Morning Routine.

After my father left, I went to sleep. I kept having a dream on repeat; it was night with a blackish purple sky; I was in a mall area that was lit with dark blue lights. I kept walking towards a bridge where I saw two signs that read "STAY" and "LEAVE". The bridge split into two separate paths the second I stepped foot onto it. I wasn't able to move once they split. As I stood there, I cried and walked off the bridge to my death, falling into the sparkling crystal clear water.

This dream continued for what felt like forever. I couldn't control anything in the dream even though I was fully self aware I was dreaming. My body wasn't connected to my mind, I was simply just spectating an inner shell from the first person view. I could think, beg myself to stop, try to use my body, but nothing happened; it terrified me. When I woke up, I jumped right out of bed and started hyperventilating; I watched myself commit suicide for what felt like hundreds of times. I already started my day off with a panic attack.

When I calmed down, I got up and walked to the kitchen. The sun was shining today and the glare emitting from it made me flinch my eyelids to block out light. I reached for my fridge to grab a cup of juice; I decided cranberry juice would be a good wake-me-upper. I have always loved the sourish bitter taste cranberry juice left me, anything with cranberry is always a refresher to me. When I opened the fridge door, I discovered that someone had left the cranberry juice bottle empty in the fridge. This threw me off, I was the only one in my house who like cranberry juice; problem was, I drank coffee this entire week. Sence It was Saturday, there was no school, I knew today and tomorrow would be the day I would enter the trial for information. I no longer wanted to pass this trial, I wanted to figure out what's really going on here. I settled for a cup of water and went to stand outside on my porch. The porch was always my thinking place, there were two nice chairs, the rug if I wanted to lie down, and I always got to see the sunrise and sunset over the forest tree's. I walked through the hallway that led to the porch door, I always made sure I stopped right at the picture of my mother in the middle of the hall, but today I kept walking. As I opened the door, the breeze hit my chest and left me with a cool feeling. The spring breeze was at its best this year. I looked outside towards our bright green fields and walked over to one chair to sit down. When I sat I enjoyed the comfortable fabric, it was even softer than the bed sheets I had. I looked out towards the forest, which was just a small walk away from me; I was still scared out of my mind. I don't know if I would live another day had I gone there. I had no confidence, but either way that didn't matter anymore; I had forced myself into a nightmare that I would not escape. After this, I sat down and meditated for around thirty minutes. This was the only way I could clear my mind. Once I got up, I went back inside and threw my plan black shoes on and got ready to go to the dojo. There was one person I needed to talk to before doing this.