? I can fight," I questioned. He gave a small laugh and walked over to a punching bag.

"Punch it," He said. I stared at him in curiosity. "You say you can fight...so then prove it. Punch it," He said in a deep and serious voice. I looked at him for a few more seconds and then took my stance. I separated my feet, shoulder width apart, with my body turned at an angle and my left foot infront of my right, putting my fists in front of my face. I gathered up all the strength I could find in my body and punched the bag with that strength. The bag didn't move an inch when I touched it. Only a centimeter or two. I continued to punch it and Trevor walked behind me.

"You have to use your whole body. You're just using your arms," He said. He put his hands on my torso and adjusted it a little, letting his head fall over my shoulder. I turned my head a little to see his eyes looking at me. He kept his hands on my waist and whispered, "Now try," in my ear. I turned back to the punching bag and did the same thing as before. But when my hands came into contact with the heavy, leather bag, it felt a little more powerful than before. I put down my hands and turned around to meet Trevor's eyes. He kept his hands on my waist and I put my hands on top of his.

"I want to learn. I can't always use a gun," I said. He gave a small smile before saying, "Go upstairs and change. We can start tonight."

He let go of my waist and I walked quickly to the stairs that led up to our room. As soon as I opened the door to the room I walked over to the bag in the chair that was next to one of the beds. I grabbed a pair of shorts that I used to use when I went out for a run and a sports bra that I also used. I grabbed the shirt I used for my PJ last night and threw that on top of the sports bra. I kept the same shoes on and walked down the stairs again. I walked back into the gym and saw him shirtless and wrapping his hands.

"What exactly is your plan here," I asked, curious as to what he was going to teach me.

"Well first, you need to get your stance right so we can work on that a bit and then I want to show you a few moves to disarm someone who is pointing a gun at you," He said. I walked over to Trevor and he grabbed my hand, wrapping it in the same thing he was earlier.

"This is going to help the pain a little but you will have some bruises and cuts as you build strength. Right now just ignore the pain," He said. I looked up at him and he was focused on wrapping my hands. His jaw clenched like normal. Once he stopped, we walked over to the punching bag and I took my stance again. Trevor put his hands on my waist again and readjusted from my natural stance.

"Try punching the bag but take a step before you do this time," He said, removing his hands from my waist and stepping back. I took a step forward and used my whole body to send the strength I had into the punching bag. It helped. I felt the force of the punching bag hit me back with the same force I punched it with.

"Good. Now try and do that again with the same force," Trevor said. I hit the punching bag again and again for almost an hour, changing things to make my stance better, until I couldn't ignore the pain starting in my hands. I punched it again and I winced as my hand hit the leather of the bag.

"Maybe you should take a break. We could start on the disarming," Trevor said. I ignored him. I kept punching the bag and tried to push through the pain. Trevor kept calling my name but I ignored him. I had to get stronger. Better.

He stood in front of me and caught my wrists before I could strike the bag again. I looked up at him in determination. I needed to get better.

"If you are going to push yourself past your limit then I'm not going to help you," He said.

"I'm fine. I can keep going," I said in a stern voice.

"You need a break. We can pick fighting back up tomorrow but we need to work on disarming. Be back here in 10 minutes," He said, lowering my wrists and letting go. He looked at me before leaving the gym and going upstairs. I sat down on the cold floor and wiped the sweat from my forehead. I unwrapped my hands and saw the red on my knuckles and a few small cuts. I let out a deep breath. It felt so good to feel stronger. Feel like I could do something to protect myself without a gun. But the best feeling was being able to let out the anger that has been building up for almost a year. I suppressed it for such a long time and now it feels good to let it out. But I only let out a fraction of the fire that was burning inside of me.

Trevor walked back in a few minutes later. He was holding his gun in his hand. I looked up to meet his eyes and then stood up.

"You're not always going to have the best reaction time and if someone has a gun pointed at you in a close range you can't punch them. So what do you do?" He asked, taking out the magazine from the gun and checking the chamber before pointing it at me.

"I don't know. Take the gun from their hand?" I asked sarcastically.

"Show me," He said. I grabbed the barrel and tried to rip the gun from his hand but he was too strong.

"You're dead," He said, putting the gun down to his side.

"So then how would you do it?"

He handed me the gun and then pointed at himself. "Pretend like you're about to shoot me," He said.

I looked down at the gun and gripped it, pointing it at his chest in my normal stance. He gripped the gun's barrel and grabbed my wrist and pulled me towards him. My back against his chest and his arm around my waist, gripping me against him while his hand had small contact with my skin. He looked down at me and I looked at his dark eyes. My eyes went down to his lips and then back to his eyes. His eyes did the same thing. We were both breathing heavily and then he closed the distance between us slowly. He placed a kiss on my lips and I returned it with the same passion. I slowly reached over for the gun that was being held out by the extent of Trevor's arm and took it from his hand, pulling away from our kiss and aiming the gun at him.

"Smart. But you know that that's only going to work with me right?" He said in a jokeful tone.

"You never know. Maybe it could work out in the real world," I said. I slowly put down the gun and handed the gun to Trevor with the barrel facing the ground and the grip facing Trevor.

"How did you do that?" I asked. He took the gun from my hand and played with it for a little before aiming it at me.

"Take the barrel with one hand and then my wrist with the other. Then with the hand that's holding my wrist, you pull me towards you. Try it," He said. I grabbed the barrel and his wrist and pulled him towards me with full force. I struggled a little since I didn't have much strength but I managed to pull him towards me. We did that about 15 times before my arms got tired of trying to pull Trevor's full weight towards me with only one arm. I stopped and rubbed my arm, trying to rub the soreness from it.

"You ok?" Trevor asked, putting down the gun. I nodded. "I just need a break," I said. He walked over to me and cupped my cheek with his hand. I put my hand on top of his and gave a faint smile.

"We can start again tonight," He said. I nodded and once I did his hand fell from my cheek and he walked out of the gym. I turned away from the door and looked at the mirror that was on the wall. I slowly walked towards the girl that was my reflection. There was something different about this girl. She wasn't the one I wanted to be. She was the girl that I already was. Angry. And broken.